Positive test yesterday, Islamic divorce today!

[B9r0kre]

I've been married for 4 and a half years, have a 3 year old daughter and literally found out I'm pregnant with our second yesterday. He accused me of purposely not taking my pills, and that I'd gotten pregnant on purpose. He
packed his things and said he needed a break for a few days (I was pissed off, but fine). He came home this morning and took his tea set, coffee machine, and every single thing he had in the house. Clearly not going for just a few days was he? I started getting upset and trying to make sense of things, and I said "If you walk out that door when I need you the most right now, you can divorce me whilst you're at it." And that was it. He said "Talaq, Talaq, Talaq" (I divorce you × 3), handed back his keys and left. Apparently saying it 3 times is irreversible, and he can't ever come back to me. Just can't believe he's done it a day after finding out I'm pregnant with our second.
He messaged earlier on and said it was ME who told him to divorce me, and that this is on me. Is it? I don't know what's reality and what's not anymore!

I'm still trying to make sense of everything, but feel so hurt that it's that easy to just walk away after everything I've forgiven him for over the years.

But not under the law of this country - we call it bigamy! Its a crime.

You’re not actually divorced, so there’s time to work on things - if you’d want to, though I don’t know why you would

Not if the marriage is only a nikkah. As the marriage isn't registered it's not a legal marriage.
I used to live near a family where the man had 2 wives, both nikkah marriages. It was quite amusing as both wives had ganged up on him and he was the most hen pecked man I've ever seen.

But not under the real law here in the uk, so they’re not actually marriages

He messaged earlier on and said it was ME who told him to divorce me, and that this is on me. Is it? I don't know what's reality and what's not anymore!

You said “if”. You did not divorce him, and your intention was clearly to compel him to stay.

He chose to walk out the door and to say he was divorcing you.

He’s trying to absolve himself of his responsibilities by claiming you initiated the divorce. You absolutely did not.

Don’t allow him to gaslight you.

Honestly I suspect an affair if that is what has happened... how can he move on so quickly otherwise?

You don’t have to marry in the UK for it to be a legal marriage.

The religious ceremony might have been a binding contract, depending on whether it was a legal ceremony in the country where you got married.

So are you sure there isn’t a legally binding certificate somewhere? It’s important to be sure of your position before you go any further.

Either way, good luck to you. Traumatic as it would have been, I wish my ex had divorced me the day after I found out I was pregnant with an unexpected child. It would have been much better in the long run, I suspect.

OP, if you think about it. Lots of British people marry abroad. The marriage is recognised in the UK because it's legal in that country. If your marriage was legal in the country where it took place, it might well be a marriage here. You need to check.

Can I just check - because it isn't clear from what you said. People have assumed that you had an Islamic marriage whilst in the UK. Is that correct? Or did the Islamic marriage happen elsewhere? Because the Nikah IS recognised in the UK if it took place in a country where the Nikah is legally recognised. It is also the case that if the nikah takes place in a registered mosque (in the UK) is is also legally recognised; although there aren't many mosques registered I believe, there are some.

If a country recognises Sharia Law then a Nikah is UK legal - that includes Pakistan, Morroco, Saudi Arabia and Iran.

So the OP cannot assume that she isn't legally married unless she is sure none of these things happened. If she is has a recognised marriage then he can recite the divorce whilst spinning like a dervish - he cannot divorce her in the UK.

If there is any uncertainty she needs to take legal advice (which might be advisable anyway - she presumably needs money to support her children, a home etc.) There are a number of advice agencies that are now able to advise on womens rights under Islamic divorce, as well as the obvious usual places. If the marriage is recognised in the UK then she has rights to support and maintenance. Under Sharia law he has a number of financial obligations to her which, whilst UK law would not uphold them, his family may exert pressure for him to act appropriately as it would bring shame on them if he abandoned her whilst pregnant without any means of support, or refused to support his children. Some families don't care, but others will ensure he does the right thing.

Bare talaq isn't recognised in any legit mosque in UK. And he should know you can't do any kind of divorce during pregnancy, it is expressly forbidden in Islamic law.

He does sound like a man child. And Beetlejuice was my first thought!

Sorry you've had to put up with him OP.

A Muslim parent friend says they 'divorce' by saying it three times every time they argue, and have been married for over 20 years. I'm still sorry you had this stress, AND I agree with PP: good riddance!

He sounds like a real piece of work. Haven't read all the comments but agree with all the ones I've seen: dump him.I tried looking up how it works with talaq, and the first result on duckduckgo (www.slaterheelis.co.uk/articles/divorce-family-law-category/islamic-divorce-guidance-uk/) gave me this:"There are four main methods of separation in Islam:

• Talaq: This is when the husband initiates the divorce. In this instance, the husband breaks the contract and must pay the Mahr. The Mahr, also known as a dowry, is paid in full to the wife only.
• Khula: This is when both parties have mutually agreed to separate. While the Khula is typically initiated by the wife, the husband and wife agree on the divorce terms.
• Faskh-e-Nikah: This is the dissolution of an Islamic marriage pronounced by a Sharia court, initiated by the wife. This type of divorce is sought if the husband and wife do not mutually consent to divorce or the husband refuses to give Talaq. In Islam, it is prohibited for a husband to unreasonably refuse to grant Talaq, so a Faskh enables the wife to seek divorce in this circumstance.
• Tafweedh-e-Talaq: This is when the power of Talaq is transferred to the wife. Under English law, neither party has the power to grant a divorce. It is instead in the hands of the Judge. Islamic law puts the power in the hands of the man or the woman, depending on the type of separation used. The Tafweedh-e-Talaq is when the husband agrees to transfer his power of Talaq, allowing the wife to have that same right.

Sounds to me like he hasn't a leg to stand on and he's going to owe you payments for a long time. I hope that happens!

So many different rules who cares he’s another nob head I know zero about religion and I’m glad. He just sounds like a nob. Get rid don’t cry get busy not caring a jot 👍

This is not the usual Islamic man behaviour. Don't they love their large families

Odd comment. There's no such thing as 'usual Islamic man behaviour'. He's just a man who clearly doesn't want a large family.

You should reach out to an imam/sheikh regarding the permissibility of the religious divorce. There is a difference in opinion to the validity of 3 talaqs at once.
That being said, on a non-religious note, you should consider whether this is the man you wish to raise your 2nd child with.

Im sorry but he TOOK HIS TEASET?

Divorce him times three for that alone! What a plonker.

Why bother no offence but he doesn’t give a fig she shouldn’t reach out to a man who takes his tea set and leaves his kids and wife 😬

I guess people could get round it with only one wife being a legal UK marriage. If the other(s) were only religious marriages, then in the eyes of UK law those women aren't married at all and the man they call their husband isn't, he's just a boyfriend.

Hi OP. Sorry if you've already mentioned this, but the thread is so long now; did you get given "mahir" (dowry paid/given to the woman by the man/his family) or make any written agreement about what that would be at any point? If not, then I believe Islamically the marriage would not be considered tenable anyway.

Its unfortunately fairly standard Arsehole behaviour though. And Arseholia is a country that contains all religions and races.

Interestingly, it could still be argued that that's contrary to Islamic guidance for the man to engage in such behaviour. The provisions for a man having multiple wives arguably apply to certain circumstances only, and are dependent upon equitable and good treatment for all the women who choose to be in that kind of relationship - one woman having the rights afforded by legal marriage but other women having no such legal protections is not equitable, so quite a few imams would refuse to facilitate that. Also, secular laws need to be respected unless clearly ordering someone to do something un-Islamic which causes harm, so if UK law says you can't marry more than one person legally in the UK, then arguably you shouldn't try to use religious law as a loophole to get around that. Quite a few imams will only carry out marriages which are also legally recognised marriages.

Quite a stereotype showing there. Some Muslim marriages produce a large family, as so some types of marriages / relationships of other people. Muslim families in the UK average only 3 children; and worldwide it is estimated that Muslim households contain 6.4 people - i.e. normally two adults and 4.4 children. Birth rates in Europe, the USA and Canada are dropping in Muslim households, and remaining stable (but lower) in most other groups. You may as well have inserted "Catholic" for "Islamic" in that sentence and it would have been just as (in)accurate.

@Scirocco I totally agree with you. I don't believe in the multiple wives thing myself. I think that's people interpreting scripture in a way that suits them and ignoring what doesn't suit. I vaguely remember something somewhere about equitable love but also elsewhere that human nature is to have favourites/preferences, so by default of being human you can't fulfill the multiple wives criteria then!