Positive test yesterday, Islamic divorce today!

[B9r0kre]

I've been married for 4 and a half years, have a 3 year old daughter and literally found out I'm pregnant with our second yesterday. He accused me of purposely not taking my pills, and that I'd gotten pregnant on purpose. He
packed his things and said he needed a break for a few days (I was pissed off, but fine). He came home this morning and took his tea set, coffee machine, and every single thing he had in the house. Clearly not going for just a few days was he? I started getting upset and trying to make sense of things, and I said "If you walk out that door when I need you the most right now, you can divorce me whilst you're at it." And that was it. He said "Talaq, Talaq, Talaq" (I divorce you × 3), handed back his keys and left. Apparently saying it 3 times is irreversible, and he can't ever come back to me. Just can't believe he's done it a day after finding out I'm pregnant with our second.
He messaged earlier on and said it was ME who told him to divorce me, and that this is on me. Is it? I don't know what's reality and what's not anymore!

I'm still trying to make sense of everything, but feel so hurt that it's that easy to just walk away after everything I've forgiven him for over the years.

This bastard's been treating you like shit for years OP.

I know it hurts now, but the best thing for both you and your DC is to split up and stay split.

What on earth do you mean by that??!

I mean even if the second baby was an accident and you were somehow “responsible” a good husband would scoop you up and tell you it would be okay and love the baby/work it out with you.

A good man doesn’t run out of the house with a coffee machine & appliances and declaring divorce.

If it wasn’t a second child that he lost it over, it would have been a crisis or illness or tragedy or something hard. It was eventually going to happen.

Life got hard and he’s run off like a baby… with the coffee machine.

Send back the man baby and find a new one. .

He sounds like a prat. If he wanted a 100pc effective method of contraception he should have not had sex; because all other methods can fail.

If you've already expressed concerns about coercive control and been referred for domestic abuse support then honestly it sounds like you're better off without him.

Get some advice asap via Citizens Advice (or similar) or the domestic abuse support you've been receiving about next steps: financial, legal and practical (e.g. around housing, money, whether you want a non-molestation order, access to your child etc.).

Do not accept the “shame “ he is trying to put on you. .
He didn’t what a baby and clearly doesn’t want the marriage. .He looked pre an out and he had it .
He also got to turn it on you and try Shane you. .
I know it’s hard but out you first not the religion

l have apologised, not really sure why you then felt the need to comment further, other than keep it going and insult.

Get ready for a beautiful New peaceful life ! Unfortunately get an sti test ASAP

I'm really sorry you are going through this. You can't blame his religion. He is just an arse.

As someone who is Catholic when it suits me ( I attend mass, receive communion and my DC attended Catholic schools but I still used contraception and eat meat on Ash Wednesday), he sounds like someone who is Muslim when it suits him - happy to use easy divorce but not to be sexually continent or respectful of women. My DH has a similar attitude to our faith as I do but it's been solid enough to keep us together for 40 years.

Read the post I replied to dear x

It’s a condescending reply by the sort of person (who adds a bit more condescension by calling you ‘dear’ 🙄) who is trying to make you feel like an idiot. I’ve found ‘embarrassed for you’ seems to be the new MN ‘did you mean to be so rude?’ Which in real life would have me snorting my tea out of my nose in amusement if someone said it to me.

No,

She said "if you abandon me when I am most vulnerable/need you most, you might as well divorce me". That doesn't automatically mean she wanted him to divorce her - just stating a fact. I do think personally from the sounds of it she is better of without him but, even with that being the case it doesn't excuse him from his (UK law) legal obligations to support his children, from their legal (UK law) ties if their marriage was in another country and therefore legally binding in the UK or from any Islamic legal obligations he has towards his pregnant wife that other people are more knowledgeable on.

It sounds to me like he was looking for an excuse to do what he did but also that this doesn't automatically mean he won't be back "willing to forgive" the OP or whatever other confusing/controlling tactics he chooses. So its better she decides what she wants and gives herself a bit more control over what happens - looking into the UK law and Islamic law as it applies to her is important.

He sounds like an utterly useless sample of vaginal excrement. Time to find someone who adds anything of value to your life.

I wish you all the best, op, and can understand how awful you must feel right now, what with being pregnant and all. However he sounds awful and rather typically immature male in blaming you. Men so often don't want to admit to being in the wrong and hate apologising.

The thing is, where you go from here. Do you have money of your own, a good job, etc, supportive family?

I have a feeling he'll be back with tail between his legs but don't let him back easily, he has to acknowledge where he was wrong and be committed to making it work with you and your children.

Good luck.

That third talaq would have been music to my ears

OP I am Muslim.

My understanding is that a man cannot divorce his wife whilst she is pregnant. He is obliged to financially provide for you and your child. You aren't allowed to make you're pregnant wife and other kid homeless.

Can we please just move forward, this has just blown all out of proportion, the comment, embarrassed for you, wasn’t for op, it was in response to another poster, who’s comment was awful.I also got mixed up in this, but it really is time just to move on.

That's all right then...

Firstly it's not legally binding, needs to go through due process.
Secondly it's not even binding, there are no rulings in islamic jurisprudence which supports this - someone tried that here locally and was laughed our of the community. Is the DH a small minded Pakistani - fits the bill

Hope you are ok

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/muslim-mumsnetters The Muslim Mumsnet board that several posters have mentioned.

Sorry he's being such an arse OP but it sounds like you may be better off without him anyway if he's so self centered! BTW he cannot divorce you x3 talaq like that. That's in the movies . Real life there's a iddah period you have to wait between each talaq period for each talaq to be valid. There's wisdom in that it that it stops idiots like this doing this very thing! And it's geared to help reconciliate if possible but not in cases of dv etc then there's other methods of divorce a woman can start if needed. There's so much to consider so speak to an imam if you can because they will likely advise what's best for you re your options.

Also you know he's still got to provide for you ( limited) and kids ( everything) after divorce. Islamically his role in providing for the kids is not negated by divorce or cms etc he has to give it all. Roof, food , living expenses for them.

Also your dowry/ mahr he has to pay what's written if he hasn't already - that's yours.

Get some proper advice because he can't walk out responsibility free like that- get his parents/ local imam involved if needed.

Contact the rental agency and say my
abusive husband has left. I remain in the tenancy and I expect any bond to be returned to me, to
an account solely in my name when I do leave, could you please confirm this has been changed on your system.

I am sick reading about awful abusive husbands. And I am even more sick, about reading escalating things about religious husbands, who pick choose which part of their religion to follow in order to abuse their wives, and women and girls in their family. They are all simply nasty horrible men.

I am so sorry you are going through this OP, please follow the links people have posted if you want some culturally sensitive advice. But also know how ever much pressure you may feel there is always an escape, places like woman’s aid or shelter will help you too, no matter your religion xxx

In every way this man is a debit.

Not a credit.

Bin him.

I agree re awful abusive husbands, but the OP never said he was religious.