Positive test yesterday, Islamic divorce today!

[B9r0kre]

I've been married for 4 and a half years, have a 3 year old daughter and literally found out I'm pregnant with our second yesterday. He accused me of purposely not taking my pills, and that I'd gotten pregnant on purpose. He
packed his things and said he needed a break for a few days (I was pissed off, but fine). He came home this morning and took his tea set, coffee machine, and every single thing he had in the house. Clearly not going for just a few days was he? I started getting upset and trying to make sense of things, and I said "If you walk out that door when I need you the most right now, you can divorce me whilst you're at it." And that was it. He said "Talaq, Talaq, Talaq" (I divorce you × 3), handed back his keys and left. Apparently saying it 3 times is irreversible, and he can't ever come back to me. Just can't believe he's done it a day after finding out I'm pregnant with our second.
He messaged earlier on and said it was ME who told him to divorce me, and that this is on me. Is it? I don't know what's reality and what's not anymore!

I'm still trying to make sense of everything, but feel so hurt that it's that easy to just walk away after everything I've forgiven him for over the years.

I'm sorry you're going through this! Was your marriage legally binding in the country it took place? If so then it is recognised as legal in the UK and you will need a civil divorce as well as a religious one.

This link has more info.

https://cartwrightking.co.uk/services/family-law/islamic-divorce/

I'm sorry you're going through this it must be such a shock but you will be fine xx

He can't take himself of the tenancy without your permission.
Apply to CMS today for maintenance.
Let council know only 1 adult living in house.

He can end the tenancy for both of them. That's why I said a few posts ago, to get in touch with the landlord to see if OP can stay in the property (assuming she can afford it).

What a loser he is.

They are legally married because the wedding was done in an Islamic country

Well it was either an embarrassingly insensitive joke or an embarrassing level of ignorance 🤷‍♀️

Awful, vile man. Thank your lucky stars you were not legally wed. You are well rid. He can be someone else's problem now.

I started getting upset and trying to make sense of things, and I said "If you walk out that door when I need you the most right now, you can divorce me whilst you're at it." And that was it. He said "Talaq, Talaq, Talaq" (I divorce you × 3), handed back his keys and left. Apparently saying it 3 times is irreversible, and he can't ever come back to me. Just can't believe he's done it a day after finding out I'm pregnant with our second.
He messaged earlier on and said it was ME who told him to divorce me, and that this is on me. Is it?

Well yes. You've just described that that's exactly what happened.

Did you get married in an islamic court so shariah law or just the religious ceremony? Makes a big difference

You are well out of it. Leave, take the kids, leave it to him to contact you for access, he probably won't bother.

OP I know you've got bigger problems but while you are healing please do take the time to imagine him playing with a little Melissa & Doug tea set, muttering crossly to himself.

Tell your friends, sisters, family, anyone you can. Get your support network built up. Shine a light on the darkness. You'll be great and your children will be better off out of it! Good luck!

Islamically that counts as one divorce, not 3. He can take you back or you can return within 3 periods and still be married. The 3 x divorce is at three separate times not all at once. So if he divorces you 3 different times and doesn't return you after the waiting period then it's final and no going back until you remarry and divorce someone else.

I wish people talked about this more. When I was younger I thought babies had to be registered with their father's surname (unless you didn't know who he was). I thought it was an official rule because everyone seemed to do it. It always upset me because I didn't want a different name from my children and I didn't want to change my name "falsely" ( that's how it felt to me) without being married. It made me feel like I wasn't part of the family because I had a different name. It never occurred to me that DC could be registered with my surname.

OP if you weren't legally married in UK then there's no need for an official divorce, you're split up from your partner and that's it, you're a single parent now. You can get on with your new life.

Don't forget to change the locks if he has a key or if you think he's got another one cut secretly despite giving you his keys back. Changing a Yale lock is easy you can do it yourself with screwdriver and buy them in DIY shops. If you rent, keep the old one so you can change it back when you leave. Unless your landlord tries to access the property without permission and making the proper arrangements (so you can be there to let them in), they'll never know you've changed the lock!

You can claim benefits like universal credit if necessary, if your wages are low and you can claim child maintenance from your ex too.

Although if he's likely to not pay/if you don't need the money because you earn enough/ if he's likely to walk away and leave you alone in peace (if he's difficult to handle,), then you might want to not claim maintenance because it makes some of them go for 50/50 custody so they don't have to pay it and then you have to deal with their nastiness towards you and DC for the next 18yrs.

You can also get 25% discount on council tax for being the only adult in the home, regardless of earnings. You may also qualify for reduction in council tax based on low wages.

I don't think it's that simple
https://www.roythorne.co.uk/site/blog/family-law-blog/what-is-a-talaq-divorce-and-is-it-recognised-in-the-uk

@B9r0kre , I don't know about Islamic divorces, but I've read that there's an Islamic board here where you can receive advice.

I just wanted to commend you on bravely reporting your concerns around the controlling behaviour. You're hurting now, but it may be the best gift you've given yourself 💐.

Wishing you strength to get through this 🙏🏾.

B9 you will be fine. Enjoy the peace and laugh at the manchild, surely he is adult enough to know that the pill is not and never has been 100% effective.

Reckon you have swerved a bullet .
you can do this alone.
be sure to claim for child maintenance from him .

Accept it, heal, but there are a lot of loose ends to tie up.

Were you ever married in the civil (official) sense or was it just a religious marriage (i.e. not legally under the law)?

If you were officially married, you need a civil divorce. You need a solicitor.

You need to file for child support.

You need to figure out your right and ability to stay in the home. Whether your relationship was a civil marriage or an (unofficial) religious marriage will affect this.

Do you have a joint mortgage, does he have the mortgage, do you rent? Whose name is on the lease if you rent?

You and the other posters know that @StormingNorman was replying to eqpi4t2hbsnktd’s comment about teas sets and Beetlejuice and that she wasn’t talking to the OP, right?

It just seems a bit of a pile on for something that was a pretty reasonable response otherwise.

If you haven't already, get your locks changed so he can't get back in.

Allow us to congratulate you on the bullet you just dodged.

Definitely don't give the baby his surname. As you're not married legally ( you were never married in UK law and he has divorced you under Islamic law) he can't register the birth and can't be named on the birth certificate without your permission ( and why would you now?).

Can I ask if it has to be said ( the same word, 3 times on two other occasions?) to the OPs face or can her husband send it in writing or say it in front of a witness for example?

She can’t do that in a rented property without the landlord’s permission.

Maybe think about if you want to continue the pregnancy. If you were on the pill and just found out then I'm guessing unplanned and very early days. Much easier to be a single mum of a toddler than a toddler and a newborn.

Sounds a bit of a sham marriage if he can literally exit within a day and cancel his responsibility for the house too.