Help. I’m pregnant. At 43.

[Babybelle81]

I am 43 and soon to be 44 and just today found out I am pregnant.

I do not have children and my partner is 60 with grown up children who doesn’t want anymore.

I thought I was peri menopausal so thought I was safe, stupidly. I felt sick and sore boobs and am late, so tested today and it came up straight away.

I’ve not told him yet, I’m so frightened to.
I also have an amazing career which was going from strength to strength. Above all else, I don’t want my baby having old parents. He will be 80 by the time it is 20 and I just feel it’s unfair.

Please can you give me your honest and straightforward thoughts.

Thank you in advance.

@Babybelle81 Do consider if - and how - you’d cope if the child was severe special needs, requiring lifelong care. Especially as your partner is not on board. Some issues cannot be diagnosed via prenatal tests, but are permanently life-changing for parents.

He wouldn't be much of a man if he did! I don't think he's necessarily going to leave over it!

Their millions don't protect the quality of their sperm!!

Eh?

Something all parents to be should have in the back of their mind maybe since that could happen at literally any age.

The odds may be increased the older you are but it is still far more likely they'd have a healthy baby than not.

100% this ^

Also, in response to some of the concerns about geriatric sperm etc, you can have a harmony test which can help rule out disabilities.

One question, given the high risk of miscarriage over 40 and assuming you do decide to keep the baby and tell your partner. Would it irrepairably damage your relationship with him? I'm not so subtly wondering if you are considering holding off from telling him until you've made up your own mind (and potentially post your 12 week scan). Not that you're home and dry at 12 weeks but your odds of going to term increase considerably.\

Good luck.

Get a pregnancy test carried out by the GP before you tell him. I'm premenopausal at the moment to and I'm 44. I had a positive pregnancy test three weeks ago , I tested as my period was two weeks late. I've got three children already and never had a false positive. GP confirmed I was not pregnant but has high levels of HCG which is common in the lead up to menopause, I never knew and of course this can cause a false positive. I got my period a few days later to. Check with a medical professional to snd whatever the outcome I wish you all the best, you're not to old you will love your baby when it's here if this is real.

My parents were in their late 40s when they found themselves pregnant. I was in my very early 20s. Once the shock had worn off, Mum had a straight forward pregnancy and birth and my brother turns 13 in a few weeks. He has been an absolute delight and has kept my parents young in body and mind. ❤️

I will tell you what is even more strange - posting your "life choices" on a forum and then getting pissy when someone has the audacity to comment on them! I don't care about your choices but keep them to yourself if no-one is allowed to question them. The reason I wouldn't want to know you is because of your rudeness and your patronising tone.

Yes undoubtedly there are small minded people and I guess you know more about that than I do.

I think you’d regret if you don’t keep the baby. You’d imagine what life could be like if you had kept the baby. Just my personal opinion.

I didn't expect to have to spell that out but no matter how much money they have, there's just as much of a chance of their child having SEN as anyone else!

If you have any doubt, don't abort OP. And I'm completely pro choice.

I know. However. You can pay for nannies, extra support, private learning support, therapy etc etc.

Neither does he have any right to coerce the OP into a termination that she doesn't want to have.

And people travel in periods of school closure too, shock horror!

My only concern would be having to look after a young child whilst going trough menopause. I wouldn’t want that

I had an unexpected baby at 43. He's an utter joy. Now 16, and adored by his older siblings and spouses.

I don't want to be morbid, but if your partner didn't live until 90, who would you have in your life. Don't be the one making all the sacrifice, he has known and knows the wonder of being a parent.

Sending best wishes as you grapple with this.

I’m not loving the notion of a divorced dad hooking up with a childless woman 17 years his junior and asking her to agree never to have kids because he’d already had some. It’s quite a sacrifice really. I do wish that these middle-aged horn-dogs would stick to women their own age who’d had children too.

He may not be happy with the idea that your life in 15 years’ time won’t revolve around his elder care needs if you have a teenager to see to. At the moment he’s your priority. That would change.

He’s likely to complain about the pregnancy which is understandable at sixty but you need to do what is right for you. And yes, you may be a single mum. But that’s ok because lots of women are. But in fairness he may surprise you, especially if he was a good dad to his grown DCs.

OP, I was 41 when I had my one and only. I never thought I stood out in the playground as being an 'older Mum'. If anything, having kids makes you feel younger. You have to adjust your priorities, do things you wouldn't have entertained as a child free older woman. You just do it. It's not about coping. You automatically embrace it. It's the most wonderful thing.
If you didn't go ahead, took into account your DP's age, you'll end up wondering what if and eventually resenting him for it.
Have the discussion. You may be absolutely amazed. He could be bored with his career and needing a change - this could be a lifeline.
Or not. But this is about you OP.

But you already had three children.

@sel2223 Yes, which is why I did not mention their respective ages.

I know lots of people who’ve gotten unexpectedly pregnant in their early twenties, I actually think it’s more common than people think . I honestly think mn is obsessed by peri menopause at the moment. I read a thread recently where a 36 year old (similar age to me) was talking about insomnia (I’ve also suffered with this my whole life on and off) and by the end of the thread she was upset and convinced that she was peri menopausal! I get that it can start late 30’s but honestly I thought it was far more common to start early/late 50’s. Then people like are convinced it’s far too late

Not sure how true this is but read it the other day on the internet
Apparently, older mums live longer.

As the child of 2 older parents, I can assure you that I had an utterly delightful childhood and despite approaching 40, I thankfully still have my 2 parents who are spritely and full of life, well into their retirement. It has always kept them young ❤️

I was responding to a single aspect of the OP’s post. It isn’t representative of my wider views on OP’s situation.

So to avoid looking a bit silly, you should read all of somebody’s posts before jumping on them.

Down, Tiger

Thanks again everyone.
So, tonight I told him I think I’m pregnant and need to do a test in the morning. It may be a bend of the truth but I wanted it to be a gentle discussion rather than ‘I am pregnant’ and that’s it.
He seems ok but I think we both feel a bit shell shocked as my life was flying career wise, of which he was supporting me with.
it’s a bit of a mind blowing Monday let me tell you!
Thanks for the comment regarding checking with the GP re: false positive. I’ll do that tomorrow.
Thanks again everyone. Xx