Boyfriend doesn't want to have baby

[FirstTimeMummyxxx]

Hi, I am 23 and already have an 11 month old. My partner knew i wasn't on the pill and we have been having sex unprotected - lo and behold i done a test today and it was positive. He doesn't want to keep the baby, won't even sit down and talk about it just straight away said "do another test then we will google on what's the next steps to get rid" but i don't want to get rid. I have always wanted kids young and i am kind of against abortion... (please don't hate me for that). We have a house together but not sure what to do, leave him and keep the baby and get my own place and be a single mom or get rid like he wants?

What is an universal credit sort? Many people work on UC.

If he didn't want a baby he should have used contraception!

Your body your choice. But either way this relationship is over. You can be single with one young child and potential abortion regret, or single with two young children. Both are tough, but you need to decide which you want.

From the sounds of it you prefer to keep the baby. So you need to tell him you're keeping the baby and that's that. If he wants to leave he knows where the door is, don't let it hit him on the way out. If he's staying you will not be tolerating bad behaviour on his part such as accusing you of trapping him or ruining his life. He's a big boy that did sex education.

It's ultimately up to you whether or not you have an abortion. I do think the two of you should discuss the matter, so I hope he calms down and agrees to do that with you soon. But if you can't come to an agreement, you absolutely have the final say as only you can have the procedure or carry through the pregnancy.

IF you decide to have the baby and he leaves you because of it, DO NOT let him off the hook for financial support for either child. You can't force him to do his share of the parenting, but the law can compel him to bear a share of the costs. And before anyone says he has an equal right to decide, or a right to opt out - yes, he did, before the pregnancy occurred.

You do realise that UC is different? Still a nasty stereotype from you.

OP, what stands out most to me is the emotional immaturity of your bf. This isn't a life partner. At 23 you are both so very young - he, mentally more so.

You may want to have your children young, but a second one really will impact your future plans - more than the dd you already have.

As it stands, I would seriously consider ending the pregnancy and your relationship. Choose to focus on your career, independence and the dd you have. Give yourselves a life of choice, material benefits and options.

At some point you will meet someone to have another child with. This will be easier with 1 dc. I am a realist and believe that the more dc we have, the harder it is to pursue a decent serious relationship.

You can also choose to keep the pregnancy and hope he stays (doubtful) or go it alone as a young single mother of 2. You will make it work if this is what you want, but be in no doubt that it will be a hard life for a while and not one I would advise my own dd to choose.

How did you arrive at the string of different fathers conclusion? Is reading a problem or is it comprehension? Her older child also has the same father as her current pregnancy.

Exactly this - It is so feckless to not use contraception.

Just lazy.

As for him not buying condoms, why on earth didn't OP get them, or get another form of contraception? Condoms are free in many places.

When one is young, getting pregnant is easy - incredibly so, and to talk in cavalier terms like ''Get rid'' will get many people thinking that OP and her partner are irresponsible.

OP if it's any help, 23 is actually on the older side to start a family in my culture. People on here are so bitter. Congratulations on your pregnancy, you sound like a great mother. And by the way there's nothing wrong with not being in favour of abortion.

I don't get the judgemental comments either. Ok, not great to have unprotected sex with someone who claims not to want to have another baby, but the OP isn't the one treating abortion as another form of contraception.

(As a side note I think you've probably received extra backlash due to the choice of wording 'get rid' and what appears to be a blasé attitude to termination which can be an incredibly emotive and traumatic subject for a lot of people. Just considering the audience here they may be people that have been to struggling to conceive or have had many losses and the wording would seem very brutal)

Check the OP - this is a term that the BF used. If he's used that term then OP has probably used it in her posts subconsciously. She's already stated that she would be emotionally impacted by a termination and doesn't agree with them, so I think it's reasonable to assume these aren't her words nor do they reflect her true feelings.

Well she considering being a single mum. Presumably not for ever, see Katie Price if you don't understand what I mean

Lose your partner. You would always regret this if you're against abortion. Plus, if I'm honest, your relationship is already over judging by the reaction.

(I might be biased because your kids would have the same age difference as mine and I absolutely love it. they're best friends!)

I didn't know he didn't want one, until i got a positive test.

See, I find that comment a bit disingenuous. It sounds like he has buried his head in the sand or he just changed his tune and misled you. You were happy enough to get pregnant again but he was ambivalent?
Maybe he'll come round to the idea of a second child eventually. Are you going to use contraception in the future when the family is complete or take another chance? It's all a bit haphazard!

I never got further than your post as I was so shocked at the expression " The nexts steps to get rid" Accidents happen & this on your part is not an unwanted pregnancy. Of course you have to do what's right for you and according to your post an abortion is not for you.
I lost a pregnancy naturally at 7 weeks. I still think of what might have been had ithe pregnancy survived. Gestation makes no difference to how you will feel if you are forced to do something you don't want to do. In the end its your decision.

Your boyfriend is an asshole. If he wasn't prepared to have a child he should have used protection or gotten a vasectomy.

However, you are to blame as well. How could you have been so careless to have unprotected sex with a man who does not want to be a father? You do realise that at some point you are going to have to tell that child that his or her father never wanted them. It's going to hurt and it was most likely preventable with a little bit of care.

The decision is up to you. As other posters have said, the relationship is a 100% over. Please take more care when having sex from now on. Because you are not prepared to have an abortion, any resulting children will pay the price of you accidently getting pregnant again. It's not fair on them.

Oh right. Katie price is the yardstick with which all women should be measured. What's wrong with being a single mum now? What of all the women whose partners decide to leave AFTER they have the baby? Should they be faulted for not having a crystal ball? Should they submit to a life without another relationship due to no fault of theirs? It seems like you just enjoy throwing around nasty comments based on all kinds of imagined scenarios.

She's irresponsible, as is her partner. Kids are not accessories.

Good luck OP 🍀
ignore the haters

I would say being able to pay for housing/bills and 2 sets of nursery fees on one salary at 23 is a pretty amazing achievement-good for you. Your situation is very different to most.

Do you own your house-would it be simple to remove your partner/ex from the mortgage/tenancy if you separate?

100%

Your boyfriend is abhorrent. As soon as you realise it, can't believe you haven't already, he will be gone.

So that means your choice is do you want to be a single mum of one or two. Given what you say, I think you would seriously regret having an abortion.

Also, I think what the op and other posters are misunderstanding about how she is responsible too, given that she wanted the baby and will clearly care for them well and can provide for them - is that she is now bringing in to this world a person, a child, with a father who is awful, and who doesn't want that baby. Having a parent who doesn't want you is a major cause of mental health issues later on for a child.

Yes you said. I suppose repeating yourself without answering with substance says it all.

You absolutely have the choice to keep the baby. Mumsnet is very pro abortion. However, as you actually want the baby, then a termination would be awful for you at the time and probably for the rest of your life. Your bf's blasé attitude is just terrible.

My eldest 2 are 21 months apart, they are super close and the best of friends. The eldest doesn't ever remember a time without his brother. I would really recommend this age gap.

Good luck OP with whatever you decide.

Wow. The implied class prejudice and age prejudice on this thread is off the scale.

OP isn't irresponsible for having sex while being open to another pregnancy with her established partner and father of her child. It's what all Catholics, for example, are supposed to do. It's not some abhorrent act! Sex to have babies - argh! Mumsnet cannot cope. She is actually a fully grown adult.

Good luck OP. If he didn't want a baby, that's on him.