Boyfriend doesn't want to have baby

[FirstTimeMummyxxx]

Hi, I am 23 and already have an 11 month old. My partner knew i wasn't on the pill and we have been having sex unprotected - lo and behold i done a test today and it was positive. He doesn't want to keep the baby, won't even sit down and talk about it just straight away said "do another test then we will google on what's the next steps to get rid" but i don't want to get rid. I have always wanted kids young and i am kind of against abortion... (please don't hate me for that). We have a house together but not sure what to do, leave him and keep the baby and get my own place and be a single mom or get rid like he wants?

What were you both THINKING?

Incredibly irresponsible childish behaviour suggests neither of you are ready to be parents. Grow up and learn to use contraception.

You do want another kid - so you aren't using contraception. Did he actually KNOW that?

Knowing or not, if he seriously doesn't want another kid, he should have used a condom. But let me guess - he doesn't like the feel??

He doesn't decide what you do with your body, you do.

If you desperately want the baby, having an abortion is something you'll never forget. And you'll never forgive him.

If you have the baby, if he does NOT want that you'll have to accept it's boyfriend or baby.

He'll still be liable for maintenance and have a right to contact. Maybe even 50/50.

There's some awful replies on here. Mumset is becoming an increasingly shrewish place. Berating a young woman who is able to support herself, her child and future children and the troll hunters are no better.
Yes, people work at 16, no one comes after you, nothing happens even if you don't complete the supposed training hours/education. And in an office the OP may well have ticked the government boxes.
The boyfriend is at fault here, he knows how babies are made fgs, he already has one. What did he think was going to happen? Why should the OP have to take his hand end explain the facts of life to him, how ridiculous.

OP, have a look for local counselling services. Don't be forced into a decision. Opting for an abortion even if you would prefer to keep the baby, could cause resentment towards your partner and there's a possibility it will scupper your relationship anyway. Also the effect on your mental health has to be considered.

@LawyersWig no, evil, selfish, violent people money-grabbing and starting wars is why the human race is screwed. Not loving mothers planning their families at a younger age or less deliberately than you approve of.

This thread is so fucking little England. I feel like I've walked into the pages of Cranford/

It's not a fucking court of law. How dare you compare OP to a rapist? I'm sure that her boyfriend who knew that she wasn't using contraception and who didn't use a condom himself, consented enthusiastically to sex with the OP.

This sounds like something an Andrew Tate follower would say. What a misogynistic load of crap.

This! The mumsnet army never fails to disgust me. I imagine they're all sitting in a dark room with not much else to do!

Totally agree

Lol I'm in a sunny room

I don't actually believe that she didn't know his views on another pregnancy but even if she didn't - they were trying for a pregnancy without having a conversation about how they would feel when she gets pregnant. That's just as irresponsible.

There were some kind characters in Cranford.

It's as though a 'cunt klaxon' goes off when someone young and vulnerable posts, particularly about pregnancy and contraception, and they all pile on with the same misogynistic bullshit and insults.

OP what you do for work and your home stability isn't really any of our business If you're saying financially and from a housing point of view another baby is doable for you.
I think most of us have been in situations where we've been impulsive or assumed a reaction and whether or not your BF has expressed previously he really didn't want another baby doesn't really help you now.
I think it sounds like the relationship is doomed- purely from the lack of support and open discussion you have had from him.
I'm sorry you're in this situation where ordinarily you may have been thrilled to find out and now you're in a horrible dilemma.
As others have said- remove him from the equation, this is your decision and seek support from organisations that will help.

(As a side note I think you've probably received extra backlash due to the choice of wording 'get rid' and what appears to be a blasé attitude to termination which can be an incredibly emotive and traumatic subject for a lot of people. Just considering the audience here they may be people that have been to struggling to conceive or have had many losses and the wording would seem very brutal)

Interesting that you thought this was directed at you... you know you're a nasty person then?

She's irresponsible. End of. Children will grow up with a string of different fathers..

🤣🤣

At the end of the day, your body, your choice. But go into it knowing that 2 under 2 single parenting will be very difficult. Do you have a support network?

No I was joking and agreeing!
And yes I am EVIL.

Depressing isn't it, MN has really changed my view of other women.

@thepariscrimefiles Stop being so hysterical and try reading again but slower, I'm comparing the OP's claim that she didn't know he didn't want a baby because he didn't specifically say he didn't want a baby. It's bullshit.

By not using contraception without implicit agreement that they both DID want a baby they have both been irresponsible.

Sorry babe, looks like i've been tarnished by the darkness of mumsnet 😅

Hello op. I found out i was pregnant 11 weeks ago which sadly became a mmc. But when I told my partner I was pregnant we already have a 7 year old and 18 month old he wasn't happy in the slightest even though we both knew we weren't using contraception. He kept telling me maybe we shouldn't have it and stuff. But I wouldn't have got rid of it as its my body and I'm the one that cares for the children anyways unfortunately I did miscarry but I think when I started bleeding he did feel slightly guilty of the things he said. It's your body your choice.

I don't think what you believe or don't is really relevant to the OP's question. If you want to answer based on a scenario of your own conjuring then go right ahead with the nastiness.

Fight fight fight fight fight 😈

@FirstTimeMummyxxx you've said both of these things...

i agree, i mentally can't do an abortion, i think it would mess me up and ill have so much regret!

maybe, i think i'm just going to have to get rid to be honest. he's really not liking it.

Take your time. Do not be bullied.
An abortion you'll regret is a much worse decision than having another baby,

His opportunity to control the decision making ended when he chose not to use a condom.

Take your time. He doesn't have to like your decision,

"do another test then we will google on what's the next steps to get rid" but i don't want to get rid''

Fucking hell. The flippant, cold way men treat women's bodies and speak about pregnancies 😥As if they're just vending machines, an object.

If you can, do without him. I think it's important that people consent to having children, but he knew you weren't on the pill and needs to take responsibility.

i should have kept reminding him i come off the pill... WHAT🥲

Horrible, manipulative man. You made him aware,but he was most likely too immature or selfish to use condoms, and /or titillated and trilled at the though of having unprotected sex. He's trying to shift this onto you, trying to make you responsible for all of this in the hope he can guilt trip you into having an abortion.

In future OP I think you need to think more seriously before having unprotected sex, as you might end up in this same situation. As soon as you have unprotected sex where you're both not even trying to follow some kind of natural family planning method, you are very much trying for a baby. This doesn't seem to have been discussed, although I might have missed it on one of your posts.

It seems you both had a sort of passive attitude towards the whole thing, with you accepting the realistic outcome and being ok with that, and him relying on abortion as an anti-baby method (I don't think one can really call it contraception).