September 2024 - Thread 11

[luckyfaith]

New thread 😊

@WinsandSam can I ask did you get diagnosed as an adult? It's rife in my family but I was always a high academic performer so never got flagged - until I became a absolute flake in motherhood. I keep procrastinating paying to get tested because it's about £900 privately here, and it could just be the sleep deprivation melting my brain. 😅

I have great intentions of being organised but their memory boxes are still a shoebox and an Aldi bag, and full of half finished projects!

@kc92sorry on the delay! Yes as an adult at about the age of 35. I work in mental health and used to screen for adhd and realised I ticked all the boxes 😅 I went through NHS. You can go through GP and request “right to choose” which is private and paid for by nhs.

ha same with the memory boxes 😅 bags and sandwich bags

@WinsandSam thank you, lots to think about! I'm ROI so slightly different system - I need to Google it and stop procrastinating (eventually!).

I think my little one has weaned off the boob, and I'm a ball of emotions over it. I had a vomitting bug, so didn't want to feed him on Thursday and now we're day 3 of no milk. 🥲 I keep changing my mind if I want to take this opportunity to wean, or if he looked for milk would I keep going, but he doesn't seem too fussed about it! He's a little over 16 months, so I'm proud of us for getting this far.

Hi all, it's been a while!! I just wanted to pop in with a bit of a sad update for me and E.

On December 19th I had to call the police and we had to flee our "family" home. It was not the first time I had to do this either.

I tried to leave on numerous occasions and used to get locked in the house.

I don't know if you remember but I had moved to Nottingham and felt very alone and isolated. And things turned horrible.

I'm now safe and sound back in Cornwall but struggling so badly. I never want to keep her from her dad but he did this and I feel like now he is trying to manipulate me into feeling bad that I'm down here and that I should take her up there to see him.

It's all just so bad. She was 16 months a few days ago and I don't want her to forget him , she's not seen him in 5 weeks and before that they'd never been apart for even a day.

My heart is broken. I just needed to reach out and speak to someone (I have spoke with refuge and women's aid)

Hope everyone elses little ones are doing good and everyone's happy. E starts settling in sessions at a nursery down here on Tuesday 🥹 xx

@TripleESept24 I'm so sorry to read this update, what an awful time you and your daughter have been through.

Great that you are in touch with refuge and women's aid and that you are safe in Cornwall - and you already have a nursery!!

You don't know it yet (and I don't know the details) but this sounds like a very necessary start to a new chapter. I can't imagine how heartbroken you are but it sounds like you did the right thing for the safety of your daughter. Leaving is incredibly difficult and you have taken a huge step which many never do take.

I'm miles away in another country but I am in tears reading your story. I can't help you but am here for company and moral support - you are not alone!
Crossing everything for you and your girl in the coming weeks and months - you are a wonderful mum. ❤

Been a long time since I’ve been on here!
How are you all doing?
and do you have any advice on relaxing? I can’t feel the life of me seem to shut off my brain and just close my eyes and nap during the day.

Went back to work full time for the first time since my oldest was born so a little over 2 1/2 years. It’s been five weeks and my brain just feels like a sieve. I have no idea what I’ve even done in the last five weeks.

I applied to be screened for ADHD 12 months ago and I finally got the form to fill in so we’ll see how that goes

we’re also at a stage of not sleeping and the 16 months old seems to be getting into a routine or waking up at five or 5:30 am and the 2.75 year-old won’t fall asleep without me cuddling him and the 16 months old is starting to fight his dad and wanting me at night too so I don’t know how I’m going to do this.

i’m still breastfeeding about twice a day, sometimes more but ultimately I really want to stop. It’s just I can’t deal with the screaming and crying on such little sleep so I given especially during naptime because I don’t want the oldest woken up.

Any advice would help even if it’s to remind me that a few days of Baby crying and waking up the oldest it’s probably worth it in the long run.

I had a bit of a mad moment about a month ago. I had a big argument with my partner and we were in the car and I tried to get out of the car whilst he was trying to reverse into the parking space. Hoping the lack of sleep and stress doesn’t get me to that point again.

16 months old decided to run and jump off the sofa the other day and got stuck between the sofa and the wall before I could grab him and brushed his back. Two days after he ran and tripped into a wooden shop toy at nursery and massive bruise on his head.
2.75 year old fell at my parents house onto a toy and bruised his bum the day after.
that’s kinda a day in the life of 2 boys under 3

all in all 16 month gap has had about a 70% lean towards being crap but we are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Last 2 weeks defo more towards 70% good.

@MommaSmith I had to go back to work when my DS was 6 months, full on teething and waking every 2 hours. You don't think you'll survive, but you do. It's a huge adjustment not matter when you go back. I coped by eating donuts 😂 sugar kept me going although now I'm heavier than post partum. And definitely not nearly as good at my job as i used to be.

You are a braver woman than I am having such an age gap, I'm sure you'll reap the benefits in years to come.

I have read that your body doesn't fully recover for about 3-4 years after a baby and having a 2 or less years age gap really depletes your body. So take care of yourself.

I'm getting better at being "selfish" and leaving the 17 month old with dad for a few hours here and there. For too long I've felt like every minute of free time MUST be spent with my son which did me no favours. I have some beginner pilates on Saturdays now (paid in advance!!) and one social with friends at least every other week. It's making me feel human.

I also went away for 3 nights with my friends and it was so so nice. Friends kept asking me if i feel guilty and I said absolutely not.

If you can handle the 2 toddlers on your own, so can dad. So just leave him to it, regularly, so he can get confident.

I'm also still BF but I've come the other side (I hated it for the first 12 months) and love it. It sorts all manner of problems. When i find it hard, I remind myself how hard it would be without it and i persevere!

@HuggingAnIcePack887 oh I’m craving soo much sugar. I was made redundant so didn’t see a point job searching while pregnant.

brave - or potential ADHD induced decision 😂

I struggled with pain for the first 3 months of breastfeeding but I’m just done with it I’ve done it too long. I fed first till 20 months, tandem fed both for 4 months and continued with the youngest so I’ve been nonstop for nearly 3 years.

Honestly I didnt fully manage for more than 2hrs alone. My partner was WFH and stepping in if I needed an extra hand. I’ve done a meal for 2hrs a few months back with a friend.

We try and do some thing together which means seeing my parents are free. They used to do Sunday play days or the odd sleepover last few months but their dog is sick (17 years old) so it’s not possible now

Hi ladies, long time no speak!
@TripleESept24wow, that sounds incredibly overwhelming for you and E. Well done on escaping and starting a new life. You absolutely did do the right thing in getting away.
I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer to her seeing her dad. Ultimately, I’m sure the court would say he’d need to have supervised contact. But, it doesn’t have to be with you! You need to be careful as this could be a dangerous time for you to see him due to you being so brave a leaving. Be safe 🫶🏼 I’m sorry you’ve had to go through that. I hope you have family and friends around you.

@MommaSmithim with you with the rubbish sleep. Tbh, my little one has never slept well, like 2-3 max at a time. Also still breastfeeding and not ready to give up yet, but I do feel annoyed by it sometimes. No idea how I’d stop 😅 my child would scream blue murder!

@HuggingAnIcePack887its amazing that you’re still feeding too ☺️ I also struggle to leave my girl. I do get my hair and nails done, go to an exercise class and work 2 days. But, if it’s for socialising I feel guilt for her and my partner. How on earth did you go away when feeding?? I’ve never done later than 9pm

@WinsandSam my DS is totally fine to go to sleep without me! His nanny and his dad are both able to put him to bed...I was reluctant to try but my DH encouraged me (so we could go on date nights haha). I pumped twice a day for my own comfort when I was away. DS didn't miss me really. Until I came back and he took my hand and walked me over to the nursing chair 😂

I only breastfeed on the sofa or on the nursing chair, to avoid him pulling at my shirt or whatever in public. But it does lead to some hilarious situations where he orders me to get up and go sit on the nursing chair. He's so bossy now!

We also night weaned a few months ago. We recently had the flu so he nursed 24/7 for a week but once he was better, he went back to only nursing morning, late afternoon and bedtime.

I couldn't manage it if I still had to BF all the time/ on demand/every bedtime.

@WinsandSam re night weaning, I just sent DH in with a cup of water. DS did protest but we held firm. 2 hard nights for DH. This was around 16 months so not too long ago. It was tricky as we had to wait until he was done teething. Luckily he got all his teeth early, he had his molars by 16 months too.

That makes sense. I feed to sleep, co sleep and feed during night wakes. So it’d be a HUGE adjustment for her, and me!

my girl literally pulls my my top up the second I get back from work 😅 she kind of kisses my leg, then runs to the arm chair and kisses it shouting “milk” it’s cute and funny. Tell me about it, it’s a lot

i couldn’t cope with my girl crying or being distressed. So I’m going to wait until she’s at an age of being able to understand. She’s my first and will be my only child, so I’m willing to sacrifice my sanity for her 😅 she’ll stop eventually. We’re still teething too. 6 to go now

@WinsandSam yeah that's why we waited until he was done teething and was well in himself. We were down to 1-2 wakes and he was barely feeding, just suckling a bit so I was like it's time, it's just a nice habit for him. He actually only woke once the second night so if you wait until she's ready, it will not be as painful as you think. The first night he woke twice and cried hard when DH went in but I was like, he LOVES his dad in the day, he'll be fine.

That’s good to know! We still have 3-5 wakes a night 🫠🤦🏻‍♀️ so know it’s not time yet. Not all full feeds but one or two are. See my girl does not love her dad in the day, only mumma! But, she’s getting better with him. It’s really sad for him to be rejected all the time

@WinsandSam Thank you. I know I've done the right thing but god it's hard. I have my family around me but I struggle at night in the flat I'm in on my own when I've nobody around!!

Do I remember correctly you are from Cornwall? I know someone was on here!! I'm back in Cornwall now.

The police situation is going to be a long road.

Esme is loving her nursery!!

Xx

Oh that's such a sad update but I'm so happy your daughter has you. You can feel the love you have for her in your posts. Wishing you lots of strength, you are clearly a wonderful mum from all your posts.

Thank you. She is what keeps me going!!!! 🥺♥️ I just never imagined being on my own with a little one at 40 I thought it was going to be the family life id always wanted. X

@TripleESept24im in Norfolk, so other side of the country sorry.

good luck with everything. Get what support you can x

Just catching up - so sorry to hear about your situation @TripleESept24:/ nowhere near the same level, but Bear's father and I aren't exactly doing very well either; I've had to ring up Women's Aid a couple of times myself. Trying to give it all one last good college try, but I'm not overly hopeful to be completely honest - I'm sure what you've gone through/are going through is far worse, but I'm here if you ever need an ear to vent to! Thinking of you ♡

How's everyone's littles doing?!!

I'm quite worried about Bear, still not really talking, just babbles :/ I actually think he might've regressed a bit at this point, he used to say "yeah" but I've not heard that in a while now - and I cant remember last time I saw him stack anything x.x
Still no waving either, or pointing to show - he'll bring me things, and get a book when I ask him to, and he definitely understands the word "no" (though willfully ignores it! Lol)

He's just absolutely obsessed with climbing - my days consist almost entirely of giving him stern "no's" and trying (and failing) to teach him words and play with him... he's fiercely independent and often just tantrums when I try and get him to do anything - its on his terms or not at all it seems!

He wants me there, but he just wants to do things with me watching rather than engaging - which is fine, but a bit frustrating when he's behind developmentally and trying to help coax him on 😅😅😅

@SpicyMoth have you looked into a pikler climbing set? My DS is the same, trying to climb everything in sight. We already have a set of soft climbing cushions but he's outgrown it. But I feel like the pikler set might be too advanced still.

We got a toddler tower which is a game changer. Highly, highly recommend it. I can cook dinner etc with him next to me, he absolutely loves it. We have a tiny kitchen and the tower takes like half the floor space but it was worth it.

I'm absolutely loving this age tbh. I find it so much easier than 6-12 months when he was such a ball of frustration, it was so hard to entertain him. Like, I have less time for myself and less able to do anything but equally I find the days easier. I can see how everyone gets tricked into having a second baby about now 😂

@SpicyMoth Thanks!! And sorry to hear about your situation too! 😓

Esme still isn't talking much either and I feel like she's regressed a little! She has said mama dada, but stopped so much recently. She has said yeh also and nodded and shakes head but has stopped that a bit recently too. She just babbles more! She also brings things to me I ask for. She did start saying moo for a cow too and baa for sheep but it's very few and far between. She doesn't really do it on demand or copy.

She's got gastroenteritis at the moment. Been vomitting since Friday! Two doctors trips! It's awful 😓 they've said give it until the end of the week and if vomitting not stopped back again Monday 😭 xx

I'll pop you a private message @SpicyMoth if that's ok?

Emma x

@SpicyMothim sorry to hear about your relationship troubles. Stay safe! My relationship is also really strained, I just feel so irritated by my partner all the time. We’re basically housemates.

try not to worry about bears speech, he sounds the same as the 5 other boys we hang out with.

this may sound weird but I worry about my girl being too advanced. Her speech is crazy! She can identify and name all colours etc. people keep commenting on how she shouldn’t be able to. She walked at 10 months. Makes jokes. Is fiercely independent. Gets stuck on sentences and repeats them over and over. Also has a weird memory; when she wakes she’ll recount the previous day with words. Like Lilah, weeee as she was on a swing with a friend. Or Dippy stomp, we saw a dinosaur called dippy yesterday. My head goes to ASD. But I know probably over thinking it.

@HuggingAnIcePack887same!! It’s such a joy to be around them now. So much fun. And annoying as hell as so determined 😅🤦🏻‍♀️

@TripleESept24of course you can!
Replies might be a bit spotty as bunged up with colds here atm, plus general relationship stress - but I'm still here!
Can WhatsApp if you like? Might be a bit easier, up to you if you're comfortable though! ♡♡
Much love

@WinsandSamI'm totally with you on the irritation- its like having two toddlers sometimes with how my "fiance" behaves 🙄 on top of our myriad of other problems lol :')

Awh I'm sure your wee one is likely just super smart- she sounds it!
Afaik its usually being behind that is a sign of ASD, but I'm no expert at all - I've just been on at the GP to have Bear referred to paediatrician for his delays (he was in the grey on everything on the 14 month ASQ and made very little progress since!)

Our HV is useless, has said since before Christmas that she'd refer us for assessment and extra help with Bear but then just... Never did 😒

Honestly can't help but wonder the damn point of HV's if they're just going to criticise then not actually bloody do anything!!

Here's a couple pics, just because! Such a cutie ♡♡♡