Due July 2024 - part 4

[Oatmilktea]

The other thread was filling up so thought I would set up a new one!

@Sophie3003
@ceruleansky
@Amberellaella
@wannabe123
@glasshalffull0
@Morningcoffeeaddict
@missmoosh
@Jess725
@AnonymousXXIX
@Busyhedgehog
@Nocoffeenotalkie
@justanotherlaura
@Honeymint
@Savvy21
@hopingfor23
@chilliflakesmum
@ExpectantEs
@AimeeLou84
@Welshgal85
@TooHappyToday
@Bali200

I’ve tagged people from the last few pages of the previous thread, hopefully everyone makes there way over here when the other one fills up!

@ceruleansky put your partner in charge of certain things in the house. Even if it's not up to your standards then it doesn't matter. Especially when you go back to work - get the routine in early 😂.
Once baby has a routine of going down and feeds then you get time back to reconnect. The greatest parenting phrase I think is "this too shall pass" even if you think it will go on forever at the moment it won't.

@ceruleansky i do agree about not talking to others about my relationship, though the one person I do talk to is my mum. As I know she won’t hold anything really against him, as I’m normally the problem haha! There are things I don’t tell her obviously but sometimes a sounding board is good to see if it’s you over reacting! However, I wouldn’t ever talk to friends or other family about it!

Communication is really key, I am really trying to make sure I express my needs clearly and when I don’t feel they are being met. I encourage my husband to the same, he isn’t as good at using his words so I try and watch him to see his reactions to things and adjust my behaviour based on what I see. We have been out for a little date albeit with Bella already and it was so nice!

@MixedCouple2 @ceruleansky
Reading both your posts have really helped me too! Thank you 🙏

A week into breast feeding and little girl has an awful tongue tie. I know this is so common (I have one myself!) I thought we could get through it but two days ago I’ve resorted to pumping as she lost too much weight and wanted to make sure all was ok.

Same here re a s* storm whilst trying to latch! I pump for the night as it’s so difficult sitting up and down after the section when my meds have worn off 🤭
When I say I pump for the night, I kind of pump one in advance so I feel like it’s always a race against time but we’re making it work for now until our tongue tie appointment 😳

we’ve got this ladies, we’ve already accomplished so much hey
💛

@ceruleansky the first year of my first child's life my partner and I argued several times to point where we both questioned repeatedly if the relationship was sustainable.

It's definitely a theme I've observed in various friendships. Something about that first year is a big test. But over time generally most persevere and work through it.

I think it's something to do with adjusting to the new family dynamics and change in priorities. And like you say, trying marry your differing approaches to parenting through a healthy compromise is no easy feat. It's easy to ignore or forgive your partner's challenging attributes, but when they impact your seed - then that's a different ball game.

Forgive any typos, still quite tired. But hope things get easier.

@ceruleansky your very welcome. I hope this helps you feel better about your choices also. Your with baby 24?/7 you know baby be at and whats beat for you to. You'll get there.

Glad you managed to find a work around and make things easier for you. And the Latch will get better then longer you nurse. It will be second nature in no time.

Sorry to hewr about things with DH. It is normal for this to happen. It happened to me and we argue more then before. Rven now DS is a toddler we argue DH spoils DS1 and goes behind my back after I hwve set some rules. It causes many an argument. But we are slowly getting better and things are becoming less hectic. Well until DS2 arrives aghhhhhhh. But your seeing a new side to your Partner and a new role they need to settle into. It can be hard those sleepless nights when your figuring things out, majorly sleep deprived, hormones all over the place for you and Partner. It can be very tense.
I know I resented DH for being able to sleep through DS cries, and fall straight Beck to sleep after a nappy change. And have "Useless" nipples. While I was wide awake! I hated him now and then. It is normal. 😂
It will get better, once baby gets older and sleeps longer stretches and grows attached to his Dad he will accept being put to sleep by someone else Especially with nursing being cut out at night it will better help if that is something you carry on.
It does get better. The newborn stage is manic. And this is a new person who is just about food, sleep and nappy changes. Really at this stage there is no personality per say and it can be hard to form a bond ESPECIALLY for the Dads but even for us Mamas. But once they get older and starr smiling and cooing and when you see their face light up when they see you it will feel different.

I for the first 2.5 months was like WTH did I just do. I felt like running away. I couldn't cope. I don't think I want this baby or to be a mother I want my own life my own body back. So many "negative" thoughts. I had a wonderful Midwife who I could contact and email and she said all this is normal to feel and think. Some women want to run away and get as far from the baby. It is very normal with everything going on.
I felt touched out and hated the fact DS1 only wanted me. And for 22months only I could put him to bed and comfort him at night. But now we have a wonderful bond I actually miss nursing him! When he is hurt or sad or needs to connect it was so easy. Nursing always stopped tantrums and when he was in pain or sick it always worked.

I was told by other Mums you'll miss this stage. You'll miss being forced to not do anything else but relax and chill with baby. You'll miss being able to nap and eat when they napped. You'll miss when they never answered back to you. And I am starting to see it now.

Hi, I'm hoping anyone else who is breastfeeding can help. How do you get your baby to sleep in their crib? She is fine in the day. Naps in her bouncer or moses basket (not for huge lengths of time but can do an hour or so). At nighttime, I cannot put her down! She feeds, falls asleep. I wait until her arm is floppy like a noodle then do transfer. Bum first then head with hand on chest and slowly release pressure. She just fusses then screams until I pick her up! I'm exhausted.

Expect they'll crave contact for first couple weeks as theyxniss sensation of being in womb. Swaddling helps too.

I'm currently experiencing this with my 3day old.

@Nocoffeenotalkie does she have reflux? I have to hold little man upright for 20 mins after a feed, or he won’t go down either.

If that doesn’t work then DH and I sleep in shifts of 90 mins each, which is how frequently he’s still feeding at 3 weeks 😂

Just a phase, just a phase, just a phase… 😳

Can you feed side lying? That changed everything for me. Even if I couldn’t fully sleep, it mean I could close my eyes and rest, which made such a difference.

@Nocoffeenotalkie - side lying is also how I’m managing it, we have the snuzpod attached to the bed so I feed side lying with him in there and then roll him gently onto his back when he’s asleep. It doesn’t always work but is usually how I get him to stay down.

I suspect a little bit of reflux too though as sometimes nothing helps!

So well worded! Exactly this.

@Nocoffeenotalkie I thought exactly that when I had my first baby. In movies they're all in cribs and bassinets aren't they, why won't the baby be put down?! We struggled between moses basket and co-sleeping for months, mostly with rocking or holding to sleep. Although baby did sleep through the night aged 3 months, for a month! Just not in own bed lol. Swaddling helped as well. And then after the 4 month sleep 'regression' (that my particular baby very much had - but not all babies do!!) happened - with wakes every 45 mins or so at night - I just gave up on everything and relied solely on side-lying feeding-to-sleep for 2-3 months. And then between 6-9 months baby suddenly started to be okay with cot / travel cot, sometimes all night, sometimes half the night. It's not linear and changes all the time. At 1.5 years we switched to floor mattress and I wish we had done that sooner. The faff of feeding or rocking baby to sleep and then trying to transfer to cot without waking, oh my god...

Anyway. This time around I half-heartedly tried the next-to-me like twice at night so far (baby is 2 weeks now) and immediately switched to co-sleeping. We have a king size bed rather than a double now, and I remove all pillows and duvet around baby, put my pregnancy pillow against the next-to-me as a sort of guard rail, and a towel underneath baby in case of any accidents. As long as baby isn't rolling yet, this seems safe to me. I quite like being close enough to hear breathing actually, it is comforting. Getting a broken 6-8 hours that way between 9pm and 9am, with baby waking every 2-3 hours for an hour and being fed back to sleep. I very gently lower my arm down onto the designated spot in the bed (switch to middle of bed inbetween DH and myself if feeding on other side) and slide out arm from underneath (bum then head), sometimes keep hand on baby's head or stomach for comfort for a few mins. During the day we do moses basket and contact naps. Baby def still has day and night turned around sigh, but I'm sure that'll sort itself out eventually. I'll try the next-to-me again when it feels right, rather than assuming baby will be cool with it from the get go.

@Nocoffeenotalkie i recently came across a lady who said to do the "tuck and roll" similar to the Ross from Friends "hug and roll". Worth a try.
With DS1 I was mental about sleep had all the apps with sleep consultants all the videos and nothing worked. Sometimes just sometimes if I waited 20mins I could put him down without waking up.
But in the end as @AnonymousXXIX we switched to co sleeping as I was a light sleeper at that point and would nurse laying side ways and had one arm above baby and the other on my side. It worked really well and I stuck with it from 4months. Was even better once nappy changes at night stopped around that time aswell as I could nurse and nodd back off suoer quickly. Just wore a nursing Cami or loose strappy top.
I know it is not for everyone. So if you wwnt to stick to using a crib it is about minimising the feeling of "falling". That is usuaooy what startles them. So try different angles or waiting periods. A pacifier may also help.

Some Mums in my group swore by the weighted sleep bags I think they were called Magic Merlin's?!

Snap. This was me with DS1. The first time he did a 7hour stretch I was at a loss!!! The first time me and DH had 3 houra at night to ourselves it was like Heaven! 😂 what do we do. 😂
So Inam mentally prepared for a similar baby. When he finally shows up!!!!!

Had an impromptu visit from my midwife today, she called to ask if ahe could pop over for a chat, on Thursday I thought that was it. Contractions 2-3mins apart for over 6 hours at night. She was expecting to see me Friday-satuday. Me too! She checked me over. All was fine bloods/ urine/ baby super active was kicking the doppler away 😂 in the right position. So she said just a waiting game and something will happen soon.

She briefly mentioned induction options at home. Clary Sage, dates, red raspberry leaf tea, castor oil. They said they are happy for me to try alternatives but to do things safely it is up to me. I said to her I may try Midwives Brew tomorrow evening as I will be 41 weeks. She said it is up to me and to be aware of the nausea and possible diarrhea. She wouldn't do it but as baby is healthy and big and strong and I am healthy there is no harm in trying but to follow the instructions correctly.

She said next apt will be Thursday and see if I want to try other things like a stretch and sweep. OR we can do nothing and wait until I decide. So I said keep the apt thurs. But I don't want to discuss Induction until 42w+
5d or something. Just want to keep my mind clear and focussed on me and relaxing.
I am happy they are hands off and are just listening to what I want. She is optimistic something will happen well before Thursday - I hope she is right. I am going to try book reflexology tomorrow if nothing happens overnight. No contractions the last 3 nights...... So yeah. Baby is quiet comfy. Butmy Midwife said she went from 0 - 100 in the space of 5 hours randomly one night. She did nothing special at all was just on the sofa watching telly. No contractions before hand. So she said to not worry as things can go super fast when it is not your first pregnancy.

@MixedCouple2 I know what you mean from when I had DD… you wake up in a mad panic wondering why you’ve been allowed to sleep so long and drenched in milk from your boobs having exploded 😂

Good luck getting this one over the finish line!

sorry for the silence! Our DD arrived 10 days ago 😊 went in for induction and ended up needing emergency c section followed by a few extra days in hospital. Still can’t believe she’s here 💕

@Welshgal85 congratulations on your arrival! Sorry to hear the induction ended in c-section, but glad you are both doing well ❤️

Congratulations on the arrival of your baby @Welshgal85. I hope your recovery is going well?

I noticed this thread is almost full, I have created a new one here:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/pregnancy/5130139-due-july-2024-part-5

@ceruleansky Thank you! ❤️ It's tough, but I'm getting there. I hope you get there too. 💐

@MixedCouple2 Thank you. Eating yummy things sounds like a good idea to me! 😊

I need to trust myself. My instincts are the reason I had a c section and didn't get induced and the reason my little one got help from the SCBU because I knew something was wrong. I need to stop second guessing myself.

Hi everyone,
At the risk of being judged I want to share something.
Firstly I've known DH since we were 18 and 20. We are college sweethearts. I'm 33 now so it's been a long time. Anyway, my biggest deal breaker is smoking. Idc if my friends smoke but I'm against DH or anyone in my house smoking.
DH and I are pretty open about drinking. We have partied but he has never smoked or shown interest in it.
I requested him not to drink for a while because he has diabetes and cholesterol. At 31. So obviously I'm worried about his health. Plus our baby is 3 weeks old and I needed his help.
Last night he texted me he would be home late. He's usually late from work during the end of the month because he works in a bank and they have month end deadlines.
I figured well that's normal and he came home around 10pm. I was getting ready to go to bed to wake up for DS. Right on cue, DS woke up at 11pm and I woke DH up to console him while I warmed up the milk in the kitchen. I saw he was tripping and fumbling. I thought he was tired but he's pretty good at managing his tiredness so I made a comment " you're so tired you seem drunk" and he immediately stared at me and went to bed. My then I had the bottle so I fed DS. Some time after midnight I woke DH up, cause I needed help with something. Usually he wakes up almost immediately but it took me 7 tries to wake him up. He did, and he was so disoriented.
We had an argument and he went back to bed. After that I decided to take care of DS by myself. I was up until 3am. After DS went to bed, I went through DHs phone. We know each other's passwords but I've never bothered to look at his phone.
I know he has a drinking buddy and his message was at the top. Which confirmed my doubts that he was indeed, drunk. And not just that, looking at the history of thr chat, I could correlate every time I thought he looked drunk and I would feel bad to accuse him but when I did ask him he would deny it. He would also use a lot of deodorant some days. I remember making a comment about it today. When he walked into the room I told him not to come near the baby with that much Deo. So he did that to cover the smell of alcohol.

I'm so mad. I went through some more chats and for some reason I searched "drink" and I saw another text that said "it's been 10 days since I smoked or drank" and oh boy I thought that was a joke but I opened the chat and it's clear he has been smoking.
I'm so shocked I've asked him about the smell of smoke and he always said he was around his friends who smoke. I honestly don't know when he started or if he has been doing it all along.

I haven't spoken to him about it . I haven't slept and I don't know how to deal with this. We never keep anything from each other I've never restricted him from drinking. I only requested him not to do it for a while since I need help with the baby. By the way his drinking is not just one glass or one beer it's usually a lot so I asked him not to.

I can maybe overlook the drinking if he had helped with the baby but he didn't. Or even if he was honest about it.
The smoking I just cannot get past. I need advice on how to deal with this. I'm so shocked.

I just feel like an idiot for caring about his health. I've been pushing him to see a doctor. He's had a throat issue that hasn't been going away no matter how many medicines he takes. It's obviously something to do with this. I cannot even fathom how to talk about this with him.

I went through even more texts. He's been smoking from 2019. I'm sooo done. What do I do.

@ceruleansky didn't want to read and run! This thread is about to end, the new one was created a few messages above

Due July 2024 - part 5 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/5130139-due-july-2024-part-5

I would say to repost in the new thread so you can get all the support possible from us all!

But I'm really feeling for you, this would be a huge shock to me too. I'm so sorry, hoping someone more seasoned in our thread can come along and give some practical help x

@ceruleansky. First of all. I am so so sorry. You are valid to feel the way you do. Especially as this was something agreed / discussed previously. And doesn't seem baby related especially as the smoking started 2019. How about the excessive drinking?
You say you are both open with communication is work a factor? Giving his work I can imagine the stress of it all. But to withold or so long / cover it up / and lie well that is unacceptable. And on top of that not being present with baby. Is he happy to be a father? Or is he stressed ahout this new role? Using smokong / alcohol to escape.
I would wait until a day he is off work and the environment is calm to confront / discuss with him.
I hope you are both able to work this out and he is receptive and honest.

My DH is the same with his health. Not at the level as you mentioned, but, He doesn't give a crap! His literally tooth is crumbling and he doesn't care to go to the dentist. When he is sick I need to look after him like a baby he won't do anything for himself. I need to make apts as well etc. He doesn't drink any water. Like a child he only wants sweet drinks. Some days he will have 200mls of juice. A cup of coffee and maybe 1 glass of water. Even in this heat! DH is 40! It stresses me out. I wish he would just care about himself and take responsibility for himself!

Again so sorry to hear this is happening at this moment! Not a great time. But hope there is a silver lining and this will make your relationahip stronger. Hope your taking care of yourself. Do you have friends/fam to pop over to help out with baby in the day?