Grad thread: TTC after loss carry on

[Wise0wl]

Hello all,

I just thought I'd set up a grad thread from our TTC threads, now there are quite a few people with their bfps so that we can keep in touch, and there's a forum for those on their TTC journey to check in with us!

I've sifted through the previous threads so think this is a reasonably full list:

*@SnookyPook
*@wyto
*@Aaliyahrae
*@SunSparkle
*@graceinc22
*@Gem0302
*@Bali200
*@Oxalis00
*@GeorgeR28
*@CluelessInLondon
*@HerbaceousPerennial
*@NphysT
*@GoldDustWoman90

I'd love to hear where you all are in your journey. I am approx 4 +2 (so very early!), after two MMCs. Feeling remarkably relaxed as, although I like a plan, I've resigned myself to the fact that there's little I can do to alter the fate of this pregnancy so until later down the line, I just sort of have to roll with it.

@SnookyPook I think you're absolutely right about feeling it much more acutely when you've had a loss of your own - I've always been sympathetic to women who have had miscarriages but I genuinely had no idea what it was really like until I went through it myself. I at least felt like I was able to send her a kind message coming from a place of understanding as well as sympathy, not that it will lessen the pain for her right now.

@Bugdem123 We decided not to go down the route of private scans - I think it would draw me into a habit of constantly needing to have scans to feel reassured. And I would definitely rather spend my money on some baby stuff in a couple of months' time than giving it to private scan companies!
Sorry to hear you're feeling rough at the moment - even if it gives some reassurance that things are happening it's still lousy not feeling well! How many weeks will you be when you have your scan?

@CluelessInLondon I totally get that - you could end up there every week! I've booked this one for Saturday but there's already a wee voice in my head suggesting I book another for 2 weeks time and another for 2 weeks after that and like you, I don't really want to give into it as I don't know how reassuring it'll actually be and I'd rather have the cash! I do wish my EPU was a bit more supportive and did early scans - it's amazing how different your care is depending on where you live! I'll be 7+1 so hoping we'll be able to see a wee blob with a heartbeat.

@Bugdem123 I definitely relied on the reassurance of private scans from 7 weeks onwards, I had one every 2-3 weeks so I admire your willpower for holding out @CluelessInLondon! I am sorry to hear of your anxiousness though, I feel like mine only really eased off after the 20 week scan as I knew everything was ok anatomically and I could feel movements from 19 weeks onwards which was reassuring x

Wishing you lots of luck for your scan tomorrow @Wise0wl x

Hope everyone is doing ok x

Thank you @Bugdem123 & @Bali200, still a little pink this morning but mild cramps have eased. I’m in before lunch but going to see if they can squeeze me in any earlier tomorrow 🤞💕

@Wise0wl Thinking of you today, I really hope the scan goes well and gives you some reassurance. ❤️

@Wise0wl sending hugs and good wishes 💗💗

@Wise0wl thinking of you today 🩷x

Thank you @CluelessInLondon @SnookyPook & @Bugdem123 💕 I’m nervously delighted to say the little bean is hanging on in there and growing some nice little legs! Next scan booked for 13/05, though if I have more bleeding I’m to go back in. They couldn’t find a source for it but everything looks ok 🤞🤞🤞

@Wise0wl That's great news! And really good too that they will see you again if you have any more spotting - fingers crossed that was just a one-off and your little bean keeps growing nicely. 💕

Oh wonderful! I'm so pleased 🥰 Grow grow little bean! Sounds similar to my random bleeds. They never had an answer about where they were from. Best guess was cervix. So relieved for you. Hope you are able to feel a bit more confident now waiting for the next one. What gestation did they put you at today? Xx

Thanks @SnookyPook 💕 8+2, two weeks ago was 6+1, by LMP I estimated today should be 8+3. I am trying not to be so hopeful but I really am 🤞

@Wise0wl I think you have to try to have hope not fear. ❤

This! Easier said than done but these little beans deserve our hope when we can muster it up!! 8+2 is fantastic and great you're in-line with expected trajectory too 🥰

🥳 so pleased for you @Wise0wl, that is good news! Been thinking of you today. Plenty of reason to hope with a healthy 8 week scan. He/she is a tough cookie!

Thanks @HerbaceousPerennial 💕

the rollercoaster emotions are just exhausting aren’t they. How are you doing?

@Wise0wl that's such good news, I'm so pleased 🩷

how are you all getting on?

@Wise0wl they really are. I have almost no symptoms now which is really scary, but I’m 11 weeks so I think that can be normal. I’m trying to remember from when I was pregnant with my son but I can’t! I’ve got a bit of a bump but that could be pies to be honest 😂 I do feel quite worried something’s gone wrong but I keep telling myself there’s no reason that anything will have gone wrong. Just need to make it through to next week. How are you feeling? Hopefully a bit calmer.

@Bugdem123 had a momentary panic this morning as thought I was bleeding - I’d just grazed myself somehow when wiping but could have done without the ten seconds of pure fear. How are you feeling? Hope things are going ok for you

@HerbaceousPerennial I’m pivoting between reassured from Wednesday and totally panicked that I’m in the ‘danger zone’ of when I lost the last two. I’ve also just been told off for my slightly underwhelming reaction to yet more pregnancy announcements, but it’s hard when we made the choice not to spread our sad news widely. I am doing my very best and finding that my resilience just isn’t where it was before.

What day next week is your 12 week scan? I have everything crossed for you 🤞❤️

@Wise0wl very much understand the fear of the danger zone. Although I’m technically past the point at which I lost my last one, this is about the time I found out which I think is why I’m getting worked up now. I feel like I’m on the edge of a precipice and trying not to fall in. All we can do is keep hoping for these ones I think.

I’m sorry people have commented on your reaction to pregnancy announcements - I just can’t imagine ever doing this! Not only because you have no idea what folk are dealing with themselves but also I think it’s quite self centred to be honest, I mean it’s lovely when people are excited but lots of people just aren’t that demonstrative, or to be honest just not that interested. My DH didn’t have a massively positive reaction to any of my pregnancies even though I knew he was pleased. I hope you’re not feeling too hurt by it, although I know I would be. It’s hard to keep taking the knocks so take care of yourself.

My scan is on Friday, week today. My son is going into hospital on Tuesday now as well so I might be going on my own so DH can stay with him which isn’t ideal.

@Bugdem123 Is it today you've got your scan? Keeping everything crossed for you that it goes well. ❤️

@CluelessInLondon thank you so much! It went really well - measuring either 7+1 or 7+3 depending on the picture so bang on for the dates and had a good strong heartbeat.

It was a really surreal experience as she couldn't initially get a good picture using the abdominal probe so I had to go and pee and come back for the internal one. That's exactly what happened in the scan I found out our last baby had died so I was freaked out and said to my husband "this is the same as last time, they aren't okay, we're never doing this again" 😅.

Despite saying I'm not going to book lots of scans, I've booked another for 10 days time. We go on holiday 2 days after and I know I won't relax or enjoy it without the scan to know everything is okay.

How are you all?

I am so pleased @Bugdem123! I totally get your panic about not seeing anything on an abdominal scan/needing an internal scan and the feeling of dread that brings. I’ve even asked that my next scan we start with an internal so as to avoid that situation and we can just see if everything’s ok or not straight away.

I’m doing ok, trying to keep the panic at bay at being in the exact stage we lost our previous two babies, and just hoping this one works out.

@CluelessInLondon you’re right that people can be very self centred and wrapped up in their announcements, we’ve muddled through and I’m feeling better about it after lots of tears!

Hope you’re all having a lovely weekend x

@Bugdem123 ah I'm so pleased to hear all was looking on track and a little heartbeat 🥰 Gosh yes, that would have been triggering for me too them saying they need to do an internal and go have a wee. That was exactly what happened with my MMC too. So glad it was a different outcome for you this time!

@Wise0wl sending you lots of love. It's so hard when you get to those difficult milestones. Just keep focusing on the fact this is a whole new pregnancy and not in any way determined by what has gone before 💗 Remind me how long you have to wait for the next scan? Is it about a week and a half away?

Thanks @SnookyPook, it’s all heightened with pregnancy announcements left right and centre, and it feels so stark how pregnancy and announcements after loss are so very different. Two weeks tomorrow, unless I have any more bleeding in the meantime. So not long, and so long at the same time!

@Bugdem123 That's lovely news, you must be so relieved! I don't even know why private scan places try to do abdominal scans when they know they almost certainly won't be able to see anything. As I had mine at the EGU at the hospital they didn't even bother with abdominal and just went straight to internal - I much preferred that as it meant they could tell much quicker what was going on.

@Wise0wl I was exactly the same as you when I was approaching the point where I lost the baby last time - in my head, pregnancies just ended at 9 weeks and I was absolutely convinced that I wouldn't make it past that point. I think you just have to keep reminding yourself that those pregnancies aren't connected to this one and what you know right now is that your little bean is doing okay.

The anxiety has really hit me full force in the last 24 hours or so - I've become totally convinced that I'm going to get to the anomaly scan and find out that the baby has stopped developing. I know that part of it is that I'm really tired because I'm struggling to sleep properly thanks to back pain making me really uncomfortable during the night, but I'm also really aware that I've hardly got a bump, what I do have doesn't seem to have got any bigger in the last week or so (my husband says it has but I think he's just trying to reassure me!), I haven't felt any movements yet... I know rationally that all of this stuff might be perfectly normal and nothing to worry about, but when I put it all together I'm finding it really hard to think positively. This long stretch since the dating scan has just been really hard to manage - after 3 scans in the first trimester it's a massive shock to the system to go from that to several weeks of nothing with no way of knowing if things are progressing as they should.