Grad thread: TTC after loss carry on

[Wise0wl]

Hello all,

I just thought I'd set up a grad thread from our TTC threads, now there are quite a few people with their bfps so that we can keep in touch, and there's a forum for those on their TTC journey to check in with us!

I've sifted through the previous threads so think this is a reasonably full list:

*@SnookyPook
*@wyto
*@Aaliyahrae
*@SunSparkle
*@graceinc22
*@Gem0302
*@Bali200
*@Oxalis00
*@GeorgeR28
*@CluelessInLondon
*@HerbaceousPerennial
*@NphysT
*@GoldDustWoman90

I'd love to hear where you all are in your journey. I am approx 4 +2 (so very early!), after two MMCs. Feeling remarkably relaxed as, although I like a plan, I've resigned myself to the fact that there's little I can do to alter the fate of this pregnancy so until later down the line, I just sort of have to roll with it.

@HerbaceousPerennial I’m so glad to see you back here, tentative congratulations and fingers crossed! 🤞will you have any early scans, or is it too early to say?

@HerbaceousPerennial lovely news! Lovely to see you back here and completely get how you're feeling! Despite all the worries etc I had a gut feeling with Samuel's pregnancy that there would be a baby at the end of it. Hopefully your positivity is a good sign for a healthy little one.

@CluelessInLondon relate so much to what you are feeling. I was very similar in the third trimester with increasingly intrusive thoughts about getting him out safely etc. As @UrsulaSings123 said, to some extent that is normal prep for the vulnerability of motherhood but I do think there are added layers on top after loss. I just couldn't quite believe I got to come away with a healthy baby at the end of it. However, now he's here, I feel so much calmer. Even with the looming cardiac appointment it feels like I can cope with it all much better now and it's so good just to be able to snuggle him and hold him tight if any worries arise. Not much longer to go now and then you will get to snuggle your little one too 🥰

@Wise0wl not sure about scans, I had a healthy one last time and I didn’t find it very reassuring to be honest (rightfully so as it turns out), but my first loss was anembryonic and it would have been good to know a bit sooner. Slightly hoping I get some benign spotting around about week 8 so I can go to EPU, they’re really the only folk I trust. We’ll see!

@SnookyPook I’m hoping so too. I do have a much more positive mindset and come what may I am determined to enjoy this pregnancy for however short or long a time it lasts. I’m glad you’re feeling calm and hopefully Samuel’s heart hole heals on its own, I think that’s not uncommon.

I’ve got tonsillitis so taken the day off work - absolutely not going to put myself under any additional strain. Hope everyone is doing ok today

My EPU agreed to scan me following two miscarriages, it's worth ringing up and asking if they'll book you in for around 8 weeks? Xx

@ThelastRolo20 I asked after my last loss and they said not unfortunately. Apparently they used to but it stopped during covid and they never got the internal budget back to do them again. But the nurse did emphasise that if there was anything at all giving me any concerns they would scan me so I feel like she was trying to give me a bit of a hint! But I’m a way off that stage yet, I’m only 4 weeks so just need to hang in there for a bit yet. My body seems to be very unfussy about the quality of the embryo and hangs on to them well past when it should so I’m mostly just worried about the quality, hoping this is a healthy one

I think I have this too, no issues getting pregnant just on getting the right combo! But I took it as a good sign that my body was totally ready and good to have a healthy pregnancy, just needed the right baby ❤️ remember I'm coming off of two losses and so far this one is going well and I've done nothing different to before!

I have my 20 week scan tomorrow so hoping the good news continues 🤞🏻

Thanks @ThelastRolo20, that’s really reassuring to hear. I have a friend who was in a similar position too. I find it strange I don’t have much trouble getting pregnant when I have such long cycles with the PCOS but grateful it does seem to happen for me. Hope your scan goes well tomorrow, I’ll be thinking of you - how are you feeling about it?

Good luck for tomorrow @ThelastRolo20 🤞x

@HerbaceousPerennial anxious, of course but keeping hopeful. Will feel able to tell more people after it although at work I imagine it's the worst kept secret seeing as I definitely look over 20 weeks pregnant at this point 😂

Thank you lovely x

@ThelastRolo20 hope all goes well with your scan today 🥰

@HerbaceousPerennial yay so happy you have a BFP! And whatever the outcome, there will be progress for you. Quietly hopeful for you ♥️ I had lots of cramping this time but so far so good. Resting sounds like the right call!

@Bali200 thank you! I didn't even think about it being the second trimester until you said 😂 Eloise is a beautiful name ♥️ those reflective moments are such a big part of life

@Wise0wl 12 weeks of work isn't much at all! I'm trying to leave it as long as legally possible to tell mine as the job is so new. Deffo any scans are worth having! Totally know what you mean about others glossing over - my friend who had a MMC is the worst for it, but she's like that at dealing with her own loss too

@CluelessInLondon good luck with your test tomorrow! My MIL is ok thank you, slowly but surely rehabilitating after her stroke. Me and my SIL are due a few weeks apart, so she'll effectively have twins to look after in a year! So will have to reassess childcare options then 😂 did you get any clarity on the GD test and fasting etc?

@ThelastRolo20 hope your scan goes well today! And feel you about hiding from work 😅 I'm so huge already

Had to put this in a separate post as it's very TMI 😂

Does anyone suffer with IBS or had any recurrent weird stomach upsets in pregnancy? Last two times I've eaten out, plus when I thought I gave myself food poising but now not sure (though that was the worst symptom and pain wise), I've been really really violently ill within about 2 hours of eating. I do overeat a bit, but been careful not to overeat as much lately. Last night was in public with the in laws and did not know how I was going to get home / out of the loos with any dignity left in tact :(

@UrsulaSings123 Your post was so helpful, it's always nice to hear that how I'm feeling isn't out of the ordinary and others have been through the same thing! I'm sure you're right that there will still be anxiety there once baby has arrived, just over different things - I think I feel as though the load of that is at least shared with my husband, whereas right now I just feel so responsible for making sure that baby is okay and arrives safely, the pressure feels a bit overwhelming at times and that's what I've been struggling with.

@HerbaceousPerennial What wonderful news, so lovely that you are back with us again - keeping everything crossed for you that this is the one, hopefully that positive gut feel you have is a good sign. ❤ Hope the tonsillitis is clearing up as well and isn't too painful!

@ThelastRolo20 Thinking of you for your scan today, hope it goes well and you get to see a lovely health baby wriggling around in there.

@samilicious Had my GD test this morning - it all feels a little bit pointless considering they said it will take about a week for the results and I'm going to be well past 36 weeks in another week's time so I'm not even sure really what anybody can do about it at that point if I do have it! I've got to see a consultant next week to discuss birth options because of baby's abdomen measuring big - my main worry with that is that they might try to bounce me into an early induction. They haven't even booked me for a follow-up growth scan so I've already decided that I'm not agreeing to any changes to my birth plan unless they're going to scan me again to see how things have developed since last week - I really don't want to get pushed into an induction or a section based on one single scan at 34 weeks.

Thank you, everyone. She's looking very happy and healthy in there - no concerns ❤️ starting to believe this may actually be happening! @CluelessInLondon it seems so pointless at this stage doesn't it! @samilicious oh bless you, that doesn't sound fun - could just be good old first trimester sickness? X

@ThelastRolo20 Yay, so pleased to hear she's cooking nicely and everything is as it should be!

@samilicious what I would say is that I definitely have less tolerance for very rich/fatty foods than pre-pregnancy. Sorry to hear you’ve not been feeling too good though, definitely mention it to your midwife!

@CluelessInLondon i think it sounds completely sensible to not alter your birth plan without another scan, you’ve been given really mixed messages and it’s hard to make an informed choice based on that! When’s your next appointment?

@Wise0wl I've got my 36 week midwife appointment this Friday and then I'm seeing the consultant next Wednesday. I'm not expecting the midwife to have my OGT test results by Friday but I'm going to chat with her just generally about if I do have GD what it really means this late on in the pregnancy and what I can expect from the consultant appointment next week.

@ThelastRolo20 oh so glad everything was grand, of course the chances are always that it will be but I think it’s nigh on impossible to reprogram your brain into not being nervous once you’ve had bad news scans.

@samilicious oh phew, that’s reassuring, I’ve not really had cramping before. So maybe that’s a good sign. Just retched when I opened the bin earlier too, feels mental to be so pleased about that but there we are! Anything I can read into as a positive sign I am going for. I have found pregnancy can negatively affect the bowels yes 😬 joy of joys. But by about month 8 with my son I was on the lactulose so a complete about turn. Not sure if that helps or not, sorry! Maybe worth a check in with the midwife though, mine always said she’d rather know about any concerns.

@CluelessInLondon thank you! Delighted to be back, hoping it is long term this time 🤞 I hope you can get some clearer information from your midwife on Friday, sounds like you’ve got a good plan of action but the mixed messages sound very stressful. I don’t think I’d be changing anything based on one scan either

@ThelastRolo20 I was trying and failing to multitask earlier and missed your update! Huge congratulations!! Getting past that 20 week scan felt like a huge milestone for me, I’m so glad yours went well

Officially had my NHS 12w scan (measuring 13w) and the baby had to most beautiful healthy shaped brain I've ever seen 🥳 (that's when we knew something was wrong last time). I wanted to wait until 20w to really relax and tell lots of people, but I'm going to tell a few more now because I just want to start enjoying this after all these years. Might come back to bite me but just want to enjoy this!

@CluelessInLondon standing your ground is deffo the best option. If you get swayed or feel any pressure at any point, test em with the BRAIN acronym and see how informed and confident they are answering. Benefits Risks Alternatives Intuition (what your mama bear intuition is telling you) Nothing (what happens if you do nothing)

@ThelastRolo20 yay for happy and healthy baby girl! Well it's not sickness that's the issue it's the other 😳 but I am wondering if the poor diet from the nausea is basically giving me IBS

@Wise0wl I had a random consultant after my scan today, think everyone gets them. I told him and he looked so embarrassed and barely said anything, just "hopefully clears up, probably just the hormones" 🥴 I'll mention it to the midwife at next appt though deffo

@HerbaceousPerennial glad it's not just me and those symptoms sound very promising!

@samilicious yey that's amazing news. What does a healthy brain look like? (I ask looking at my last scan photo 😂). We had a positive scan yesterday measuring 12+1. My dating scan is next week when I'll be exactly 13 weeks based on my ovulation date! I can't believe I've made it to 12 weeks. I too want to try to enjoy this pregnancy. I'm already invested and very much attached so if all goes wrong it will be devastating no matter what. That's my thinking anyway. I've just purchased some rainbow yarn to start making a crocheted blanket...

@samilicious That is such amazing news, I'm so pleased for you! So lovely to hear about lots of positive scans this week. ❤ And I don't think there's anything at all wrong with wanting to start enjoying this pregnancy - I think we've said lots of times on this thread that these little ones deserve our hope and positive thinking even when we're all dealing with the anxieties that go with pregnancy after loss. So if it feels right to you, tell people and enjoy it. And the same for you as well @HopefulH, when you have good news don't be afraid to enjoy it - you deserve it.

@samilicious that's great news!! So happy for you, and for baby ❤️❤️ can't believe you're 13 weeks already - do what feels right with telling people. I told more people after 12 weeks and then held off until my 20 week scan. There's no right or wrong.

Eugh, pregnancy messes with the entire digestive system! Try peppermint tea to see if that calms things down? X

@HopefulH aww amazing news! Tbh brain shape is not something they mention unless it's a problem - should be a symmetrical butterfly shape. My previous pregnancy was trisomy 13 chromo abnormality so the brain was shaped like a rugby ball instead which is why I'm excited about it 😅 you probs won't be able to see on the scan, you can only see from the top really. I asked specifically to check. Rainbow blanket sounds beautiful ♥️

@CluelessInLondon thank you ♥️ hope you get your results through quickly, even if it doesn't really change anything