Grad thread: TTC after loss carry on

[Wise0wl]

Hello all,

I just thought I'd set up a grad thread from our TTC threads, now there are quite a few people with their bfps so that we can keep in touch, and there's a forum for those on their TTC journey to check in with us!

I've sifted through the previous threads so think this is a reasonably full list:

*@SnookyPook
*@wyto
*@Aaliyahrae
*@SunSparkle
*@graceinc22
*@Gem0302
*@Bali200
*@Oxalis00
*@GeorgeR28
*@CluelessInLondon
*@HerbaceousPerennial
*@NphysT
*@GoldDustWoman90

I'd love to hear where you all are in your journey. I am approx 4 +2 (so very early!), after two MMCs. Feeling remarkably relaxed as, although I like a plan, I've resigned myself to the fact that there's little I can do to alter the fate of this pregnancy so until later down the line, I just sort of have to roll with it.

Catching up…

@CluelessInLondon so glad your antenatal classes are going well and I hope your scan goes ok this afternoon. Let us know how you get on x

I’m so pleased to hear about your NIPT results @samilicious 🎉❤️

@ThelastRolo20 20 weeks! How are you feeling?

@HopefulH good luck for your scan x

@SnookyPook so lovely to hear from you and I hope Samuel’s weigh in goes well later. I’ve got everything crossed for your upcoming cardiology appt 🤞

I’m 25 weeks and time is slow and fast all at the same time. In the weird limbo of no appointments (it’ll be 9 weeks from my 20 week scan until my next midwife appointment) but I can feel baby moving so I hope everything’s going as it should be.

@samilicious I'm feeling okay thank you! Seem to have missed all the worst symptoms so I'm grateful for that. I've had the odd episode of brown discharge but they've checked me over each time and all has been okay so far. Starting to feel slightly more hopeful that this might work out.... sorry to hear about your blood pressure and sickness, that's not fun at all. Can they give you anything for either?

@CluelessInLondon still anxious due to brown discharge which randomly occurs every 4/5 weeks but otherwise okay. My last scan was last Tuesday due to it and I was 18 weeks so I keep telling myself the odds are massively in my favour.

Sorry to hear about all the growth scans, I had some with Georgie as my fundal height kept changing - they thought she was small, then big etc. They aren't always spot on even in the later stages.

@SnookyPook so glad you're getting on okay, sounds positive about the heart healing itself in due course. The first few days when the other halves go back to work is always a bit daunting but you'll find your rhythm together :)

@Wise0wl it's always nice when you can feel movement. I'm 19 weeks now but with an anterior placement so can feel only very very minimal movements. But that's to be expected so trying not to get anxious over it! x

@HopefulH The pain of MMCs is huge, not only at the time but during subsequent pregnancies. I've had two myself and I completely understand the scanxiety. I know I'll have it even when I go to my 20 week scan next Tuesday.

I hope all went well today x

Thank you everyone for your kind and encouraging words. Scan went really well and baby is measuring bang on 11 weeks, so is staying on a nice growth trajectory that is correct for my dates. On to my 12 week scan next Tuesday and then I have my NHS dating scan when I'll be 13 weeks. Feeling relieved and exhausted. It feels surreal to reach this point and think I might make it into the second trimester 🤞

@CluelessInLondon I had growth scans with my son in the third trimester due to a fundal height decline. It did turn out that he was small but the hospital messed up and didn't follow up on my scans. Very grateful that everything turned out okay. It's good that they are keeping close tabs on you. Will you have a scan every two weeks to monitor growth? I hope your scan goes well today and all is well! Xx

Xx

@SnookyPook Hope the weigh-in goes well tomorrow and he's chunking up nicely! Keeping fingers crossed that the heart issue resolves itself and isn't anything you end up needing to worry about in the long run.

@Wise0wl That second trimester weirdness is strange isn't it, when you don't have much contact with any services - and I guess for you it's even less as it's not your first baby. I found the period between 12 and 25 weeks quite odd, when I just had one midwife appointment and one scan, especially after having extra scans in the first trimester. It's great that you're getting movements though - I think you said you have an anterior placenta this time?

@HopefulH That's great news about your scan, you must be feeling relieved! Fingers crossed that everything continues to go well - not too long until you get past that dating scan milestone. ❤

So I had my growth scan this afternoon, and it's fair to say I've come away from it feeling more confused and worried than I was before. The good news is that my placenta has moved up and is now well away from my cervix so no more issues of low-lying placenta to monitor. The less good news is that having been told by the midwife that baby appeared to be measuring small, the scan shows the total opposite - baby is measuring big and is close to the 90th centile, and its tummy is over that so now there are concerns about potential gestational diabetes, so I've got to have a blood test and an appointment with the consultant to discuss birth options in the event that baby continues to measure big. I just can't really get my head around how I can have been told less than a week ago that my bump hadn't grown at all in the space of a fortnight, and today I'm being told that baby is growing fine and if anything is too big for this gestation! Feeling a bit upset about it all as I was really hoping to just be told that everything was fine and normal today, and now I've got a different thing to worry about.

@ThelastRolo20 I’ve got an anterior placenta too, doesn’t it feel particularly unfair to have one in a pregnancy post loss when you need all the reassurance you can get?!

@HopefulH really glad it went well today x

@CluelessInLondon I’m so sorry, what a rollercoaster! On the plus side it’s great baby is developing, but talk about mixed messages…

my trust do a GTT as standard so I’ve got mine in a few weeks. And I’m not a specialist, but I’ve always been a bit sceptical of how bump size correlates with baby size? Like different women are different sizes to start with, so I’ve always questioned how scientific it is… what are next steps?

@CluelessInLondon the exact same thing happened to me - I didn't have gestational diabetes but I did get scared into having an induction, which would have probably worked had it not been for the fact she turned breech at the last minute.

Scans can be wrong, they'll probably want you back for a follow up scan to see how the growth is charting but for now you're probably okay! X

@samilicious I’m so glad everything went well with your testing, I’ve been thinking of you! Hoping you can relax and enjoy your pregnancy a bit more.

@CluelessInLondon sorry you’re having such a stressful time - sounds like they are taking good care of you though. I’m keeping my fingers crossed all will work out perfectly for you.

Hello to everyone else, lovely to see all your updates, you’re all giving me lots of hope that I’ll be in the same position soon

Lovely to see your name pop up @HerbaceousPerennial, how are you doing? X

@CluelessInLondon thank you! A couple of people - my sister and mum because they were planning my sister's hen do, my in laws who I'm quite close to. My friend is expecting at the same time so told her quietly. I'm so sorry your scan was so confusing today - scans and bump measurements are both so unreliable. Hope the test goes ok - my friend had the same and had the test and didn't have diabetes after all. When is the check for that? Hopefully soon so you know either way

@HerbaceousPerennial oh herb I've missed you! Hope you're doing ok. Still thinking about you and crossing my fingers. I think I'll feel ok after this 12w scan (even though it's at 13w). Just because that's when they spotted things last time. Want the week to fly but only 2 weeks until my dd starts preschool so also want time to stand still 😭

@SnookyPook aww so lovely to hear about life with Samuel so far 🥰 hope all goes ok with the appt and it closes on its own. All that love will get him healing in no time I'm sure. New routine with solo mummy sounds like bliss ♥️

@Wise0wl ugh the waiting is so crap. I totally get the slow but fast thing. I can't wait until this baby is here and I know everything is ok so that I never have to worry about pregnancy or ttc or baby loss again 😂 I know babies/children being their lifetime of worry but will be glad to see the back of this stuff not sure about you. Would you have any more scans?

@ThelastRolo20 yay so lovely you're starting to feel more hopeful! The discharge is pants but glad you got checked and reassured each time. Don't think so, haven't really asked - they reassure me so I don't mind them too much 😂

Hi everyone just thought I’d pop by to say hello and see how you’re all getting on. So glad to see your results have come back clear @samilicious, I can’t believe you’re heading into the second trimester already!

Lovely to hear everything is progressing well for you @Wise0wl and @ThelastRolo20, hope you are able to breathe a little easier now and start looking forward to your little ones arriving 💕

Sorry to hear there’s worries over the growth scan @CluelessInLondon, I hope you get some clarity soon but also take the growth scan/bump measurements with a pinch of salt. At 38 weeks my bump was measuring on the 90th centile and I was convinced she was going to be a big baby, she was 7lb 15oz when born at 41+3!

@SnookyPook so glad to hear little Samuel is doing well, hope the cardiology appointment goes well and that the hole has resolved itself 🤞🏼

It was the anniversary of my MMC last week which made me feel very reflective over how much has changed in the past year, and how if that first pregnancy would have worked out then I wouldn’t have Elodie asleep on me right now and I would have a different baby, which is just unthinkable. She’s nearly 5 weeks now and I couldn’t be more in love 🥰

@Bali200 so lovely to hear from you! I still can’t quite believe I’ll have a baby at the end of this but I’m definitely relaxing into pregnancy more and enjoying feeling little movements and planning for her arrival. Elodie is a lovely name, and wow, 5 weeks already! I’m so, so glad that it feels like your journey has concluded in so much love.

@samilicious I have another NHS scan when I’m 32/4 weeks or something (which still feels ages away!) to check baby’s position, I think? The sonographer was vague but I’m not going to turn it down! Until then I’ve got a couple of breaks planned and only about 12 weeks of work which feels scarily little!

@Wise0wl I kind of assumed the bump measurements were pretty vague, especially because the bump isn't just made of baby, it's fluid, placenta etc. as well - it's just a bit of a curveball to go from 'bump is too small so baby might be too small' to 'baby is actually quite big' in the space of a week! I don't know if I've just got one of those bumps that's all baby and not much else... I've been told I need to have a consultant appointment as well as the GD test, so I'm just waiting for everything to be scheduled now. I've got my 36 week midwife appointment a week on Friday, so I'm half expecting to be told again that baby is small!

@ThelastRolo20 Thanks for sharing your experience, it's good to know that it's entirely possible things are okay and it's not GD. I'm a bit worried that they might try to nudge me into induction - I know one or two people who have had good induction experiences but I also know others where induction didn't work and they ended up having c-sections so I'm going to spend a bit of time before whenever I see the consultant thinking about the pros and cons and whether I would rather just go straight to a planned section if necessary rather than attempting induction.

Thanks @HerbaceousPerennial and it's lovely to see you over here checking in with everyone. ❤How are you doing at the moment?

@samilicious That's good that you've got a few people who know what's going on and can support in the early stages when nobody else knows and the time drags so much. How is your MIL now, by the way? I think I remember you saying she was unwell a little while ago?
I've had an alert through this morning saying my GD test is next Tuesday first thing - they haven't actually told me if it's definitely the full OGTT though, so I have no idea whether I need to fast or how long I have to be at the hospital!

@Bali200 So lovely to see your update, and Elodie is such a gorgeous name - I wanted to put it on the shortlist for if ours is a girl but my husband isn't quite as keen on it! It must feel like you've come so far in the 12 months since your MMC. It's the anniversary of my loss in about 3 weeks' time and it's such a strange thing because I still feel sad when I think about it, yet I know that when this baby arrives I won't be able to imagine them being anybody else. I like to think that the lost baby is a little part of the one I'm carrying now.

@samilicious ah mate I miss you too! Can’t believe your DD is starting pre-school. Totally get the anxiety until the NHS scan is done, I’m sure all will be grand though. Will be thinking of you.

@CluelessInLondon @Wise0wl thanks guys, I am actually doing ok. I think about getting pregnant (and staying pregnant of course) far too much but it feels less awful and less overwhelming, I’ve reached a bit of equilibrium I think. I can imagine a life where a baby doesn’t happen for me and see it’ll still be a good life. Having said all that I’m about to spend a fortune on acupuncture 😂 fingers crossed it helps.

I hope everyone has wonderful happy pregnancies, happy healthy babies, and of course really easy births

A very good friend announced a pregnancy earlier today out of the blue. I wonder if it ever gets easier? I feel like because this pregnancy is progressing ok, friends sort of gloss over my MMCs, the trauma of them, the hopelessness and heartache and the anxiety of this pregnancy. I’ve been really honest about my experiences so it’s not that they don’t know, but just this pregnancy doesn’t make up for the ones I lost, and they don’t seem to get that. Maybe I’m asking too much, but I’m feeling a bit down about it! About feeling resentful about their easy journey, about being robbed of the joy and excitement of a ‘normal’ early pregnancy. Anyway. Just needed to get it off my chest. Hope you’re all ok x

@Wise0wl Sorry to hear that you're still finding pregnancy announcements difficult - I think it's definitely the case that even when someone knows you have had losses, they can't really understand what that does to the experience of pregnancy unless they go through it themselves (which of course you would never wish on them). I have a few friends who have had miscarriages and all have thankfully gone onto have successful pregnancies since - but I can honestly say I had no clue what an anxious experience they must have had being pregnant after loss until I've had to do it myself.

I think you said a couple of weeks ago that you were trying to relax into the pregnancy a bit more and enjoy it - how is that going? Are you still feeling like you can do that or is the worry a bit more prevalent at the moment?

Thanks @CluelessInLondon ❤️ in myself I’m doing really well! Finding movements really reassuring, and starting to plan for baby’s arrival now too. How are you feeling about baby’s size? It’s annoying you’ve got to wait another week til your midwife appointment. Any plans over the bank holiday weekend?

@Wise0wl So pleased to hear you are feeling well and able to look forward to baby's arrival. ❤️

I'm feeling a bit anxious at the moment - not about baby arriving (I'm really looking forward to that, as difficult and as much of a shock to the system it will be!), but just with the GD test in a few days and the measurements, it feels like there are new things to worry about just when I thought I was into the last few weeks with everything going smoothly. I'm also really aware of how frightened I am of something going wrong at this late stage, which I hadn't really been worrying too much about until the last few days. Probably doesn't help that I'm not always sleeping very well and I'm sure I feel a lot more anxious after a bad night's sleep!

We went out this morning to collect the travel system and bedside crib, so we're at least a bit better prepared if baby was to make an early appearance. Looking forward to not doing much else for the rest of the long weekend! How about you?

@CluelessInLondon I don’t blame you for feeling anxious! I think the whole journey of pregnancy after loss has anxiety bubbling away beneath it, and when something doesn’t quite follow the guidelines (like the mixed messages you’ve had) it doesn’t take much to surface that anxiety. I have everything crossed that your appointment goes well 🤞

That’s so exciting that you’ve got your travel system and bedside crib! We’re having a restful one after a busy few weeks, like you sleep isn’t brilliant at the moment so my reserves are running a bit low!

@CluelessInLondon sorry you're feeling anxious. It's definitely not unusual for plans to change quite a bit towards the end of pregnancy. I had GD diagnosed at about 34 weeks with large growth scans. I just roll my eyes thinking about them now because they told me my son was measuring 8lb 7oz when I was 38 weeks, and a week later when he was born (because they induced me due to his 'large' size) he was 7lb 8oz. Honestly they are so inaccurate. And don't get me started about measuring the size of your bump - it's so archaic I don't know why they still bother! They might as well be reading your palm to see how your birth experience will be! 😂

I think it's very normal to be anxious at the end. I was really worried at the end and had horrible intrusive thoughts. It's like it's so close you can almost grasp it. Then not to scare you, but when they're born you still feel anxious, then I think it probably just carries on for the whole of their life because we're mums and mums are always very heavily invested in their children's safety (or should be). It's human nature. I have tried to accept it as an uncomfortable feeling that will always be there and is a reflection of my love for my son.

Sorry for the big essay! Just relate to your experience a lot!

@Wise0wl sorry the pregnancy announcement was hard to hear. As soon as I hear announcements my head immediately starts calculating age gaps and compare it to my own usually in an envious way (at least at the moment anyway). My SIL announced a pregnancy and it felt like a pang of something uncomfortable, although not a total stab to the guts it would have been had I not been pregnant. In a self centred way I felt a lot more pressure on this pregnancy to work out otherwise it will be a constant reminder as she is 6 weeks ahead of me. Hope you're managing to get some more rest this weekend.

Hi all, got my BFP yesterday so tentatively rejoining this thread. Bit of a shock after ten days of symptoms but no positive test but feeling cautiously excited. Horrible to say but however this turns out I’m delighted because if things do go wrong that’s my third consecutive loss so I’ll get on to the miscarriage clinic.

Ah I'm so glad to see you back here so soon! I have everything crossed for you 🎉❤️🥰

This is wonderful news! I felt similarly after my positive recently. I was just happy that after 6 cycles I actually got pregnant again. Made me feel more confident that even if this didn't work out at least I knew I could still get pregnant and it wasn't a fluke the first time.

Thanks guys. DH is being really positive about it all and clearly feeling very hopeful so I’m really hoping this one ends up with a happy healthy baby at the end. I am surprised at how happy I feel, last time all I felt was an overwhelming sense of dread. Although I am obviously feeling pretty nervous about it as well. Just got to keep my head for as long as required! Getting a lot of cramping but no blood so hoping it’s just everything settling in as it should