Grad thread: TTC after loss carry on

[Wise0wl]

Hello all,

I just thought I'd set up a grad thread from our TTC threads, now there are quite a few people with their bfps so that we can keep in touch, and there's a forum for those on their TTC journey to check in with us!

I've sifted through the previous threads so think this is a reasonably full list:

*@SnookyPook
*@wyto
*@Aaliyahrae
*@SunSparkle
*@graceinc22
*@Gem0302
*@Bali200
*@Oxalis00
*@GeorgeR28
*@CluelessInLondon
*@HerbaceousPerennial
*@NphysT
*@GoldDustWoman90

I'd love to hear where you all are in your journey. I am approx 4 +2 (so very early!), after two MMCs. Feeling remarkably relaxed as, although I like a plan, I've resigned myself to the fact that there's little I can do to alter the fate of this pregnancy so until later down the line, I just sort of have to roll with it.

@SnookyPook I am so glad you’re doing well, despite having a bit of a jaundice battle! It’s so lovely to hear from you.

@UrsulaSings123 I know what you mean about the pressure, I’m surrounded by pregnant women and new babies and had a similar sort of announcement which made the stakes feel higher for us. I’m sorry you’ve suffered with sickness, but hope it’s a good sign everything is progressing for you 🤞x

@ThelastRolo20 A girl, how wonderful! 😊

@samilicious Sorry to hear that things have been tough recently - great that your latest scan was looking positive though. I remember definitely feeling more confident about how things might turn out once I had a scan at 9 weeks and everything looked the way it should, it was nice to read that the odds of a successful pregnancy are really high after that point.

@Wise0wl That's great that you are trying to lean into the pregnancy a bit more so that you can enjoy it - I think you'll feel so much better for doing that, especially now that you're getting to the point where you can feel a bit more confident about how it's going. It's lovely that you're now talking about "when", not "if".

@SnookyPook So pleased to hear that you're doing well, and I hope the jaundice is on the mend now.

@UrsulaSings123 I know what you mean about the symptoms being a bit of a reassurance - I never really had a lot of first trimester symptoms in my unsuccessful pregnancy or this one so it was quite difficult to work out whether anything was a sign of things going better second time around. I hope the sickness isn't too bad though!

Thanks for the tips on baby clothes sizes @UrsulaSings123 @samilicious @SnookyPook - think I will go with some newborn and some 0-1 stuff, just so we are ready with the next size up and don't have to think about it in amongst the sleep deprivation! I've got one of those Next Unlimited delivery passes which I think is definitely going to come in handy for getting baby stuff at short notice. One of my colleagues suggested definitely getting tiny baby sized stuff, but I don't think there's any reason to expect that I am having a particularly small baby at the moment!
@samilicious We went for the Oyster travel system - I'd been looking at it online for a while, we tried a few others first but none of them were quite right and when we went to look at that one it just seemed to tick lots of boxes and seems quite easy to use. Some of the others we tested out seemed really fiddly and awkward to fold up, and I absolutely want something that's nice and simple for when I'm out and about by myself and haven't got my husband there for an extra pair of hands!

Things are mostly okay for me at the moment, 32 weeks now - I had my latest midwife appointment last week and she made me panic a bit by talking about how I should definitely have a pattern of movements by this point (I've read loads of first hand accounts from people who say their baby was active but never really had a clear pattern!). I haven't had any worries about movements since I was about 28/29 weeks so I didn't find it very helpful that she said that. We went to the theatre on Saturday and baby was jumping around every time there was a loud noise!
I'm also getting a bit fed up of seeing different midwives every time - I haven't seen the same one twice yet, and the one I saw last week doesn't even usually work at my GP practice! Next appointment next week is to do my birth plan so that's all pretty real and scary. The carpal tunnel is still pretty uncomfortable - @Wise0wl thanks for the tip about wrist splints, I've got some now and they are definitely helping at night, I'm not waking up during the night with numb hands now. I'm hoping it will get a bit better once the weather cools down a bit as well.

That was a long post, didn't realise there was so much to catch up on!

@samilicious sorry to hear the anxiety has been high but thrilled that things are progressing well! Great news ❤️ @Wise0wl @SnookyPook @UrsulaSings123 thanks everyone, Georgie is very excited to be a big sister!

I'm sure the novelty will wear off though 🤣

@CluelessInLondon glad the wrist splints are helping, but sorry about the midwife panicking you. I never felt a pattern with DS, and to be honest I don’t know what people really mean by a pattern. He was mostly active when I lay down after a warm bath, after food or a cold drink, to loud music or noises, or early in the morning. But I didn’t ever have anything more predictable than that! I hope in some way that might reassure you. It’s definitely good baby is moving around!

Thanks @Wise0wl , that does help - the midwife seemed to be implying that I should be tracking what time the baby moves and then expecting movement at those times every day. I pretty much always get some movement when I first wake up in the morning and in the evening after dinner and at bedtime, but during the day it seems quite variable whether baby is more active in the morning or the afternoon. If I expected movement like clockwork at certain times I'd probably be in triage every other day!

I am freaking out so badly today 😥

I have had pretty sensitive nipples and sore boobs so far, and today they have just disappeared, That and sudden diarrhoea and headache is making me worry so badly that my hormones have dropped and I'm having another miscarriage.

I keep crying and I'm so, so worried. I wish I was further along so I could at least go for a private scan. I am going to stay with family tomorrow as I thought about doing a private HCG test so I won't even be able to do that because I won't be at home. I really feel like I'm going insane 😥

@UrsulaSings123 so sorry you're having to go through all this. I had days where my sickness completely disappeared and energy levels completely restored for a few days, so symptoms can totally drop and you could still be fine. If you're still worried and plans allow, go to your local a&e or call 111 and get in there well before 3pm. I went last st night at 5 weeks and came back the next day where I'd been referred for a scan with SAU. They couldn't confirm viability because of the gestation, but could see the sac and the placement (I was worried about ectopic). So they referred me to EPU for when I was 6 weeks

@Wise0wl your post really made me smile!
So happy you're starting to enjoy pregnancy a little bit at a time. Sounds like you have a great counsellor - will pay dividends for yours and baby's health too :)

@SnookyPook thank you - oh jaundice is such a pain isn't it. My DD had it for a few days too. Sounds like you're making steady progress weight-wise though ♥️ love to hear you're enjoying snuggles. Did you stick with Samuel?

@CluelessInLondon yes the post-9 weeks reduction in loss odds has really reassured me since my last scan. The weird aches and pains have eased off as well. Definitely mostly caused by me giving myself food poisoning one night 🙄 and recovering from that. Oyster one looks loveeely! So good to try it out in person as well. Glad the carpal tunnel is easing with help. Deffo worth doing your own birth plan separate to/to supplement nhs if you can find a good one pager template. I'll see if I can find the one I used and try and link it as that massively helped me. I never felt a pattern with DD - what rubbish! Imagine if we moved through life as synchronised swimmers doing the same movements at the same times all the time - impossible

@ThelastRolo20 sister doh of course! Has Rolo sussed that there's anything amiss yet?

I had my checking in appt with the midwife yesterday so feels good to be all booked in finally and feel like things are a bit more real 😊 can't wait until the end of next week when I hopefully have NIPT results. She mentioned starting perineal massage early because I've had an episiotomy before?! I tried last time late on and got frustrated that I could reach around bump 😂 so she said starting earlier can help you practice locating the zone

@UrsulaSings123 How are you feeling today? It's definitely not unusual for symptoms to come and go so try not to worry too much about that (easier said than done, I know). How far along are you now?

Thanks @samilicious , glad to hear another example of someone not having a clear pattern of movement! It just feels so unnecessary to cause worry by suggesting that baby should always move at a certain time each day. The baby doesn't know what time it is! And sometimes I can just tell that it's quite low down, which make the movements less distinct, then a few hours later it's in a different position and doofing me like crazy.
That's great that you've had your booking appointment now - it's nice to get to the point where you're in the system and it feels like things are starting to happen, the first trimester is such a long slog. That's interesting about the perineal massage, I thought 34 weeks was the earliest you were meant to start that? I'm coming up to 33 this weekend so am planning to start quite soon - have even invested in some nice oil to help with it!

@samilicious thanks for checking in! Yes, we've stuck with Samuel 🥰 We got home at 1 week old after a few days of phototherapy for the jaundice. They also noticed a little murmur in his heart and he has a small hole which apparently is very common at this stage but because of where it is we have an outpatient appointment for a paediatric cardiology clinic early September. Obviously scared me at first but have processed and trying not to catastrophise until we know more! It may have resolved itself by the time of our appointment so very much hoping that will be the case. We're all loving getting to know him. He's back above birth weight now and seems to be thriving so fingers crossed all good. 🥰

@CluelessInLondon I never felt we had a clear pattern either and with all the extra attention they wanted me paying to movements it was really stressful at times. I used to focus in if I felt worried - sit with my feet up and hands on belly and imagine I was on the ctg belt at hospital. I nearly always felt enough to reassure me. Did go in for monitoring once and he started a blooming disco the minute I was hooked up. I never fully relaxed about it all and by the time the birth came around it was such a massive relief to know I wouldn't have to monitor any more. Now that he's out he does seem to be a very placid baby on the whole so wonder if that plays a part?!

@UrsulaSings123 I’m sorry you’re feeling anxious. The first trimester really drags doesn’t it?

@samilicious congrats on getting booked in! I’m glad my post made you smile. DH has asked if something has switched in me because all of a sudden I’ve started planning! I was so diligent with perineal massage with DS and then had an EMCS anyway 😂 but I liked the my expert midwife oil. Keep us posted on your NIPT results, I’ve got everything crossed for you x

@SnookyPook huge well done to you and Samuel for getting back above birth weight! I can imagine the heart news is such a worry especially after your journey to this point, but it’s brilliant they’ve identified it and you’ve got follow ups booked in. I hope it resolves itself in the meantime x

Thank you @samilicious and @CluelessInLondon for the reassurance. I actually called EPU yesterday because I've had a really bad stomach as well and I wanted to make sure the pain was from digestive issues rather than uterus issues and I had a scan today and measuring 5+4 and by my dates I'm 5+3 so I'm happy with that. Going back in 2 weeks to check everything OK and progressing but I'm just chuffed with that as last time I was pregnant I went at 6+3 and they said I was more like 4+4 which obviously was awful and so ensued the backwards and forwards for weeks on end until mc was confirmed.

I never did perineal massage I didn't think there was any evidence for it? I didn't need it anyway as I had an EMCS. Was going to say luckily I didn't need it but not sure if EMCS is any better!

@SnookyPook I'm pleased to say my friends baby had the exact same thing. Was so worrying when she told me, but when they went however many months later it had totally resolved itself. Hopefully will be the same with Samuel!

@SnookyPook Lovely to see your update on Samuel - glad you were able to get him home after a week and that he's doing well. Must have been scary finding out about the heart issue, keeping fingers crossed that it resolves itself or can be sorted out without needing too much treatment. We are never allowed to just relax, are we?! First it's worrying about whether a pregnancy will stick, then it's if the baby's okay before it's born, then it's whatever happens afterwards!
How is your first born doing being a big brother?

@Wise0wl The My Expert Midwife oil is the one I've bought for perineal massage - took a bit of a punt on it having seen it pop up a few times online so it's good to hear that you liked it. @UrsulaSings123 I've read lots of stuff saying that perineal massage is useful, especially for women giving birth for the first time (seems like the benefits are less clear if you've had a vaginal birth before) - I am all for anything that reduces the likelihood of tearing or needing an episiotomy so I'm going all in on the massage. 😂

@UrsulaSings123 That's great that you were able to get seen at EPU and everything looks as it should at the moment. And in a couple of weeks' time it should be much clearer how things are going, although I know it will feel like a long fortnight. Hang in there. ❤

@CluelessInLondon oh absolutely! I don't know where my head was at in my first pregnancy, I was obviously very confident as I didn't think about that at all! How many weeks have you got to go now? How exciting it is so close! Thanks yeah I was releived it's all looking as it should at the moment.

@UrsulaSings123 I'm 32+5 today, so just over 7 weeks to go (in theory, anyway!). And 6 weeks of work left after this week - it's so weird to think of stopping work for several months, I haven't not worked for more than 3 weeks since I got my first job after university so it's really strange to think of leaving work and not going back until next summer!

@UrsulaSings123 ah thank you - that's reassuring! Yes I've heard it's pretty common so fingers crossed it will all resolve nicely on its own 🤞🏼 that's really positive about your scan and matching your own estimated gestation. Always reassuring!

@CluelessInLondon thank you - I know! Although it is easier when you can actually see and cuddle them 🥰 First born is so lovely with him 🥰 it's very cute! Ooh I used My Expert Midwife with first born. I did end up with an episiotomy although he had a hand up by his head and I also hadn't done loads of perineal massage so perhaps it could have been better?! I found their soothing oil really good afterwards. You put it on the pad and it was really soothing. Can't remember which product it was! Also, I've not missed work At All since I've been off!

Hi ladies, how is everyone getting on this week? I have enormous feet with giant sausage toes and the world's puffiest ankles, I can't wait for it to get a bit cooler!

Started my antenatal classes over the weekend - we're doing Bump & Baby club and they do a small number of long sessions, the first one absolutely flew by. I actually really enjoyed it though, it was nice to have the space to ask questions and discuss things, and it was quite well-timed as we toured the maternity unit at the hospital last Friday so it made sense when the instructor talked about the labour ward, the birth centre etc. as I had seen it all a couple of days earlier. Seeing the midwife tomorrow to do my birth plan and starting to write my handover notes for work so it's all starting to feel like it's getting closer!

Hey @CluelessInLondon very exciting! Those classes sound great. I really missed those first pregnancy with lockdown, though I did a good online one. Hope the weather cooling down is helping the puffiness!

So I had my NIPT result back on Friday... it's clear 🥳 highly unlikely all three (best result you can get as they're no absolutely certainty, but no DNA found in blood to suggest chromosomal abnormalities this time). Woo hoo!

12w scan a week on Wednesday. After that just one more milestone to go until I feel like I can properly relax (20w scan) as that's when they can see almost for certain everything is ok physically.

How are you all doing?

I can't believe you're only a week away from your 12 week scan! That's gone so quick, for me at least 😂

My 20 week scan is next Tuesday so looking forward to getting over that hurdle

Hey everyone, hope I'm okay to join in. I should be 11 weeks tomorrow and have a reassurance scan. I had a scan last week at 10 weeks and baby was measuring 10+1 and seemed lively with a strong heartbeat. I've been in a state the last few days feeling so so anxious that our baby won't still be alive at tomorrow's scan. I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance. I keep looking at miscarriage stats but after recurrent losses I don't find them particularly reassuring. I'm on an immune protocol and blood thinners this time. All my losses have been missed miscarriages and I think I just have ptsd when it comes to scans. Just feeling so scared about tomorrow 😔

@ThelastRolo20 I feel like time moved sooo slowly up to 7 weeks and since then it's flown. Amazing that your 20w scan is so soon! How are you feeling in yourself? Got any names picked? I've had low blood pressure and actual sickness a few times in the last week or so. I hadn't been sick in over 10 years!

@HopefulH the day before is always so hard, so close but feel so far away to knowing. Have you used that online miscarriage risk calculator? I've no idea how accurate it is, but netmums or someone linked to it so must have some science behind it. The % of risk really starts dropping at your gestation. I always say to myself when a scan comes that I'm getting answers either way, and it's at least an end to the doubt for now. Also whatever is to come, you've got all the tools to deal with it because you've done it before. That always helps me panic less. Also I heard this on a podcast the other day and I'm trying to adopt that more, not sure if it could help but just in case it does:

“I once heard a tactic for working away from anxiety, which is that instead of looking at future scenarios as what if, it's more empowering to look at them with the lens of even if”

@samilicious great news about NIPT results! What a relief for you! 😊

@HopefulH hope all goes well. Absolutely get where you're coming from. I had 3 consecutive losses before my successful pregnancy and scans were so difficult. However, this is a brand new pregnancy and no reason for it to go the same way - especially on your new immune protocol etc this time. There is every reason to feel positive but I know it doesn't change that dread of the scan. Will be thinking of you tomorrow. 💗

@samilicious That's such great news about your NIPT result, it must be a weight off your mind. The 12 week scan next week will be such a good milestone to get to, it all feels so much more real after that. Have you let anybody know about the pregnancy yet, or are you going to tell people after the scan?

@ThelastRolo20 A big milestone for you next week as well, that's so exciting! How are you feeling now that you're well into the second trimester?

@HopefulH Thinking of you for your scan today, I hope it shows you that your little bean is doing well. The scanxiety is absolutely real - I couldn't concentrate on anything in the days leading up to my scans in the first trimester, all I wanted to do was get to the scan and know how things were with baby. I know what you mean about the stats too - with my previous loss we saw a heartbeat first and people always quote stats about how the risk is much lower when you've seen a heartbeat, and this time I just thought "well it doesn't mean anything to me that the chance of a miscarriage at this point is only 5% or whatever, because last time I was in that 5%". But even if the stats themselves aren't useful, I think it's always helpful to try and keep a positive outlook and remind yourself that everything has been going well up to now so the odds are in your favour - even if you don't put a number on it.

Speaking of scans, I've got a growth scan this afternoon. It was scheduled ages ago to check on the position of the placenta and see if it's moved up, but I'm feeling more anxious about it than I probably otherwise would have - the midwife said at my appointment last week when she measured my bump that it looks like it hasn't really grown since my previous appointment, so she would have referred me for a scan anyway if I hadn't already had one booked. My growth chart suggests that baby has gone from about the 60th centile at 31+4 to more like the 15th at 33+4 - I'm hoping some of it is just the vagaries of using a manual measurement to judge baby's size, and the fact that I've been measured by a different person every time so there's room for human error, but it does make me worry that I'm going to be told something is wrong this afternoon.

@CluelessInLondon so sorry you're having anxiety around growth. Can definitely relate! I know you will have worries regardless but hopefully this may reassure you a little - when they were tracking Samuel's growth he was already tracking 3rd centile at the gestation you are at and they talked in terms of potentially needing to deliver him at 33/34wks if growth restriction had worsened as he would thrive more outside the womb at that stage. It's a great gestation to have reached already. Two of my nieces were born at 34wks and both are thriving. So try not to panic.

Even with all the growth monitoring we had, we still eventually made it to 37wks. Yes it was lots of scans and added stress, but we were safe and looked after.

Your baby started from a bigger point than Samuel so a bit of growth restriction at this stage is less immediately concerning for baby. What they will want to keep an eye on is placenta function. If it shows signs of struggling it still wouldn't usually be a fast emergency. We were told if any of our scans showed it was struggling they'd book in a c-section for a few days/week, not a 'rush you in and get baby straight out' and again, that was starting with a much tinier baby.

It's horrible to have any extra worries but try to keep focused on bigger picture. Main point being, baby is already at a stage where they would likely do really well if born tomorrow so everything else can be overcome.

That said, hopefully it is just measuring disparities etc and scan will show nothing to worry about 😊 Do feel free to ask if you have any questions I may be able to help with. 💗

@SnookyPook Thank you, that is really helpful and reassuring. ❤ I've also seen lots of people saying that the fundal height measurements are often not reflective of how big baby really is and are very inaccurate, so hopefully everything will be looking okay at the scan later. It's so hard not to worry though, it feels like there is always something to provoke some anxiety! I'll report back later on how the scan went.

How are you and Samuel getting on?

@CluelessInLondon yes they're notorious for being inaccurate so hopefully will be nothing!

We're doing well thank you! Just love him so much 🥰 I'm still feeling so lucky to have him here. Next weigh tomorrow so hoping he's gained nicely. Can't remember if I mentioned on this thread but we have an outpatient cardiology appointment in a couple of weeks as they found a heart murmur and small hole. Hoping it will have safely closed up by then - apparently very common in newborns but obviously something else to worry about!! He seems healthy though so hopefully all good. Daddy will be back to work on Thursday so will be on my own - slightly daunting but also quite looking forward to getting into our own little routine. 😊