Grad thread: TTC after loss carry on

[Wise0wl]

Hello all,

I just thought I'd set up a grad thread from our TTC threads, now there are quite a few people with their bfps so that we can keep in touch, and there's a forum for those on their TTC journey to check in with us!

I've sifted through the previous threads so think this is a reasonably full list:

*@SnookyPook
*@wyto
*@Aaliyahrae
*@SunSparkle
*@graceinc22
*@Gem0302
*@Bali200
*@Oxalis00
*@GeorgeR28
*@CluelessInLondon
*@HerbaceousPerennial
*@NphysT
*@GoldDustWoman90

I'd love to hear where you all are in your journey. I am approx 4 +2 (so very early!), after two MMCs. Feeling remarkably relaxed as, although I like a plan, I've resigned myself to the fact that there's little I can do to alter the fate of this pregnancy so until later down the line, I just sort of have to roll with it.

@Bali200 oh congratulations on reaching mat leave, baby’s arrival is in sight!! Do you have any plans of things to do before her arrival? Thanks for the heads up about ferritin, I’m sure something isn’t right as I can’t keep my eyes open even after a (small) caffeinated drink, I’m massively behind on work and just want to sleep! You’re right it’s been a slow 15 weeks, though it’s slightly speeding up.

@CluelessInLondon two weeks in Mauritius sounds absolutely dreamy and you deserve every second of relaxation! How far along are you now?

@SnookyPook so exciting you’re winding down too. How’s growth coming along?

@Wise0wl Somehow I'm 24+5 today, can't quite figure out how that has happened! Definitely starting to look a lot more 'bumpy' and baby movements have really increased over the last few days after my worries last week about not feeling enough - baby was particularly bouncy yesterday. My husband loves it though as I'm getting strong enough movements now for him to feel them.

I was reflecting yesterday on how it feels like I've got past a psychological barrier now I'm past 24 weeks - it sounds kind of awful because I hate to think of things going wrong, but there's something comforting about knowing that I'm now at a point where whatever happens I will be taking maternity leave. I hadn't really realised until this week how frightened I was of something going wrong before 24 weeks and it being treated as 'just' a miscarriage where I'd be expected to be back to work after a couple of weeks. There's also something kind of reassuring about knowing that baby has now reached the point where it could survive if it had to - though I do keep talking to my belly and saying that whilst I'm very excited for us to meet, I'm quite happy for them to stay in there for a while longer!

@SnookyPook Can't believe your mat leave is nearly here as well! Has little one's growth picked up at all?

@Wise0wl @CluelessInLondon thanks for asking - growth scan tomorrow so will find out then! Slightly antsy but as the Dopplers have been looking good they said in theory he should have been growing... 🤞🏼 Hopefully we'll have a bit more clue about how the next few weeks might pan out after the appointment but I'm cautiously hopeful that he won't need to be quite as prem as they initially indicated.

@CluelessInLondon aw yes, congratulations on reaching viability week! Massive milestone! I hadn't even thought about the Mat Leave aspect etc when I got to it but completely get where you're coming from. Great to hear about movements too. Haha this little fella was kicking my hubby in bed last night 😂 He simultaneously loved it and found it quite creepy 😂

Evening all. Been a manic day here! Finally getting round to updating. So, little man has grown nicely since his last scan and is currently 3lbs3oz at 31+4 meaning he's put on approx 1lb in 2 weeks. Still dinky. Consultant says current plan if he stays below 3rd centile would be delivery by 37wks .. so by 22nd July! Got a bit to think about re birth choices etc which they are going to talk through more with me next week. As I had a vaginal delivery with my first they seem to think this is a good option and likely they'd start the process around 36+6. However... I'm not quite sure about induction and the lack of control etc. There is also a chance that labour could be very stressful for him and after my losses etc I just feel like maybe the calm, controlled environment of an elective C-section would be preferable. That said, I find the thought of major abdominal surgery quite daunting too!! But I'd rather take the hit myself than risk him struggling through a tough and lengthy birth process...

Anyway, definitely on the better side of the possible outcomes and looks like we will hopefully avoid being super-prem 🙏🏼 Very surreal though to think that he will most likely be on his way mid-July! Next month!! Eek!!

Hope everyone else is ok 💗

@SnookyPook so pleased to see your update and that baby’s done some fantastic growing in the last week! I had an EMCS with my first and, if all goes to plan, am likely to have an ELCS with this pregnancy. I know the thought of major abdominal surgery is terrifying but my first c section was a genuinely positive experience and I had a very straightforward recovery. Happy to chat more about it if that would help.

I’m extremely tired, unusually so - but have a scan on Tuesday to check on progress so am holding out for that, then might tell a few more people if everything looks ok.

@CluelessInLondon oh wow, Mauritius sounds so wonderful and how lovely that you stayed there during your honeymoon 💗 I hope you have a very relaxing break. The house move went better than expected, thank you for asking, we’re all settled in and it feels super homely. Feels so nice to be back in my hometown with my mum around the corner 🫶🏼

@SnookyPook ohh using AL for shorter weeks leading up to mat leave sounds like an absolute dream! Why didn’t I think of doing that 😭😂 glad to hear that the little guy is growing nicely but it must be a shock that he’s potentially coming sooner than expected! I’m very much leaning towards ELCS over induction in case I go overdue, but there are definitely pros and cons for both so it’s good that they are going to spend some more time going through the choices with you next week. I’m having the opposite problem in that baby girl is now measuring on the 90th centile (she was 50th at 31 weeks and 69th at 34 weeks) so now I’m terrified of giving birth to a giant baby 🫣

@Wise0wl thank you, it feels like such a milestone moment, can’t believe I’ve made it to this point! I have a lot of nesting to do to get everything ready for her arrival but I’m just going to try and relax as well, do lots of reading and nice dog walks/waddles! It’s hard to know what is normal pregnancy exhaustion and what’s not isn’t it but that definitely doesn’t sound right, when’s your next MW appt? It was actually my GP nurse who picked up my low ferritin (she told me I looked pale and tired so wanted to check my iron - was slightly offended until my results came back and she was proved right 😂)

@Bali200 that’s so exciting! I definitely feel much more tired than with my DS, but then the trauma of the past year, the pregnancies that didn’t get this far etc means I’m starting from a weaker place. My next appointment isn’t for another two weeks so I’ll see how I go til then, I’ve got a busy week at work this coming week but might try to dial back the week after that and take it a bit easier!

@SnookyPook Glad to hear that baby is still growing even though he's still tiny - hopefully reassuring for you that he's not going to be quite as early as you were worried he might be.

@Wise0wl How is the tiredness today? Hopefully you managed to get some rest over the weekend. Good luck for your scan tomorrow.

I've got my 25 week midwife appointment on Friday - any useful tips from those who have been there and done it on things I should be asking? Need to make sure I get my MATB1 form, but at the 16 week appointment I went in with quite a big list of things to ask and don't seem to have as much that I want to know this time!

Thanks @CluelessInLondon! I feel much more rested after the weekend, so just got to get through this week at work and next week should be a bit quieter.

I can’t believe you’re 25 weeks already! With my first I think around that time I spent some time asking questions about movements as I had an anterior placenta and movements weren’t that predictable, but it feels like so long ago now that I’m sure someone else more recently hitting 25 weeks will be able to give some more useful tips 🤞

@Bali200 ah thanks. Yeah as you say, pros and cons to both. Lots to think about! Oh bless you!! I feel like, from what I've seen, they're more often wrong about 'large' babies... I know so many who've been measuring enormous and then give birth to actually very average sized babies. Anyway, either way, as long as they are healthy and happy! I'm sure it'll all be fine 💗 Remind me what gestation you are currently?

@Wise0wl I've definitely found this pregnancy more draining than the one with my son. Probably partly being a bit older but like you, can't help thinking the cumulation of everything over the last year has taken a toll too. Hope your busy week at work goes ok and then you can relax a bit!

@CluelessInLondon I think it's fairly generic tbh! Mine was probably a bit different as was already under growth monitoring etc so we had other things to talk about. It may be worth asking at what point they will discuss birth plan/choices etc and have a think of you need any additional support. May just be me and my circumstances etc but I've definitely found my anxiety ramping up again as this third trimester has progressed. Mostly around movement monitoring which I know has been a bit of a trigger for you too. I wasn't this bad with my son and I do think it's another trigger following losses. Its like I'm hyper-conscious of just wanting him here safely. Occasional intrusive thoughts etc. Hopefully it won't be the same for you but I am finding it tough at times. Sending a big hug and how awesome that you are at 25wks! 🥰

How is everyone doing?

Struggling with a family member, who knows about our losses, sharing pics on a group WhatsApp of their ‘perfect’ pregnancy scan. I am obviously pleased for them, and feeling so lucky that (as of a check in last week) this current pregnancy is going ok so far… but it feels quite insensitive, and makes the stakes of our currently pregnancy feel higher. God the vulnerability of pregnancy after loss is so draining!

Hope those of you in the third trimester are going to be able to keep cool in the warmer weather this week 🤞

@Wise0wl that must be really hard. I've realised over the past few weeks just how different a pregnancy is for me post loss than it is for people I know who haven't had one and those who haven't had one really cannot understand what it's like. How are you otherwise?

Sorry I've completely dropped off the face of the earth. I've been really struggling with anxiety so have tried to limit my online time as I've been going down rabbit holes. I'm 15+3 now and definitely feel better than I did but I'm still so so tired all the time. I have the midwife on Wednesday so going to ask for a blood test in case I'm anaemic.

Hope everyone else is getting on okay and those wee babies are cooking away nicely 🩷

@Bugdem123 thank you, and it’s so nice to hear from you. It’s so, so different and I definitely still feel angry at the injustice.

I’m 17+2 now, and last had a scan last week. I have an anterior placenta so know it’ll be a while until I can feel baby move and until then am very much relying on scans to check it’s all ok. I found coming off progesterone hard as it felt like I’d stopped ‘doing something’ to sustain the pregnancy.

15+3 is great progress! Like you I am also so tired! I’ve got my 16 week appointment (late) later this week and plan to ask about it. I’m so sorry you’re struggling with anxiety. I read somewhere that if you get past 16 weeks the likelihood of miscarriage drops, even for those who have had early miscarriages before. I don’t know if that helps at all. Have you found any strategies beyond taking time away from online that have helped?

@Wise0wl can't believe you're already 17 weeks. Sorry you've been feeling so tired too, it's so draining! Hopefully the midwife has some advice for us.

So far the only thing that's really helped is distraction! I've been binging greys anatomy which has passed a lot of time haha. That is reassuring 🩷 I'm hoping that once I get to the 20 week scan I'll actually start to believe I'm having a baby at the end of this.

Ditto @Bugdem123, the 20 week scan (and getting to 24 week viability) are the two points I’ve got in mind! Hope the distractions keep you going until then 😊

Hi ladies, just checking in from holiday whilst enjoying some lounger time! How is everyone doing?

27 weeks today for me, I had my midwife appointment just over a week ago and all was looking good - got to hear a nice strong heartbeat and when she checked my bump she said baby was lying across my tummy like it was in a hammock, which made me laugh. Sounds comfy! I then spent the first couple of days of my holiday stressing out about whether the baby's movements had reduced, and feeling really guilty for going away in case anything went wrong, but since Monday baby has been super-active so I've been able to relax and enjoy my break. Baby is currently going through a phase of being really wriggly until my husband puts his hand on my bump and then it just stops moving. We've decided it's being contrary and it must take after me. 😂

@Wise0wl Did you have your midwife appointment this week? Hope it went okay!

@Bugdem123 How is the tiredness now? Did you manage to talk to the midwife about it?

@CluelessInLondon I’m so pleased to see your update (less so about worries about movements but that’s I think part of the anxiety of pregnancy after loss?). 27 weeks is brilliant! And love the idea of baby in a hammock.

I’m 18 weeks and heard a lovely heartbeat earlier this week, which was reassuring as I’d started to get worried again. Really looking forward to feeling movements properly to help with the rollercoaster, but very grateful things seem to be ok so far.

So last night at midnight I go to the toilet and out comes a clot and quite a bit of brown discharge... I was actually starting to feel a bit more relaxed but looks like I'll be ringing the EPU when they open for advice.

Really hoping all is okay 😕

@ThelastRolo20 so sorry to read your update, and I hope EPU are able to see you. How many weeks are you now?

I can’t comment on the clot, but I’ve never stopped spotting even with progesterone and I’m still getting spotting now I’m off it too. I’ve got my fingers crossed for you 🤞 x

@Wise0wl EPU were useless, didn't ask how big the clot was, asked me no questions really and just said to call 111 if it got worse!

All the brown discharge stopped with the clot so I'm fairly hopeful baby is okay and it's just related to the sub chronic hematoma. I've had no cramps or red bleeding, so just going to wait until my 12 week scan a week tomorrow (I'm 11 weeks currently)

@ThelastRolo20 sorry EPU were useless, but it’s great that it’s stopped. All advice I’ve been given is that unless I have lots of red bleeding, with cramps, and/or clots as big as my palm then it’s nothing to worry about. But as we all know it’s easier said than done to not worry after loss! I hope you have a relaxing day, and fingers crossed for your scan in a week!

Hi guys - sorry for going AWOL. 39 weeks today and I thought the anxiety I had earlier during the pregnancy had gone, but since being on mat leave instead of relaxing I’ve been struggling with intrusive thoughts. Gosh - what an absolute ride this has been, but hopefully not too long to go now until she’s in my arms 🌈

Sorry to hear about the clot and discharge @ThelastRolo20, how are you feeling today? Sorry that EPU have been useless but I’m really hopeful that as it’s brown then it’s nothing to worry about 🤞🏼

@CluelessInLondon glad to hear you are having a lovely break, although I understand the worries about reduced movement. My baby also does the same to DP even now, hopefully they have the calming touch to settle them when they’re here 😂

I’m so glad everything is going well and you heard the heartbeat during your appointment @Wise0wl, my trust doesn’t do the Doppler checks until 25 weeks so how nice to get that bit of earlier reassurance whilst waiting for your 20 week scan. When is your scan?

Hope all is well @SnookyPook? How’s the little man doing? Have you decided on your birth plan yet? 🩵

@Bali200 not long now - you've done so well ❤️

No more brown discharge since that night. Seems to have been a completely one off event! Obviously something small dislodged and picked the middle of the night to exit.

Seeing as it was a small amount and brown, and there's been no more I'm not going to panic. To be honest with my two MMCs I had no spotting at all so it's not like I can predict what's going to happen anyway! X

@Bali200 ah bless you! Not long at all now! Completely feel you - my anxiety has also heightened through third trimester. Definitely linked to fear of loss again. Been a bit unsettling. I'm just at hospital as got into a particularly dark place this morning worrying about movements but thankfully all is absolutely fine and he had a blooming disco the minute they wired me up! Glad I came in though - for my MH if nothing else! 34wks today which feels like a massive milestone. Two of my nieces were born at this gestation and are thriving so it's nice to have that in my head. Today is my penultimate day at work... Very ready to finish! Have spent all morning at the hospital so not getting much accomplished! 😂

Hello ladies! Just commenting here so I’m back on this thread. Going to have a read and catch up shortly but so happy to join you now have my own BFP 🥳