Grad thread: TTC after loss carry on

[Wise0wl]

Hello all,

I just thought I'd set up a grad thread from our TTC threads, now there are quite a few people with their bfps so that we can keep in touch, and there's a forum for those on their TTC journey to check in with us!

I've sifted through the previous threads so think this is a reasonably full list:

*@SnookyPook
*@wyto
*@Aaliyahrae
*@SunSparkle
*@graceinc22
*@Gem0302
*@Bali200
*@Oxalis00
*@GeorgeR28
*@CluelessInLondon
*@HerbaceousPerennial
*@NphysT
*@GoldDustWoman90

I'd love to hear where you all are in your journey. I am approx 4 +2 (so very early!), after two MMCs. Feeling remarkably relaxed as, although I like a plan, I've resigned myself to the fact that there's little I can do to alter the fate of this pregnancy so until later down the line, I just sort of have to roll with it.

@SnookyPook thank you! I think I need to just stop worrying about it as I tend to always find something to make me feel anxious! Yes the heartbeat was a real positive and that they said there's nothing to be concerned about. They also said I ovulated from my right ovary which I found fascinating! I have access to a midwife helpline with health insurance and they said the same thing

So exciting that you aren't long away now, even though I can imagine it's stressful in the circumferences. Hope you're getting plenty of rest.

@SnookyPook That's both exciting and terrifying that your new addition might be with you a bit sooner than you expected! And also totally understandable that it's heightened your anxieties - but look at the positive, you know that you have good support and are being looked after, so if there's even a hint of worry for you then you can get checked out without ever having to feel that you're overreacting or wasting anybody's time.

@13lucy That's great news, I think seeing a little embryo with a heartbeat is the first hurdle cleared - it's not an absolute guarantee of anything but there's something very reassuring about seeing that things are looking okay so far. I think there can be a lot of variables in terms of the dating, even if you were tracking ovulation - implantation could have taken a little while, and they are measuring in fractions of millimetres so if the measurement is even a tiny bit out it could put you a few days ahead or behind. Have you decided yet when you'll book your next scan? Have you done your maternity referral and everything as well?

@Wise0wl How are you feeling now that you've told a few people? Is it all feeling a bit more real now you're into the second trimester?

Hope everyone else is doing okay at the moment!

@SnookyPook that is very level headed of you! Because my 16 week appointment is almost at 18 weeks I think I’ll book something in between now at 18 weeks, and see how I go from there. I’m sure feeling movements will help but I’ve got both a retroverted uterus and an anterior placenta so they’ve already said that I may well feel less and feel them later on too

@CluelessInLondon I've read it can be inaccurate before 9/10 weeks especially and can't be out by 3-5 days. You just see the occasional story where measuring behind doesn't end well but they tend to be quite far behind (I was 3 weeks behind with my MMC) and showing other concerning signs. Lots of positive stories too. Think I'm going to wait 3 weeks until I'm back from holiday and just wait it out. Hope you're doing ok?

Forgot to mention my booking appointment is tomorrow but I've queried whether I can still go this early or need to push it back. The joys of long cycles make it so awkward when everyone uses LMP date!

@13lucy i think different areas do booking appointments at different dates as well (maybe also depending on midwives' availability?), mine this time round was at 7 weeks (same day as my early scan at epu)

brilliant news to have seen a heartbeat <3 <3 <3

@13lucy I have mine today and we're about the same gestation? It's not been easy though, in the waiting room and there's someone heavily pregnant and a 6 day old baby. Everyone is gushing including the midwife and I'm sat here like.... I should be either 6 weeks pp or due in 3 months. I can't count on this pregnancy working out yet either so it all just feels a bit shit. Everyone is just happy in their bliss and I'm thinking "heartbeat could have stopped by now"

The joy of is missed miscarriages. Sorry for the downer everyone x

@13lucy In my last pregnancy I was measuring 10-11 days behind and that obviously didn't end well, but I don't think there is generally a lot of worry if it's less than a week out, especially at such an early stage. And hopefully when you have your next scan you'll get to see that the little bean has had a bit of a growth spurt!
I'm doing okay thanks, still in a constant state of concern that baby isn't moving enough but it seems very variable - at the back end of last week I had a couple of evenings in a row where it felt like they were dancing around all over the place, then yesterday was a really quiet day with not a lot going on. I'd love to be able to say there's some sort of pattern of movement forming as then I would at least know if something had changed, but it's a real mixed bag right now!

@ThelastRolo20 How did the booking appointment go? I can't remember, did you have another scan lined up?

@CluelessInLondon thank you, it was fine. Same midwife as when I had my daughter which is nice. I have another scan booked in for a week tomorrow, which feels like a very long time away but it'll come around eventually I guess! X

@ThelastRolo20 I know the feeling - I'm also feeling terrified that something will go wrong and envious that some people have normal pregnancy without the same level of worry that comes after a loss. It's a daily battle with your mind isn't it!

@CluelessInLondon that's what I keep trying to remind myself, that it was so early on and at least this time we have a heartbeat which we never had last time. I also read from a good source that before 10 weeks they can often measure 3-5 days out either way and I could have technically conceived a day later when I ovulated. Good that you're having some reassurance with the movement. One thing I'm noticing is that pregnancy symptoms aren't linear and don't seem to get increasingly worse like I thought they would. I've had quite variable symptoms/feelings and assume it can be similar with movement? Do I remember correctly that you said you had a retroverted uterus? Does that affect things?

Planning to wait 23rd for a scan which will be 3 weeks from the last scan. Part of me wants to go earlier but then would have to be next Friday before I go away which will only be 12 days after the first scan. If it's bad news I'm not sure I want that before going away, although there's every chance it won't be bad.

Going to my booking scan today so will be asking a few questions!

@13lucy Good luck for the booking appointment, hope you are able to get plenty of answers to your questions and come away feeling reassured.
Everything I have read on movement is that it can be very inconsistent until 25-26 weeks so not automatically something to worry about unless I'm getting nothing at all. I'm feeling flutters most days, just some days it's a lot more than others. I've got an anteverted uterus so the position shouldn't affect me feeling movement, but I also have an anterior placenta which might be cushioning things and stopping me feeling as much as I otherwise would. I'm going to see if things start to get a bit more frequent and noticeable over the next few days, and if they don't I might call triage - I don't want to make a fuss when it's not as if I'm not feeling anything at all, but if I can at least get assurance that things are normal for where I am in the pregnancy that would probably help.

Went to my first nursery viewing this morning, which feels absolutely crazy when I don't actually have a child yet!

@CluelessInLondon sounds like a good idea to get reassurance if you need it! Exciting on the nursery visit too, must be very surreal!

I had the booking appointment but wasn't really that helpful. The only bonus is that the 12 week scan is booked based on LMP so it's only 3 weeks away. Going to see if I can hold out, otherwise will book a private scan in before I go away.

@13lucy Sorry to hear the booking appointment wasn't that useful - I've found that both of mine were very transactional (the first one was particularly awful as I was already bleeding with the miscarriage and the midwife dismissed it as "spotting in pregnancy is normal" and packed me off to A&E to get an appointment with the EGU instead of booking it herself - it felt like she couldn't get rid of me quickly enough), lots of paperwork and not necessarily remembering that there's a person on the end of the pregnancy who might be feeling anxious or uncertain. I'm sure some services are better than that but that's been my experience! It's good that you don't have to wait too long for your dating scan though - and you never know, if it turns out to be too early because of your irregular cycle you might get the bonus of an extra one later!

@13lucy the booking appointment is completely underwhelming, my midwife asked me why I’d had two MMCs and have I ever been told I’ve got a short cervix (which of course made me panic!) glad your scan is only in 3 weeks though.

& your booking appointment for your loss sounds awful @CluelessInLondon! How are you doing?

I’ve reached 14+4 and it feels maybe slightly more real as I’ve told a few people now. Booked a private scan in two weeks to give us confidence to tell a few more, and just holding this gently until then. Finding it difficult my mum (bless her) keeps saying ‘oh my god aren’t you so excited?!?’ And I’m not yet - but I’m open to being excited at some point.

Hope you’re all doing ok x

@CluelessInLondon your experience doesn't surprise me! I remember last time there was no mention of the possibility of a miscarriage being a thing - I was told congratulations and asked about my plans for the birth which filled me with confidence! To be fair, she was very empathetic about the miscarriage at the appointment, but the whole time was panicking about running late for the next appointment so was keen to get me out the door! All being well I should be 10-11 weeks at the dating scan.

@Wise0wl that sounds like a terrible experience! Yes 3 weeks isn't too bad and going to see how I feel this weekend before booking a scan in between now and then. Hoping to just stick it out as I can't control it anyway! Totally understandable how you are feeling. I think it's normal to want to enjoy it but not be able to yet with the uncertainty and worry - I hope you get there with that feeling soon.

Morning everyone, just wanted to vent worries here where I know everyone will understand! Hit a bit of a spiral this morning after not feeling any movement since Tuesday, had a bad night's sleep last night and ended up feeling quite upset this morning panicking that something is wrong - would I be completely OTT to call triage if I still haven't felt anything by lunchtime today? I know that I'm still at the point where movements don't necessarily have a pattern or consistency to them so I don't want to turn into a hysterical crazy lady pestering the maternity service over anything and everything, but yesterday was the first day in about a week that I haven't felt anything at all and it has just really got to me.

@CluelessInLondon how many weeks are you, and am I right in thinking you have an anterior placenta (I do, and did with DC1)?

Either way, especially after loss I would not hesitate to go in for anything you’re even slightly worried about. That’s what they’re there for.

I’m so sorry, I used to find the unreliable movements of DC1 really hard, but learnt there were times of day and positions/activities that could get him moving - after a bath, after a dizzy cold drink, if I was laying down on my back. I hope everything’s ok x

Thanks @Wise0wl. ❤I'm 23+5 today, and yes, I have an anterior placenta - I keep reminding myself that it's probably hiding some movement that I might otherwise feel, but I had sort of got used to at least feeling something each day, not with any set pattern but I would get some flutters at some point every day, so after a week of that it was a bit of a shock to go back to nothing at all. I'm trying to 'tune in' a bit more as I know I could easily miss small movements when I'm working and doing other things, but when I try to do that I second guess myself and end up wondering if I'm imagining movements because I so badly want to feel them!

I've done pretty well overall to stay calm during this pregnancy after the loss last time, but the anxiety level is definitely high at the moment.

@CluelessInLondon oh wow, so far along already! (I’m sure it feels so slow for you though!)

Totally understandable, do get in touch. I’ve found midwives would generally rather see a worried mum who is fine, than miss something. Let us know how you get on xx

@CluelessInLondon I agree with @Wise0wl - midwives don't mind and would rather see you than not. You're definitely at a point where movements aren't necessarily expected every day and won't have a pattern yet but if you're used to feeling them and then you don't it's understandable why you'd be worried. I'd give them a call and let them make the decision. You can even say "I know it's probably too early to be feeling regular movements yet but for me this is a change so I wanted to check in". I suspect they will invite you in even if just to put your mind at rest. MH is also a big part of pregnancy and they won't want you at high stress levels.

I'm sure everything is fine, especially as you are still early enough to warrant not feeling them and you have the anterior placenta too. They've probably just changed position or something. But if you ask they can confirm that for you and ease those worries.

Movement monitoring has definitely been the toughest aspect of latter half of this pregnancy for me and the most triggering in relation to previous losses. I've been close to going in a few times and then felt him enough to feel ok. Last night was the first time he's been REALLY active for a prolonged time - I was in the bath and got a video of my belly moving round and it was so reassuring (30+2 for context!). I'm hoping it means he's had a good growth spurt too and feeling stronger!

Let us know how you get on. Xx

@Wise0wl @SnookyPook Thank you both for the support and reassurance. ❤I decided to give triage a call - had also agreed with my husband that I would call them if I still wasn't feeling anything rather than sitting at home panicking about it. They said it probably wasn't anything to worry about but suggested I come in anyway, so I've just been in - had to wait a bit but they were able to listen to baby's heartbeat and all sounded okay, it was quite difficult to find and she kept losing it so clearly it was wriggling away in there! The midwife thought it was probably just that baby had moved into a position where I couldn't feel it, and the anterior placenta was probably contributing to it as well. She said I should start to get more of a pattern of movement from anytime now onwards, and they were really reassuring about just calling up or coming straight back in if there's anything at all I'm worried about. So I'm glad I got in touch with them, it's given me reassurance at a really anxious moment and nobody was interested in making me feel like I was overreacting or worrying over nothing.

@CluelessInLondon you definitely did the right thing, I’m so glad that you went in and checked on baby!

@CluelessInLondon ah fantastic! So glad you've had that reassurance, and also that they've made you feel fine about going back in if needed at a later date. 💕

@CluelessInLondon that's great news and definitely the right thing to do to put your mind at ease.

I've been really struggling the past day or so with worrying about measuring behind. I think I might contact the place I went to for the scan to see if they can give me more context as to why they weren't concerned. Part of me wants another scan next week for reassurance but then not ideal if it is bad as I'll be going on holiday.

Hope everyone's had a good weekend! Definitely wouldn't recommend a hen do when pregnant 😂had a great time but absolutely wiped me out. With only my sister knowing I kind of had to push through the exhaustion which has left me worried that I might have done too much! News of a twin pregnancy in the family too also which just reinforced how much I want this to work out. They are slightly ahead of us and also brings back up that feeling of loss.