Grad thread: TTC after loss carry on

[Wise0wl]

Hello all,

I just thought I'd set up a grad thread from our TTC threads, now there are quite a few people with their bfps so that we can keep in touch, and there's a forum for those on their TTC journey to check in with us!

I've sifted through the previous threads so think this is a reasonably full list:

*@SnookyPook
*@wyto
*@Aaliyahrae
*@SunSparkle
*@graceinc22
*@Gem0302
*@Bali200
*@Oxalis00
*@GeorgeR28
*@CluelessInLondon
*@HerbaceousPerennial
*@NphysT
*@GoldDustWoman90

I'd love to hear where you all are in your journey. I am approx 4 +2 (so very early!), after two MMCs. Feeling remarkably relaxed as, although I like a plan, I've resigned myself to the fact that there's little I can do to alter the fate of this pregnancy so until later down the line, I just sort of have to roll with it.

@Wise0wl thinking of you ❤️ I think we can all empathise with scanxiety! X

Thanks @ThelastRolo20 & @CluelessInLondon

@CluelessInLondon Time is weird isn’t it, everyone else’s pregnancies (yours included) seem to fly by for me, but this has been the slowest 8 weeks ever! Trying not to clock watch which is so hard.

Wishing you lots of luck for your scan @Wise0wl, will be thinking of you! X

@Wise0wl they really do! I feel so fortunate to be in this position, although it definitely comes with more intense anxiety than TTC! Hope your scan goes well.

@ThelastRolo20 haven't managed to get hold of them today but will keep trying. I just need a date in the diary to focus on! Really panicking every day about not feeling pregnant and that it's going to end badly again, but trying to stay positive. So difficult when you don't have anything to go by so early on.

I also have little symptoms and my resting heart rate isn't rising so you aren't alone 😊 none of this is an exact science and the odds are in our favour.

I hope you get through to them soon x

@13lucy both of us also run, I reckon our heart rate won't rise for a little bit perhaps due to cardio vascular fitness?

That's what I'm telling myself anyway!

@13lucy I know it’s easier said than done but try not to worry about your heart rate, I got my bfp 3rd November and my rhr was on average 59bpm that month which was normal for me, and mine didn’t raise until my second trimester. I actually was convinced I was out the cycle I got my bfp as my heart rate was still low! But I made a conscious effort to stop checking it as it was causing too much anxiety. I know how nerve wracking early pregnancy can be but try not to let this get to you, 5 weeks is super early to have symptoms still (I didn’t find out I was pregnant until 5 weeks with my MMC as my only symptom was a missing period but I had period like cramps) and I wasn’t ttc x

@13lucy I forgot to add, my symptoms only kicked in around 6.5 weeks with both my MMC and my current pregnancy x

@13lucy I had really minimal symptoms this time - was a constant source of anxiety in the first trimester. So annoying to waste an easy pregnancy on anxiety isn't it?!

@Wise0wl thinking of you - hope all is well 💕

Third trimester for me today! Can't quite believe it! Although I'm definitely feeling more pregnant now. Have had back ache the last couple of days whenever I try and do anything remotely active and I'm getting up from sitting in proper old lady style! I think it's affected me a bit more physically this time though can't fully remember. But I guess I am another 3 years closer to 40 🤷🏼‍♀️ Attempted a dog walk with DH and DS just now and had to walk the last bit alone as Hubby had to run on ahead with toddler. I suddenly felt weirdly emotional and found myself crying about the MMC again..?! No idea why! Hormones? I just had a fleeting moment of 'they'd be 6 months old and I'd be well past all this...' and then I thought 'i may be achey and useless but at least I'm not grieving like this time last year.. I should be grateful for every one of these pains because it means my rainbow is growing healthily"... 🙃

Thank you so much everyone, I now feel so lucky EPU has always seen me in the morning after waiting all day! But I’m thrilled and stunned to say that one very wriggly baby was present and I even measured a day ahead of the dates from EPU. I’m not really sure how to process it or when we might start telling people, so my next ‘step’ is waiting for my combined bloods to come back. I’m going to sit with it and thank my lucky stars until then.

@SnookyPook congratulations on reaching the third trimester! You are so lucky your rainbow is growing well, but you’re also allowed to grumble about feeling achey and emotional!

@SnookyPook I can't believe you're in your third trimester! I remember being on the thread together when you got your BFP - doesn't seem that long ago ❤️

We've decided that if this one doesn't work out that we're one and done. It's become too consuming and I'll be okay to close the door if this doesn't work out. It's actually really helped take the pressure off, I can see my life with two children, or just one. Either version will be wonderful x

@Wise0wl ah that's wonderful news! Sorry - I missed your message yesterday somehow 🥰🥰

How exciting that you now get to think how to tell people ❤️

@SnookyPook Third trimester, how exciting! Not too long until you meet your little rainbow. I think it's understandable that you're finding it physically tougher going - it's a lot to put your body through, especially when you've done it before. One of my friends had her third a couple of years ago and she said she felt noticeably worse during that pregnancy than she had in her previous two.

@Wise0wl Wonderful news! So pleased for you. ❤Hopefully the screening results don't take too long to come back (mine took 3 weeks because they got delayed in the post!!) so you can think about the exciting things like letting people know.

@ThelastRolo20 I think it's a really powerful thing to be able to say that if this one doesn't work out then you feel ready to step off the TTC rollercoaster and focus on all of the other things in life, and being able to see the positives in life however things turn out. But you have every reason to feel positive for this little bean right now. 💕

@13lucy Did you manage to get hold of the EPU?

I'm still hardly feeling any movements which I'm starting to find a bit frustrating - at the moment I'm still only getting odd flutters every couple of days and I was really hoping for more by this point. I have to keep reminding myself that baby was moving around loads at the 20 week scan and I couldn't feel any of it so it is still pretty small and can move around a lot without me noticing, and I have an anterior placenta so that might be getting in the way a bit. I'm definitely getting more 'bumpy' so I'm hoping that as baby grows I'll start to feel more over the next couple of weeks.

Thanks everyone! 🥰

@ThelastRolo20 there is definitely peace to be found in the 'che sera, sera' if you can manage it. I had also started trying to make peace with 'maybe DS is it and we can still have a wonderful life if so' when this little bean came along and it was reassuring to take a positive stance and focus on the good things we could enjoy.

@CluelessInLondon I feel like this one is more subtle in how he moves compared with how my son was, but it may just be me being more on hyper alert cos he's our rainbow. I obviously feel him every day now but he's not proper pummelling me or anything. I've not had many moments of seeing my tummy move either. I'm having to tune in more and consciously take time to notice him a lot. However, like you, he was super active at the scan. Sonographer did say he was kind of facing backwards I think so maybe the bulk of his kicks are into my back (would explain the backache too!!) I can't remember, will you be scheduled for any more scans or are you just on the routine fundal height measurement pathway now? Xx

@SnookyPook I've got a scan at 34 weeks to check if the placenta has moved up - that's still 3 months away so feels like an absolute age!

@ThelastRolo20 @Bali200 @SnookyPook thank you for the reassurance! I only have a miscarriage experience to go by so everything is worrying me! I'm going to try and chill out now and forget about all the symptoms as there's nothing I can do about it anyway!

@CluelessInLondon I called EPU and they won't scan me as I've only had one miscarriage. I kind of expected it so I'm not too gutted. So I now need to work out when to arrange a private scan for. EPU said any time from 6 weeks which would be end of this week. I have my sister's hen do on 8th June but don't think I can wait until after this.

I'm thinking either end of next week so 6+5 or early the week after so 7ish. The alternative is to push through to after the hen do which will be 8 weeks. Thoughts?!

@13lucy That's a shame, it's so variable what different hospitals will do for women who have had a previous loss - mine was more than happy to do extra scans in the first trimester. I'd probably go for between 7 and 8 weeks for a private scan - I had my first one in this pregnancy at 7+2 and although there wasn't a huge amount to see, it was enough to see a nice little heartbeat and get confirmation that baby was measuring in line with my dates (which was already more promising than in my previous pregnancy so gave me some reassurance). You could then always have another one 2-3 weeks later to check on progress if you feel you need something to keep you going before you get to the dating scan.

@CluelessInLondon it's bad isn't it, postcode lottery! I'm sure my GP would refer given the anxiety it's causing but at least by going private I don't have to go back to EPU...

My only concern with doing 7 weeks is that if it's bad news then I won't be in a good place for the hen do. Might ring a few private places and see what they say as well.

@13lucy sorry about EPU, the inconsistency is so frustrating. Whereabouts in the country are you? Some private places are different to others - some more set up for good news only sort of gender scan places, and others more medically focussed, which can make a difference if there is anything to worry about (which of course I hope there isn’t!)

@13lucy I'm going on 13th June as my birthday is on 10th and I didn't want to know beforehand.

It's so hard deciding what to do isn't it! The wait does feel quite long though I have to admit

@CluelessInLondon ah yes if course! But yeah, can see how far away that would feel!!

@13lucy that's a shame - the postcode lottery thing really is so frustrating! I would also endorse 7-8 weeks if poss - my first one this time was 7+2 and I was actually measuring a week behind but still saw heartbeat etc at 6+2. Would have been more anxiety-provoking the week before. However, appreciate you don't want to ruin hen-do etc. Realistically though, if it were bad news, the extra week wouldn't likely change much for you emotions wise and more likely you'd end up with one of those in-limbo inconclusive scans anyway and probs have to go back right before the trip..? Hopefully it will be good news and all of this will be irrelevant anyway!!

@ThelastRolo20 literally a lifetime away! I think I'll do early that week so I have a few days to sort myself out if it is bad.

@SnookyPook thank you - was there a reason it was measuring behind? I know my ovulation date but interested to know if it can just be slow to develop?

@Wise0wl I'm in Hampshire. Think I'll look at a place that is more medical than happy scan place! I'll try and book a first thing appointment.

@ThelastRolo20 @SnookyPook @CluelessInLondon @Wise0wl @Bali200 did you feel any different with pregnancies that have progressed compared to miscarried? I'm having some similarities and some differences and overthinking everything from the perspective that I'll be finding out it's bad news!

@13lucy in my case I'm not completely sure when I ovulated my BFP cycle as I wasn't tracking (it was right after my last loss) - had my typical ovulation spot appear around CD13 and I normally ovulate by CD15 at the latest so assumed it had happened however we didn't dtd until CD17 and CD19 (when I naively assumed we'd be 'safe'!) so must have been a bit later than usual. The window for ovulation after peak can be up to 36hrs though and implantation anywhere between 6-12 days I believe so even with tracking and perfect timing those early scans can vary quite a bit.

My pregnancy this time was completely different in first trimester to my son. I had no nausea whatsoever and minimal symptoms - fewer than I had with my MMC. I think it really can just be completely random. 💗

@13lucy all my pregnancies have been very similar, barely any symptoms apart from tiredness. My daughter obviously came from one of those and two MCs, so I pay no attention to the lack of symptoms ❤️

Wonderful news @Wise0wl, I’m so pleased for you and your wriggly bean 💗

@13lucy my pregnancies were pretty similar, although with my MMC my nausea disappeared at 9.5 weeks, which was about a week after the baby had stopped growing, but symptoms really can vary so much from pregnancy to pregnancy so try not to read too much into them, although I know it’s super hard 💗

I also wasn’t entitled to an early scan at EPU so I had private scans at 7 and 10 weeks, although in hindsight I wish I had waited until 8 weeks for the first one as the three week wait in between scans was horrendous, especially as it was around the time that I had lost the last one. I went to window to the womb for mine, they seem to take it quite seriously compared to others.