Pregnancy after loss support

[Hopingrae]

Hi ladies, I've recently found out I'm pregnant again after 2 losses in a row. I'm very lucky to have a DS and I had another MC before I had him. So 3 losses in total. I'm only 4+4, but got faint positive 11 days ago at 9dpo and it feels like I've been pregnant for aaaages but time is moving so slowly. We've booked an early scan when I'll be 8 weeks exactly so waiting it out until then, and hoping nothing happens in between. I wondered if anyone else is in a similar position and wanted to share this early journey with me. I've decided not to tell anyone this time round, a lot of my close friends are dealing with newborns or their own ivf journeys and I don't want to add any load to anyone. But it feels like a huge load to me so would love to share with someone!

Thank you @SnookyPook

I'm just crying now on my lunchbreak - have to go back in 5 minutes.

I phoned the clinic and rebooked my scan for Friday 6pm which is the earliest they can do. In a way I'm glad this forced my hand. I don't know why I was trying to force myself to be brave and wait til 8 weeks. I've been struggling but it's reached crisis point today. I feel relieved that if the embryo has died i will know very soon now...

Good on you for being proactive - I'd be the same as you and wanting to know as soon as possible. With some of my losses I knew they were coming because the lines were getting lighter on tests, I was grateful for the heads up. With my MMC tho I had symptoms until after I stopped bleeding. The whole thing is such a strain, wishing you peace for the next couple of days and luck for Friday!

@MOGMOGMOG85 I'm glad you'll get some answers a bit sooner. It's just horrible when you've got in a state and just need to know. I'll be keeping everything crossed for you. X

Hi, I was hoping I might be able to join? ☺️ I’m 10 weeks following a MMC last year found at 12 week scan. Baby was 11 weeks.
This time round I’ve had reassurance scans and all has been well but as I’m getting closer to those milestones, I just feel so afraid history will repeat itself. I have a handful of people I’ve told early who I can talk to, but as brilliant as they are they don’t really get it, as they’ve fortunately never had a MC. So it’s quite lonely.
My symptoms have eased off over the last day or so which has worried me but it’s happened on and off all pregnancy so far, it’s just very, very hard to be rational and not believe it’s a sign of the worst!

@MOGMOGMOG85 so sorry you're going through this worry, I hope the scan on Friday helps to bring some clarity to how things are x

@MOGMOGMOG85
when I was 6 weeks my symptoms disappeared and I had an early scan. All was fine with baby, and by the end of the week my symptoms slowly started coming back. I think they can fluctuate a lot, it’s just not as talked about as people who are very sick throughout. I hope that can give you some reassurance between now and your scan, I hope all goes well for you

Congrats @Anny2020! it sounds like things are off to a really positive start. Totally understandable that the 12 week scan is going to be particularly nerve wracking.

really hope it’s ok! Let us know how you get on?!

if you scroll up this thread loads of the ladies have had symptoms come and go. I think after loss you’re always on high alert and looking for signs that the worst has happened but I think for nearly everyone the symptoms have wormed their way back again before they’ve known it!

Thank you for your message @Confusedandtired90, i’ll update after the scan, although it’s still a few weeks off!

i’ve done so much googling about symptoms coming and going over the last few weeks so I don’t know why I still get myself all worked up, pregnancy after loss really does a number on you!

have you had your 12 week scan yet? ☺️

@Anny2020 I haven’t yet - still a few weeks off so it’s just lots of finger crossing and trying to stay away from google for now!

Welcome @Anny2020 - sorry for your previous loss. You're definitely amongst friends who get it on this thread. Not too much longer to wait for your scan now. Those personal milestones just loom over you don't they. Hopefully a very different outcome for you this time. Great that all has been good so far 💕

Morning all - still no nausea. My breasts which have been feeling really full and heavy and sore until yesterday have started to hurt at the nipples like they are super sore and sensitive but don't feel full. This happened with my MMC - I feel sure now of what they will find at the scan.

I'm pretty angry that women have to pay privately to find out if they've had a missed miscarriage. I know it's not medically necessary to know at this early stage (just wait til you start bleeding) but the level of stress and anxiety it brings is horrendous. I've only had one previous loss but just the absolute shock of the missed element coupled with struggling so much to get pregnant in the first place really takes its toll...

I'll update you all of the scan results Friday eve but I think this is the end of my journey now

@MOGMOGMOG85 in so sorry you’re feeling like this and potentially end of your pregnancy. how long has it been since it felt like your symptoms subsided?
with my current MC I noticed about 6+4 that I was eating more of my usual food and less things things were giving me food aversions. I hoped it was just a fluctuation but the nausea and aversions did not return to the levels they had been and continued to lessen. By week 8 I kind of knew, I hadn’t felt any stretching, I had been bleeding a little, boobs were tender but the full feeling had gone and of course the nausea and sickness dropped.
I think sometimes we know in our gut but often we’re wrong too..
Don’t give up hope, it’s not over till it’s over and it may just be fluctuating symptoms.

I’ll be thinking of you Friday xx

@H20202 6+4 my symptoms were slightly less but I thought "don't panic". Had a weird pain in the night in my womb "don't panic". Woke up 6+5 with no nausea, breasts fine. Tried not to jump to conclusions but by morning break I felt sure. Today 6+6 I'm sure sure.

I'm gutted because we cancelled our icsi appointment, we were potentially gonna save £10k, also I'm turning 39 in month and I really wanted to get moving before then with fertility treatment. It sounds ungrateful but i wish I'd never had that bfp and had been able to just move ahead with our fertility plans after 19 months of trying.

I had felt so relieved that I may not have to go through all the ivf stuff. It feels even harder to face now.

I know I should wait til the scan because you know maybe there's a slim chance I'm still having a baby but I'd really appreciate any info you guys have about the different ways to manage a missed miscarriage? Last time I did it naturally, it felt right to grieve whilst holding onto my baby until my body completed. I haemorrhage but not terribly and I completed simply. I've heard stories of people having a nightmare completing with medical management, but I don't want to sit around with a dead pregnancy for weeks again xxx

@MOGMOGMOG85 I'm just catching up and I'm so sorry to read your posts. Mostly because it sounds like you've absolutely convinced yourself 100% that it's over. I know you know your own body and there's a chance you could be right but please don't count yourself totally out just yet. Have you had any cramping or spotting? I know you're going by your symptoms going like last time but it really might not be a true indicator.
I hope you can distract yourself as much as possible before your scan tomorrow until you know for sure. In relation to your question on how to manage should it be the worst outcome it really is a personal choice depending on your circumstances. I've had both medical and surgical management. If it happens to me again I will 100% take surgical for a number of reasons but again it's very much down to the individual. I'm crossing everything that you won't have to make the decision anyway. Mind yourself x

Im sorry @MOGMOGMOG85 it sounds as though you're having a really tough few days. I hope that the scan tomorrow comes round speedily.

Ive had D&C before. I chose to have it under general because i just wanted it to be over and not to be left with any memories of the process of it all. I had a good experience - no real pain afterwards and felt physically pretty normal. Obviously the mental and hormonal side of things are another matter but thats the case regardless of what road you choose to go down!

I’ve had a big bleed so am expecting to be told today that I need to choose my management too. Im going to go for the same thing again.

I know it’s so much easier said than done but try and keep an open mind until tomorrow’s scan if you can. It might surprise you and I really hope it does 🩷

So sorry to hear how you're feeling @MOGMOGMOG85 . Have you contacted your EPU? I assumed your scan was with them and wondered why they weren't doing bloods instead - when I've raised concerns before (knowing I was miscarrying but not yet bleeding) they've always taken me in to do bloods 48hrs apart. At 6 weeks gestation you could be told at the scan that it's just too early to know for sure, especially if they're not capable of doing an internal scan.

@MOGMOGMOG85 definitely don’t want to minimise your feelings and gut on this but I just hope in this incident you’re not right! can you speak to the place where you were due to begin treatment and see if there’s still a way to have treatment?

I’m literally going through mine now. Scan at 6 weeks, heartbeat, scan at 8w and baby had not grown since and no HB.
as it had already been two weeks and id had some bleeding I left it another week hoping it would pass on its own, however it hasn’t so this week week I went for some meds. I’ve taken the first tab yday which blocks the progestorone and I take the pessaries tomorrow to start the contractions.

I was offered an MVA or surgery too, but I've had a termination at home 10yrs ago, a MC at home last year so I feel able to manage it at home and know what to expect.
others prefer to go into hospital and have the local or general anaesthetic options.

All options come with their risks, haemorrhaging is a risk for all options but it’s very rare.

The hospital will go through your options with you and I’m happy to talk more if it’s needed.

I’ve still got everything crossed for you for Friday.

Xx

@Confusedandtired90 im really sorry to hear you have had a bleed. Sending strength to you today when you find out

@MOGMOGMOG85 sorry to hear you are feeling this way. I echo what others have said, I really don’t want to minimise your feelings but try not to cross any bridges until you get the scan tomorrow.

I’m so sorry @MOGMOGMOG85, and I’m particularly sorry you’re not getting support from your EPU even after you’ve had a previous loss. As others have said, though you know your body best, and I always find it good to prepare myself for the worst, only your scan will tell.

You asked about options, I’ve had two MVAs. The benefit of those were that my EPU could fit me in the same day, and I could go home the same day too. It was uncomfortable but not too painful and for me, I just wanted it ‘over with’ as quickly as possible.

Thinking of you x

@Confusedandtired90 I’m so, so sorry you’ve had a bleed. Are they seeing you today? Thinking of you - the uncertainty is just awful.

Thanks v much guys. I've got an appointment at the EPU this morning - just want it over with now!

Sorry to be so negative on what is a thread filled with hope and so many success stories! I love hearing about everyone's developments and progress - such a tonic!

@Confusedandtired90 you absolutely don’t need to apologise, we all completely understand the ups and downs of pregnancy and a draw for me to join was to ride the wave with others who understand. I hope EPU are kind and see you quickly x

So sorry to hear about your bleeding. Glad to hear you're being seen so quickly. Will keep everything crossed for you 🙏

Good morning all.

@MOGMOGMOG85 I'm gutted to read about the time you have been having, and I really hope your gut is wrong on this occasion. I might have missed it but have you contacted your EPU? They should atleast do bloods on you, and potentially a scan. Sending you strength ❤️

@Confusedandtired90 thinking of you today ❤️

I took another test last night and it is clearly lighter than the one I took the day before, my symptoms (heavy boobs, tiredness) have disappeared. Boobs are a little tender but feel flat/empty. No longer having vivid dreams either.

No bleeding, but I have been a little tender/crampy but I have been battling constipation so could be that (although I did manage to "go" this morning so again, makes me wonder)

My usual pregnancy symptoms, strong sense of smell, big gag reflux and morning/evening sickness, have usually kicked in by this point but they haven't yet.

I am still so early in the game but having had 3 pregnancies I just know what pattern my body follows... And I've never had lines get lighter even when taken in the evening.

I know I wasn't sure how to feel, or what to do, about this pregnancy but I'm feeling pretty gutted and low in mood today. I'm home by myself with my children so need to find a way to distract myself and just crack on but it's hard.

Thanks everyone for your kind words it's really helping.

@H20202 I'm so sorry youre going through this too right now.

Re: EPU it says on their website they'll only see you with bleeding or recurrent miscarriage before 12 weeks. The thoguht of calling and trying to plead my case was too upsetting so I just called the private clinic, booked ASAP, and they will refer me to nhs clinic when they have scanned. Its only 1 day to wait now.

No bleeding but previously my embryo died at 6 weeks and I didn't start spotting till 10+4. When it was picked up at 8 weeks my hormones were still sky high - enough that they dragged it out for absolutely ages before confirming mmc. I think my body - like me - just gets so very excited about being pregnant, it goes all in, and doesn't let go for ages.

I will speak to the medical staff but I'm leaning to d&c. Part of me wants to proceed naturally, but only if I don't have to wait weeks and weeks and weeks..

We'll see - starting to feel a bit crampy/sicky- so hard to tell what's going on. I know I could be jumping to conclusions but also don't want to gaslight myself about what I really think is happening, which feels more than 50/50 anxiety and more like a logical conclusion xxx

@OnNaturesCourse I'm sorry you're going through this too. I got out of the repeat testing game early because as I say I had sky high hormones with my mmc and so all the trying to reassure myself was for nothing. I don't have advice but as the others say anything is possible. I'm sad to hear so many others are really not feeling positive today, but in a way it makes you feel less alone in that it's not just you who goes completely all over the place and can't cope as soon as you get that bfp xxx