Pregnancy after loss support

[Hopingrae]

Hi ladies, I've recently found out I'm pregnant again after 2 losses in a row. I'm very lucky to have a DS and I had another MC before I had him. So 3 losses in total. I'm only 4+4, but got faint positive 11 days ago at 9dpo and it feels like I've been pregnant for aaaages but time is moving so slowly. We've booked an early scan when I'll be 8 weeks exactly so waiting it out until then, and hoping nothing happens in between. I wondered if anyone else is in a similar position and wanted to share this early journey with me. I've decided not to tell anyone this time round, a lot of my close friends are dealing with newborns or their own ivf journeys and I don't want to add any load to anyone. But it feels like a huge load to me so would love to share with someone!

@Confusedandtired90 so sorry to hear about your bleed and hope you have been well looked after at EPAU... Sending love and hugs.

@OnNaturesCourse so sorry you're feeling in limbo too. Hope all is ok.

@MOGMOGMOG85 just reflecting what others have said .. sorry to hear you're obviously feeling that the fate is already sealed... And although you really can't know until that scan, I also know that mother's intuition is often on point and so I don't want to send you trite comments of hope when that's not where you're at. I'm sending you love instead and I will hold onto that hope on your behalf. I'm really hoping you are happily surprised but at least you will know soon either way. My first MC was a MMC so by the time I found out, I had sadly been carrying little one around for a month after they had already stopped developing. That really hit me hard. I had advice from my Sis and a friend who had both been through loss (and experienced different treatment plans) that they would choose surgical management just for the closure aspect and getting things sorted so you can focus on the emotional healing. I did book surgery but then happened to lose it naturally over the next few days (I think seeing the scan shocked my body into accepting it was over tbh). I was 'lucky' in that my natural MC was very bearable and smooth and resulted in no retained products etc. That said, had I found out at an early scan that I'd lost another, I would have elected for surgery again, as I know it could be up to a month before the physical loss would happen and I don't think mentally that would do me any good. My further two losses were a CP and then a MC which started bleeding at 7wks so not the same kind of limbo. If it comes to it, trust yourself. You will make the right call for you. 💕

Sending so much love to those who are going through a tough time. And as @Wise0wl said, no need to apologise for bringing the mood down etc. This thread is here to support all of us experiencing pregnancy after loss precisely because we get those ups and downs. Just so very sorry that some of us are having to experience further grief. Big hugs to all. Xx

Thank you for the kind words 💕 the milestones really do loom over, the closer I get the more I relive that bad scan. That was my first pregnancy so it’s hard to envision a positive outcome but I’m trying my best to tell myself this is a whole new pregnancy, and it’s possible things can work out this time!
I think I recognise your name from
the MC or TTC threads, how are you finding things now? Have you found anything to help ease the anxiety? X

@Anny2020 aw yes I was on there a lot last year! I'm doing a lot better now. I don't think there's a simple answer really other than the passing of time and the pregnancy continuing definitely helps to alleviate anxiety and fear. Having a visible bump, feeling movements and having people able to visibly see I am expecting have all helped massively in making it feel more real and certain. But no denying it, the early weeks were quite a slog. I still have moments. I'm likely to get a bit worked up over the next few days as we have a scan with foetal medicine on Monday due to little man measuring very small on a couple of measures at the 20wk scan. That has been playing on my mind a bit in the background but surprisingly I've been able to be quite grounded about it and put off worrying overly until I know more. I would say my worries have definitely shifted from miscarriage more to 'what if there is something wrong with him?'

I think you just have to ride it all out. It did help me a bit initially to think that the path was already set and now we were just following it. I also do lots of writing stuff out in my journal when I get a bit overwhelmed. One day at a time. 💗

I hope you are ok @Confusedandtired90 ?

Can I ask any of your experiences of getting your scan letter through. Where I am, the midwife requests the scan during the booking appt, and a letter follows. With my last pregnancy, the letter came through a week to the day of the booking appt (the day I was at home having a MC!) My booking appt was last Weds & I’m waiting on the letter. I’m getting impatient as have a busy time at work coming up so would be good to know so I can plan. I’m 10wks tomorrow

@Figtree11 I text my midwife to ask when I was likely to get it and she was able to check the system and give me the date. The letter arrived a couple of days later probably about 10 days after my booking appointment. So you shouldn't be waiting long. I'm sure if you contact midwife or midwife community team they should be able to give you an indication?

Hi, I would like to join the thread! I have an early scan tomorrow, at 6 weeks, ater three previous miscarriages. I don't really have symptoms and am bracing myself for negative news (but even when I stay that, there's still a big part of me that still feels it could be ok). I'm really dreading ithe scan as the last time I was at the epu I was told (inconclusively) that I had miscarried. Trying hard to keep myself busy and distracted but that's failed this week and am a bit of an emotional wreck. If it's bad news, I don't think I can try again, my mental health has been so bad since getting a positive test unfortunately. But I'm hoping being able to talk to people who have been through something similar will help me feel a bit less crazy.

Thanks @Hopingrae for sharing 😊 I’ll give it until early next week & will then ring up to check

Hi @BreezyLemonHelper welcome 😊
Wishing you lots of luck for your scan tomorrow. When I was 6wks I didn’t really have any symptoms. It was nearer to 7 weeks that the nausea set in. I’m so sorry to hear you’ve had 3 MCs before. Will you be offered anything like progesterone to help support the pregnancy if it’s good news tomorrow? It’s so tough isn’t it, we always prepare ourselves for bad news, and tell ourselves it will be bad news, but as much as we say it, we always have that bit of hope in there. That hope though is what ultimately pushes us through I think

@BreezyLemonHelper welcome to the thread! So sorry for your previous losses. I also had 3 losses before this pregnancy and am currently at 23+3.. 🙏🏼 There is nothing that can alleviate that pre-scan anxiety!! Hopefully all is fine though. Definitely every chance of a different outcome this time. As @Figtree11 said, I was 7wks+ before I got nausea with my DS. This time I had minimal symptoms throughout which didn't help the anxiety!! I had absolutely no nausea or vomiting at any stage. I did notice being a bit Gassier and my boobs got heavy/tender. That was pretty much it. Would have been a dream first trimester if I wasn't so worried!! Wishing you all the best for tomorrow. 💗

Sorry to be on here again moaning but I've been experiencing diarrhoea now quite bad. It's making me feel nauseous. Now I'm not sure if both of those could be an early pregnancy symptom (not one I've had before with the d***) or if I have a stomach bug, OR if my body is preparing to miscarry and purging (I do feel a bit crampy in my womb). Has anyone experienced the diarrhoea (god i hate writing that word!!) As a first trimester symptom, or as a miscarriage symptom? Fyi I'm not looking for any sugarcoating - I have my scan tomorrow and I'm trying to keep a slim window open for hope but I'm pretty set the outcome will be bad... xxx

What a wonderful thread, wondering if I may join please? :) so happy for everybody & their rainbow babies

i’m currently very early pregnant (4w6d) after a the awful loss of my twins in February

The hospital had me in for a scan & bloods this morning due to cramping. Found a gestational sac measuring 5w1d but no yolk sac or fetal pole. Also had my bloods drawn which has shown my HCG is currently 6180. I have a redraw this Saturday. US Tech also said they can’t rule out an ectopic as i have a solid mass on my left ovary but it could also be a corpus luteum. Honestly so confused & anxious. Back in a week for another scan

I thought my HCG level was great until Dr Google told me otherwise. I read that a HCG draw in the 1000’s should show more than just a GS. Is this true? :(
Also, Corpus Luteum - I had one in my previous loss, I know they’re normal but also freaked out that it could be an ectopic on top of the sac in my uterus

Why is nothing ever simple! Anxiety central

thanks guys x

@MOGMOGMOG85 ive never heard diarrhoea being a sign of MC. it is a lesser known symptom of pregnancy due to the hormone shifts

@aimeeeleanor so sorry to hear about the loss of your twins. I don’t have any knowledge about your scan & bloods today I am afraid, hopefully someone else will come along who knows more! Really hoping this is a healthy pregnancy for you

Thanks so much for the support everyone. Sadly the heart has stopped beating so we’ve come to the end of the road for this pregnancy.

At that stage of feeling sad and angry that we’re having to go through this again. It also makes me terrified for another pregnancy / think what is the point of trying again.

they've said that we need to wait a week for another scan before they will book me in for a D&C as the scan with the heart beat was private to “give the pregnancy a chance”. This is despite the fact that it’s measuring way way behind dates etc. Frankly this feels like torture. We happen to be seeing our consultant on Monday so going to plead with her to see if that’s absolutely necessary if I show her my scan video.

Thank you ladies for giving me hope and showing me that there can be sun after the storm. I cannot tell you how much I wish you well for your pregnancies and your babies - you all deserve it so much

I am in the same boat - been on and off the loo all day and been a bit crampy but put that down to being on the loo. Now my PMT is flaring and my back is crampy which is a usual period sign for me.

DH came home and I just burst into tears.

I'm so sorry to read this AFTER I posted.

Sending you strength and love.

I can't believe they are making you wait. That's torture. ❤️

@Confusedandtired90 I’m so sorry for your loss, and can resonate with all those feelings you mentioned. So pissed off this is happening again and wondering how much we continue to put ourselves through this heartache.
sending you the biggest hug xx

Oh @30somethingttc i truly am so sorry. This whole ‘journey’ is just so awful. Sending you so much love xx

Sorry I clicked on the wrong poster, that was meant for @Confusedandtired90

@Confusedandtired90 I'm so very sorry. That's really heartbreaking. Sending you strength and love. I hope you have good people to look after you during this sad time.

Re what they've said about the private scan and HB, this same thing happened to me with my last loss and it felt like I was being tortured further. EPU said they don't accept private scans and that I'd have to wait a week. I had to say to the doctor "we've got video evidence of a heartbeat and now it's stopped and it won't start again will it?!". She had to begrudgingly admit that no it wouldn't and she could see what I was saying. I hated that I had to fight for treatment. She agreed to treatment but said I had agreed to go again their protocol. Felt like a bit of a slap in the face, but I let it go for my own sanity. They were following a protocol, but it was awful. Definitely show the video like you suggest. I hope you don't have to wait too much longer Xxx

@Hopingrae a cautionary tale against private scans in a way isn’t it?!

Thanks for sharing your experience. I’ll try the same on Monday and keep my fingers crossed that everything stays put until then!

@Confusedandtired90 I'm so sorry my lovely :( I totally get what you mean about not knowing how you can go through it again.. the whole process is so cruel, unfair, and physically and mentally draining.

The NHS policy on private scans sounds absolutely awful. What's pissed me off in the run up to my scan is the nhs won't scan you for reassurance before 12 weeks so what the hell do they expect us to do?? It's almost like their policy is "silly women, all they need to do is wait til 12 weeks, why are they all so anxious for scans?" Like hmmmmm I wonder if miscarriage and baby loss could have any possible mental health effects and increase anxiety???? Not to mention the hormones...

I see no reason why you can't request to proceed in your chosen way here? Its not like women are required to "give the pregnancy a chance", we do have the right to choose what happens with our body!!! I'm furious for you... private sonographers are trained professionals, most if not practically all also work for the NHS, and I can understand the policy of not using private scans in certain situations, but it's surely impossible to detect a heartbeat out of thin air??? If anything a heartbeat could be missed very early in a pregnancy, not falsely seen???

I'm so sorry youre having to go through this - you too @H20202 - I hope the next bit of your journey is as smooth as possible and that you find a way of grieving these losses and moving forwards.. facing my scan tomorrow I wonder if I should go on trying to get pregnant, because this few weeks has shredded my mental health and the journey is not over yet... I will really consider it, but I suspect I will end up trying again. Sometimes the grief pushes you that way.

You're not alone in what you're going through and please look after yourselves in the aftermath - give yourselves plenty of breaks and allow your feelings whatever they are xxxxx

@OnNaturesCourse I'm so sorry youre going through the same. I have felt sometimes like my period is coming today, sometimes just a sense of dread like something is coming. It's all confirming to me that my body knows this pregnancy is over, but I guess I'll see tomorrow. I also just feel so crap, have left the house in a state today, begged my partner to put my son to bed which I usually love doing, ate a whole pack of chocolate biscuits, didn't take my pregnancy vitamins (don't judge its only 1 day and they are disgusting), just wanting to opt out. I cried 3 times today including all the way home in the car and twice in front of colleagues and even a volunteer. I couldn't feel like more of a moron atm, not least for getting excited about this.

@BreezyLemonHelper welcome and I totally feel you on the mental health since bfp. I found out on the day we left on holiday and it ruined my whole holiday. Everyone says "oh did you have a nice holiday" and I just want to say "no I was really miserable, stressed, worried, and on edge". I've questioned whether I even wanted this bfp which is awful - it's like my journey so far has left me so anxious I just can't deal with the first trimester. If I get further I wonder how on earth another birth would affect me... anyway the women here are all so strong, so kind, and amazing and you won't feel alone on here...

Speaking of which @SnookyPook and everyone else who has tagged me I can't thank you enough for your kind words the last 24 hours or so. This whole thing is so isolating - not being able to explain to those around you why you're acting so weird and seem so down, and then if you do mention it risking having someone say totally totally the wrong thing. It's you guys on here that really get it xxx

And @SnookyPook @BreezyLemonHelper I'm so so sorry for all of your losses. I actually don't know how I would cope with all that you've had to bear, it's quite astounding and I'm so proud of everyone on here - especially since there is so little talk, education, understanding, or support around this huge issue which affects so many women's lives xxx

I'm sorry, this probably isn't what you'd like to hear, and it may not be relevant at all, but I felt I should share.

Just before I had my second miscarriage, I started feeling really sick and thought it was just morning sickness beginning, but instead of being sick I had terrible diarrhoea. It lasted for 4 days, I couldn't eat any food and I was in bed with exhaustion. On day 5 I suddenly felt much better and that day my bleeding started.

I still have no idea if it was connected, looking back I wonder if I had food poisoning. Every time I think back to a salad I had the day before I feel queasy, which is usually a sign something wasn't right. I wonder often if it was the miscarriage or unrelated, or even if it was food poisoning that caused a miscarriage. I don't think I'll ever know.

Around the same time in this pregnancy (6 weeks) I woke up one morning with diarrhoea and was convinced it was happening again. I was devastated. But it only lasted a morning and I've been completely fine since. So I guess it's impossible to know.

@Confusedandtired90 I am so, so sorry for your loss ❤️

It's such a horrible limbo land this... I hated the 12 weeks in all my pregnancies. My first two lulled me into a false sense of security that 12 weeks + HB meant I was in the safe zone. My 3rd pregnancy totally knocked me off as I'd seen the HB at about 7 weeks, then at 12 weeks too... By 16 it had stopped.

It horrifies me to this day that it was classed as a missed miscarriage. I gave birth. My baby was still but perfect.

I was lucky in the sense that my private scan at 16w contacted my local hospital and I was seen the very same day (went straight there..) and the whole induction process was started a mere couple of hours after finding out.

Update from me - still have a very achy back that isn't even easing with rest or movement. No more cramps but a ache in pelvic area and I have a strong pressure down below and around episiotomy scar which always aches before and on my period.

DH not quite understanding my distress as we hadn't even discussed how to proceed with this pregnancy but I feel my body is readying to fail me again. Like my choice is being taken away.

If this pregnancy is to be then I want to sleep until 24 weeks so I can atleast be in the "viability" stage (although I know stoll risks there).

Sorry. I'm having a right time of this today.