Pregnancy after loss support

[Hopingrae]

Hi ladies, I've recently found out I'm pregnant again after 2 losses in a row. I'm very lucky to have a DS and I had another MC before I had him. So 3 losses in total. I'm only 4+4, but got faint positive 11 days ago at 9dpo and it feels like I've been pregnant for aaaages but time is moving so slowly. We've booked an early scan when I'll be 8 weeks exactly so waiting it out until then, and hoping nothing happens in between. I wondered if anyone else is in a similar position and wanted to share this early journey with me. I've decided not to tell anyone this time round, a lot of my close friends are dealing with newborns or their own ivf journeys and I don't want to add any load to anyone. But it feels like a huge load to me so would love to share with someone!

@Hopingrae sorry to hear that the discharge had thrown you a bit this morning. I'd imagine it is the remnants of the haematoma resolving itself. If it continues and you are worried definitely give the epu a call x

@Rockyslife I know Friday probably feels like a lifetime away but hopefully you have a few distractions to keep you busy. It also give time for the meds to kick in and hopefully you feel a bit better then 🤞

@30somethingttc I can only imagine the frustration about not being able to get the Nipt screening. It makes sense how it wouldn't be accurate with multiple births. Try to focus on your last positive scan and hopefully the time goes by quickly for you until next Tuesday. It's easier said than done I know!

@MOGMOGMOG85 your garden looks beautiful 🌷 What a lovely distraction to have. I love your mindset at the moment too, it's great to have waves of positivity as the majority of the time we consumed with fear and anxiety

@Wise0wl good luck with the scan 🙏

@Confusedandtired90 I've no experience with exercise during pregnancy as the first trimester has floored me. I'd imagine cramping/discharge afterwards might be quite normal though. Keep an eye on it and if in doubt maybe check with midwife

@Hopingrae that’s exactly what my bleeding was last week, watery pink/brown. No reason at all was found for mine, so hopefully it’s just the remnants of the heamatoma

Thanks @Sez281 and @Figtree11 thank you, that's reassuring to hear. It's so disconcerting isn't it. Did you have a scan booked anyway or did you arrange one following spotting (sorry not to remember). I feel like I've got a "scratchy" feeling in my uterus that I get sometimes. Fairly sure I've had no cramping as far as I can tell.

@MOGMOGMOG85 I've been in the garden too this morning, it's so good for the soul isn't it. I got rained on so I've had to come inside for a bit!

@Wise0wl good luck with your scan!

@Confusedandtired90 good plan to keep an eye on it. I've read that depending on the type of exercise it can cause some cervical irritation.

@Hopingrae so sorry to hear your worries. I’d say it’s worth seeing about speaking to EPU for a scan. My EPU would always rather scan to make sure than miss something, but I know it’s so area dependent. I guess you’ve got nothing to lose by asking? 🤞

My scan went well, measuring 6+1 with a flickering heartbeat. On to the next scan in two weeks 🤞

@Wise0wl pleased to hear it went well - now fingers crossed for 8 weeks!

I thought that time moved slowly in the TWW, but the time between scans is a whole other beast isn't it?!

@Confusedandtired90 the whole of TTC and early pregnancy is just sort of wishing your life away isn’t it?! Thank you 💕

@Hopingrae i arranged my scan after the spotting. Might be worth checking if they will see you, even just for peace of mind.

@Wise0wl greats news :)

@Wise0wl so glad you got past this milestone! How lovely to see a heartbeat. I hope the next couple of weeks go relatively quickly.

@Figtree11 I called GP who initially said "I think it might be too early to get a scan" when I told him I was 10+6 (cue internal sigh and eye roll!). Anyway, he kindly called epu and it turns out they will scan me for reassurance as I've had 3 previous losses. I called epu to book and they were really nice, said usually wouldn't scan with my described symptoms but because of history they will. I think I'm glad, as otherwise I would have spent the next 12 days in build up to 12 week scan getting more and more anxious. So really hoping we're able to get some reassurance. I'm booked in for Friday morning 🙏

Congrats @Wise0wl It does feel like the time between goes slowly but looking back on the last 2 months I feel like it’s flown by all the same!

so glad you got a scan @Hopingrae fingers crossed for Friday! It’s so nice when EPU are supportive.

@Hopingrae I'm sorry you're having such worrying symptoms. I'm sure it's just connected to the hematoma, but really good that they'll scan you to check.

Can I ask, has anyone had a stitch-like pain in their side that won't go away? It's on my left side, fairly high up under my ribs, exactly like a stitch you get from running (when you're unfit like me) and it's been there all day, and lots of yesterday too.

It doesn't feel anything like period pains, and at my first scan he said the embryo was implanted on the right side of my uterus so a long way from this, but it's really painful and is starting to worry me a bit. I've had a lot of ligament pains this pregnancy, but they've been lower in my groin and more like stabbing pains that come and go.

@Wise0wl lovely news! 🥰

@Hopingrae great that epu were understanding and have arranged a scan. Mine have been fantastic throughout and even did me one 3 days before my official 12wk scan as I'd had some spotting and was terrified of going to my official scan not knowing if things were ok. Makes such a difference to have good support. 💗

I honestly think that everyone I have come across in any of my experiences at the EPU are angles in the disguise. They are so nice and caring.

I've not had this sort of pain I'm afraid but given that it's on the other side hopefully it's ok and just another one of those weird pregnancy quirks?!

@Confusedandtired90 thanks, I really hope it is just one of those things. I feel slightly less sick today as well, which is a bit worrying too, but I've also realised I wasn't eating enough protein (snacking on toast and crisps to stave off the nausea) so I'm hoping that eating better today has helped rather than any other reason.

I also completely agree with your point about the EPU workers being angels. After my second miscarriage, the nurse there told me that while the nhs wouldn't refer me after two, they would sometimes do a full set of blood tests. She hand-wrote for me a complete list with all the medical technical names for the tests I should have, which I copied out exactly to my GP and he signed them off. When I eventually saw a specialist through my work health insurance, he was amazed at all the tests I'd already had and said it was exactly what he'd request, but GPs never do.

I've had the kindest experience from all the people I've met there, they really understand that you just need someone to help you through it.

I’m really pleased you’re being seen so quickly @Hopingrae Hopefully it’s nothing but you’ll get that reassurance

I know this is really trivial but my jeans are so uncomfortably tight! Feel like my clothes don’t suit me due to a bloated stomach & boobs that have grown! It’s been easier to dress in winter with tights & dresses, but not sure what to wear now the weather is starting to pick up! At that awkward bit where it just looks like a bit of chub

@Figtree11 im with you on struggling with what to wear.
I’ve got quite a few tailored joggers which I have in black and in a little check from Zara.
not sure if it’s your style but found them to be quite good as elastic at the top and can be dressed up and down with shirts / trainers / jumpers etc when it gets cold again 😂

Do you have any maternity jeans or leggings yet? If not I highly recommend! They are soooooo comfy! With my DS I also lived in them for quite a while after the birth! I'll mostly be living in those with t-shirts/nice tops and just in case we ever get any warmer weather (🤞🏼) I got some maternity shorts from H&M online that seem really comfy too (could always use as pjs even!) and a couple of maternity summer dresses.

Hi guys, I am struggling with my little brain at the moment. I had a miscarriage back in Jan which I don't think I actually processed so becoming pregnant so soon was an absolute blessing but also is proving mentally difficult. I have seen baby twice due to spotting and all was ok, but I have a hematoma, I've had some kind of infection and have had persistent spitting of brown discharge for nearly two weeks. I am a paranoid mess, I have a scan Tomo to check things but because of all these issues I just keep telling myself baby won't have a heart beat and mentally it's going to kill me if that's the case. I just don't know how to control these emotions. All being well if baby is still growing, my husband is going on a stag do abroad Saturday -tues and I am absolutely petrified something will happen because he's away. Just struggling and it sucks

I’m so sorry you’re having such a tough time @Rockyslife. Have you asked your GP or EPU if it’s possible to access any mental health support? Or your midwife if you’ve got one now? I was referred to counselling by the EPU after my second MMC and it’s been so helpful to help me process some of the big feelings and try to manage my anxiety. It is so hard.

@Wise0wl I think this is exactly what I need, but wasn't sure how to access this, I'll see if I can get in touch with my midwife for some information X thank you

@Rockyslife yes I second @Wise0wl - I asked for support after my third loss and was referred to the bereavement midwife. Had a session with her and basically cried on her for an hour as I talked through my losses. It was very cathartic and she was so lovely. I actually got my surprise BFP a couple of weeks after that appointment and she then supported me through the early phase of this pregnancy too. It was so helpful.

Just be kind to yourself - you have legitimate reasons for feeling so anxious and stressed about it all. And much as we all long for that follow-up bro, I'm kind of glad looking back that mine took a while to come as it was helpful to properly process and grieve that loss before being back in the middle of it all so I can see how hard it would be mentally to oick yourself right up again straight away. I always seem to end up recommending journalling on these things and appreciate it isn't for everyone but it has helped me so much with processing everything and with facing my fears in my current pregnancy. Even if that's not your thing, maybe try to find a thing that works for you that would help you process some of this. Maybe that will simply be finding the right person to talk it all through with.

Finally, and this is said with love! - stop giving yourself this message "I just keep telling myself baby won't have a heart beat and mentally it's going to kill me if that's the case" - this simply isn't true. And I say this having gone through recurring loss last year which I would have never dreamt of going through and if you'd told me at the start of last year what I was going to face I would have equally said it would break me and there's no way I'd come through it ok. The sad truth is, if this is something you end up facing, you find strength you just didn't know you have. It's not strength anyone wants to find, but you do. The chances of being one of those people with more than one loss are very slim. But please know that you will be ok whatever happens. And also, there is still always hope.

The wheels are already set in motion. This little baby you are carrying will either be ok, or they won't. And I know that sounds blunt, but that is the bottom line. And you can go mad focusing on all your worries, or you can try and be in the moment, trusting and hoping, and knowing that whatever will be... You will come through it. I'm still sad about my little ones lost last year, however, the one I'm now carrying wouldn't be here if they had been successful, and I know without a doubt that once they are in my arms, I won't be able to imagine not having them in my life. They are meant. And the others weren't. All shall be well. 💗

Hope that has all come across how I intended it to... Not saying that your worries and fears aren't valid, but trying to help you to see that there is always hope. Even when things are darkest. 💕

@SnookyPook i know this is meant for someone else but it’s really resonated with me and just what I need today, I have my appointment in a few hours at the EPAU to confirm my MMC and I know it will be horrendous, but I also know from my previous MC before my DS that this baby wasn’t meant to be for us. I wouldn’t have my DS if one of my three pregnancies before him was successful and I really can’t imagine my life with anyone but him.

@Jellybelly888 💗💗💗 sending you so much love on this tough day, and I'm glad my words resonated. Pregnancy loss is horrific and none of us would choose it, but sometimes we really just can't see what lies ahead, and sometimes wonderful things come from those depths of despair. Sending you strength for today, and also hope and peace that your little rainbow will follow on when the time is right 💗🌈

@Rockyslife there is support out there, it’s just frustrating that depending on where you are it comes from different places! But you should be able to access support for your current pregnancy as a minimum.

Echoing @SnookyPook (you have such a wonderful way with words!) as the nurse I saw yesterday said, the fate of this pregnancy is already written in the stars. Alleviating the guilt and responsibility has made a massive difference to how anxious I feel. Please get in touch and see if you can access some support, it has made a huge difference x

@SnookyPook beautifully and kindly said. I have had to think in a similar way after my 3 losses to keep me going. Accepting that the outcome is largely out of my control and it will either be ok or it won't almost releases some of that fear. I've had mental health support in the past through taking therapies and I've really drawn on that to help me with pregnancy. I know it's so hard when you're in the middle of these feelings @Rockyslife. Sounds like a great idea to speak to your midwife about what support might be available, most trusts are very good with perinatal mental health. I pray that all will be ok with your little bean. Echoing @SnookyPook things can happen in life where we find strength we didn't know we had or thought we'd ever have to use. But hopefully all will be well this time. Sending love and strength x