Pregnancy after loss support

[Hopingrae]

Hi ladies, I've recently found out I'm pregnant again after 2 losses in a row. I'm very lucky to have a DS and I had another MC before I had him. So 3 losses in total. I'm only 4+4, but got faint positive 11 days ago at 9dpo and it feels like I've been pregnant for aaaages but time is moving so slowly. We've booked an early scan when I'll be 8 weeks exactly so waiting it out until then, and hoping nothing happens in between. I wondered if anyone else is in a similar position and wanted to share this early journey with me. I've decided not to tell anyone this time round, a lot of my close friends are dealing with newborns or their own ivf journeys and I don't want to add any load to anyone. But it feels like a huge load to me so would love to share with someone!

@30somethingttc a bit like @Hopingrae we'd told those closest to us after the 10wk scan. By that point I wanted to share the news with them and also get the extra support. We've still not done any kind of official announcement etc to wider friends and so on. People are just gradually finding out. I wasn't comfortable with announcing anything (partly having been through losses I now know it can be hard for others) and also I'm still feeling a bit up in the air with awaiting these growth scans.

@Confusedandtired90 ooh not too long to wait now - how are you feeling? X

Thanks @SnookyPook
I might still tell my close family after the scan. Will have a think and see how we are feeling!
we have a few friends that have gone through losses that massively supported me through mine so want them to know before news spreads.
i’m sure we will figure out the best way to navigate it. Feel like there’s more to think about as time goes on.

also sorry for your recent bereavement’s @Hopingrae sounds like you’ve had a lot going on the last few months 😔 hope you are ok xx

@SnookyPook very, very nervous about it! It’s still super early days on the pregnancy but just knowing it’s in the right place will be an amazing start.

Got some blood tests back today and although HCG has more than doubled (hooray!), my progesterone has dropped from 60.8 to 46.6. Feel like it should getting higher not lower. Going to try and stay off google if I can (not succeeding so far though haha) because it’s going to change anything if it is a bad sign

@Figtree11 I'm a bit late but wanted to say with my son my nausea fluctuated constantly. I remember constantly being anxious if I wasn't nauseous and then sad that I felt so nauseous, then worried I was only a bit nauseous. The nausea built slowly so I didn't even notice at first just found myself feeling disgusted a lot and didn't realise it was a physical feeling if that makes sense! There were only 2 periods where I was bedbound from being so sick and I was never physically sick.. hope that helps.

@Wise0wl thanks for your kind words and nice to meet you - I'm now 5+1 so we're very similar timing and family structure. @SnookyPook thanks so much for introducing me as these kind of threads are absolutely essential - wouldn't have got through my sons pregnancy without a similar one, and by the end felt so close to all the ladies and still think about them!

Hey hope it's okay if I join too, I'm 4+2 after a MMC in September. Finding the ups and downs of nerves quite challenging already and I'm only a week in!

Hey @Bugdem123! lovely to see you here x

Hi all, an awful 12 hours. I had some blood in my discharge yesterday which progressed to quite quickly to red bleeding and needing a pad. I went to a@e, it was a 6 hour wait to have a dr look at my cervix; no scans available for 3 days as fully booked up. Decided not to wait as even if cervix was closed it could open in a hour or next day so wasn’t much point in waiting all that time to miscarry in a&e or be told something which wasn’t certain.

I changed the pad when I went to bed and that’s clean so no bleeding overnight. Had some lower back pain though.

last time it was the same as this, spotting, red blood which stopped for a few days but then I miscarried 3 days later- so I’m not particularly hopeful.
my sickness also eased right off over a week ago so fully expecting when I have my scan next week to be told baby’s heart stopped around then.

I had a 6 week scan due to prev ectopic and had a heartbeat - next scan is Tuesday I’ll be 8w2d so I’ll know for sure then.

can’t believe how cruel this is to have to go through all this shit again and now to have to wait days to be told if baby has died.

im so sad, I can’t stop crying x

I’m so sorry @H20202 that sounds like a really, really tough night.

Waiting is the absolute worst. If only there was a magic button we could all press to find out there and then whether things were ok.

We’ll all have everything crossed for you for Tuesday. In the meantime, be kind to yourself, try to rest and distract yourself (easier said than done I know) xx

@H20202 oh I'm so sorry my lovely - it's just awful and always seems to happen at a bloody weekend! I'm keeping everything crossed for you that it's a different outcome this time. I had a bleed earlier in this pregnancy (on a Friday night) and had to wait until the Monday afternoon for a scan. I'd pretty much started the grieving process in my head and just felt awful for 3 days, only to find out little one was still fine and there was no obvious cause of a bleed. I am crossing all my fingers and toes that you will get a similar outcome on Tuesday. 🙏🏼💕

@Confusedandtired90 & @SnookyPook thank you both for your kind replies. 💔😢

@H20202 I'm so sorry to hear this. As others have said it's made so much worse by being forced into pre scan limbo for a few days 😣 I'm glad to hear you've had no more bleeding overnight. We all know on this thread not to get our hopes up but hopefully it was just one of those unexplained bleeds and everything will be ok 🙏

@H20202 so sorry you're going through this lovely, how worrying and stressful for you. We're all with you. Take it easy over the next couple of days if you can. Praying the scan brings some reassurance for you next week x

@H20202 gutted to hear this, I'm sending so many hugs :( like others have said since bleeding stopped I'm crossing everything for you but having to wait til Tuesday is the worst, especially if it mimics your previous experience.

No words really, just please be kind to yourself and we are here to hear about anything you want to chat about xxx

@Bugdem123 I got my bfp a week ago and it's been the longest week in history, I just don't know how time can pass so slow....

So sorry for your previous loss xxx

No nausea to report over here at 5+2. Boobs remain slightly sore, def a bit constipated, food cravings seem to have gone (I do feel certain of what I want but not cravings), hot flushes, mood swings, not needing the loo excessively but still thirsty. Occasional mild cramping, def feel bloated and my abdomen is sensitive ie I don't like pressure on it or lying on my front..

Apart from a sort of awareness of my womb I don't feel particularly preg at all. Doing really well at not overthinking too much but fuck me time is passing slowly and my baseline feeling is that there won't be a baby if that makes sense - it's not like I'm having my hopes dashed cos I essentially have barely any hope and it doesn't feel particularly real (except I'm aware I'm technically pregnant every waking second)... what a mindfuck... sorry for the language....

So sorry @H20202 the waiting for a scan is just awful, they feel like the longest days. How has your day been?

@H20202 I’m so so sorry you’ve had such a stressful time of it - I have everything crossed for you. Are you working tomorrow? I’ve found work a helpful distraction but equally it can be the last thing you need.

@MOGMOGMOG85 with you on time passing so slowly, and limited on symptoms too. Definitely running hot, sore boobs and slight nausea/food aversion, but nothing that screams ‘pregnant’. Like you, I’m preparing myself for the worst but can’t stop hoping for the best. Will you have an early scan?

@H20202 I'm so sorry, it must be agony waiting for the scan. I hope you're managing to look after yourself.

@Wise0wl nice to see you here 😊

@MOGMOGMOG85 I agree, time has basically stopped moving! You've also managed to sum up how I'm feeling too - I just can't envisage making it to 12 weeks let alone to having an actual baby. I am trying to be positive and remind myself that as of today there's no reason for me to think everything won't be okay but then there's a wee voice that says "yeah but you thought that last time too!" Will you get an early scan?

Can't thank you all enough for your well wishes and checking in with me. @Hopingrae@Bugdem123@Wise0wl@Figtree11@Sez281 @MOGMOGMOG85

I’ve cried a lot today and not got dressed. Lots of tv and reading. I am meant to be working tomorrow but I have quite an ok day so I think I’ll manage it and I’ll probably need to keep busy, however if it’s bad news Tues I’ll be taking some time off to get through the passing / procedure if I need one.

The red bleeding has completely stopped and just getting a tiny bit of brown every now and again when I wipe which is reassuring but of course could just be the stopping and starting of it all.
My sickness has gone and boobs don’t feel as sore, plus lower back still achy. Can’t remember when I last had stretching type pains either so just feel like it’s all pointing one way.

will let you all know Tuesday morning. Thanks for being here I don’t think anyone else really gets it. Seems to always be us time and time again doesn’t it? Looking forward to eventually catching a break with all this TTC.

xx

@H20202 it's probably not the same but I did have 7 episodes of bleeding with my son. Some were red and one bleed there were even clots. For no reason at all... but it wasn't heavy. But my experience of a miscarriage sounds different than yours, I started with brown spotting one day, red the next, then a light period, then cramping, then full on horrendous miscarriage so it only went more and more and more and didn't lessen if that makes sense.. xx

I'm crossing everything for you. This is such a cruel game. Of course take the time off if you find out the worst, I know I will be... from what you are saying my rational brain is saying it sounds like it could all be fine for you, but i also don't want to dismiss your worries at all. This whole thing is a minefield... its just so awful to have no control and no idea what is going on :(

Sending lots of strength and hugs to you xxx

@Wise0wl and @Bugdem123 - I've always had scans at 8 weeks... my MMC was 6 weeks so I feel like if I get a positive 8 week scan I could feel reassured.. but actually with this pregnancy it seems so long to wait...

I kind of want to have 1 at 7 and 1 at 9, but my partner disagrees with this. He says then we won't be reassured at the 7 week one. He's probably right. If it's not viable I wanna know sooner rather than later. But then I also want to miscarry naturally so finding out early may just mean a longer wait? But maybe I can book us in for our ICSI appointments again during that interval? I just don't know. Then again I'm literally talking about a 1 week difference for goodness sake 🙃

What's everyone else's plans for reassurance scans? Xx

@MOGMOGMOG85 my two MMCs happened at between 8 and 9 weeks (found at a 10.5 and 11 week scan, but apparently everything starts shrinking as soon as it happens so accurate dating can be hard?)

I need to call EPU tomorrow to get another progesterone prescription (on advice of my GP I’ve been taking my last prescription since my positive test) so I imagine they’ll try to scan me this week or next because they won’t prescribe it without checking it’s a viable pregnancy. I am so worried that this isn’t a viable pregnancy and the progesterone is hiding it.

Beyond that, I think I’ll go for 10 weeks as I’ve not got that far in either of my MMCs. The issue is with scans is that the reassurance is so fleeting!

@MOGMOGMOG85 I've booked one for 7+1 and I'll book another for 10 weeks. I should probably have waited another week but I just couldn't wait any longer. I feel sick every time I think about it if I'm totally honest and I know it'll only give me reassurance for the minute I'm in there (assuming it's good news).

How have people approached telling people? I've told my best friend but I think I'm going to tell my mum this week as I really need her support for days like today.

@H20202 sending you lots of love

Hi @MOGMOGMOG85 i had a reassurance scan this week. I was trying to hold out to the 12wk scan as I had a previous MMC at 10wks, so didn’t think I’d feel reassured by an early one. But I had some bleeding so had a scan at EPU. I was 7+5 and they did an abdominal scan (didn’t think they would so I had just emptied my bladder before!) and baby could be seen so clearly with a heartbeat. I felt so reassured, but as my MMC was at 10wks, that’s starting to wane already.

@Bugdem123 i told my mum over text a couple of days after my positive test as I needed her support & knew she was worrying about me because of my previous MMC & I hate having a fuss made of me so found message easier, even though I spoke to her properly afterwards

@MOGMOGMOG85
I really struggled with scans. I had a few early on due to bleeding, one at 7 (EPU), one at 8+3 (Private) and one at 10+2 (EPU) I felt reassured for a while and now I can feel myself desperate to see everything’s ok again. Got my 12 weeks on 16th. The EPU sonographer gave me a bit of a telling off for going private mid way through as said she it’s unreliable to get scanned by different places but I know I needed it and I’m glad I did. I don’t think I’ll cope waiting between 12 and 20 weeks, praying I get to that point.
I think you need to do whatever makes you feel ok. Xxx