IVF pregnancies - Spring 2024 (thread 2)

[thislittlebird]

New thread! Do tag everyone I've missed, I'm off out to see the new Hunger Games so can add more later but need to dash! @CazzyM1983 @KG1244 @countrypunk @Misty84 @ASGIRC @TheBirdintheCave @Summerishere83

@KG1244 these are leggings :/ I think they’d be comfortable if you’re normal, but I’m weird about it and short so they come up to my boobs. I can’t stand having this big panel covering my whole torso. I had to tuck my (100% cotton, which is the only thing I’ll usually have touching my skin in that area) long sleeved t shirt into the leggings yesterday just so they didn’t itch me. I’ve not got on with the jeans/jeggings at all so far, have sent them back, and I’m not really a big dress person. I spend 99% of my time in some sort of trousers so I don’t really own any winter dress options, just a few in the summer.

I might have to try under bump jeans but I hear these get uncomfortable later on so might not be worth it. Maybe I’ll buy normal leggings a couple of sizes bigger, hard to know what to do. Being very itchy all the time lately is getting annoying.

@thislittlebird Have you told your midwife about the itchiness? I think that's a symptom we have to report just in case.

@TheBirdintheCave no, but I will at some stage. I don’t think it’s late enough for that itchiness that indicates a liver problem. I’ve had it for much of the pregnancy but it seems more intense right now, probably just me having very sensitive skin and eczema + stretching instensifying.

@TheBirdintheCave I was thinking yesterday about who on here had found out the baby’s sex. Did you? I can’t decided whether I want to know or not

@thislittlebird No we're keeping ours a surprise as I don't want to know if we're having another boy 😂

And aww I'm sorry about the eczema that sounds really uncomfortable.

@TheBirdintheCave it’s very uncomfortable. I applied steroid cream last night because if I don’t it’s just going to get worse and it does seem better today. Having a shower will probably set it off again though! Heat seems to be the enemy. I guess at least it’s not summer.

Oh right, yeah fair enough. I take it you sort of want a girl? We have it on a bit of paper and haven’t opened it yet, but since this is 99.9999% likely to be our only one it is tempting to open it so I can target what I’m buying.

@thislittlebird sorry you are suffering with eczema x
I haven’t found out the sex of baby. I decided I wanted a bit of chaos after so long of having to be controlled about everything to get pregnant.
I would love to find out but I’m going to try hang on and wait!
I did wonder if finding out would make my husband bond a bit more with the baby as he isn’t really at the moment. How are everyone else’s partners (if you have them)doing?

@thislittlebird Yup! My son is all kinds of fabulous but I really want a daughter too.

If you're sure this will be your only one I'd be even more tempted to wait for the lovely surprise after the hard work of pregnancy and birth :)

@CazzyM1983 Mine's pretty good. He talks to the baby every night and loves to feel the kicks (when he can catch them). This baby isn't as compliant as our son 😂

@thislittlebird Yes!!! I booked a scan at 16 weeks to find out! Im having a little girl! Im not gonna lie... I had massive gender preference and sighed a sigh of relief when I was told it was a girl... I had been psyching myself that it might be a boy, and that would be fine too... But I know I would have been disappointed, at least to start with.

I honestly dont know how you guys manage not finding out!! id be tearing my hair out! Kudos to you!!!

Dont have a partner, but I find that everyone knowing its a girl (and her names) has made people mode bonded with her, even before shes born. People ask about her by name, she had presents in her name, and Ive gottten some personalised things as well!
The only person who doesnt refer to her by name is my dad, but hes a weird one!

@ASGIRC Yeah, I remember you had a preference. I think finding out for me might make it more real, and that sort of worries me but maybe it'd be a positive thing.

@TheBirdintheCave I struggle with surprises and worry I'll be in a bad place mentally when the baby initially arrives, so I'm wondering if I should find out to try to adjust in advance.

@CazzyM1983 I understand that, I sort of feel the same. Like I've waited this long, why not a bit longer. My husband is actually better at baby bonding than me tbh. He talks to and touches my bump, but I don't. I always knew I'd struggle with it all, it doesn't come naturally to me and I'll need to adjust, so I do wonder if knowing the sex would crystallise everything in my mind a bit more. It's all rather detached and abstract right now.

In my ongoing maternity clothes saga, some H&M jeans arrived today. They're a little big for me but I think I like them much more than jeggings. Will have to pull them up a bit until I'm larger, but they do look more like proper jeans.

@thislittlebird I dont talk to my bump either... I am a bit detached, to be honest. Like... this isnt really real until she is born, kinda thing. At least I hope thats what it is! Otherwise, maybe Ive made a huge mistake... 😅

I mean, I am excited! but I am not sure I am "bonded" yet. But calling her by her name definitely makes it more real.

@thislittlebird @ASGIRC im still quite detached I think too. so I suppose i shouldn’t be suprised my husband is. He’s done a bit of talking to the bump but not as much as I had hoped for which has upset me a little bit.

im still in that I’m not totally convinced everything will work out frame of mind.
can’t bring myself to do the baby’s room yet just in case. I suspect my husband might be feeling the same.

I am worried incase I don’t bond well. I’ve got adhd and I struggle in real life with people sometimes to feel a connection if you get what I mean. My mental health has been not great already so I’m preparing for being a bigger mess once baba pops out and hormones go haywire.
I do try and talk to the bump but I don’t think I’m doing it as much as I should?

so hard knowing what to do and knowing if your doing it right.

maternity clothes wise, I’ve just got leggings and baggy jumpers and smock type dresses and pregnancy tights. I really can’t be arsed making myself look good ha ha I’m so tired lol shoes wise I’m in sliders and socks or I got some boots in the sale from mns that I can just ram my feet in without bending down.
had to upgrade my bras to massive comfy ones because my god my boobs hurt.

@CazzyM1983 Im a bit disconnected from people too, even though I am perfectly NT. Im just naturally a bit detached.
I am hopeful it will change once little one is here, though. But I cant relate to a lot of things people say about feelings, in general.

I am also not worried about my hormones making me crazy... That has never been a thing for me, and I dont really expect it to happen after the baby is born. Maybe I will be suprised, but I dont think so.

I do know that I care, though LOL. Like, if she is a bit quieter, one day, I do pay much more attention, to make sure she is moving about and everything is good.

Maternity clothes wise, I havent bought anything.
I have button expanders for my trousers, which Im using, knitted dresses and jumpers. Everything fits, since I havent really put any weight on, just have a bit of a bump!
I am loathe to buy clothes I wont wear after.

I can tie my shoes, no problem, and havent had any swelling yet, so its all good in that regard!

@ASGIRC same for me. I don't think I'll accept it until there's a baby here and I'm having to deal with it. You aren't alone in the mistake thing crossing your mind, I think about things like that a lot. I was caught up in an infertility bubble for years and you don't really think about what happens when it does work, I was so focussed on if it would work. I'm hoping that I'll just adapt to it all within a few months of baby arriving. I know it won't be fast, I'm going to need months +!

@CazzyM1983 not sure if it helps, but my dh doesn't say a lot to my bump. Mostly he reassures the bump that I like it 😅and says stuff like "don't listen to her..." about whatever it is I'm saying/stressing about at the time. A midwife told me to talk the bump and I ignored that, I talk a lot to my DH anyway, and maybe I'll talk to the bump when it makes its presence known more.

I think my overwhelming feeling is fear, I struggle with new things and all of this is very new so it feels out of control. The bonding also worries me. Like you @ASGIRC I'm a bit disconnected too, I think I've learned over the years to be distant from people because it's easier that way, so the whole social side of having a kid is quite daunting to me.

I don't know if I am ND or NT, I suspect I might be ND, and I worry I'll be like my own mum who struggled with motherhood. So that sort of hangs over me. I feel like I need a book to tell me what to do with a baby when it's here, it'll mostly be me and my DH while we're in London, not many visitors.

All my normal bras stopped fitting a while back, so I'm in those crossover style nursing/sports looking bras, as well as bralette thingys.

I think I've gone up a dress size and a bit, luckily I'd lost some weight before the transfer so all my joggers and PJs still fit me. I bought one pair or maternity leggings, one pair of maternity jeans (as of today), a couple of oversized jumpers and a couple of maternity and oversized tops. I have a 50th to go to in a few weeks and no idea what to turn up in, one of these tops and jeans, probably.

@thislittlebird I am not naturally maternal at all. Things got a lot better once my son was old enough to interact so around six months or so. I really hate the newborn stage or 'sentient potato' stage as husband and I call it 😂 I could care for the potato and make sure it had food and warmth and comfort but I found bonding very hard. Husband was in love with our son from the start thankfully!

Really good to hear all of your updates. Personally I found that finding out the gender really helped me with processing that this is happening and imagining what life will be like with a baby boy. I’ve also bought some clothes for him which feels really exciting. I also felt beforehand that if it was a boy, I would want time to mentally prepare as I come from a female heavy family

@TheBirdintheCave that sounds exactly how I expect it to be. There’s close to zero chance I’ll be very bonded to this baby until I’ve adjusted to it living here, but I will do my job and look after it. I said to my husband before that I’m looking forward to the bit when they can interact more. I have now told my husband this is the post-sentient potato stage 😂

@KG1244 I am wondering if it’ll help. Maybe I’ll feel more prepared if I know which variety I’m getting and can visualise it.

@thislittlebird I’ve found it both helpful and unhelpful 😂 so many people saying I hope you like mess and farts and loads of energy. Right? Cause that only applies to little boys…

@thislittlebird King Edward or Maris Piper 😂

@KG1244 what a weird response 😭😂. Yes, only boys do those things 🫠. I’d be ok if we had a boy becusee it might be more like my chilled husband rather than uptight and anxious like me! Oh and I’m messy af.

@TheBirdintheCave maybe even a Charlotte!

@thislittlebird right?! Did not know how to respond. You think people would be less stereotypical!

So nice to hear I’m not alone. I also was caught up in the infertility bubble and just wanted it to work. Once was over 8 weeks I had a couple moments thinking “what have done!”. A new born baby will be a bomb in our life & hard.

However, I never wanted babies. When I dreamed it was of having a child… one older to interact with & teach & enjoy. Hopefully it helps with the newborn stage that I don’t expect to enjoy it much.

Ive also been neglecting to talk to my bump. Due to still having pregnancy sickness I’m 100% working from home & rarely have meetings so barely talk to anyone. My partner works talking to customers all day so doesn’t talk much when home. Hopefully I start to feel better so I can go to work a couple days. I miss people. Perhaps I should talk to the bump more but I don’t know what to say.

@CollsR thats the thing... What the hell am I supposed to say to the bump?

Not gonna narrate my life, or gonna tell her of all the plans I have for her, because I dont have any! Truth is... I have nothing to say to my unborn child.

Is this cold? Maybe. But Im not a very sentimental person. Some of my pregnant friends have said things like "I already love this baby so much I started crying just thinking about it" and I just cant relate at all...

I mean... I absolutely care about this baby!! But she is still an abstract. An abstract that kicks my ass on a daily basis, but still... an abstract.
I am hoping that rush of love everyone talks about will come about once she is born! I have no doubt that I will bond with her, but Im not sure when that will happen or how long it will take.

@CollsR awww sorry you’re suffering with sickness. Mine really got me down because I had plans to have all this energy and be as normal as possible with my routine and the sickness just halted everything xx how many weeks are you now? I’m 26 weeks tomorrow and I keep getting the odd random throwing up out of nowhere.
im over the worst bit though. I just feel mainly fat breathless tored and overwhelmed now lol