IVF pregnancies - Spring 2024 (thread 2)

[thislittlebird]

New thread! Do tag everyone I've missed, I'm off out to see the new Hunger Games so can add more later but need to dash! @CazzyM1983 @KG1244 @countrypunk @Misty84 @ASGIRC @TheBirdintheCave @Summerishere83

So I went over to a friend’s earlier today who has a 6 month old and left feeling completely overwhelmed and like I need to get my arse in gear. All I have bought so far is one babygrow. How do you know what to buy and am I super behind?

Honestly @KG1244 i don’t think you’re behind, you’ve got months yet. I’d say start by planning what you’ll need (like using those lists of essentials for a new born) by starting a wish list on Amazon or John Lewis, and then build on it. Then read reviews and watch videos on YouTube etc. maybe take a trip to John Lewis to have a look at everything they do and try some stuff out. I found it very overwhelming going in there for the first time, but I do plan to use their recommendation service and buying some stuff from there.

I haven’t been around a baby in about a decade and it was not my own, I need a How To Care for a Baby for Dummies guide of some kind.

@ASGIRC I have a small bump I guess, but it’s definitely appeared more bumpy since 18 weeks. Yeah, I won’t lie, I’m not looking forward to the kicking. I already feel like my body is not my own and I’m sure it feels very strange!

@thislittlebird Yeah, I dont really like the fact that my body is not my own...
And when people say something to the effect of "but then you will be breastfeeding, so your body will be the babys" it literally sends me into a rage.

No, it wont. Once I have the baby, Im claiming my body back. Im not 100% sure I will be breastfeeding, though I want to give it a go, but this body will not be a slave to the baby!

And yeah, the kicking is very weird. And it can be painful as well!

@KG1244 I didn't buy anything for my son until I was 30+ weeks. You have plenty of time :)

@ASGIRC oh god, same. I’d want to tell them to fuck off tbh. I’m in no way intending to breast feed for ages, if I even like doing it at all. I’m really not sure I will be comfortable with it, but I will try. I want my husband to be able to feed and I don’t want a baby that only wants to be with me 24/7.

I was quite annoyed the midwife asked me how I planned to feed at 16 week appointment and I said “ermmmm…breast feed?” Because I really didn’t know what to say. They’ve given me zero information and I don’t know the options. I’ve since realised that I want to try to do combined feeding and I am very concerned about how they’ll be with me in the hospital. I don’t cope well under pressure, so much so I strongly suspect I’m ND in some way, and just the thought of being in hospital and not being confident I’ll be able to cope and feed a baby and midwives will be there being potentially bossy and aggressive to me, it really scares me. The whole being in hospital part plays on my mind a lot.

@thislittlebird Mine were not at all aggressive about it when I had my son. I had two goes at breast feeding but it was SO painful for me (Autistic) that I gave up and went to bottles and no one said anything negative about it. I only got supportive comments from the midwives thankfully!

@TheBirdintheCave I’m glad they were ok with you, did they know you were autistic? Have you been diagnosed most of your life?

I’m terrified of them being horrible because I know I’ll freak out in the hospital if they start trying to pressure me. My MIL and SIL have already made comments about “but you will breast feed, won’t you?”. I’m desperate for my husband to stay with me because I know I won’t cope well with the sudden change of having a baby and then being scrutinised. The whole being in hospital experience is worrying me a lot, and the midwives don’t even care when I raise any concerns about anything. No one has referred me to the ‘birth choices’ thing, despite me asking. I need to deal with this but I’ve been sick since Jan 1st and still can’t speak clearly.

I don’t want to be one of those self-diagnosing people that everyone hates but I’ve worried for a long time that I’m possibly autistic but never sought a diagnosis because it feels like an uphill struggle to be taken seriously, especially when you can’t even see a GP these days. I’ve spent the last 5 years navigating health issues with the nhs and it’s so draining. I did say to my husband that I suspect I might be and our kid could be, and that I’d probably have to look more into it at some stage.

@thislittlebird They knew yes as I'd mentioned it to every person I saw throughout the pregnancy and it was also in my birth plan. I also asked for, and was given, a side room as an accommodation rather than being put on a ward with other people.

I was diagnosed when I was 32 so only five years ago :) I went to the GP with a list of why I thought I was autistic, started crying when I was reading it and she booked me an assessment. The whole process took a year to complete including long waits for appointment times.

One thing I was told once is that NT people don't spend their time wondering if they're autistic ;) If you feel like you're ND then you probably are! It's definitely worth getting the process started. You can then say to any midwife 'I'm undergoing assessment for Autism and my support needs are x, y, z.'

@TheBirdintheCave that sounds like a good experience. All I want is a room on my own, I’m so worried about coping on a busy, noisy ward with a crying baby.

I’m so worried of going to the GP and they sending me away because I don’t always do a good job of expressing myself when I’m stressed so I’ve probably put it off. Plus I was dealing with infertility and dermatology issues and felt like I was losing my mind, everywhere I turned for help felt like a fight.

That’s really interesting. Tbh it would explain a lot about how I was as a kid, and an adult, but I’ve learned to cope with life as an adult but this whole baby thing is about to throw a spanner in the works and I’m stressed about how it might impact me, initially at least until I figure out how to deal with it. That’s a good tip. Did you ever pursue private assessment? I’ve been tempted to in the past.

@thislittlebird thank you so much! I took a look at the Amazon wish list. It’s mega helpful, thank you ❤️ And then I’ve booked an appointment at John Lewis for next month so feel much more in control.

@thislittlebird Nope, solely went through the NHS as our wait time wasn't that long (six months or so once I was actually on the list) :)

@TheBirdintheCave that’s good. My area is screwed tbh, so probably a year plus round here. My husband just got a letter through for a follow up urology appointment 🤪. The previous one was a year ago.

@KG1244 glad you feel better! I will book with JL too as it feels like it takes a weight off and someone else can do some of the work for you.

@thislittlebird I have no issues advocating for myself, but being in the hospital will stress me out. It even makes me consider a home birth (Im completely against them, as if anything goes wrong, you are so far away from meaningful help!), but being in hospital for days is not something Im looking forward to.

Another thing I dont want is for the nurses to bathe my baby. My baby will be bathed only at home, and not daily, and that isa hill I will die on, so I hope they dont fight me on it.

I will likely do mixed feeding from the start (assuming I dont find breastfeeding completely excrutiating! I have very sensitive nipples, that break at the smallest thing, so I can only imagine breastfeeding will NOT be a thing for me... But I will get some silicone nipples to try and help, mostly because BF would save LOADS of money!)

Had an OB appointment today and she did a quick scan, so I got to see the baby! And it confirmed what I already knew, that she is still breech. In fact that was why the doctor decided to do the scan, to check if that was still the case.
OB doesnt seem optimistic that she will turn at all. So it seems C section for me (which was my preference anyway, but this way I wont have to justify it to other people, which I have had to, and I just wanted to punch them in the face!)

@ASGIRC I can do it, but sometimes when I’m overwhelmed it gets too much and I feel like this is one of those situations. I tried being the ask politely or hint person, now I’m going to have to directly tell them what I want because clearly they don’t listen unless forced to.

I completely understand that, I would have a home birth if I could have a hospital set up but I can’t. I’ve got this vision of being left to care for a baby and not knowing what I’m doing, while being out of it, or them being dicks. I think it’s really luck of the draw with midwives.

Hopefully they’ll consult you on bathing etc, it is very worrying because you feel so out of control and out of your depth.

I’ve got those silicone thingys in my shopping basket already. My skin reacts to saliva, I have eczema and have had a lot of problems with my nipples over the years so I really hope those things work for me. It would I save money, but I decided I’ll try it and just stop if it’s too much stress/pain etc.

Oh if she’s breech then you get a c-section on the national health service there, right? I know you were considering private. I need to try to ask my midwife when I can referred for an elective c-section, but someone on another thread told me it’s 36 weeks 🙄😐. I’m sorry but that just seems insane to me. I’m going to spend months worrying and waiting for them to talk to me about it and then I’ll see them to discuss a couple of weeks before the baby is here? How reassuring…

@thislittlebird Im not worried about knowing what to do. I figure it will come to me! LOL Maybe Im a bit overconfident, but I dont deal well with people telling me what to do... I think I can watch some youtube vids if I have any doubts!
I just dont want them bathing the baby!

And yeah, my take on breastfeeding is the same as yours. Try it out, see if it takes, but stop if it is painful. That idea of crying/bleeding while feeding my baby is soooo alien to me, I dont understand how some women put themselves through that. For my baby to be ok, I have to be ok. If Im crying while feeding her, I will not be ok!

And yeah, its always luck of the draw with any health providers! I also hope to luck out!

And YES, if she is breech I can have a c section on the NHS! So this has possibly opened a few more options for me!

Also... Ive already started booking CTG appointments! Which seems wild! But its 8 weeks until they start!

@ASGIRC Interesting about the bathing as they don't do that here. We were told not to bath our son until his cord fell off. I wonder why it's so different elsewhere 🤔

@ASGIRC eventually I’ll figure it out but I know I’ll get into a complete flap if they just shove a baby at me and expect me to know what to do 😩. My husband is much more chill so I trust him to keep his head while I’m having a meltdown (probably).

I know we can attend NCT classes but I’m a little concerned they’ll be very heavy on the earth mother vibes, natural natural breast is best etc etc and I’ll feel like a duck out of water amongst all the natural conceptions in the room.

Do you think they will be keen to bath the baby? Hopefully it’ll be like @TheBirdintheCave said and they might say not to.

Well maybe her lack of turning is a good thing! My placenta is still low, I’m hoping it stays there lol

What’s CTG? I’m wondering if it’s like NCT.

I ordered some Love Leggings/Lovall maternity leggings and jeggings and omg my bum looks so wide and flat in the jeggings. They might need to go back and be exchanged for some thicker jeans.

@thislittlebird I can't do maternity jeans at all. I'd love to find a comfortable pair but they're all either too baggy at the crotch (over bump) or press down on the baby when I sit down (under bump).

@TheBirdintheCave I’ll try a couple more yet but I’m not super impressed. I didn’t find them too baggy at the crotch exactly, more they just sort of sat too low? So the pockets weren’t on my bum cheeks, was weird. Credit to them they’re very comfy, soft material over the bump is nice, textures/materials and being too hot is something I struggle with with my skin, but the bum area looks weird without a long jumper over them.

@TheBirdintheCave OMG here they seem OBSESSED with bathing the baby!
Unless you give them very clear instructions not to, they will even do it WITHOUT YOU, if you are not well enough. Though generally they do it with you the day after they are born, which is wild.
You are not supposed to wet the umbilical cord, but somehow bathing the baby is ok?

No. Maggie will have her first bath at home, after her cord is gone, and were settled!

@thislittlebird I feel the same about NCT classes... And the whole people telling me what to do!!!! So Ive decided not to attend them. I dont care. Ill figure it all out, it is fine! Im very chill, so Im confident it will all be fine!

CTG is the baby monitoring that will happen from 36 weeks! They hook you up to a machine to check for babys movement, heartbeat and any contractions! You do one a week after 36 weeks here. Its the thingy you see in movies, with the bands around the belly and the paper thingy with the heart beat!

@ASGIRC I didn’t do NCT last time and not this time either as I felt the same. I worked it out fine!

@ASGIRC yeah I’m not big on people telling me what to do either. I think we’ll go to them but I’m a little cynical about going. My friend got very lucky and made some long term mum friends through NCT, but we’ll likely be moving in the next few years and I know I won’t keep in touch with anyone if I do make friends there.

The monitoring sounds good!

I’m probably a bit weird like this but I’m really, really hating the over the bump stuff. I’m very sensitive to fabrics and textures and don’t lie things too tight. I’m really struggling having something covering my belly, the panel goes all the way up to my boobs and I’m just finding it incredibly itchy, hot and claustrophobic. I have eczema and my skin is very itchy in the torso and thighs lately from stretching too. I’m going to be the worst looking pregnant woman ever at this rate, hate all the clothes 😩

@thislittlebird Have you tried maternity leggings? The adidas ones are so comfy! I’ve also found it more comfortable wearing maternity tights and dresses that I currently own that fit over my massive boobs and big belly 😂