Due January Part 2024 Part 6 🎉

[Bims2019]

Hi all, I couldn't see a new thread and the last one looks full so starting part 6. Hope that's ok! Have tagged as many people as I could, really sorry if I forget anyone.

@Mushroo
@Kalodin
@matildahoney
@buckingmad
@FirstT1meMum
@Vikki7
@Littlealien24
@sashastuck
@xLJ1990x
@suz2285
@TunnocksTCake
@Mummyme87
@Redpanda21
@luhou
@Rootshere
@Matildahoney
@flowerpot258
@Ttcdcno1
@Onedayatatime24
@PartRadish
@youaremysunshine03
@dannic2018

Everything crossed that things progress positively @Kalodin

Oh @Mummyme87 hope you felt better after the tears, I find sometimes having a good cry helps clear your head and settle emotions.

I've been told to slow down, stop being stubborn and admit I'm struggling if things are getting difficult.
I am seriously tired at the moment, in bed before half 9 most nights, if I haven't fallen asleep putting ds to bed. I've developed what could possibly be sciatica with where the pain is, I walk to dh work from school 3 days every other week, and I'm in a bit of pain doing it this week.
One of my colleagues is a really close friend and she's known me about 9 years. Today she caught me and another colleague not quite arguing but having a conversation about my physical and mental health, our collegue asked my friend for back up and the reply was something along the lines of "hummus won't listen until she's ready to admit she's struggling, she was like it last time, determined to prove she can carry on as normal even if she is finding it hard" our collegue suggested that'll be when I have a mental breakdown then.

The sad thing is, they're probably right, their argument is I'm a TA, but I work above and beyond my role. But the thing is I run interventions and sessions for SEN children, plus I'm in class for support during curriculum learning and my class teacher is new to the school, she needs my help and support too. I know some of that isn't my responsibility to worry about, but I can't help it. I need to be able to keep going because if I don't, who is?

I tried to explain it to dh this evening and explain all the extra things I've got in my head regarding school, the house and ds, he kept saying "those are things you don't need to think about now, they're in hand or in the calendar, they're on the job list" he finds it so easy to just focus on the here and now and look at stuff as it comes up, whereas I like to have a plan of action in my head... I can't just change that.

I am worried that we're only a week and a half back and I'm already this tired, I'm scared I'm headed for burnout before half term, but I'm not doing anything different to what I was doing pre pregnancy. I remember brain fog hitting me at about 7 and a half months with ds, meaning I finished work earlier than planned, but I want to go to Christmas hols for the children, I don't want to just be at home.

Sorry that was long.

@Hummusanddipdip I'm so sorry you feel that way. I can totally understand where you're coming from. I'm not sure if it's the pregnancy or not but I am finding this September to be one of the hardest yet. Going in really early and not leaving until nearly 6 every day and still feeling like I'm playing catch up! I have never felt so all over the place.

I think my DH struggles to understand the pressures totally of working in a school and doesn't quite get that although technically things aren't my responsibility it will impact me if they don't get done.

I understand my team too telling me to not stress and take it easy but at the end of the day it's still my job for another 14 weeks and I can't just ignore my role.

Sorry I know that isn't really much help and I went off on a total tangent but just wanted to let you know you're not alone and it definitely feels like a mega tough return to school this year!

Thank you @FirstT1meMum to be honest knowing I'm not the only one feeling like this is actually comforting in a weird way. It's not nice knowing you're going through the pressure too, but it is comforting to know I'm not alone in it? Sorry not sure if that makes sense?

@Hummusanddipdip I think that was my reason for replying as I find it reassuring that's it's not just me! Hopefully things will settle down soon and we'll be back in the swing of it! 🤞❤️

@Hummusanddipdip well that was so relatable! Husband over here is the same just focuses on one thing where as I'm constantly thinking about work, house stuff, baby stuff, finances! It's a lot! I'm so unmotivated at work since I got pregnant, it's our 'quiet' time but I've got so much prep work to do before I go off and just no desire to do it but I know I have to! Like you say it's still my job and I want to leave it in a good place to come back to as well!

Baby brain is well and truly in force here as well so it's harder to concentrate and I'm getting really achy and fed up this last few weeks! I wasn't expecting to feel so sore so early on! I'm hoping it's just a blip 😂

@Mummyme87 hope you feel better today, a good cry can help and it's not nice when you're feeling like that.

@Hummusanddipdip you're absolutely right about having all the things in your head, it's exhausting and not easy admitting you might need to slow down. Hope you're feeling ok today.

I had a cry yesterday because I was feeling overwhelmed, think a combination of starting a new role and the anticipation of visitors coming this weekend put me into a bit of a spin. I've got a long-ish commute now and feels like I've gone from 0-100 at a time when I should probably be slowing down. We were also booking some time away for next week, which we should have done ages ago, and I got stressed about prices etc. Lots of little things that seemed to snowball! But DH was really good and has picked up house stuff today so I have less to do. It doesn't help that I haven't felt baby as much over the past 12 hours, I'm sure they can tell when I'm stressed which isn't good... the worry never stops!

Sorry so many of us are feeling overwhelmed, I had an awful day yesterday. I dont work wednesdays and look after my soon to be three year old and she is currently transitioning away from her nap (Waaaa!) so is overly tired etc and I should be understanding and helping her through it but she was just triggering me ALL day by not listening and I kept being really short with her. I have struggled with my temper since she turned 2 and had therapy about it but find it hard to control sometimes which I hate. I never had a temper before children at all so its all new to me!
I also overdid it with the shopping, park and rhyme time and getting 2 new tyres with her in tow and getting my whooping cough jab which doesnt help. I also hate the feeling that I have less control now in certain situations - she has always been a major flight risk and will just run off which is so scary but even more so when I can no longer physically run after her and just pick her up to carry her home, I just cant do it anymore, Im too heavy and she is about the size of a 5 year old! My mum says I just need to do less and take the buggy so I have the option of containing her but then I feel guilty that I'm limiting her because of the baby ALREADY and hes not even here yet. Gah!
It did occur to me that I have been doing less exercise & yoga because it was making me feel dizzy/ giving me SPD but that was also my de-stress time as recommended by therapist and I'm now just not getting any me time at all so need to try to do something to unwind. Managed a short yoga last night before I got dizzy but then just lay on my mat listening to the instructor and the plinky plonky music which was nice. Might go to an actual class rather than trying to do it on my own at home.
Sending love to all in a similar boat!

Does anyone else feel kicks and movement very low down?? When I’m laying down at night I can feel him kick around belly button area or just below but in work today I was sat down and could feel movement extremely low down. It almost felt like he was on his way out!!

@Inmydreams88 I first felt movement very low which I thought were kicks but since feel them above and around my belly button too. I now feel both very clearly and they confirmed that she is head down and the ones low down are actually punches 😂 the ones near my belly button are kicks and I can feel the difference power wise lol could be the same for you? ☺️

Yes been feeling that for past fortnight @Inmydreams88 , scan yesterday did show baby was super low resting on my Cervix so I think I'm feeling that

My Midwife phoned me, she said my usual Consultant reviewed yesterday's scan and she wants me to see her for a Pre-Opp consult for the cerclarge after my 20 week scan today

Good luck with the scan today @Kalodin x

Sorry others are feeling overwhelmed, I'm feeling the same with worries about money and where we're going to live next year - is anyone else renting?

Maybe it's because it's the time we all have to request mat leave etc?

@WitcheryDivine we are currently 'renting' we live in my mum and dads annex to save for a house which is definitely not big enough for a baby after 6 months! We are in the process of trying to buy a house but my husband is self employed and proving a lot more difficult than it should be! We just have to see what happens, hope we get accepted end of the month or we will have to find somewhere to rent. All so stressful but tryna chill out about it and think what ever happens happens!

@WitcheryDivine I’m also renting and getting stressed about finances. Don’t think we’ll be buying until baby number 2. Had to blink back some tears at work today, my manager thinks that I may not get moved up the pay scale this year (as I’m entitled to) due to leaving for mat leave. He said that’s what happened to his partner (also a teacher). Any other teachers know if schools can refuse you moving up the pay scale due to mat leave?!

I’ve read all the messages, was way behind. I’m defo more emotional too this week. Hope everyone’s doing okay xx good luck for scan @Kalodin

@Sashastuck not a teacher but that sounds like discrimination to me, I swear you are entitled to pay rises and bonuses as per normal. However if they are discretionary they can always find a reason not to give it to you... but I would be suspicious if the reason given is maternity.

@Inmydreams88 I only get movements low down, I'm 24 weeks today & still don't feel like I've felt a proper kick!
But consultants earlier this week told me not to be concerned about it!

I had a growth scan today at 24+1. Baby boy is measuring 50th centile and 1lb 9oz 😊they said he is head down but lying diagonally which is why I'm having so much pelvic/bladder pressure and feeling movements everywhere lol

Anybody else struggling with back pain? Specifically coccyx pain. I have been struggling with aches and pains but today my pain in my coccyx is next level. Struggling to walk or drive. I don't feel like this is normal, but don't really know what to do about it?

Since hitting 22 weeks I've been having a lot more aches and pains. My hips especially ache at night when I'm in bed, even woke me up the other night and I had to flip over. Constantly feels like stretching around my pelvic area too, like the muscles are too tight when I stand up. Didn't expect this until I got much bigger!! Swimming is helping I think, doesn't help I'm sat down all day at work.

We also viewed a nursery yesterday which was lovely but it got me feeling so overwhelmed with the cost of it. I was hoping to go back to work 4 days at least, but might not even be able to do that for it to make sense financially. No idea if work will even want me back on 3 or 4 days either as it's a full time job and I often do more than my hours. Everything is so confusing and stressful at the minute, I know we'll make it work but it makes my stomach turn thinking about juggling it all. No idea how you're all doing it with kids already too!!

@Onedayatatime24 it's tough. I have been sturggling with aches and pain but this pain feels really debilitating.

Nursery is expensive. Do you know about the tax free childcare account? Gives you 20% contribution

This sounds like rubbish to me - my manager said to me that everything basically ticks over as normal while you're on maternity leave, e.g. you accrue holiday and you're still "in service" (in terms of continuous employment) so why wouldn't you get a pay rise when you come back? It's to keep up with the cost of living.

You should give these guys a call - they are LOVELY https://pregnantthenscrewed.com/your-rights/

Also he's your manager - it's up to him to fight your corner not suggest that you should be treated shoddily (because his wife was) without bothering to find out.

@sashastuck i got promoted whilst on mat leave last time and my discretionary mat pay was based on my pay the time of me starting mat leave. Ie my mat pay didn’t rise with my promotion but then when I went back I was on my new wage. I wonder if your manager meant something like that?

Hope everyone who felt off are feeling better today.
@WitcheryDivine we're not renting but we have to renovate the house so we could sell and move back home (to another country). It scares me because we won't get enough money from sale and have no idea how to buy a house back home because we defo don't want to rent (way too expensive and basically none existent rental market).

Baby feels really low down today, have pubic /pelvic pain. Really hope this pressure is not affecting my cervix length. Will find it out on Monday.
I've been so annoyed for the last few days and today hasn't been any different. Because of that i wasn't as alert when driving. Was reversing my car when suddenly bang, i was terrified that i hit another car but luckily just poles.

@sashastuck I don't think I got a pay rise while on my shared mat/pat last year, but I did get my bonus. And rightly so as it applied to the previous years results.

I did come back after 8 months and I got promoted and a pay rise then - I guess a bit like @buckingmad. Do you have an HR or someone who has taken recent mat or pat leave at your organisation who you could ask? Are your pay rises included in your contract or discretionary?

@Luhou I've been reading up about the help you can get so might not be as bad as I was first thinking but still so much. I knew it was expensive from others mentioning it but I feel like the actual cost is never talked about - no wonder so many people don't go back to work.

Yes, the pain is a strange one, never know what's normal or not either which is an added worry. 😅 Dreading what I'm going to feel like in a couple of months.

How are people sleeping? I don't mean in terms of quality but in terms of HOW you try to sleep on your side all night every night comfortably. Are people using special cushions or something?

I fall asleep on my side but keep waking up with achy muscles I presume as I'm kind of trying to balance that way all night!