Pregnant and homeless pls help

[Queenxxx]

Hey guys, so basically, my husband, daughter and I live with my mum currently, and I just became pregnant again with my second baby. My mum is not happy at all about this, because I had agreed with her to not get pregnant again until I move out, (because it's so hard for her right now keeping all of us in her house as well as my other siblings.) so she basically doesn't accept my pregnancy and is kicking me out. She has given me two days to leave the house. So I will be pregnant and homeless with my 19 month old and husband😭what shall I do? Me and my husband can't afford to private rent otherwise we wouldn't even be living with my mum right now. I don't work and receive universal credit and carers allowance because I am my mom's carer. My husband does work but only gets minimum wage. And my biggest problem is that my husband is from abroad. And when applying for his visa, the home office asked where he would live after arriving in the UK. We said he would live with my mum, and she was required to give written confirmation of that, which she did. She literally wrote in the letter that he can live in her house. We even had to have a property inspection to make sure there will be enough space for my husband, my baby and I as well as my mom and siblings. So basically, he wouldn't have even got the visa if my mother had not consented to him living here. And now, 6 months after he's arrived, this has happened...she wants us out of her house...will this effect his immigration status or anything? Will they blame us for this? Will they help us? Someone please help I'm so so so so upset and stressed, and I feel like such a bad mom to my babies😭

Is she though? Sounds like with the HG she wouldn't be able to care for her mum if she's really vomiting every 10 mins.

I cannot comment on your husband or his visa situation as I don’t know.

What I do know is that you can go on the council list because you are going to be homeless.

Your mum will have to prove that she doesn’t want you there and they’ll need to contact her.

Unfortunately it’s almost Impossible to get a place right now and you’ll be put in temporary accommodation until you find somewhere suitable which will probably be years.
(My friend has been in temporary accommodation for 5 years with 3 kids and her DH is in a wheelchair).

The temporary accommodation will most likely not be local and can sometimes be hundreds of miles away.

You will most likely be only eligible for a 1 bed property due to your kids ages.

Your DH may not be allowed to go with you.

You won’t be your mums carer anymore so you’ll need to get a job as you’ll be getting a lot less money and you’ll need to be showing that you are looking for work by going into the job centre every week.

We don't know if he's the father of the existing child or not, BadNomad

Come to that we don't know whether they're actually married or not either; OP refers to him as DP and her husband, so it's not very clear

It's not simple as that. Op has to apply for homless . She and the children will then get put into emgency accommodation. That could be anything from a room in a b&b/hostel or a self contained flat/house. After approx 56 days . The council will confirm if they owe a full duty to op. After that they will be moved to more suitable temporary accommodation.( some times emgency accommodation can become temporary accommodation if its deemed suitable)

Depending on where the op is . She could be bidding for years. Especially in places such as London. You don't always get heigh on the list because your homeless /in temporary accommodation. Homeless in my area is a band 3 . The lowest in band 4.

She won’t be her mums carer soon though, so she won’t be exempt.

We've all heard of unexpected pregnancies, OP. I had one. I'm so sorry yours has cone along at a difficult time.

It seems like you have a few options -

• try to fight for a house with loads of others like you (def do this)
• get a job asap so you can afford housing. Is that feasible? Appreciate having your 19m old looked after might make this difficult, so negotiate with your mum - it's not like you'll have the bab=y tomorrow, is it? Agree you'll leave but you need more time otherwise you'll all be homeless. If your eldest is 2yo, you should get some free nursery time which might allow you to work - sadly your pregnancy may be showing by then, but you never know, someone may take you on. This also means you can care for your mum for longer.

Sadly noone has the right to rely on others to look after them. It's really important you and your DH become self-sufficient asap. I know that's easier said than done, but if you focus on creating a solution versus the problem, I think you'll sort out what you need to do.

Wishing you good luck, life seems crappy sometimes, but invariably it's just one door closing, go find the one that's opened for you x

Agree PumpkinSoup21

If you are too sick to do any form of work, I am not sure you can competently be anyone's carer. It sounds like your mum has had enough. Not only are there 3 additional people in the house but you are vomiting every ten minutes and in need of care yourself, forget helping her. When you had your first child, what was your plan to support them? When you have children, you need to be financially responsible for them.

I don't know what incident or last straw led to your mom saying you need to be out in two days but given how generous and helpful and understanding she has been, if you apologize and help her more and can show you have taken action and are putting a plan in place, she might give you a little more grace and extend the deadline. If you can go to her with all the places you have called and the efforts you have made to find resources and housing etc, and you keep that effort up, she may give you a little leeway. Depends on how this whole situation unfolded.

I wonder if that's why the OP's DM is so blase about her leaving. If she needs a carer and the OP is only caring on paper to claim the benefit, she might be better off getting external help.

I would have expected most people needing care and getting care to want more than two days to arrange a replacement...

@Treesinmygarden of course it's a choice, the consequence of that choice is being burdensome, and putting herself and her existing child in a worse position. Choices and consequences.

That's correct - however presenting as homeless is still a temporary solution.
Earlier I mentioned '5 years' but I was wrong. A spouse visa is valid for 2 years 9 months, after which another application has to be made.
That means OP's husband has 2 years 3 months left.... By the time she gives birth this will be down to 18 months.

They need a combined income of 24899

https://immigrationlawyers-london.com/blog/spouse-visa-application-extension-part-2.php

Can they do that with a baby and young child? Even with help childcare for infants is expensive. Otherwise he won't be able to renew his visa.

IANAL, and I have seen some cases where legal loopholes were found allowing a stay under right to family life but solicitors are expensive.

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/1158829/Private_life.pdf

@PumpkinSoup21 that's from your own point of view. To reduce poverty and situations like this a certain level of self responsibility needs to be applied. I agree it's not easy to climb out of poverty. I'm a single mum 1 to DC.... I stuck to my 1 child for good reason it is hard. My DS could of had a much different life if I got myself pregnant and was unable to go to work. It's selfish and it isn't fair on the kids.

Let's not forget that as well as caring, she is also presumably caring for her toddler full time too?

But her mum doesn’t want her as carer any more, so she doesn’t have that as a job.

You will have two DC to support and house now so you're really going to need to work. I would look into home working jobs that could work around your sickness.

Reading between the invisible lines, I think that maybe, and unfortunately, her Mum wanted any excuse to get them to leave - not because she doesn't love her DD and her DGC, but because she is disabled and already has other (adult?) children living at home. She may be in a lot of pain, very stressed and she may feel like she has come to the end of her tether, and that is why she has given her daughter such a short deadline? Also, if the Mum isn't feeling well herself then the almost constant sound of her daughter retching probably isn't helping...

I don't know at what stage the OP's vomiting started, but if it is as bad as she says then she probably can't be her Mum's carer at the moment anyway - which unfortunately also means that the OP will lose her carers allowance - but these are all choices the OP has made, and sadly no-one can wave a magic wand for her and conjure up a nice 3 bedroom house, with a garden, a very low rent, and where they will allow the OP's partner to stay.

I presume that as OP says it would not be safe to take her DDs to her partners country, that it is a Muslim country. I hope if she does stay with her partner for the long haul, that he has a much more modern outlook on how females should be treated than so many of his compatriots have...

I agree.

Often you are high up in priority when classed as homeless and then you’re put in temporary accommodation (usually far away from your local area and in a not very nice area), then you go right back down the list because you’re not classed as immediately at risk of being homeless.

Its only when your temporary accommodation is then nearing the end (which can be days, weeks, months or years) do you go back up the list and then usually end up in another temporary accommodation and it carries on until you are fortunate to be accepted for somewhere permanent.

It’s a very scary time to be needing somewhere to live right now.

Unfortunately it is the children who suffer when parents can't provide residential stability or food stability or the basic necessities. Adults do have basic responsiblities for children they have. Children going hungry or growing up without their parents or on the streets as the parents can not provide the basics is not a healthy or happy childhood. Saying that people should just keep having kids if they want a family regardless of their ability to feed or house or clothes them really does a disservice to the children who are vulnerable and have no choice in these matters.

She couldn't be her Mum's carer at the moment anyway, as she has told us she can't hold down a job due to her almost constant vomiting.

In order for him to be here on a spouse visa, he must be her actual legal spouse - so the OP switching from DP/DH is irrelevant; if she sponsored the visa successfully, they're married.

The requirement for income on a spouse visa is greatly reduced for people on certain benefits; they would only need to prove a certain amount leftover each week after rent and council tax. That amount used to be £138 but it has probably changed in the last decade or so.

100%!

The pressure being put on the OP to terminate is just horrible. I am certainly pro-choice but could never have terminated other than for medical reasons.

I think she knows the awful situation she is in without some a-hole randomers berating and lecturing her! Stop being so fucking patronising! Her decision is made. She asked here for advice of dealing with the fallout from her and her husband's decision. All the ranting about termination must be so upsetting and hurtful - with little attempt to even frame it in a kindly way!!! Utterly horrible.

@Queenxxx I think your mother is being totally unreasonable. I get that if she is sufficiently unwell that she requires a carer, that she doesn't want another baby in the house. Two days' notice though - she is just being a bitch. I know she is angry but if she is willing to put her ill, pregnant daughter (who also happens to be her carer), her little granddaughter and her son-in-law out on the streets, that is a special kind of vicious. It's not like you are giving birth imminently.

Do you have other family or friends who might be able to help you? And what about the siblings that still live at home? Are any of them old enough to move out? If they are, would they maybe consider sharing the costs of accommodation with you?

Otherwise it looks like the best option would be for you to present as homeless and your DH to continue to live with your mother in the short term? I don't know why you couldn't do that in a few months while continuing to look for other options.

What you need to be doing though is planning how you are going to lift yourself out of this situation. You will need to get a job - perhaps you could work for a bit once the HG (hopefully) subsides? And certainly after the baby is born but then what are you going to do about childcare?

Do either you or your DH have any qualifications/experience that would allow you to increase your income?

Someone made a nasty remark up-page about you being "emotional". I actually don't know how you could be anything else but!!!

I hope you manage to find a way through this x

Wow.
In the sentence where she said it's not safe she also mentioned the reason why.... 'it has no healthcare' but somehow you only read half of it and magically jumped to conclusions?
Or do you think only Muslim countries have little to no healthcare provision?

Are you genuinely your mums carer or is it oke of those situations whereby there is someone in the family on DLA so thenomimate someone as 'carer' so that they don't need to work? Few folk in my own family that do this.

Anyway you'd maybe be best to contact immigration (does he have a point of contact?) and ask them.

Oh sorry everyone I came on to post on Mumsnet and realised I was on the comments section of the Daily Fucking Mail by mistake …

No, she said the country doesn’t have good health care, therefore not safe - not that the country is intrinsically “not safe”. I don’t know where you’ve got Muslim from. Anyway, would she even get a visa for the country?