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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Boyfriend wants an abortion

237 replies

Idontwantausernameplease · 15/07/2023 22:36

Hi everyone,

I just found out I’m pregnant. Backstory is that I fell pregnant with my partner last year and he asked me to abort, I did and it was traumatic.

Fast forward a year, my OH and I were sitting down for dinner and he tells me he is ready for baby and if I would consider taking my coil out. I had not spoken about babies since our termination and thought it was completely off the cards for us. Naturally I was surprised but also felt this wow feeling that I really didn’t know existed inside me.

I agreed to have my coil out and scheduled it for a month later so I could really settle into the idea of letting it happen if it happened. i have not even had a single period before falling pregnant and now he’s said that he didn’t mean it and that he doesn’t want a baby, please could I consider getting rid of it.

All I have done since finding out a few days ago is cry at the fact that this is my body and to ask me again to go through the trauma of abortion again is just something I don’t think I can do.

He is saying to me that he’s not telling me to do it but I should consider what life would be like raising a baby alone. Bear in mind that this is not a new relationship, we have been together for five years and so the decision to have a baby with him felt natural and comfortable to me. I didn’t think that in a thousand years he would turn around and say he doesn’t want a baby after asking me to take my coil out and continuing to have sex without any contraception. I mean what did he expect would happen?

I feel completely blindsided and don’t know where to turn. I have typed this so quickly and I know I have probably left a lot of detail out. But I am desperate for someone to help me make sense of my emotions… I am dying inside.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 23/07/2023 10:12

Really hope you're going to get rid of this dickhead you're with OP. He's going to mess your mental health up.

Tresto · 23/07/2023 10:17

Op do you have family you can talk to? You need to dump this prick and then make a decision.

You need people who love you around you. The piece of shit you are dating doesn’t love you or care for you. Whether he is immature or an abuser or this is a game I don’t know but you need to be well away from him.

castlesandsand · 23/07/2023 10:19

Speak to someone professional but please ditch that pathetic excuse of a partner who seems unable to commit to anything more long term than a round at the pub. He is not doing you any favours & is just manipulating & messing with your head.

if you do keep the baby keep him off the birth certificate & be prepared to go it alone.

Unicorn2023 · 23/07/2023 10:19

@Idontwantausernameplease Please leave him! 😢💔

Original poster
Idontwantausernameplease · 23/07/2023 10:54

I’ve booked an appointment with BPAS. It isn’t fair on this baby to come into this. I won’t be a good mum if I am this broken, I won’t be able to cope if the feelings I have right now are anything to do with it. I’m ruined and I won’t ever get back from this and to make a child suffer through it with me isn’t right.

OP posts:
sodthesodoff · 23/07/2023 11:01

Idontwantausernameplease · 23/07/2023 10:54

I’ve booked an appointment with BPAS. It isn’t fair on this baby to come into this. I won’t be a good mum if I am this broken, I won’t be able to cope if the feelings I have right now are anything to do with it. I’m ruined and I won’t ever get back from this and to make a child suffer through it with me isn’t right.

Did you tell them everything?

I'll be honest I didnt think bpas would do the abortion if you presented like this.

No one's saying you can't have the abortion. But you need some proper help and support and counselling before you make that decision.

You need to be in the right frame of mind. No one can make decisions when they're traumatised like this.

Please get away from the abusive dick. And seek help and support for yourself. Sending you strength.Flowers

Golaz · 23/07/2023 11:06

OP I’m so sorry you are feeling this way. Please know that you are strong enough to manage this whatever you decide. You must be selfish right now and make the decision that is in your heart , for your life. Don’t think about anyone else- your partner, future baby etc. Those things will resolve themselves. Right now You must do what is right for you. You will feel better, you will recover from this and you will be your best self again xxxx

Persipan · 23/07/2023 11:13

Where are things at with him?

I'm sorry you're having such a shit time, OP. I want you to know that things are going to get better than this. Maybe not straight away, maybe not in a straight line, but you are not going to feel these feelings forever. I'm not saying don't have a termination, that's entirely up to you; in just saying that at the moment you may not be feeling very much in the way of hope, and I want you to know that I'm holding on to some for you.

Original poster
Idontwantausernameplease · 23/07/2023 11:18

I have submitted the request for an appointment, it says they’ll contact me within 24 hours. I know that they’ll want to talk to me, I know that they won’t feel comfortable with doing this unless I can show them that I am in the right mind. Neither option is ideal for me, I have to pick the option that only hurts me and no one else. I can’t be what I want to be for this baby, in my heart that’s already broken, I know I will be bringing a child into hardship and I know people say that they manage and the baby makes it all better; but what if I look at my life and it’s just as painful but I have to put on a brave face for everyone. I have cried non stop today, I thought I’d go workout and feel better but I cried and had to leave. I want to sleep until it’s over.

OP posts:
Original poster
Idontwantausernameplease · 23/07/2023 11:23

He asked for time, said obviously we have a few weeks before a medical abortion was no longer an option. Couldn’t get his head around how pregnancy is calculated by first day of LMP. So in explaining to him that I am 6 weeks going on 7 weeks pregnant we said we would having a cooling off period for the next 3 weeks where he gets to take the time to consider both options. And whilst I felt that this was fair, it isn’t. Because he isn’t being a partner to me, he isn’t supporting me, I’m falling deeper into the darkest place. And today I’m at the point where I can’t even make the tears stop, they are coming and going like waves because I’m angry, I’m let down, I’m scared, I’m lonely, I’m hurt. My feelings are completely last on his list of things he cares about and that’s what hurts the most

OP posts:
ConnieTucker · 23/07/2023 11:26

Idontwantausernameplease · 23/07/2023 11:23

He asked for time, said obviously we have a few weeks before a medical abortion was no longer an option. Couldn’t get his head around how pregnancy is calculated by first day of LMP. So in explaining to him that I am 6 weeks going on 7 weeks pregnant we said we would having a cooling off period for the next 3 weeks where he gets to take the time to consider both options. And whilst I felt that this was fair, it isn’t. Because he isn’t being a partner to me, he isn’t supporting me, I’m falling deeper into the darkest place. And today I’m at the point where I can’t even make the tears stop, they are coming and going like waves because I’m angry, I’m let down, I’m scared, I’m lonely, I’m hurt. My feelings are completely last on his list of things he cares about and that’s what hurts the most

He is abusive. This is abuse. Telling you to get pregnant, then telling you to abort. Twice. Dont forget to tell your gp all of this too

Needanewnamebeingwatched · 23/07/2023 11:31

He is abusive, manipulating and not good for you.

Please please whatever you do with the baby, get rid of this man.

He is taking everything from you, your confidence, your mind, your baby, he has you spinning in circles. He won't be happy until you are nothing but a whimpering wreck.

Temporaryname158 · 23/07/2023 11:53

He is abusive. Highly abusive.

you said he’s in your head. Get him out of it and your home. Take your decision when he isn’t there coaching you on what it will be. This relationship should be over. Ask him to leave or leave and take your children.

when he asked you to abort he lost all rights to sharing a life or anything with you. You must remove yourself from him to enable you to make the right decision. He has no part of that now and the peace of being away from him should provide some clarity

Yeahno · 23/07/2023 12:21

I don't understand. How is this man still in your life? Are you so broken?7

LAMPS1 · 23/07/2023 12:23

Get away from him today.
He has no right to ask you for time.
His request for time is part of his cruel abuse.
You can’t get clarity for yourself while he is mentally abusing you like this.
Get away from him somehow, today if you can. Don’t let him repeat this abuse over and over again, all the time pretending to be normal.
This isn’t normal. Free yourself from him.

Lottapianos · 23/07/2023 12:32

He can absolutely fuck right off. This man is no good for you whatsoever and you need to get him out of your life. The decision about the pregnancy is 100% yours.

'I’m ruined and I won’t ever get back from this'

This is not true. You're in deep shock and grief and you have a very hard decision to make. But you WILL move on from this. However much pain you are in, it will change and life will get good again, so long as you get far away from this awful man. He sounds really dangerous and manipulative

flowertoday · 23/07/2023 12:33

Don't believe that you can't bring up a baby on your own OP. You absolutely can , and there will be support for you to do so if that is what you choose. It is your baby, your body, your choice .
Your boyfriend sounds like an uncaring , manipulative stunted man child. Whatever your decision please lose him - you can and will do better.
Take your time making YOUR decision. This is your decision alone . Take care of yourself 🌻💐🦋

Weonlyhavealoanofit · 23/07/2023 12:34

He WANTED her to conceive. This isn’t buyer’s regret. This is about another life (a life he willingly helped create) and the mental and physical welfare of the mother, who has already suffered through an earlier abortion; an abortion he ‘requested’. This man is selfish, bloody cruel, and without any compassion. IMO to ‘ask/guilt trip’ her into having another abortion is shameful. She risks a life time of regrets if she aborts this child just to please him.

RudsyFarmer · 23/07/2023 12:40

Fucking hell. It’s rare that words completely fail me but here we are. What. A. Cunt.

Unicorn2023 · 23/07/2023 13:07

RudsyFarmer · 23/07/2023 12:40

Fucking hell. It’s rare that words completely fail me but here we are. What. A. Cunt.

This! I have no words 😶 this is the saddest post I have seen on MN 😢

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 23/07/2023 14:11

Right, action plan of calling your GP tomorrow morning and telling them what you just told us.

They will have seen this before, you can’t shock them. They won’t judge, life is very complicated and they know this.

Then you ring Women’s Aid after that or contact them online. Again, they won’t be shocked.

What he’s doing is core ice control and it’s illegal. It’s a criminal offence.

What ever you do with your pg you have to get yourself free of this man or next year you’ll be back with a third pregnancy.

WildUnchartedWaters · 23/07/2023 14:16

Idontwantausernameplease · 23/07/2023 11:23

He asked for time, said obviously we have a few weeks before a medical abortion was no longer an option. Couldn’t get his head around how pregnancy is calculated by first day of LMP. So in explaining to him that I am 6 weeks going on 7 weeks pregnant we said we would having a cooling off period for the next 3 weeks where he gets to take the time to consider both options. And whilst I felt that this was fair, it isn’t. Because he isn’t being a partner to me, he isn’t supporting me, I’m falling deeper into the darkest place. And today I’m at the point where I can’t even make the tears stop, they are coming and going like waves because I’m angry, I’m let down, I’m scared, I’m lonely, I’m hurt. My feelings are completely last on his list of things he cares about and that’s what hurts the most

Please go to your gp

Iwouldlikesomecake · 23/07/2023 14:24

I wonder if he saw you recovering from your previous trauma and getting better and he didn’t like it so he wanted a way to smack you down again.

Whatever you decide to do, leave this man. Please leave this man. Because regardless of if you terminate or continue he was capable of doing this horrible thing to you.

Noicant · 23/07/2023 14:29

Theres something sickening about this, it sounds like he wanted you to get pregnant so he could ask you to abort again. There’s something really fucking creepy here.

OP I’m sorry he sounds really off, whatever you decide about the baby I think you need shot of him.

WildUnchartedWaters · 23/07/2023 14:36

OP would you consider asking the police for Claire's law? There is no way this piece of shit hasnt got form

Have you told people IRL?