Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Work friend doesn't have anyone to be with her during birth

190 replies

strongtsandcs · 05/07/2023 16:55

My work friend is new to the country and her husband has been taken ill. She won't have anyone with her for the birth - family can't get a visa as it will take a long time.

What will the nhs do for her?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Thread gallery
7
blor · 05/07/2023 23:17

@strongtsandcs This was around the time of the pandemic where you could only have a partner for the final stages anyway, I was in labour for hours but have a very quick pushing stage so was only with the midwife for 15 minutes before the baby was out. My husband was exposed to covid and couldn't come regardless based on the rules at that point. My mum arrived just as the head was delivered. Thankfully not my first baby or else I'd have been really scared. I would definitely offer to go with her.

Hollyppp · 06/07/2023 07:05

Ahhhh I get it now. OP you’re pregnant too so you’re getting far too emotionally involved in this - ‘she NEEDS support’ aspect because you are projecting your own anxieties

Hollyppp · 06/07/2023 07:06

Bottom line is - if she wants a doula she needs to pay for it….just like everrrrryone else. No exceptions for people from other countries who left all their family and friends in their home country.

Guineapigwoes · 06/07/2023 07:27

Hollyppp · 06/07/2023 07:05

Ahhhh I get it now. OP you’re pregnant too so you’re getting far too emotionally involved in this - ‘she NEEDS support’ aspect because you are projecting your own anxieties

I bet she’s preggo with twins too…

Original poster
strongtsandcs · 06/07/2023 07:58

Hollyppp · 06/07/2023 07:05

Ahhhh I get it now. OP you’re pregnant too so you’re getting far too emotionally involved in this - ‘she NEEDS support’ aspect because you are projecting your own anxieties

Er no.

OP posts:
Hollyppp · 06/07/2023 08:22

strongtsandcs · 06/07/2023 07:58

Er no.

Show quote history

Yeah it really does seem this way, and I think you’re a FTM too so you don’t know that giving birth without a partner would be okay and completely do-able. And that the only people you REALLY need with you is the medical staff

(from a second time mum currently 37 weeks pregnant)

SparkyBlue · 06/07/2023 08:26

OP I'm so sorry to hear he has had a stroke a friends husband had similar at only 42 and it's been very difficult. I wouldn't wish it on anyone so in her circumstances it must be even more awful. I'd concentrate on getting her help and assistance for after the birth. If he has a long recovery they could all be better off going home to family after the birth

GayPareeee · 06/07/2023 08:47

Genuinely unless the husband is too ill to travel it sounds like she’d be better off going home to work, unless the husband has had only a mild stroke with a good long term prognosis I can’t see that they will actually be able to settle here long anyway.

There’s some great suggestions on this thread and I don’t know what else you’re hoping for /expecting tbh, there’s far more than I suspect many of us thought existed

tweener · 06/07/2023 09:01

strongtsandcs · 05/07/2023 22:58

@tweener they don't cost that little, defo not by the hour and no one is charging that little for 9 months.

I'm not going to continue to sit here arguing with a stupid person. Good luck to your colleague, I'm sure you'll come up with a magical, free solution.

Anoushkaka · 06/07/2023 09:17

My SIL gave birth during Covid (April 2020). She was on her own up until the very last minute when they allowed her sister in. Sister had to wait in the hospital car park and she basically was told to come in as SIL gave one last push. She was allowed stay for ten minutes and had to leave again.

BIL was unable to attend the birth and didnt see his new baby for 10 days as he had to quarantine. Baby arrived two weeks early and BIL works abroad so all their plans went out the window.

Years ago most women gave birth on their own with the help of midwives and nurses.

SheilaFentiman · 06/07/2023 10:07

@strongtsandcs

If I were you, I would start a new thread with all the details in the OP.

”someone who works for me is pregnancy, due in 6-8 weeks, Swahili is her first language and she has some English but is nervous about birthing alone when not fluent. Her husband cannot come with her as he has recently suffered a stroke and there is not time for family members to get a visa and come. Does anyone know of any charities or similar in the [Kent] area that could help find a low cost birthing companion who speaks Swahili for her?”

Put her actual area in instead of Kent!

SheilaFentiman · 06/07/2023 10:26

And I know that lots of women have given birth without a partner etc… and lots of them found it very difficult in covid etc.

This is a very pregnant woman, not fluent in English, whose husband is suddenly seriously ill. If there is a way that she could have help in this situation, it’s very nice of the OP to seek that help. Yes, the thread has got snippy on all sides on occasion. But MN is by parents, for parents and this absolutely falls into that category.

ElizabethBest · 06/07/2023 10:38

A few questions:

  1. What area of the country is she in?
  2. If she is from East Africa, does she have a particular religious denomination? I looked after a woman in not dissimilar circumstances who was supported by a volunteer from a local church which had links to her religious community.
  3. is she aware of all her options, rights etc? The more she can read up and be aware, the easier she will find it to advocate for herself.
Original poster
strongtsandcs · 06/07/2023 10:43

@tweener but you can't show anyone that's £29ph so you are lying

OP posts:
Original poster
strongtsandcs · 06/07/2023 10:44

ElizabethBest · 06/07/2023 10:38

A few questions:

  1. What area of the country is she in?
  2. If she is from East Africa, does she have a particular religious denomination? I looked after a woman in not dissimilar circumstances who was supported by a volunteer from a local church which had links to her religious community.
  3. is she aware of all her options, rights etc? The more she can read up and be aware, the easier she will find it to advocate for herself.

Thanks. What options?

OP posts:
Original poster
strongtsandcs · 06/07/2023 10:46

@Hollyppp you think you know everything about the situation, been involved in every interaction, know my thoughts and feelings.

You don't.

So zip it.

OP posts:
ElizabethBest · 06/07/2023 10:47

strongtsandcs · 06/07/2023 10:44

Thanks. What options?

Show quote history

Consent, pain relief, vaginal vs c section, midwife unit/homebirth/hospital led birth, interventions, induction of labour and sweeps, cord clamping and managed placental delivery, vitamin k etc.

wingingit1987 · 06/07/2023 10:50

There isn’t a requirement for a birth partner. My neighbour initially wanted a home birth but ended up needing to go to hospital due to an emergency. Her husband had to stay home with their other children and she ended up birthing alone.

GoodChat · 06/07/2023 10:55

OP do you speak Swahili?
Are you in a community with people from the same culture as your colleague?

SheilaFentiman · 06/07/2023 10:55

<gives up>

Original poster
strongtsandcs · 06/07/2023 10:56

@ElizabethBest thank you. Hopefully that will be part of the care provided, I can't imagine how lonely she is at the moment,

OP posts:
Greenfishy · 06/07/2023 11:00

I have found the NHS and maternity services in particular to be completely overwhelmed (I gave birth in London) and wouldn’t count on anything but the most basic care for your work colleague. They will be there at the point of delivery and active labour but post natal care is abysmal and certainly in the case me and of most women I know they just don’t have time to provide much emotional support. I strongly second the suggestions of finding a church/cultural group that might be able to support her and having a look at that Doula access fund, it strikes me that that is surely exactly what it’s intended for.

ElizabethBest · 06/07/2023 11:01

strongtsandcs · 06/07/2023 10:56

@ElizabethBest thank you. Hopefully that will be part of the care provided, I can't imagine how lonely she is at the moment,

There needs to be no hopefully about it - she has to make sure she is informed, because BAME women have statistically poorer pregnancy outcomes and she needs to advocate for herself if there isn't going to be someone with her.

BreehyHinnyBrinnyHoohyHah · 06/07/2023 11:07

OP I can't help but I just wanted to pop on to say that I think it's lovely that you are concerned about your colleague. I'm sorry you are getting such shitty attitudes on here. Just because lots of women have birthed alone does not mean that EVERY woman should be forced into that situation. I hope your colleague gets the support she wants and needs.

Swipe left for the next trending thread