Work friend doesn't have anyone to be with her during birth

[strongtsandcs]

My work friend is new to the country and her husband has been taken ill. She won't have anyone with her for the birth - family can't get a visa as it will take a long time.

What will the nhs do for her?

I may. I don't think it's wise to do this to someone who I oversee though.

I gave birth alone. It was years ago and it was no big deal if a father wasn't at the birth and I don't know when it became so. Giving birth alone was fine. Obviously there were hospital staff there

Someone from her church, mosque or home community?

I gave birth to my first in 1980. I don't think it was yet a thing for OH to be present at the birth . I was fine with midwife and her assistant

Why are you commenting on her being here on a work visa and her not accessing help?

You know that plenty of people are in the country illegally and are offered medical help, for free.

Not everyone has a birth partner, sometimes single mums or where the other parent needs to stay at home with other children. She’ll have 1:1 care in labour from a midwife though.

The NHS won't do anything extra for her specifically. She should make it clear when she's in hospital that she is unaccompanied and that the father can't be there. If she is having a hard time mentally then there may be mental health midwives that she could be referred to. I would expect the midwives to perhaps check on her more frequently but not much more than that.

She might be able to find a student doula who could be there to advocate for her, if she doesn't mind a relative stranger being involved. I guess it depends on how much time before her due date she has to organise that.

@strongtsandcs
where were you in Covid seriously, do you not not remember that no one was allowed any visitors of any kind at all in Lockdowns?
So many women had their babies on their own, and many many people lost loved ones who were not allowed visitors and died alone.

and my advice would not to volunteer to be with her when she has her baby. She may find it hard to refuse you and there is no way work colleagues of very short acquaintance are seeing my bits with a baby coming out and hearing my utterly unprofessional potty mouth.

your colleague will be fine in the very capable hands of the NHS

They’re commenting on a work visa and payment because you said Her and her husband are here on a work visa so no she wouldn't pay. It’s a pretty direct response.

Multiple people have suggested paying a doula. Why are you not engaging with this suggestion?

@PousseyNotMoira because they cost upwards of £1500 and she doesn't have that money. Do they also speak Swahili?

No I believe one birthing partner was allowed in active labor, just not to appointments

It isn’t the OPs business to pay for a doula. She can suggest it to her friend by all means but she may not fancy it.

I am unsure of why the OP has got such belligerent responses here. I read it very much as ‘only asking’ (and I was in hospital alone during covid, OP, and may yet be for this one depending if he or she turns up on a day out DS is in nursery!)

Its kind of you to worry.

There's a charity https://www.birthcompanions.org.uk/ , could you contact them and see what help might be available?

I'm surprised that some people are saying that hospital staff will be with her. That's not always the case, I've got a few friends who were alone in the hospital, and they did not have someone with them all the time, it was quite scary.
OP hopefully you or another colleague can offer to be with her.

Good old mumsnet, someone comes on here asking for advice on behalf of a colleague and poster jump in asking what about Covid, what about the 70's when women had to be on their own. Well we aren't in the Covid lockdown or the 70's now, so just because some women had to cope alone it doesn't mean that it's a good position to be in.
I think your colleague needs to talk to her midwife op. The expectation for anyone going into hospital as a patient is that they need to have someone to advocate for them. If she doesn't have family then a friend or colleague will be her only option, but it depends on how comfortable she feels about this. Is she part of any religious organisation or community group linked to her origin country?

It really depends on the hospital. She needs to ask where she is scheduled to give birth. I'm sure they will support her as much as they can but there will likely be shift changes and staff shortages to contend with. She's going to have to plan to do it alone really.

If my friend was worried about this, I'd offer to be there for her, but I think I'd have been fine if DH hadn't been there. I don't remember him having much of a role that would have been missed if he wasn't there. We weren't on our own much.

I really don't understand why we need birthing partners. My DH was there but I barely noticed him. Just someone else for the staff to deal with.

What is the point?

I laboured two of my 3 alone and much preferred it to when DH was with me for the whole thing - do you know that she definitely wants someone with her?

For the first I had a midwife with me constantly from being admitted to the delivery suite (then by birth there was 10+ people but that's another story), second time I was only admitted when 10cm and gave birth an hour later - again had a midwife with me the whole time.

I'd laboured for both on the antenatal ward so spent the night pacing so as not to disturb others - I actually found I completely went into myself and didn't want anyone around or any people touching or talking to me - quite primal.

If not contact https://doula.org.uk/about-doulas/further-support/ - they also link to birth companions which is a charity that aims to accompany women who may otherwise be alone - if she is in their coverage area.

Failing that if she absolutely didn't want to be alone I would look for local community groups/churches - it's the kind of thing I wouldn't be surprised to see on our church noticeboard and am sure there'd be more than one volunteer

Hahahaha. I definitely did not get 1:1 care in labour. At one point, I was left alone for 9 hours.

There is this that she could apply for?

https://doula.org.uk/doula-access-fund/

They cost nothing near that (I live in central
London and mine costs £27ph, they are considerably cheaper in other areas), there are programmes to support people who can’t afford them and you’re as likely to find a doula that speaks Swahili (a requirement that you hadn’t previously mentioned) as hospital staff.

This is the best resource to find one:
https://doula.org.uk/

In my local area there is a doula service available for free to some women who will otherwise be giving birth alone. They try to match the woman with a doula who speaks the same language. A referral is made to the doula service by the midwife antenatally so the doula and woman can get to know each other.

It might be worth exploring if anything like this is available locally to your friend.

Is she in hospital now? If not how does she plan to get there when in labour?
I'd say that's more pressing!

@PousseyNotMoira where is it £27ph??

Nikki Mather IBCLC thedoulaelement.co.uk/birth-doula/ for example