Work friend doesn't have anyone to be with her during birth

[strongtsandcs]

My work friend is new to the country and her husband has been taken ill. She won't have anyone with her for the birth - family can't get a visa as it will take a long time.

What will the nhs do for her?

I'm pretty sure lots of people don't choose to have their baby alone

I didn't choose to, but I did. It just happened that dh couldn't be there for genuine reasons. I don't think it's that uncommon tbh. My sis in law didn't have anyone with her as her dh had to look after the other children. Nobody else on hand to do it.

I'm confused, why does the person need to speak Swahili? If your colleague works here then presumably she speaks English? I know it would be nice for her to hear her own language but the midwives and medical staff will be speaking in English regardless.

How unwell is her husband if he cannot be present for the birth given she is not due for some weeks? It sounds like it would be worth a relative applying for a visa anyway, even if it takes weeks because if he is that unwell he is not going to be able to support her afterwards either?

She doesn't understand spoken English very well, so when explaining medical terms or the procedure it would be better for it to be in her mother tongue.

We work in accounts, you don't need a high level of English

So your colleague, who is new to the country, but is 32 weeks pregnant is the breadwinner, as her poorly husband doesn’t have a job.
I have so many questions
was she pregnant when she accepted the job ?
has she worked enough weeks and months to be entitled to maternity leave and maternity pay?
has she worked enough weeks to have paid enough NI to be entitled to SSP or other benefits?
What on earth does her skill set consist of that she was able to get a work visa in these circumstances? If she is a doctor then she will cope

This is such a weird thread

There’s loads of time off shes only 32 weeks for her husband to get better.

Wouldn’t your company help her? You have brought her here

Do you speak Swahili, OP?

It'd be good for her to have someone there who can translate and advocate for her.

We are not discussing illegal immigration here are we? We are discussing your working pregnant friends case and your unrealistic expectations of a magical solution wich, surprise surprise, none of us have.
I assumed if your friend is working, she will have money to pay for a doula if she wants someone to be there for her as her partner cant and you wont either!!

Try https://www.doulaswithoutborders.com/

they are an organisation of doulas who volunteer to support disadvantaged women. They will also try to provide someone who speaks Swahili if they have someone available in the area who does. I would have a look at them, a brilliant organisation.

We definitely exist! I had no interest in anyone else being there, beside the people who were trained in making sure my baby arrived safely. My mum did keep me company until it was time to get down to business though and it would have been very boring if she hadn't.

Couldn't think of anything worse than anyone "mopping my brow" or holding my hand thought, get away from me and let me get on with it!
(Was already separated from dad. Would have let him in if not, but for his benefit not mine.)

but, this isn't your friend's choice so it's not really relevant anyway. So to answer your question, the NHS won't do anything. Unless they were keeping a closer eye on me and I didn't know.

I’m not sure if she would qualify under their criteria but they look at each case on a case by case basis so worth looking into.

Does she actually want a random person with her?

If she needs an interpreter I'd focus on that. Midwives will be with her for the actual birth.

Bloody hell. I can't believe some of these replies. The op has asked for ideas for how to support a woman who's giving birth in a foreign country and probably feeling scared and vulnerable. And other women are saying she just needs to get on with it. No wonder men treat us like shit when we treat one another like this 🙄

OP, I'm sure the midwife's will support her as much as they can, but if they're very busy then she may well be alone for quite a bit of the time. I can see why you feel a bit awkward about offering to be with her if you're her manager. Is there another colleague she likes and trusts who may be willing to be her birthday partner? I would feel honoured to do this for a colleague if I was asked.

I agree OP. It’s definitely not appropriate for a manager to do this

If you’re in the midlands Elayos provide free doula support and post partum. If not they may be able to signpost you to a similar charity in your area?

Bloody hell. I can't believe some of these replies. The op has asked for ideas for how to support a woman who's giving birth in a foreign country and probably feeling scared and vulnerable

No she didn't. She asked what will the nhs do for her.

OP I think you're on a wind up now, but assuming you're not.

How ill is the husband and what is his prognosis?

Would the colleague be able to get a fit to fly note and return to her home country to give birth and care for the young baby supported by friends and family if she doesn't have that support here and her husband will be unable to provide it?

I gave birth alone and I was left alone by the midwives for the majority of the time.

I didn’t mind as I preferred being left alone but I was a teenager, it was my first baby, I was late so being induced and my baby was suspected to be born with health problems.
So although I would never expect midwives to stay with me the entire time, on reflection I am surprised I was left alone for so long.

They were so busy though and kept popping their head in as often as they could and they were all so lovely.

I would ask your colleague if she’s happy to give birth alone and if not if she’s happy for you to try and find a volunteer birthing partner.

I’m sure there are groups you can contact who support people with the same language.

The tricky part is finding someone who’s willing to do it and who can drop everything and potentially be gone for hours.

I think you sound really kind OP.

She doesn't understand spoken English very well, so when explaining medical terms or the procedure it would be better for it to be in her mother tongue.

We work in accounts, you don't need a high level of English

OK so presumably her husband is the better English speaker in which case is there really no way he can be there for her? If not, then unfortunately she will have to rely on the medical staff.

However, I think you are being quite combative in your messages here and misinterpreting people's comments on giving birth for "free". No one is suggesting that your colleague is not entitled to use the NHS for her birth but she will get the same service as everyone else and there simply aren't the resources to do anything else for her - you aren't terribly clear on what that additional help should be but mention of someone speaking her language does suggest that you think they are somehow going to dig up a Swahili-speaking companion which is simply not to going to happen. If you want some help for her either you or she is going to have to arrange that - does she have a church here, if you organised a work visa for her presumably your company is of a decent size and may be able to help?

Well yes, that was the initial question. I don't see anything wrong with asking if the NHS will do anything to

What I should have added is, what the NHS will do to help is provide an interpreting service while she is in hospital. She should let her midwife know in advance so this can be arranged. There should be details on the Trust's website.

This is amazing!

I don’t understand what you’re expecting the NHS to do. Plenty of people give birth with just midwives present.

She's here on a work visa, you describe her as a work friend, so its reasonable for your readers to suppose that she has an income from employment in the UK.

If any pregnant Brits in UK want a doula present while they give birth in an NHS maternity unit, , they have to arrange and pay the doula privately. That service is not part of the NHS.

Other than paying a doula, your friend's best bet is to find someone in her social circle who is available to be at her side as a birthing companion during labour and delivery. Basically holding her hand.

That's in addition to being attended by the doctors and midwives on duty.

If she's got to 32 weeks ante-natal care in the NHS, it's very surprising she hasn't received an information pack explaining what to expect when she is admitted for delivery.

is she completely sure a relative would need a visa? It could be a fairly short visit eg a month to cover the most likely period of birth?

I gave birth to my second child alone (c section). It was a bit of a rush and although we could have got childcare for my toddler it was over bedtime so it was less of a faff for my husband to be with her than me!

It was fine. I could have asked a friend but it wasn't needed. I was glad of the quiet to be fair. It really wasn't a big issue.

I'm still concerned by the plan to give birth at what seems to be 34 weeks, how is she going to get to the hospital? What's the plan for home after? Is her husband going to be well enough to help?