Pregnant after miscarriage - support thread NEW

[tulipsunday]

Welcome to all those who are pregnant following a miscarriage/s. A space where we can share our anxieties and our joys.

Good luck @Misspotterscat and @Hankthehonk we will be thinking of you both today

Second missed miscarriage for me confirmed today so I'll be leaving the boards for a while. Good luck to everyone else getting scans today x

Hello everyone, please can I join?

I had surgery for a MMC in March. It was an IVF pregnancy.

I've just found out I'm pregnant again, IVF again.

I was happy yesterday but today I just feel a sense of doom.

I'm scared I can't make normal embryos and I'll just keep miscarrying. I'm 39, so pretty old!

I just can't feel excited this morning. In fact I want to burst into tears and run away.

I'm sure you can all relate. What can I do to distract myself from these feelings?

@Hankthehonk I recognise your name from a previous thread. Sending all good thoughts for your scan this morning 💜

@moosey89 I'm so very sorry to read this. It's incredibly sad. Take care of yourself x

Happy to report that everything went well at today's scan - a good heartbeat and measuring exactly 8 weeks (I thought 8w1d so basically exactly on track).
I burst into tears - I didn't expect to feel relieved by a good scan after my previous experience but I did in spite of myself.

Good luck with your scan @Misspotterscat and I'm so so sorry to see Moosey's update - don't want to tag her as she says she's leaving the boards for now.

@Hankthehonk great news! You must be so happy!

@countrypunk welcome! God it's so hard I know, but some of us are also old so hold onto the hope! Having ivf means you already have a good team behind you and likely more scans... 😂 I'm 38... a lot of us are a bit older I think!

Welcome @countrypunk and congratulations! I felt the same at first, I was elated when I got my bfp for a day or two then the anxiety kicked in and I've struggled to feel any optimism since. I think our minds protect themselves after experiencing loss.
In terms of what to do to distract yourself, there's no definite answer but I just threw myself into being busy with my toddler, work, exercise (until I got too knackered) and have been taking it one day at a time. Treat yourself to whatever your favourite distraction is!

@suz2285 Yes, you're right, I'm sorry - I didn't mean to make anyone older feel bad! I think when you have IVF the statistics on success by age bracket are drummed into you so it becomes a bit of an obsession. An unhealthy and unhelpful one!

@Hankthehonk Wonderful news. And thank you for your kind words. I just want to sleep at the moment!

Thanks for all the well wishes. My scan went really well, measuring two days ahead so a bit closer to 13 weeks now which is excellent!

@Hankthehonk so pleased yours went well too!

@countrypunk oh don't worry, I'm not mad about being old 😂 totally with you there though the statistics for 'older' people suck and constantly go through my mind too

@Misspotterscat great news 🥳

I hope you don't mind me joining so late - I've been reading all the posts!

This is my third pregnancy after 2 MC. Healthy scan at 7 weeks.

I have been pink spotting about 3 times a week since implantation , usually about 4/5 dots on tissue . Just had it again . I panic every single time.

My Dr referred my to EPU and I have a consult and scan tomorrow and I am just terrified . I allowed myself to get excited after the scan. I actually spotted the day before that one to. Praying my cervix is just sensitive and it's a good sign of actually things growing buttttttt god it's stressful and hard not to be negative/let my mind runaway.

😓

Hopefully they'll put you on progesterone - there's a few of us on here taking it and hoping it makes the difference x

@WitcheryDivine l really wanted progesterone. I asked when I first found out and after my scan but Dr said No , not enough evidence around it blah blah .
Maybe the EPU will tomorrow but I worry it being to late for that now (9+4 tomorrow)

@Mangotango39 they wouldn't give it to me either, but I'd def ask at EPU anyway just incase!

Hi everyone! I hope its OK that I joined - just looking for some support!

I've read a lot of the thread and its had me laughing (@ChloeN and her burger nips!) but its also had me crying as so much is so relatable and I already feel so much less alone! Like a lot of you, my husband has been great but he's very much "everything will be fine" and "why worry about something that's not even happened yet."

I'm pregnant again after a miscarriage back in December (2 days before Christmas- excellent timing!) and have just been wracked with nerves so far. I was sent for a scan last week (9 weeks) as i had some brown discharge and cramps. Thankfully everything was fine and has lessened my anxiety to some degree. I'm only prodding my boobs to check they hurt and checking my pants for blood like 20 times a day instead of 50! So there's some improvement! Until now we had just been celebrating each day that passes but we've moved onto weekly targets. But at the weekend, I was at a party where I knew another girl was pregnant (she didn't know I knew, someone had accidentally let slip!), and I found myself being jealous of her. She's 2 weeks behind me and I know she had told her closet friends that she "didn't understand why people wait until their 12 weeks gone to tell people." My immediate thought was well that's because you haven't gone through the pain of loss like some people have. I was then annoyed because you could see she was all happy and glowing with excitement and I was super envious because that initial joy has been stolen from me. And to add another layer, I had known someone who was pregnant the same time I was in December and shes about to go on maternity leave and I'm not. So I guess I'm terrified that I now know someone else who is pregnant at the same time and they might get a healthy pregnancy and mine might fail again. My first due date would have been in one months time so I guess I'm still grieving the loss of my first baby and fearful for this one.

I'm sorry to have rambled on so much but I'm hoping there's someone out there to tell me that I'm not a horrible human being for feeling this one and perhaps my joy of being pregnant has just been delayed and not stolen.

Hey everyone - I’d like to join. Today I am 5+1 I’ve had two miscarriages in a row, one at 5 weeks, and the other was a MMC at 10 weeks. Feeling nervous, but going to call EPU tomorrow who kindly offered when I was next pregnant they’d do reassurance scans at around 7 weeks and 9 weeks.

@Hankthehonk congrats on your scan today, I’ve seen you on some other threads!

@PrettyPeony just wanted to say I totally resonate with the prodding my boobs like 20 times a day to make sure they are still sore 😂 and I’m so early on

Ahh @PrettyPeony I understand completely.

When I had my MC at the end of January, my SIL (who I didn't get on with anyway) gave birth around the same time. I absolutely hated the fact she was getting to hold her newborn baby while mine went down the toilet - it was the worst timing. Even though I'm pregnant again, I still don't know how ill react when I see the baby very soon. I don't even know if she knows about my MC but I remember I went out of my way to get her a card and voucher (husband is useless even though its his sister lol) and it pained me to buy it and she didn't even message me and say thank you (she just messaged him) and it annoyed me so much. I think these ugly feelings are only natural after loss and people being pregnant, announcing pregnancy is so triggering. I try to remind myself that we don't know what they've been through prior.

Even after loss, I personally feel the 12ww rule is bullshit. Its almost as though you are waiting for something to go wrong. That's why this time I have told one of my best friends but even then I felt like I was just sharing my anxiety rather than happy news and sort of regretted it. She has been very supportive though.

You're not a horrible person at all so please don't think that. Its just really unfortunate that we have to go through our pregnancies without that feeling of carefree innocence and naivety. Similar happened to me during the pandemic when we had to postpone our wedding, I was one of these 'covid brides' and I felt so bitter towards people that had their weddings with no issues in 2019 lol. And even now one of my friends is getting married next year and I'm still bitter that she can plan her day not having to deal with covid!

@PrettyPeony totally understandable! I'm 14 weeks and still checking for blood! Esp now I've got less symptoms! I'm still scared to tell people, I've told close family but I haven't told many others yet! I want to wait as long as possible tbh!

Doesn't help that we couldn't finish our 12 week bloods cos baby wasn't in the right position so I'm having quad test bloods taken this week so I'm still waiting for that reassurance (or stress)

@J2023xx welcome! So nice the EPU will do scans for you, def take them up on that! I had similar this time an early at 6.5 weeks at EPU due to bleeding and then a private at 9 weeks and it def helped knowing all seemed to be ok, I was still terrified for the 12 week scan and am still worried about the 16 week one I have booked next!

@Strawberry06 ah it's so nice for others when they don't feel the need to wait!
I told my mum at 9 weeks this time only after 2 good scans and I told her about the MC etc but I'm still waiting for something to go wrong tbh!

@PrettyPeony hi! Lol at least you had a bit of a laugh 🤣🤣 I feel the same, it’s not so bad now I’m at the end, and I realise probably other people look at me and think I wish I could be that excited because that is how I seem to people now! I really am so happy to be pregnant and as much as I have times when I worry I feel like you really do just get through it. My mc baby was due at the start of March and I found it so difficult around that time, I luckily knew no one in person due then but everyone on social media seemed to be giving birth then, I envied them all knowing that ‘should’ of been me! You’re not a horrible person at all, I think it’s really normal🥰

@Mangotango39 good luck for tomorrow lovely 🩷

@Strawberry06 I worried about the same, not just newborns, anyone with kids basically. It was fine since getting pregnant again but I had to go to my nephews party a month or 2 after the loss and I was bloody miserable. I felt horrible but the last thing I wanted was to be around other people’s children and people asking when it’s my turn!

Thank you all for your kind words! It really means a lot!

@J2023xx I'm glad its not just me! I felt like I was going insane!

@Strawberry06 That must have been really dreadful to experience. Miscarriage just brings out so many different emotions that you never expected to feel. At the time I thought the actually event of it would be the worst part and I was thinking very rationally about it all but it just seems to have a ripple effect that keeps on going and catches you off guard when you least expect it.
I did tell my mum about my pregnancy but like you, it was more to share my anxiety rather than the happy news. We told the rest of out close family yesterday (I'm 10 weeks today) and that felt like a bit more of a relief and celebration but there's always that little voice of apprehension. And also like you, I was a "covid bride" - so life has seemed a little unfair recently!

@suz2285 Yes I am worried about when my symptoms might start to disappear. I just seems to be one fear to worry about after the next! I'm sorry your still feeling too scared to tell people but you'll do it when you feel ready and that will be the right time.

@ChloeN We should start a burger nips club! I'm so pleased to hear you're feeling happy about your pregnancy now. That gives me hope to look forward to. The "should have been me" is a dreadful feeling - I completely came off social media because I couldn't bear to see it all the time like you. Best thing I ever did.

I came on to see an update on the scans, so glad that both scans went well today 💜 @Misspotterscat @Hankthehonk x

@moosey89 I'm not sure if you will ever see this if you are leaving the threads, but I am so so sorry, I hope you have alot of support, soneone to take care of you and that you manage to get some sleep tonight. Take care and sending a tight hug 💙 xo

Great news @Misspotterscat and @Hankthehonk. So sorry @moosey89 hope you have good support 💙

Busy day for posts! Not sure have managed to catch up on all but welcome to everyone new. Sadly miscarriage does mess with your thoughts. I found it difficult when my SIL went on to have her daughter when I lost my baby so empathise with worries about this. As time has passed I can now feel differently - love my niece and I don't generally feel triggered now by seeing her etc.

@moosey89 - I'm so sorry for your loss. There are no words x

Agree about the 12 week rule @Strawberry06 - I actually hated that no one knew about my first pregnancy. It was a real experience and it felt invalidating that no one in my life knew. I was very sensitive to women talking about their first trimester pregnancy symptoms like I couldn't possibly understand (one particularly annoying friend of friend who was acting like no one has ever been pregnant ever - this was three years ago and she's still like this about her kid; infuriating), but I also didn't want to be the harbinger of anxiety for folk currently going through it🙄I tell a lot of people now - I'd rather deal with the emotional landmines of failing to head off the effusive congrats that I then have to downplay, but feel seen and feel like I'm making it easier for other people to find someone to talk to if they've been through similar. But ofc no judgement for folk doing what they need. We don't owe anyone anything.

And welcome to the new joiners! @countrypunk I'm 39 and on the IVF train too... snap🤗Sending everyone luck and well wishes. This is a lovely board and it's been nice catching up with the positive scans this week. My next is on Thurs at 8+1 so fingers crossed 🤞

www.tommys.org/get-involved/fundraising-events/other-events-and-challenges/tommys-rainbow-challenge

Saw this advertised think will do it over the summer with my son 😊