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Original poster

Is there really no time for a cuppa with a newborn?

618 replies

feijoo · 11/05/2023 05:33

I am due in 5 weeks with my first born and one particular question keeps going around my head.

If newborns sleep up to 17 hours a day, why am I reading everywhere that there is no time for parents to make/drink a cuppa, go to the toilet, shower etc? I can't understand it. If baby falls asleep after a feed, you put them in crib/bassinet for their nap, why can't you make a cuppa?

I am very confused and starting to second guess myself - am I being naive? I fully understand that having a newborn is a relentless cycle of feeding, nappy change and sleep but I am quite keen to have my baby and get on with my life e.g. do things while they are sleeping.

Any clarification greatly appreciated. xx

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Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 11/05/2023 08:10

In my experience it's not the absolute newborn phase because they just sleep a lot so of course you can have cuppys and sit and watch TV!

It's a few months in and forever more... I have an almost four year old and a 18 month old and honestly, there is no time to do anything.

LumpySpaceGoddess · 11/05/2023 08:12

Oh you sweet summer child! (I joke!)

It really does depend on the baby, I was the mother who never had time for a tea or if I did make one it would always end up going cold.

My first hardly slept, they always needed to be with me all the time (I had to drag the them around the house in a bouncy chair or pop them in a sling) if I ever tried to put them down for a nap so I could have a quick shower or to run to the loo and they then woke up and couldn’t see me they would scream the house down, my HV even witnessed it and my poor baby got so worked up and threw up so I carried on just keeping them with me, playing peek a boo in the shower etc it was exhausting and I never had any time to myself, they only slept if I was with them so it was hard to get anything else done!

My second was easier in that respect and would nap and would be happy in the crib/Moses basket and I could pop to the loo etc but I was breastfeeding every hour and I still had an 18 month old to run around after who was still very attached to me but I had time for the odd cup of tea then, they often still went cold though!

I would say it is really sensible to do some meal prepping before baby arrives (I didn’t) and take any help you can get and it is invaluable!

Moopyhereagain · 11/05/2023 08:15

Think we’ve frightened op off 😬 - if you are reading this op it will / might be all these things , it will be hard but also lovely and chances are extremely high that you will cope just fine and find reserves you never knew you had!

MsSquiz · 11/05/2023 08:16

With my first, she slept all the time! So much so that I was more on top of house work than ever before because she would nap in whichever room I was in. When DH went back to work, he even came home to fill home cooked meals because she slept while I prepped.

With our second, she barely slept longer than 20 mins at a time and that was usually on me or DH. So I struggled to finish a cup of tea or get things done if DH wasn't home to help.

It all depends on the child

Tinybrother · 11/05/2023 08:24

OP Don’t listen to anyone who says you should do anything any particular way (especially if they say that any way other than theirs makes you “wet” or whatever).

try stuff, if it works for you and your baby then great, if it doesn’t try something else. Everything will be fine

Baneofmyexistence · 11/05/2023 08:26

My first one only slept on me so it was tricky. That said I did always get a drink and a shower because although he wasn’t asleep he would lie in the moses basket without crying for long enough to have a quick shower and drink. I just carried the basket round the house with me and did what I needed to. Second slept fine in his moses basket as well, didn’t need to sleep on me so the toddler made it difficult then! You will find what works for you.

BumpyaDaisyevna · 11/05/2023 08:27

Mine first was able to be put down at about 8 weeks.

BumpyaDaisyevna · 11/05/2023 08:29

With many small babies - even if they're asleep, as soon as they detect you are putting them down they wake up and cry.

It's the fourth trimester really.

justanothernamechangemonday · 11/05/2023 08:29

24 hours:

Feeding for (up to) 10 hours (mine would feed for at least 40 mins at a time, approx 10 times a day, at least.

Actual sleep for you: 3-7 hours (let's say 7, maybe you'll be super lucky)

Cuddling / staring at / engaging with baby: 3-4 hours (before & after feeds, etc)

Toilet visits / eating meals: 1-2 hours

That's 21 hours and that's without doing washing, cleaning, having a shower etc.

It all adds up, OP!!!

Desmondo2021 · 11/05/2023 08:32

Yes. Yes you can get a cup of tea. You can meet friends, shop, eat, cook and do pretty much everything you ever did. You can also have sex, exercise and go out socially when you're ready to. It takes more organising, more discipline and you'll be doing it all on less sleep most likely, but don't let the scaremongerers put the fear into you. You dictate what you do, not the baby!

oliveandwell · 11/05/2023 08:32

It's not so much the newborn phase and it really depends on your support network but my cup of tea time severely diminished around 5mo and I imagine it's going to be about 3 years before I have another one as no2 is on the way now 😆

Peterpiperpickedapeckof · 11/05/2023 08:33

It’s not that you don’t have time, it’s that you don’t have 2 hands and arms anymore because you are always holding a baby. Which is where a good sling makes all the difference.

DeflatedAgain · 11/05/2023 08:33

Newborns sleep a lot. You'll feel like it's really easy for a few weeks. It's once they start being fully aware of their surroundings after a few months they can be a handful. My LO wants constant playing, attention and stories at 4mo. He never crys though and sleeps well at night but such a light napper during the day. So it's just full on all day and then chill time for me at night.

Currently still in the phase of having to be with him when he's asleep. Which means being in bed around 7pm. Looking forward to 6 months when I can start leaving him in his nursery cot alone... But we'll see how that goes 😜

But, dont worry! You'll make it work ❤️

StarbucksKaren · 11/05/2023 08:34

Only if you like cold tea 😂

SoupDragon · 11/05/2023 08:36

Mine used to wake up the second my butt hit the sofa with a mug in my hand 😂

Skybluepinky · 11/05/2023 08:37

17 hours is only an average some will sleep more some will sleep much less.
if u r organised even if u get a child that only sleeps a few hours a day u can still get everything done.
Try not to stress.

DeflatedAgain · 11/05/2023 08:38

Also, get a good sling. You'll be due during the summer so get one that's lightweight and breathable. Something that isn't too hot for the baby. My DS hated his sling unfortunately, we've tried 3 different ones and spent a lot of money🙄

We recently bought one second hand on eBay which has a seat to pop him on so our skin isn't touching really. He likes it much better and doesn't get him hot and bothered (I think I naturally radiate heat) but only for short periods.

belumpy · 11/05/2023 08:39

I think it's depends on the baby. My baby tricked me for the first two weeks it was wonderful. They basically slept. After that it was pure hell until 4 months. I remember just turning the tv on to distract them so I could quickly get dressed.
Normally about 6pm just before dh got I in from work as I was so ashamed I couldn't get myself together before then. Baby had severe reflux spent most days with baby throwing up over me and putting on washing all day long....

NoLostCause · 11/05/2023 08:46

This part of your post is the bit that just didn't happen for me... "you put them in crib/bassinet for their nap"

DS1 wouldn't sleep anywhere except on me or in a moving pram or vehicle until he was well over 6 months. Any attempt to put him down anywhere (and believe me we tried everything - crib, rocker, baby nest etc) caused his eyes to immediately open and a round of intense screaming to start! I just had to hold him for every nap.

I had lots of time to sit in one spot on the sofa, pinned under a sleeping baby, but very little time to do anything else. I just had to make sure there was a flask of coffee and a TV remote nearby.

StarbucksKaren · 11/05/2023 08:54

I agree with all the posters who say it depends on the baby. I definitely could have cuppas with my second.

The advice about the first 3 months being the 4th trimester is helpful if you have a baby that screams unless held or in sling.

User2538309 · 11/05/2023 08:55

It depends on a million factors - the support you have, what your baby is like (agree with those mentioning colic, reflux, allergies - it’s a rocky ride). But I would say the adjustment isn’t that you can never have a hot cup of tea, it’s just that you can’t have one when you want one.

The adjustment is really that there is a massively needy change in your life which may mean that you cannot do what you want (or at times need, like toilet) without listening to screaming. And if you are like many parents, colicky proper lost-the-plot screaming almost physically hurts. Especially when you know it will probably make them worse later on during the witching hour.

That being said, with two parents or a supportive family network, even in the first weeks you can absolutely get a break. And you must.

Babyboomtastic · 11/05/2023 09:19

I think it's absolute rubbish tbh.

If it were true, and a baby takes up so much time that it's impossible to do anything else:

  • twins would not survive
  • people would not be able to have a second child whilst the first is dependent on you'd, without significant neglect to that child.

It's pretty common for baby 1 to seem to take up all of the time, but when baby 2 comes along, mum can manage the baby plus dealing with a toddler, making their meals, changing their nappies/early toilet use etc. So somehow there is time, that there didn't seem to be before...

I don't think it's so much that there's no time to go to the loo, or make lunch, it's that things for you somehow don't seem a priority any more.

One of the best prices of advice I had was to go into your first having an imaginary second. They MUST have lunch (as a hypothetical 2 year old would) so you MUST find time.

I didn't have children that could be easily put down, and my second was far more high maintenance than my first. I didn't skip any meals when they were babies mostly because I used a sling so much. Toddlers are another matter 😳😂

Babyboomtastic · 11/05/2023 09:25

And I don't think it depends on the baby either. There are plenty of difficult second babies, but mum still manages to find time to care for her first, prepare their food etc, even if they watch a bit more tv than she'd like.

If it was impossible to even get a drink, they'd be taken into care for neglect (or worse). It's harder with harder babies, but not impossible. And if you can find time to rustle up a sandwich for a toddler, that time does exist so you can rustle one up for yourself. Realising that you are allowed to, you are important, and you need to is the hard bit.

Tinybrother · 11/05/2023 09:42

I didn’t behave with my first as though I had two (though I realise perhaps it’s just a thought experiment rather than literal interpretation) - I always had lunch but I definitely took the all rest I could have with my first that was impossible with a second and third

bussteward · 11/05/2023 11:00

Currently trapped under my very easy second baby, with whom I had a million cups of tea as a newborn. Now he’s four months and teething and the only way he’ll nap until this second tooth cuts is à la boob. And like a fool I’ve left my coffee in the other room. Always! Be! Prepared!