Is there really no time for a cuppa with a newborn?

[feijoo]

I am due in 5 weeks with my first born and one particular question keeps going around my head.

If newborns sleep up to 17 hours a day, why am I reading everywhere that there is no time for parents to make/drink a cuppa, go to the toilet, shower etc? I can't understand it. If baby falls asleep after a feed, you put them in crib/bassinet for their nap, why can't you make a cuppa?

I am very confused and starting to second guess myself - am I being naive? I fully understand that having a newborn is a relentless cycle of feeding, nappy change and sleep but I am quite keen to have my baby and get on with my life e.g. do things while they are sleeping.

Any clarification greatly appreciated. xx

For unputdownable babies there are slings so you can have two hands free. But focus on rest when you have a newborn, not “getting on with things”.

Mine both slept, we’re both bottled feed and I’d pop them in the pram in the hall. sometimes the pram would go in the garden, under the kitchen window & id get on with a few things

everyone is different though, every baby is different

Mine both slept loads, I had loads of time. My husband was off work for a month both times too and did all the house stuff. With DD1 I read so many books! DD2 wasn't quite as chilled as obviously older DD1 was around a lot of the time, but I definitely had time for cups of tea etc. I definitely find it way harder work later on, but I've had easy newborns/babies generally.

I had my baby in a sling and was back working at my desk several hours a day when he was 3 weeks old. As people have said, there are different kinds of babies

I'm pretty sure mine could smell my coffee and woke up just as I took the first sip of it.

I think a lot depends on your attitude to it.

DS1 could be put down to sleep as a newborn so I had plenty of time (though from about 4 months he had to be walked to sleep in the park)

DS2 would only nap on me but I used the sling and would read books, go for a walk, go to the playground with DS1, even do light housework. It was fine

I personally found newborn a lot easier than when they were 12 months or so, moving around quite fast but with no sense of danger. My least favourite stage generally was when DS1 was 3 and DS2 was 1.

Like others have said, it depends on the baby. I showered every day. DD didn’t sleep well in the moses basket during the day but I had a swinging chair that she would reliably be settled for 20 mins, a white noise app that would sometimes settle her for a while, a sling and I could quickly make a cuppa (travel mugs are your friend here) before I sat down to feed her or have her sleep on me. I would sometimes be sat with her for hours so key is to go for a wee first and have tea/snacks/phone and charger/ tv remote to hand before you sit down. I had a lot of ‘jobs’ I could do on my phone. Also my husband could obviously take the baby when he wasn’t at work. So I timed showers for when he was at home. For the first few weeks i barely saw him in the evenings because he had the baby and I was catching up on sleep/showers etc

Exactly what a PP upthread says: invest in a decent sling or baby carrier. This allows you to go hands free while they sleep on you. I wore it in the house to get housework done, and found it a godsend.

For the hours you may spend on the sofa breastfeeding (if that's what you're planning to do), make sure you have a Kindle, iPad, phone, box sets etc to keep you going. I made myself a sofa 'nest' with those kinds of things, plus water, tissues, lip balm etc, so I could be comfortable. Lean into it, I say!

I found the early days really lovely and easy. I felt like I had loads of time. My son was very placid and we just lay around a lot, he would feed to sleep and I would ease him on to sleepy head on the sofa next to me and lie with him. It was lovely.

Maybe I was lucky but DD was put in her pram and I pushed her up and down the hallway. I also managed to shower every day (unlike what you read on MN). Oh and have never taken a baby/toddler with me to the loo either. I think I was just one of those who didn’t beat myself up if my baby cried a bit. But, it was pure chance/luck too.

I used to walk baby around in a sling while I set up a side table with thermos, snacks, tissues, muslins, tv remote. And then I'd settle in for any naps. But I spent most of my maternity leave walking. Is walk for hours and hours with DC in the sling because they refused to sleep anywhere else.

Depends if they wake up if put down. A stretchy wrap carrier was a life changer for me, DS went from 40 minute naps if I could put him down in the first place, to 2+ hours the first time I used it.

Depends on the baby. Once mine was getting enough milk (problems breastfeeding meant she wasn't initially) she slept well and happily wherever she was put.

I followed friend's advice to have a safe place to put her down in each room - they soon get used to it even if they whinge a bit at first. And you learn there's a difference between a bit of whingeing and actual distress.

I had a shower every day too (which I'd been told in advance was really difficult!) by feeding/changing her first, then putting her in a bouncy chair next to the shower and just getting on with it. Not long luxurious showers/baths admittedly, but I only had to get out of it once because she was howling!

I think a lot of what you hear as a first time mother to be is about setting your expectations really low so you dont feel disheartened if you have days where things don’t go as planned, or a less easy baby, but may be pleasantly surprised

You may have to do things a little differently to your usual routine but you will be able to shower, drink tea, sleep, etc. If you’re due in June do join us! https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/pregnancy/4775127-june-2023-babies-thread-five?page=27&reply=126081151

I've never so much sitting down getting a numb bum as I did with my newborn sleeping on me... plenty of time for a cuppa if someone else makes it and you trust yourself to drink it and not spill it on their head

But of course like lots of PP it totally depends on your baby just try not to have any expectations. The first weeks will probably become a tired blur and pass super quickly that savouring a cup of tea will be an amazing feat so enjoy whatever chance you do get.

Same!

My baby wouldn't be put down either so I just armed myself with drinks, snacks and the TV remote or a book so it was quite relaxing but I didn't get things done. They also slept a lot so I read a lot. When they were awake, they would go in their bouncer so I could cook dinners but I had to be fast to fit in with them needing fed etc. I think the whole cup of tea thing is that you never know when they are going to start crying! (At least at first). I remember sitting down to dinner with my husband, thinking we'd cracked it only to be pacing the living room 5 mins later whilst my dinner got cold and then husband taking a turn whilst the rest of his dinner got cold. If you don't plan to do things like clearing out etc and just slow down then it can be very enjoyable but otherwise can be frustrating when you want to put a wash on etc but you are stuck to the sofa for 3 hours.

'My baby will only sleep on me' is a theme of MN. I wouldn't be having that, I am afraid.
I just can't imagine wasting hours on end sitting around while your baby sleeps. You can't do anything useful. It would drive me barmy.
Parenting is so passive now - I think it is crazy personally to be so wet you will spend all day wasting your time with a baby you won't grasp the mettle and sort out his or her sleeping.
Do you really neglect your other children while you provide a bed for your newborn or do second and subsequent babies miraculously sleep elsewhere?

Baby is coming up to 6 months. Never struggled to finish a cuppa!
I could make a brew while holding the baby. I wore her in a sling a lot. I spent a lot of time in the early weeks watching full series of tv shows, cuddling her and drinking cups of tea & coffee. My baby would sleep in her Moses basket a lot of the time. May only have been for a few mins at a time in the first weeks but it gave me chance to do the stuff I needed to do. I had 2 baskets - one set up in the living room and one in my bedroom.

From 3 months I put her in her cot in her nursery for any day naps and use a baby monitor. Guidelines say to have baby sleeping in the room with you both day and night but I also use my own judgement (and other countries don't all say this).
Now she is coming up to 6 months her naps are more consolidated so instead of having a tonne of 10 min naps throughout the day she has 1-2 hour naps morning, lunch and afternoon. I have more time now to do things around the house.

Mine was a good sleeper from the get go. I remember telling my mam how much he sleeps and so easy and she said it won't last. He's 1 and sleeps through. He slept every 3/4 hours as a newborn and happily slept in his moses basket/cot.

🙄

But let him sleep on me most the time as I loved the cuddles 🥰

It was my second who was like this. I put him in the sling and got on with it.

I tried putting him down to nap but he just wouldn't. The usual things like swaddling/movement/gentle transfer did nothing. He would go 12 hours without sleep as a newborn which isn't healthy.

But in many ways sling was ideal for a second baby anyway, I would have found it annoying to be pinned down to the house for cot naps

Lol, you won't fade to nothing, but you are likely to need naps too and your life won't be your own for a few months at least.

Newborns are esp demanding as their tummies are so small they need feeding often. Don't underestimate how a lack of sleep will affect you. It is awful, but hopefully will be short lived. The best advice is to nap when baby naps. Order groceries on line for delivery when your partner is home.

By c3 months things change and through the night sleeps should start, so your routine will change too and you'll find you have some time, though noone else will tidy the house unless you ask them...

I do hope you have a settled child.