Is there really no time for a cuppa with a newborn?

[feijoo]

I am due in 5 weeks with my first born and one particular question keeps going around my head.

If newborns sleep up to 17 hours a day, why am I reading everywhere that there is no time for parents to make/drink a cuppa, go to the toilet, shower etc? I can't understand it. If baby falls asleep after a feed, you put them in crib/bassinet for their nap, why can't you make a cuppa?

I am very confused and starting to second guess myself - am I being naive? I fully understand that having a newborn is a relentless cycle of feeding, nappy change and sleep but I am quite keen to have my baby and get on with my life e.g. do things while they are sleeping.

Any clarification greatly appreciated. xx

I dint think it's true. Even very difficult babies sleep. No reason why mum can't have a shower, have a sleep herself. It's just not true.

I don't have children, but in my family we have a history of the first baby needing to be held all the time and no one getting any sleep.

Then baby number 2 is a happy baby that sleeps through the night from day 3 and when they wake up are happy to look around their crib for an hour or two.

Second babies also tend to be quite large and I think that has something to do with it, a bigger baby can take more milk in one feed so probably feels full for longer.

Your body will respond to your baby so if your baby cries you might find yourself leaking milk. You might be in the middle of making that cup of tea but you won't get o finish making it.

I'm in awe of all you who have done are are currently doing the business of growing a small person and caring for them.

Depends on the baby. Dc1 wouldn't sleep. He just didn't! He cat napped 24/7. I slept in stretches of 1-2 hours when I could (I remember getting my first 5 hour stretch when he was 6mo) and had to co-sleep to achieve this. He wouldn't be put down - he'd go from sound asleep to screaming to vomiting in under 5 minutes. I didn't have a moment of calm tbh! Dc2 totally different. Slept loads, happy to be put down. Not only could I put him down and make a cuppa, I could also have hot meals, showers and watch telly. Easy! Dc3 also didn't want to be put down (he's 1 now and still doesn't!) but I just go with it now. I do everything one handed (including making a cuppa and cooking and cleaning). I tried a sling but didn't get in with it so I just carry him. I'd say don't worry as there's no point - whatever kind of baby you get, you'll figure out what works. And if it is the "No cuppa" type baby, don't worry - the newborn phase is actually pretty short!

Two things: swaddling (it stops the "jump" reflex babies do when they're put down) and a sling or carrier. I've got more done when I've had newborns than any other time 😂

my coffee used to go cold (because I was often interrupted by the baby needing something and forgetting I had made the coffee) rather than not being able to have one at all

If newborns sleep up to 17 hours a day, why am I reading everywhere that there is no time for parents to make/drink a cuppa, go to the toilet, shower etc? I can't understand it. If baby falls asleep after a feed, you put them in crib/bassinet for their nap, why can't you make a cuppa?

A great many newborns just won’t sleep peacefully for ages in a bassinet in their own. It’s literally as simple as that.
Generally they do for the first 2/3 weeks because they’re in the very blobby post birth daze but then start to wake up to the world about and some need to sleep on you most of the day.
You don’t know what kind of baby you will get.

Generally you will be able to have a cup of tea but you can’t always do things on the timetable you want. You will most likely still feel frazzled and exhausted even if you’re able to have a cup of tea.

As everyone has said...it depends on the newborn. I was able to put my baby down, have a shower and a tea, he really did sleep alot for the first 8 weeks or so!

Mine weren’t putdownable but slept
on me or in the sling. I could “get stuff done” but it was on the baby’s timetable. They also woke a lot at night so I was very tired, and took advantage of sleepy cuddles over buzzing about doing jobs when I had my first (less of an option with babies two and three)

There's a million little things that we take for granted every day (having a shower, getting dressed, doing your hair, making meals, popping to tesco, making a phone call, putting on a wash, having a cuppa etc etc)

Normally these things don't even count as "tasks", but once you've got a baby, EVERYTHING becomes a task! You'll be able to do some of them, but probably not ALL of them. So if you've managed to wash your hair and get the washing in and unload the dishwasher and hang the washing out, you might find you've used up all your baby's good humour, and you can't face listening to the baby scream whilst you make a cuppa! Of course, you also can't drink it while it's hot, but that's another matter 😉

A flask of tea left for yourself at the start of the day...you'll adapt and find new ways, depending on the baby!

I don't remember getting downstairs much before midday initially with DC1 so DH would leave me snacks and thermos before he left for work.

Yes newborns (0-4 weeks old) sleep a lot

my babies didn’t sleep from 3 to 7 months old when I sleep trained them

I was demented and often found a reheated tea still left in the microwave

i bought a flask to take tea on the many many many walks I had to go on to try get them to sleep

some babies sleep like wee dreams though. I hope yours does!

one thing I would recommend is putting in place good sleep habits and routines from 4 weeks on. Take a look at some of the sleep consultants online for early weeks sleep habits. It paid off for me in the long run and my boys are now fab sleepers and mappers. I followed Taking Cara Babies - often say she saved my sanity.

also two things t remember:

• catnapping (consistently short 30 min naps) is normal. Soul destroying, but normal - until they learn to link sleep cycles around 5/6 months. Another reason why good sleep habits from early on is beneficial

• don’t let a bad nap ruin your day. Pick up and move on and wait for the next one.

The going to the loo thing - again, you can find yourself getting desperate because each time you’re about to go the baby needs something and you (understandably) prioritise them. They might have fallen asleep on you and you’re reluctant to disturb them. It’s not that there “no time”, it’s just not on your timetable any more.

It wasn't my experience at all with a newborn but I think that's partly because of how he is (5 months now) and partly because we put him down awake and encouraged self settling from the get go.

I also had no problem at all with putting him down even if he had a little grizzle/cry because wetting myself or going without a shower wasn't an option and he was just fine. Mums have needs too, don't forget that.

Congratulations! Not long now.

• to add to the above - as well as not sleeping my second wouldn’t let me put him down or he would scream (he was a treat…) hence why doing ANY tasks let alone making tea was difficult

Mine was really easy I’ll be honest. She didn’t need to sleep on me and was very content in her baby rocker thing. I drank many many cups of tea!

All of mine were very different (I’ve had four). My first hated to be put down and was colicky, it was hard. My second was a dream and slept anywhere! I remember having hours to spend with my first which was lovely! Third had a milk allergy so was a bit grumpy and had dreadful eczema (fine as soon as we got to the bottom of it) and fourth was easy but hungry! I’ve never lost my pregnancy weight so fast 🤣

Just try to go with the flow and put as few expectations on yourself or baby as possible. If I used to have a hard day I’d remind myself it’s all temporary x

They do sleep a lot, but with my children, lots of their sleep was on me, not in their cot/moses basket, so I couldn’t always do much.

However, it’s wasn’t as bad as people say, there were very few days where I actually didn’t find 10 minutes for a shower. And those first few months with each of our babies were a really lovely, special time. I lost hours many hours just cuddling and staring at them. 😅

I think perhaps you're thinking of this with reasonably fresh eyes due to your sleep not currently being so bad. When I had my newborn, I was getting no more than 45min-1hour slots of sleep a night, so when he slept in the day my priority list was a nap or food for myself then shower then everything else. My boy had several short burst naps so there always wasn't a lot of time to do a lot before it all started again.

Best thing I bought was an insulated flask that way when I made the coffee I actually got to drink it hot!

There are so many things about parenting a new born that don't make sense until they happen. Plus they are always changing. Just when you get used to a pattern, it changes.

I highly recommend investing in an Aladdin travel mug. Keeps tea hot for hours!

My son happily slept in his Moses for all sleep as a newborn, from about day 2. Apart from recovering from a c-section, the first 8ish weeks were a dream.
He’s now 8 months, sleeps fine at night in his crib but will only nap on me, in the pram or car seat. As PPs have said every baby is different, try not to listen to scaremongering.

Agree it depends on the baby. Many babies are not peaceful sleepers and some will not sleep in cots or bassinets. Just go with the flow.

I always had showers, usually before my husband left for work in the morning

You find you parent the baby you have, so people who have a baby that will more happily be put down in a crib awake or asleep will say that they made sure they put the baby down - people whose babies weren’t happy with that will do things different ways.

Some babies are tougher than others but this is an important point - there’s an option to be more structured, which previous generations of parents were more likely to take.

Actually you can do everything- just with one hand if you're holding your baby. Ds is now 4 months but I laid him down, swaddled tight, from day one. Had bags of time to do jobs...also a routine for day time naps helped hugely! Enjoy every second- I would love to stop time!