ERA/Alice/Emma infertility thread graduates/pregnancies

[seven201]

If you are a regular on the infertility board you may have seen the ERA/Alice/Emma threads for those going through those tests after lots of unsuccessful IVF or recurrent losses. This thread is for the ladies from there who are now pregnant. We can share our worries and joys.

I am useless at remembering who is pregnant from which thread so please do add yourself or tag others. @Janefx40 and @Faithhopelove83.

Also, if anyone who has fully graduated/had their baby, then please feel free to join if you wish. I don't want to tag individuals as I don't want people to feel obliged.

If you've also just had lots of failed ivf and/or recurrent miscarriages you are of course welcome too!

A little bit about me. I have a naturally conceived nearly 7 year old dc. Have been trying for dc2 for 5 1/4 years. One natural early loss, 5 failed ivf, 3 surgeries (main one being an adhesion removed), 2 natural pregnancies and early losses, 1 ivf pregnancy that got to heartbeat stage. This pregnancy is a letrazole round and I'm 9+6 (although measuring 9+0 but that's been consistent) so due early November. I've been spotting brown for the past 3 days but my scan was this afternoon, so reassuring (although still worried). I'm under the CRP clinic in epsom due to the miscarriages.

Good luck to us all!

@seven201 i’m 25 weeks, thats reassuring, it’s hard to know what’s normal re fetal movement, I am looking forward to my midwife appointment next week to just be able to ask a few questions about this and bits like the iron I’ve been taking making me feel very constipated

@Gardenlady543 at my 12 week scan, one of my hormones Papp A was low which was triggered the ‘high risk result’. Its to do with placental function so they put me on aspirin from 12 weeks to prevent preeclampsia and said we’d have to do growth scans. Also at my 20 week scan they picked up that I have a low lying placenta which they want to monitor incase I need a c section - all the fun and games! How are you doing now digestively? I’m way better than I was a few weeks back when I was ill but very gassy and constipated.

@AM08 oh nobody has ever tested me for that, should I have been? Erg still not great, I try not to eat anything from around this time of day, vomiting at night is an ongoing issue, not every night but often enough, the retching makes my dogs bark!! I feel pretty lousy all over to be honest which I'm guessing we all feel right now. Looking forward to hopefully being myself again in the future. I'm just a bit behind you as I'm 24 weeks tomorrow, as I'll be scheduled for a c section we will probably deliver around the same time.

@Gardenlady543 I got my second beta. First was 667, second was 2281.

What do you think about doing a third? They've offered it to me and I said yes but it's only for peace of mind really, I wasn't sure what to do.

I should add I'm 13dp5dt today

@thislittlebird I wouldn't bother those betas indicate no issues at all. I'd get a scan booked in at 6.5 weeks, if your clinic insist on a later scan like mine did then I'd get in with ultrasound direct or another provider. At 6.5 you should see placement and heart beat.

@Gardenlady543 I’ve got it booked! It’s October 5th when I’ll be 6w 4d, all being well.

@thislittlebird 2 weeks today :) how are you feeling are you having symptoms?

@Gardenlady543 yeah, crazy. It's hard when you've had a chemical to believe it'll keep working, but I guess the HCG is good so I should be reassured. I might cancel Saturday, and try to have faith I'll get to the scan. Sunday (5 weeks) is my first goal!

I think I've had symptoms for a while already. No symptoms at all on my negative cycles (or on my regular period), but on both my positive test cycles I was constantly hungry from 4 or 2dpt5dt, and still am, also had a sore throat/dry mouth most days. Oh and the heart racing! Those are the three I've had consistently since a few days past transfer. My Fertility Friend chart is very busy on this cycle compared to my chemical chart. Did you have much early on?

@thislittlebird just indigestion and burping, I was very burpy throughout the first trimester. Because I was on steroids I had not many symptoms though, lots of people on steroids don't vomit, I had no vomiting in the first trimester, but I'm making up for it now!

It's such a hard time between the blood tests and scan, but I think there is no point in any more, I don't think it will tell you anything, it could just cause worry because once you hit 1000 the doubling slows down so it doesn't really mean much. I actually had to check my hcg later on to see if it was extremely high as I'd developed hyperthyroidism, it was 99,000 how crazy is that!

@Gardenlady543 what steroid dosage were you on? I'm on 10mg, not much really.

Yeah, that makes sense. I emailed them to cancel. It won't change things either way at this point and we can save £75. I don't want to worry more, or find new things to worry about, I'm a natural worrier. 99,000 is crazy!

@thislittlebird great hcg results!! Really pleased for you. I know it's an anxious time but so far things seem to be going well xxx

@thislittlebird I was on 25mg

Thanks @Janefx40!

I’ve been worried about covid since yesterday. We went to a friend’s on the bus and once we were on it I wish I’d driven to avoid all the people breathing and coughing and the touch points. Then we saw my friend and I accidentally filled her glass with water instead of mine and drank from it once before realising. Hate how conscious I need to be of this stuff, it’s so hard getting here and it all feels very precarious.

How is everyone doing? Back from the wedding, it was really nice but difficult to do 3 days of events in groups when your stone cold sober and pregnant.

@Gardenlady543 i think as you had the NIPT done privately they probably didn’t do the combined test? Are you on aspirin anyway? I think that’s all they prescribe as a result anyway. Sorry to hear about your digestive issues, it’s grim, are you worried about putting on enough calories? I’m finding I can’t have much at dinner and for 2 weeks I didn’t put my ‘pound a week on’ but I seem to have caught up

@thislittlebird were you ok in the end? It’s horrid worrying about covid, everyone on our flight was coughing without masks on, we had FFP3s on but felt like all our stuff was being covered in germs. When is your next scan?

@thislittlebird I'm getting so worried out and about, everyone seems ill. So I'm wearing my winter gloves and ffp3. How are you feeling about everything?

Oh gosh @AM08 that's a late season wedding, we've had three this year, they were fairly early on but I was showing for two of them and we were glad to get them done. They are just really long events weddings. Glad I don't have any now as I can't eat past 3pm and I'm really struggling with nighttime vomiting :( I'm eating ok in the morning and lunch time so I should be ok. Yeah I'm on aspirin 150mg as well as LMWH. I have my midwife appointment this morning.

How's everyone else, any important appointments etc?

@AM08 oh god, didn’t even occur to me flights will be like that. Will have to consider whether I’d want to go on one if this continues.

@Gardenlady543 yeah I’m trying to limit how often I go in. Made up an appointment so I didn’t have to attend an in person meeting next week. I’ll already have to go on the train on a busy train strike day for my scan, don’t want to go in again really

I’m struggling a bit more with the scan approaching. It’s next Thursday, so worried they won’t see anything there.

@thislittlebird I honestly think this is the worst bit, I felt like a dead man walking going into the scan. I was worried as I felt it could go either way and everything rested on it. My biggest worry was a blighted ovum, but they are caused by genetic issues and I think euploid embryos have pretty low chances of this (I was reassured on here about that!). With your good betas I think things like ectopics are very very unlikely. I suspect the scan will be fine. It's definitely nerve racking though.

I have had a busy week, I put in a grievance against the horrible manager so had to deal with that, they are definitely leaving as I got told this for sure last week. So at least they will be gone soon. I also saw the midwife yesterday who wasn't my usual midwife so I seemed to be in and out, everything was fine though. Still suffering with reflux and vomiting, I can't eat past 3pm now. And I'm looking quite pale so I'm going to check my ferritin levels, the midwife didn't want to do my blood yesterday and said my midwife can do them in 3 weeks, but seems a bad idea to potentially sit on iron deficiency for 3 weeks at this point.

@Gardenlady543 Yeah, that sounds familiar. I just don't know what I'll do if there's nothing there. I'm 40, it doesn't feel like I have the energy to start all over again. I hadn't even considered a blighted ovum :/ I hope you're right. I'm still getting symptoms and stuff, new ones too including what feels like lightning in one nipple (not loving that), so hopefully that bodes well. I desperately want to be able to move on from the last 4 years of crap.

I'm glad the horrible manager is leaving, sounds like a good thing for you. Very frustrating she didn't want to check it for you, that would wind me up. Hopefully they come back ok.

My SIL is a midwife and on one hand it makes me worried she'll be too interfering and she's all about the woo, which isn't me at all, on the other hand I'll feel like I can ask her stuff if I'm unsure of any choices

I've ended up with two interviews in the coming weeks, because I was applying assume transfers wouldn't work. I've been in my job nearly 5 years and that was never the plan, but IVF and infertility for 4 years kinda changed the plan and I was hesitant to leave/move on from my supportive manager. I've now got the following three jobs in my possession or an interview:

1. Current job - boring, good pension, took it for the 5 months full pay mat leave in 2018 thinking we'd have a baby by 2020, and obviously we did not. It's mostly wfh but not fully which is what I want long term and it's low stress, supportive manager. I do think we could use the 5 months full mat pay, and I think I'm leaning towards staying put, better the devil you know etc.
2. External job interview - same job, better pay, better pension, fully remote (which would allow us to move out of London), flexible and the manager seems chilled - obviously no mat pay here, I'd only get Maternity Allowance if the pregnancy continues. Not convinced I'm comfortable changing jobs when pregnant.
3. Internal job interview - already had an interview for the same job externally and didn't get it. Had to do a 6 minute presentation for that one and didn't have enough content really because I don't do the job and this new one internally wants a 10 minute presentation, and it's a 2 year contract. I'm not really seeing the point? I don't think I'll get it and as nice as it would be to finish at this place with another more senior role on my CV, I'm not sure it's worth the stress. I've had two bad interview presentation experiences over the past year where I've kinda panicked and my brain has switched off. It feels like unnecessary stress.

So I'm leaning towards ditching off the internal one, since I won't be around if all goes well and I also don't think I'll get it. The main panel member already rejected me for a similar job in the past because he didn't want to provide any training and then he cancelled the role altogether. The stress that will come with prepping and giving this presentation to my colleagues is a lot right now. I know the schmoozy man in my team will likely get it, they love him, and it's been an issue for me for years in this role and I've had to swallow it.

The full pay for 5 months is a big pull for us after all this time and money lost to IVF, we'll be able to recoup some of our savings. I only want the external one for the fully remote element of it, don't really want to do the same job again but it is decent money to move from London with.

As you can see, I'm a bit confused about what to do. I want the full remote role so we can move near DH's parents, but this is just bad timing and I think we need mat pay really.

@thislittlebird sorry didn't mean to add additional worry, just wanted you to know we've all been there, it was such a relief to see the intrauterine pregnancy and heart beat though!

I wouldn't make any career decisions until your scan on Thursday. I would err to stay put, I think if you were doing treatment like about to have a transfer etc I'd say to go for the external job if that suits you better. But 5 months of maternity, a supportive manager, etc sounds like the best option for where you are right now. I'm also very aware that once I have a child my priorities would change, I don't think I'd want to be in a new workplace with new people, new systems etc, stability is most likely the best option. Even in the internal promotion is probably too much of a change if I were in that situation, I think avoiding the stress of the presentation aspect would also be a good idea. It is really touch, I did go for an internal promotion in this pregnancy, it wouldn't have changed much though I'd still be doing the exact stuff I'm doing now. mean manager blocked me, this is the whole point of the grievance. And the fact of it is, if I hadn't been through years of fertility treatment this horrible person wouldn't have treated me as badly as they have and I would have likely got the job. It sucks beyond all belief that at a time I'm supposed to be flourishing in my career I have just needed to stay in a job where I can do my treatment. Just one of the many ways infertility has fucked us over.

@Gardenlady543 I am praying we get there and it's fine. Feels like such a big obstacle right now.

Yeah, no plans to decide until after the scan. I keep getting reminders to accept or withdraw from the internal interview process and I think I'm just going to ignore that for another week.

It's so hard because I changed careers and this job was supposed to be the first step, not a 5 year step I'm stuck sitting on. I know it will be easy here, I'll be able to hand over my work without issue, I know they'll be no pressure to go back in when I'm back etc. The internal one would be great, good money and good on the cv but I just don't think my face fits with the guy who will be recruiting. He rejected me before, I don't want to do a 10 minute presentation to him, really. It feels so frustrating because my career has ground to a halt at 35, basically, and that's that, and covid didn't help either. I should have moved before now but infertility and ivf made me scared to. It sucks. I worry about looking old in 5 years when I need my career to get moving again. Hopefully this will all work out and I'll care less for a while.

I remember you mean manager woes, it really is like being penalised for having a child without having a child.

@thislittlebird that man sounds familiar to mean manager! I wanted to apply for this role to see if he would always block me, which he did. It is sheer luck that he is now leaving and a massive weight has been lifting. But I get how you feel because I would no way want to put myself in a interview situation with mean manager again. I think I need to like write all the things I want to say to him down and burn it because while he's ignoring me right now, I am worried about what I'd say if I ended up in an interaction with him. He is just the worst human being!

Lol at the age thing because I'm in the medical world looking old is beneficial as people look at me now and think I'm too young for senior roles most likely. I will totally be getting on the Botox when I can though!

@Gardenlady543 he's probably less mean, he does think a lot of himself though. He could have employed me part-time a couple of years back to help him out in his area but he didn't, so I'm not sure if it's worth the hassle. I just cannot see him employing me, and the presentation and delivery of it will make me stressed out. It's harder in front of your own team.

So the external one, do you think it's worth doing? If the scan goes well I'm in two minds. I do it and show willing/get an offer and then turn them down. Or I just simply save myself the bother and accept I'm staying put. If the scan is bad I will go ahead with the external one.

Ah yeah, I'm not medical so I worry about getting boxed in. I'm an administrator and I really wanted to get into some sort of manager role before now, so that it's on my CV. But whatever, I will get this job to send me on various courses I think, over the next few months so I can say I'm trained in xyz.

@thislittlebird I think your plan is a good one, if everything turns out badly (I doubt it will and hope it doesn't), then go for the external opportunity, but if all looks good at the scan, as you say better the devil you know, and that maternity leave is amazing, plus I have benefitted from my supportive line manager in pregnancy. The stress doesn't end with a pregnancy, there's lots of worry and anxiety and having someone understanding is very helpful. Also I've had so many appointments, in my local area they put all IVF pregnancies under consultant led care, I'm going to be having consultant appointments, extra NHS scans, regular bloods and two weekly midwife appointments. And a new employer where you're on probation may not be that understanding of so many appointments early on in a job.

@Gardenlady543 I had the exact same conversation with my midwife about iron and they said they same about checking at week 28, very frustrating but I’m just going to take ferrous sulphate twice a week until then even if it bungs me up and try and eat iron rich foods if I can. Just on your work thing, is the main guy who’s been upsetting you leaving?? If so, then bloody great news!

@thislittlebird i work in HR and my advice (and it’s only advice) is to stay put, I know legally you don’t have to disclose pregnancy as part of an interview process but if you don’t and then join a company they can make life ‘difficult’ for you, I have seen and heard of it happening - I also agree with @Gardenlady543 that stability is pretty valuable at this time so probably would hold where you are for now and do a move when your more settled with the baby - of course do what feels right for you but just wanted to give a hr pov

@AM08 yes it's the horrible manager that's been upsetting me for ages that's leaving! I have a wonderful line manager, this person is more senior. Everyone has an issue with them and I think it's got to the point where they've realised the bed they've made so resigned. It came completely out of the blue though. My psychologist is supposed to be supporting me with all the infertility trauma and we've spent most of the sessions speaking about this person.

I'm looking really pale right now so a bit worried, I've never been anaemic before but with the blood volume increasing and me struggling to keep food down, I've ordered a medichecks test. There are some iron preparations from abroad that are supposed to have less side effects, so I may try and get one of them if I need it