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Original poster

Being the first person to grab hold of baby as I give birth?

129 replies

cutiebreebree · 03/04/2023 18:31

I’m going to be a FTM and being 3 weeks away from due date I’ve been having a lot of thoughts around the details that go into play during labour. I’m hoping for a vaginal birth and I’ve been wondering, is it possible for me to be the first person to grab hold of my baby as it makes its way out of my body? Sorry if it’s TMI but I’m not too comfortable with the thought of a healthcare professional holding my baby as I birth him. Of course, the practicalities of the reality of the moment might be completely different and I might just be in a better position having a healthcare professional help me but I’m just curious to know if it’s possible more than anything 😊

OP posts:
Crocodilekneecaps · 03/04/2023 18:32

They usually take the baby out and put it on your chest

supadupapupascupa · 03/04/2023 18:33

I'm not sure about this, my thoughts were about getting through the pain. Baby was handed to me immediately still attached. But I couldn't have caught and delivered

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 03/04/2023 18:34

They usually pick the baby up and pass it over to you straight away (if no problems). No doctor starts walking around wanting a cuddle.

USaYwHatNow · 03/04/2023 18:35

Midwife here, you absolutely can! We can help you reach down so you can pretty much deliver your own baby, so long as everything is straightforward. Although as pp said, we pretty much pop baby baked straight onto your chest then wrap you both up in towels and blankets to keep baby warm, as long as baby doesn't need any resuscitation straightaway.

CalloohCallayFrabjousDay · 03/04/2023 18:36

Why are you uncomfortable about a healthcare professional holding your baby?

USaYwHatNow · 03/04/2023 18:36

Baked?!?! Wtf 😂

Standbyguest · 03/04/2023 18:36

Kourtney kardashian did it, so can you

MaireadMcSweeney · 03/04/2023 18:36

It might be possible for you to touch the baby first but you really don't know what position you'll be in. The midwife will need to turn the shoulders to prevent you tearing. Is there a reason you don't want a trained, expert, caring professional safely guiding your baby out before handing it to you? Personally I was standing up so if I had tried to catch him he would have fallen head first on the floor 🙄

BoxerMam · 03/04/2023 18:38

Hi I'm a student midwife.
We would usually guard your perineum and be touching baby's head to make sure they don't come out very quickly for the purpose of keeping your perineum intact, but you can 100% ask for it to be a hands off birth. It's entirely your choice.

nurseynursery · 03/04/2023 18:38

I think in most cases baby is literally passed to you. Not held by them as you would hold a baby just lifted up, especially if you're on your back. It will depend very much on your position when you give birth. Don't plan for anything to rigidly though. Maybe just mention this to your midwife.

thispostisaboutyou · 03/04/2023 18:38

You def can but kindly, manage your expectations and don't overplan. Most women don't get their perfect expected experience

PurBal · 03/04/2023 18:38

Short answer: yes. This is what I’d hoped for with DC1. Like you it really bothered me.
Longer answer: there are lots of reasons why this might not happen. From the obvious (assistance required) to the less obvious. Eg I thought I wanted to birth squatting or on all fours, but it didn’t work for me and the reality meant I was on my back. My pushing stage was also very short, they were going to do an episiotomy (not something I’d requested but there you go) but they had to drop the scissors to catch DS as it was so fast (15 minutes). As per PP mentioned you do stop caring, you’re focusing on pushing the baby out, not catching them. DS was placed on my chest. Not to scare you but I haemorrhaged afterwards so DH held him for the “golden hour” whilst they stabilised me, I don’t have a bad memory of this or anything, this is just the reality of what happened.

CamCurls · 03/04/2023 18:38

In the moment this will probably seem less important but I can understand how these thoughts can preoccupy you in the weeks leading up to the big event. Perhaps you could think of it like this - the healthcare professional will definitely be wearing gloves so the first person to have skin to skin contact with your baby will be you.

Tryingtoconceivenumber2 · 03/04/2023 18:38

I had a water birth and as my daughter was born in to the pool I picked her up out of the water myself x

BertieBotts · 03/04/2023 18:39

Yes, you are absolutely allowed to ask for this! Obviously you would probably be flexible in the case that there was some medical need.

When it comes down to the moment you might not actually care though Grin

Also, I found it helpful to have some support on my perineum and I think that probably meant the midwife was touching the baby as he came out. It's all good. It's a pretty intense moment and all seemed fine. But yes, if there's no specific reason why anyone else needs to be there, you can be the one to pick them up.

mobbarIey · 03/04/2023 18:39

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 03/04/2023 18:34

They usually pick the baby up and pass it over to you straight away (if no problems). No doctor starts walking around wanting a cuddle.

😂😂

Cloverforever · 03/04/2023 18:39

Both times I was far too busy pushing and coping with the pain to think about doing anything else. I reckon you will be too.

They can be slippery little suckers too!

CheeseDreamsTonight · 03/04/2023 18:39

Dd was put on my stomach and crawled up, it was amazing that they can do that. The midwife held her for a couple of seconds before this. It was awesome

Ponderingwindow · 03/04/2023 18:42

CalloohCallayFrabjousDay · 03/04/2023 18:36

Why are you uncomfortable about a healthcare professional holding your baby?

Why should anyone have to justify wanting an intimate and personal moment to remain as intimate and personal as possible?

you might as well ask why someone doesn’t want a health care provider providing hands on assistance during the conception.

SillyBub · 03/04/2023 18:42

I had a water birth with DC1 and brought him to the surface and cuddled him on to my chest. It was about half an hour before the cord was cut and they took him away and checked his APGAR (I delivered the placenta naturally afterwards, no injection).

DC2 was delivered on a bed and was placed straight on to my chest where I could look to see what sex the baby was. She was on me for a good while before they laid her down and cut the cord. She then came back on to my chest until I naturally delivered the placenta which was close to an hour after birth. Not sure if they'd

Not sure if they'd have encouraged me to bring her up after birthing but both babies were delivered in a MLU so a lot more relaxed about these things.

itsallgonepetetongagain · 03/04/2023 18:42

I caught DC1. The Obstetrician encouraged me to feel his head then told me he'd be out with my next push so I could catch him if wanted to. So I did!

Totally unplanned and unexpected. Didn't manage to do the same with DC2 but it was a very special experience with Number 1

JupiterFortified · 03/04/2023 18:43

Standbyguest · 03/04/2023 18:36

Kourtney kardashian did it, so can you

Yes this is what I was going to say, I think I saw it on KUWTK

tillyoumakeit · 03/04/2023 18:43

Agree with PP re water birth. Both mine were born in the water and I was the first person to touch them as I scooped them up from the water. I was kneeling up leaning forwards both times if that's helpful.

However - I also fully agree with everyone who has said you just don't know how it's going to go and you also probably won't care in the moment. But no harm in saying to the people caring for you that you'd like, if possible, to be the first person to touch your baby.

Good luck - I hope it goes smoothly 🙂

BertieBotts · 03/04/2023 18:45

Another thing: There are usually a few contractions where the baby is crowning before the head actually comes out. I've been asked if I want to touch the baby's head at this point (for whatever reason at this moment my answer has always been absolutely not - I don't know why!) so it's likely that you'd be asked this if everything is going calmly at this point. This is before anyone is supporting the head because the head isn't out, it's just right there at the entrance and you can feel if they have hair.

Then the head is born in one/two contractions, then you have a bizarre minute or so before the next contraction where you know the head is out but the baby isn't really born yet. It can then take either one or a few contractions to push out the shoulders. Once the shoulders are out the whole baby comes sliding out in a surreal gush and you get this elated sense of relief/excitement because you know they are here.

I always had them passed up immediately, not dried off or anything. Then we were able to have skin to skin until the placenta came naturally.

Workawayxx · 03/04/2023 18:48

It is possible. I had a water birth and the midwife suggested I reach down and grab him but I was so focused and a bit out of it so she had to! I remember looking at her thinking “how on earth are you expecting me to do that?!”. I’d put it in your birth plan but also try and go with the flow at the time. With dd I also had a water birth but again was pretty out of it and not actually sure who grabbed her!