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Original poster

Being the first person to grab hold of baby as I give birth?

129 replies

cutiebreebree · 03/04/2023 18:31

I’m going to be a FTM and being 3 weeks away from due date I’ve been having a lot of thoughts around the details that go into play during labour. I’m hoping for a vaginal birth and I’ve been wondering, is it possible for me to be the first person to grab hold of my baby as it makes its way out of my body? Sorry if it’s TMI but I’m not too comfortable with the thought of a healthcare professional holding my baby as I birth him. Of course, the practicalities of the reality of the moment might be completely different and I might just be in a better position having a healthcare professional help me but I’m just curious to know if it’s possible more than anything 😊

OP posts:
carly2803 · 03/04/2023 20:46

possibly but for me with number 1 they passed baby to me after the crash team had had a look over.
2nd was midwife first handed to me

genuinly couldnt have given a shiny shit who held them first, they know you. Babies then went on my chest straight away once all okay

thats the most important thingOP trust me - reduced tearing and make sure baby is ok.

i tore badly and without midwife intervention i dread to think how much worse it could be
trust the health professionals

Hatscats · 03/04/2023 20:49

Definitely the norm for home or water births! Have put it in my birth preferences!

SarahAndQuack · 03/04/2023 20:51

KittyAlfred · 03/04/2023 19:47

Absolutely!

I worked in gynaecology as a junior doctor and I remember an old experienced gynaecologist saying that the length and complexity of the birth plan was usually directly proportional to the difficulty and intervention needed in labour.

By all means do your research and have an idea of what you’d like in an ideal world, but be prepared to discard it instantly. The more plans you make, the more disappointed you are when they don’t happen.

After a rapid and scary labour with DS1, with heart-rate dips and forceps looming, I could no more have grabbed him as he came out than I could have flown to the moon. I’m glad I never told myself I wanted to!

Show quote history

What an absolute knob your colleague sounds! No wonder so many of the recent investigations into poor maternity care mention the culture amongst staff as a contributing factor to women's bad experiences. It almost sounds as if this 'experienced gynaecologist' took a long birth plan as an affront.

FWIW, I remember when my DD was born, my DP couldn't hold her (emergency section and she was very out of it), and the staff in the room dissuaded me from holding her too, because they hadn't an earthly clue who I was. We were later told that was our fault: if we'd made it more clear I was the other parent they'd have let me do skin-to-skin. So, evidently, whether you write a long birth plan or a short one, some medics* will always find a way to blame the patient.

  • (I really do just mean 'some'! Lots of people we had were wonderful. But attitudes like the one described here really shock me.)

OP, I hope you have a lovely birth - and what a fascinating thread?! I had no idea some of what's described here was possible, so you've really educated me.

OhWifey · 03/04/2023 21:03

Both mine were born in water. The first swam to the surface herself and I scooped her up. The second I was pretty out of it and came to with the midwife literally shouting 'your baby is here! Your baby is here!' I came round and scooped her out.

Sallyh87 · 03/04/2023 21:11

I am loving this thread! I had not realised this would even be possible. My first was via emergency c section. Hoping for vaginal birth this time so I will need to write a birth plan.

Hope it all goes well for you @cutiebreebree x

Slightlyperturbedmummy · 03/04/2023 21:14

I had a water birth and managed to catch baby and bring him out of the water myself

stargirl1701 · 03/04/2023 21:23

I had DD1 in a birth pool so I was the first to touch her. DD2 was born on a birth mat so the midwife was first.

It doesn't feel like a significant thing a decade on, tbh.

PurpleBananaSmoothie · 03/04/2023 21:27

I can’t remember the name of the planning activity but it’s part of Milli Hill’s Positive Birth book and it helps you to plan a birth plan by using photos and encourages things that see how you go. We used the birth plan to determine at what point I would say no to further interventions and ask for a c-section. Even with a vaginal birth, nothing went to plan. I was open to an epidural but wasn’t given one and DH was going to tell me the sex but he decided to let the midwife do it so we both found out together.

I didn’t have any preference for being the first to touch DD but I wouldn’t have been able to. If they’d ask if I wanted to touch her head when she was crowning I’d have said no. I had gas and air until I was pushing when I couldn’t make it work anymore so I pushed without pain relief, I felt every bit of her head crowning and I didn’t need to feel that with my hand. When her head was out, I took the time between contractions to just take a minute to catch my breath and prepare myself for the last bit. When she fully slid out, those few seconds while the midwife picked her up and put her on my chest knowing I didn’t have to do a single thing were absolute bliss.

lorisparkle · 03/04/2023 21:34

I had many plans for ds1's birth. I had done lots of research and had a clear idea of my 'ideal' birth. Unfortunately it did not go to plan and I think my disappointment added to how difficult I found the first few weeks.

With ds2 and ds3 I had a few ideas and preferences and whilst I never experienced my 'ideal' birth their births were positive, happy, healthy and I recovered much more quickly.

WeWereInParis · 03/04/2023 21:44

Depends on the position you give birth in. With DD1 I was kneeling up in a pool and could absolutely reach down to hold her as she was born.
With DD2 I was leaning forward on a bed which ha the back tilted up, kneeling up, with my top half sort of lying up on the bed. I couldn't have comfortably reached without my face ending up in the bed as I needed my arms to hold myself, but equally I couldn't have moved as that was the most comfortable position (comfortable is not really the right word here - least painful position maybe).

Redebs · 03/04/2023 21:51

A midwife who has been checking your cervix, supporting your perineum and probably wiping to keep you clean, will probably support baby's head as you give an extra push for the shoulders and may ease baby side to side to help this. They will sweep the baby up and onto your tummy while the umbilical cord is there, pulsing away still.
It doesn't feel like an intrusion at the time. Baby is still part of you. The cord is still there, joining you together.

KittyAlfred · 03/04/2023 21:54

Philandbill · 03/04/2023 19:59

@KittyAlfred
"I worked in gynaecology as a junior doctor and I remember an old experienced gynaecologist saying that the length and complexity of the birth plan was usually directly proportional to the difficulty and intervention needed in labour."
And this patronising and dismissive attitude towards a woman's carefully considered wishes is part of the reason why so many women have such horrible birth experiences on an obstetric led unit.

It was just an observation he’d made during decades of obstetrics. Of course he was from a different generation - he’d be 90 now if he’s still alive - so he would have had a fairly patronising attitude to women. But the observation related to his experience nonetheless.

leaderofthelittles · 03/04/2023 22:01

You definitely can OP, I would advice booking a home birth though because you have more autonomy at home. I had water births for the first 3 and caught them myself. The 4th DH caught. It was all very lovely :)

leaderofthelittles · 03/04/2023 22:07

I think @KittyAlfred the staggering amount of PND is largely down to the trauma and interventions in hospitals. If hcps could treat women with some respect and dignity and not like pieces of meat to be sliced and diced things might be different.

Fwiw I wrote a birth plan and got what I'd planned for, there's no reason the OP shouldn't either.

PatChaunceysFruitCake · 03/04/2023 22:08

I did this with DC2! It wasn't intentional, it just happened that way. DC2 was born very quickly. I'd just made it to the hospital and onto the bed. I said I needed to push and the midwife pressed the bell for a colleague and DS just flew out with one massive contraction / push.

I just sat up and picked him up instinctively. It's a very precious memory for me. He still had his water round him.

That said I had a difficult birth with DC1 and the memory of this tiny little thing draped over a very nice Dr's hand before being passed to me is equally precious.

Good luck OP!

Duckyneedsaclean · 03/04/2023 22:11

I had a water birth with my first and the midwife just said "make sure you catch him" or something 😂 so I did. So yes, it is very possible.

MissMaple82 · 03/04/2023 22:12

How very odd. Why don't you just birth baby on your own at home ?

437Applepie · 03/04/2023 22:13

I kept imagining this for my second, it was coming to me in dreams and was just how I saw things happening. In the end it didn't work out that way, I was on my side then my back and she needed a bit of attention so was whipped away straight after. She was placed on my chest within about 10 mins though and was still lovely. I didnt give it a second thought in the moment. No harm in mentioning it to people but at the end of the day you will probably just be happy to have your baby

HamBone · 03/04/2023 22:13

I was so wobbly after giving birth that it wasn’t safe for me to hold the baby for a while, especially with DS. The midwife checked and weighed him, then gave him to DH who brought him over to me.

But I was literally shaking so I said he’d better hold him until I’d recovered somewhat! So see how you feel and best of luck. 💐

bellsbuss · 03/04/2023 22:17

@LakeTiticaca me too 🤣

leaderofthelittles · 03/04/2023 22:19

@Redebs I've had 4 babies and none of this happened at all. You are totalising. Of course all that is intrusive and will feel very intrusive to some! Please thing before you post

leaderofthelittles · 03/04/2023 22:19

*think

Izzy24 · 03/04/2023 22:21

Philandbill · 03/04/2023 19:59

@KittyAlfred
"I worked in gynaecology as a junior doctor and I remember an old experienced gynaecologist saying that the length and complexity of the birth plan was usually directly proportional to the difficulty and intervention needed in labour."
And this patronising and dismissive attitude towards a woman's carefully considered wishes is part of the reason why so many women have such horrible birth experiences on an obstetric led unit.

So true.

Rubyhaunt · 03/04/2023 22:21

I was asked if I wanted to catch twice and I said ‘no you do it!’ and both times they said it was easier if I did! (In water) I did somehow.

Truckinghell · 03/04/2023 22:25

TheShellBeach · 03/04/2023 20:17

I'm a midwife.
This is the best advice on the thread.
Grin
Seriously - tell your midwife what you would like to happen. If it's possible, it should be fine. Good luck!

Show quote history

These comments are so gross and patronising.

Why shouldn't women think of what's important to them, what pain relief they'd like, what a 'good' birth would look like for them before hand? Because it might go wrong? It might (mine did, thanks clinically negligent NHS trust!!) but it was certainly easier to advocate for myself once scared and in pain, having considered the situation before hand.

It really pisses me off that a midwife would say this. Have a word with yourself.