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Original poster

Being the first person to grab hold of baby as I give birth?

129 replies

cutiebreebree · 03/04/2023 18:31

I’m going to be a FTM and being 3 weeks away from due date I’ve been having a lot of thoughts around the details that go into play during labour. I’m hoping for a vaginal birth and I’ve been wondering, is it possible for me to be the first person to grab hold of my baby as it makes its way out of my body? Sorry if it’s TMI but I’m not too comfortable with the thought of a healthcare professional holding my baby as I birth him. Of course, the practicalities of the reality of the moment might be completely different and I might just be in a better position having a healthcare professional help me but I’m just curious to know if it’s possible more than anything 😊

OP posts:
turnthebiglightoff · 03/04/2023 18:50

Write a birth plan with your preferences.

Then throw it in the bin.

Go with what happens on the day.

NewtoHolland · 03/04/2023 18:53

Yes you can in the ideal situation absolutely. First labours tend to be long and you may feel a bit weak by this stage to reach and lift a slippery baby but also the adrenaline of giving birth can make you feel superhuman in that moment so see how you go.
I always thing preparing a list of expectations for birth isn't ideal as I feel my friends who did this ended up more disappointed...giving birth is an incredible thing, meeting your precious baby, finding out who has been growing in there all this time. Definitely ok to research and find out preferences but try not to put top much pressure on the details.
You're about to become a Mum :) enjoy this time and congratulations ❤️

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 03/04/2023 18:56

I freebirthed DS (not planned) and caught him! I was standing when he came out and it was just instinct really.

HBGKC · 03/04/2023 19:00

cutiebreebree · 03/04/2023 18:31

I’m going to be a FTM and being 3 weeks away from due date I’ve been having a lot of thoughts around the details that go into play during labour. I’m hoping for a vaginal birth and I’ve been wondering, is it possible for me to be the first person to grab hold of my baby as it makes its way out of my body? Sorry if it’s TMI but I’m not too comfortable with the thought of a healthcare professional holding my baby as I birth him. Of course, the practicalities of the reality of the moment might be completely different and I might just be in a better position having a healthcare professional help me but I’m just curious to know if it’s possible more than anything 😊

Yes this is absolutely possible! Put this preference in your birth plan, mention it to any midwives you meet during pregnancy (if there's a chance they'll attend you in labour), and, most importantly I'd say, ask your birth partner to remind whoever is caring for you in labour, as birth approaches.

Of course, practical issues may arise that make it not possible, or inadvisable, but if this is the case it should be explained to you (at the time if possible, or as a debrief afterwards if not).

It's a perfectly reasonable preference, and I hope you get your wish. Childbirth is amazing.

DramaAlpaca · 03/04/2023 19:02

I had my third DC at home. I was kneeling upright leaning forwards and the midwife encouraged me to reach down and catch him as he came out, which I did. Luckily the midwife was just behind me to help grab him as he was a slippery, wriggly little thing.

AxolotlOnions · 03/04/2023 19:06

I put my hand down to do this, I was going to guide her out, and the midwife put her hand on my chest and shoved me back against the birthing pool. she said it was in case the cord wasn't long enough, as if I was going to grab her and yank! She was only at the crowning stage, what could I do? I was furious.

WonderingWanda · 03/04/2023 19:06

I am sure it is possible given the right circumstances but don't get too fixated on this because things don't always go to plan. I was deseperate to give birth in a pool. Dc1 was 2 day exhausting back to back labour which ended with him being pulled out with forceps. Dc2 was so fast we were too late for the pool and I was on my hands and knees, was all I could do to keep from collapsing. Not sure I had much control over either labour to be honest. I got over the lack of pool eventually.

hownowbrowncowww · 03/04/2023 19:09

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 03/04/2023 18:34

They usually pick the baby up and pass it over to you straight away (if no problems). No doctor starts walking around wanting a cuddle.

😂😂😂😂😂

Twizbe · 03/04/2023 19:10

Yes. I had a water birth with my second and my DH picked her up out of the water. I could have done it as well.

Put it in your preferences and if it's possible they will help you to do it.

alyceflowers · 03/04/2023 19:15

You can definitely aim for this but then of course it depends what happens during the birth.

With my 3rd they did offer for me to reach down and feel the head but like @BertieBotts my response in the moment was absolutely not Grin

PinkDaffodil2 · 03/04/2023 19:16

It absolutely should be possible if things go smoothly, but decide how important it is to you and communicate that early on to the midwife ie do you want to choose a position based on it being easier for you to do this? And do you want them to ask permission before touching baby if things change - bear in mind that can happen very quickly!
My first I was so exhausted after a long labour and would have struggled to teach around the catheter so it wasn’t really an option. Number two came super fast and midwife needed hands on him and me as he came out to guard my perineum (which I’m grateful for!).

Oopswediditagain2023 · 03/04/2023 19:20

Yes if you request it you should. Mine were water births so I literally caught my babies 😂 but if it's requested you should be able to, even in the case of a section

CornedBeef451 · 03/04/2023 19:20

I think it's fine to know what you want but don't set your heart on it as anything could happen and you don't want to be needlessly disappointed if you can help it, giving birth is stressful enough.

I wanted immediate skin to skin but ended up not holding DD until she was 2 hours old and I didn't even see DS until 17 hours after the birth and didn't hold him until he was 2 days old.

That still makes me feel a bit sick to think about and he's 11 now and taller than me!

On the other hand my niece had a quick delivery in a birthing pool, membrane intact and my sister fished him out and handed him to her daughter. It was really lovely for them both.

Good luck with it all, I hope you have a lovely, straightforward birth.

User1438423 · 03/04/2023 19:22

If you have a home water birth, you are the one who picks baby up. I did that with two of my births.

LakeTiticaca · 03/04/2023 19:23

Tbh I wouldn't have been too bothered if a passing milkman was first to touch my baby. I just wanted it to be over 😉

CombatBarbie · 03/04/2023 19:24

Both times I ended up on all 4hrs giving birth, no way would I have been able to grab the baby.

Just curious as to why your uncomfortable with someone else having that "first hold". I mean if it was you mother in law who's adament to be at the birth and has no boundaries I'd understand.

BreatheAndFocus · 03/04/2023 19:28

Yes, you can. I did and it wasn’t an easy labour. I put it in my birth plan and I held baby first with the midwife guiding my hands and there as back up (babies are slippery!).

Write your preferences in your birth plan. I did mine for each stage. Obviously, things can change but you can, to a large extent, plan for that too, eg I put I wanted to deliver my baby but if I was unable to I wanted baby placed on me as soon as out and before the cord was cut, etc.

Birth plans are great. They’re not a list of What Will Definitely Happen because that’s not realistic, but you put your preferences and anticipate any issues and choose your preferences to deal with those, eg if I need an assisted birth, I do not want forceps and would prefer a ventouse.

SeanDanielorBalonz · 03/04/2023 19:30

Yes! I was he first person to hold my baby - I picked her up once she came out. You absolutely can do this if your birth goes ok

Tubbyinthehottub · 03/04/2023 19:33

I had a water birth and the midwife said with the next contraction the baby would be born and I should grab him. I didn't though. I think she sort of got him while under the water and passed him to me. It was weird, obviously the maternal instinct hadn't kicked in Grin

MrsMullerBecameABaby · 03/04/2023 19:34

Of course you can ask for this

but please, for your own sake do come to terms mentally before your due date with the fact that your birth might not go at all to plan.

I expected a routine vaginal birth and was hoping to have a water birth, but I ended up with a very dramatic emergency caesarean section.

Friends who had very fixed ideas about how the birthing experience would be were very happy in the cases where it went to plan but in two cases really incredibly upset to the point of seriously struggling to cope for many months afterwards when the birth had been very different to the plan even though everyone was healthy in the end.

Readnotscroll · 03/04/2023 19:37

i did this with my second. Said I wanted to be the first to find out gender. I remember my mw encouraging me onto all fours as he was crowning and then he sort of fell onto the bed (I was sort of squating at the point). I then picked him up and brought him to my chest. It was amazing but not sure I could have done it with my first. Was totally overwhelmed by what was happening. My advice would be to have an idea of your preferences but not have your heart set on it.
Have a look at Milli Hill’s positive birthing book. Was great at given ideas about how to get the birth you want even if things don’t quite go to plan

ConstanceOcean · 03/04/2023 19:42

turnthebiglightoff · 03/04/2023 18:50

Write a birth plan with your preferences.

Then throw it in the bin.

Go with what happens on the day.

🤣🤣🤣

If you are almost ready to give birth then definitely tell the midwife and they’ll have no problems with you doing it.
Some mums do it instinctively.

I wouldn’t be too focus on the plan of the labour and birth though as usually you end up doing different things anyway.
If you don’t end up doing it then don’t feel bad.

Betsyboo87 · 03/04/2023 19:45

As others have said it is absolutely possible and it’s good to write it in your birth plan and let your midwife know when you arrive. However my advice to everyone is to go into birth with an open mind still. It’s impossible to predict how it will unfold and how you will feel so it’s good to not get to set on anything. I had a vacuum assisted delivery so in my case it wouldn’t have been possible. In that moment I was just so grateful for him to be there and be healthy that I really wouldn’t have cared about anything else.

JhsLs · 03/04/2023 19:46

I gave birth kneeling/on all fours on bed and as he came out they told me to catch him between my legs. I pulled him up and onto my chest and the midwives guided me back onto the bed. It was the most surreal moment of my life.

KittyAlfred · 03/04/2023 19:47

turnthebiglightoff · 03/04/2023 18:50

Write a birth plan with your preferences.

Then throw it in the bin.

Go with what happens on the day.

Absolutely!

I worked in gynaecology as a junior doctor and I remember an old experienced gynaecologist saying that the length and complexity of the birth plan was usually directly proportional to the difficulty and intervention needed in labour.

By all means do your research and have an idea of what you’d like in an ideal world, but be prepared to discard it instantly. The more plans you make, the more disappointed you are when they don’t happen.

After a rapid and scary labour with DS1, with heart-rate dips and forceps looming, I could no more have grabbed him as he came out than I could have flown to the moon. I’m glad I never told myself I wanted to!