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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Being the first person to grab hold of baby as I give birth?

129 replies

cutiebreebree · 03/04/2023 18:31

I’m going to be a FTM and being 3 weeks away from due date I’ve been having a lot of thoughts around the details that go into play during labour. I’m hoping for a vaginal birth and I’ve been wondering, is it possible for me to be the first person to grab hold of my baby as it makes its way out of my body? Sorry if it’s TMI but I’m not too comfortable with the thought of a healthcare professional holding my baby as I birth him. Of course, the practicalities of the reality of the moment might be completely different and I might just be in a better position having a healthcare professional help me but I’m just curious to know if it’s possible more than anything 😊

OP posts:
Sugargliderwombat · 03/04/2023 19:50

I did this ! I'll never forget the midwife telling me "get ready to catch your baby". I was in the pool and I had no idea I would have to catch him before she said this 🤣 most amazing/ surreal moment of my life.

Myeyeballsareonfire · 03/04/2023 19:51

i haven’t read everything, but I’ve had 4 babies and was the first to touch all of them. It happened unplanned (on my side anyway!) with my first and I put it in my birth plan for the rest.

Having water births I think facilitated this.

I also reached and touched my youngest’s head while crowning, but I must admit, I was a bit confused as to what I was actually touching! (They couldn’t see clearly, so asked me to ‘check’ needless to say, I was like, err I don’t know!)

Best of luck!

Northernlass13 · 03/04/2023 19:51

Hi Op! Yes you can! I did it and it’s lovely. I found it best to be on all fours and grabbing the baby between my legs. It makes it easier as you might knackered. (Plus gravity working for you) If you feel comfortable you could ask your partner to take a photo too. (You can’t see anything but it’s such a lovely photo)
dont put any pressure on yourself as you never know how you will feel in the moment and with the pain.
like Pp have said, you might have to be a little flexible with your plans if things change but good luck! Xx

KittyAlfred · 03/04/2023 19:52

MrsMullerBecameABaby · 03/04/2023 19:34

Of course you can ask for this

but please, for your own sake do come to terms mentally before your due date with the fact that your birth might not go at all to plan.

I expected a routine vaginal birth and was hoping to have a water birth, but I ended up with a very dramatic emergency caesarean section.

Friends who had very fixed ideas about how the birthing experience would be were very happy in the cases where it went to plan but in two cases really incredibly upset to the point of seriously struggling to cope for many months afterwards when the birth had been very different to the plan even though everyone was healthy in the end.

This.

I have known many women suffer from post natal depression largely triggered by sadness that their birth didn’t go as per the plan. The best thing you can do is work on accepting whatever way your child comes into the world.

Also, I’m not sure what you think midwives/doctors do when babies are born. Trust me, we don’t hang on to them for a cuddle and gaze at them. We hand them straight over.

Thehonestbadger · 03/04/2023 19:57

In the gentlest way humanly possible… there’s a reason you don’t see posts like this from second or third timers 😂

I remember my SIL telling me how she was set on naturally hypnobirthing DD. She was 30’s very successful professional, she was planned, organised, confident. I nodded along as you do. Whilst thinking ‘good luck with that, maybe let’s see how it goes’
Afterwards she recounted begging for an epidural by 6cm and suffering a 3rd degree tear.

I remember so little about my babies actually coming out. Other than screaming my head off and being in absolute shock at what my body was doing. I was shaking so much DH had to dress them both until I calmed down. For most, you’re massively sleep deprived, dehydrated, in total agony and the whole things been going on for 24-48 hours. You probably won’t care. It will probably be the farthest thing from your mind in that moment. But that being said, you may be the exception, I’d discuss it with the midwife beforehand so they are aware but leave it open ended and see how you feel in that moment.

The best advice you’ll ever get is to follow this birth plan ‘go into hospital pregnant and leave with a baby’ everything in between is just a preference/bonus

Philandbill · 03/04/2023 19:59

@KittyAlfred
"I worked in gynaecology as a junior doctor and I remember an old experienced gynaecologist saying that the length and complexity of the birth plan was usually directly proportional to the difficulty and intervention needed in labour."
And this patronising and dismissive attitude towards a woman's carefully considered wishes is part of the reason why so many women have such horrible birth experiences on an obstetric led unit.

twoundertwowho · 03/04/2023 20:00

Yes of course you can!

Twizbe · 03/04/2023 20:03

Before having my kids I was firmly in the 'don't make a birth plan camp'. In fact mine only contained things I was sure I had control over (who'd tell me the sex of the baby, consent for vitamin k jab etc)

Then I started reading more and learning more and I've totally changed my mind.

OP it's really good to think through all the birth options. There are so many decisions to be made during birth and during birth you might not be in the position to research. The evidence shows that the more a woman feels that birth is happening WITH her as opposed to happening TO her, the better the outcomes.

With that in mind, look at all the possibilities, explore WHY you have your preferences. Think about the options. What's the plan A,B,C and best possible c section plan. I think then it's easier to move through the options IF you need them.

FWIW I had a very clear idea of what I wanted in my head for my second birth. I didn't write it down, but it did happen pretty much exactly as I'd wanted it. It is possible to have your plan A.

Twizbe · 03/04/2023 20:03

Philandbill · 03/04/2023 19:59

@KittyAlfred
"I worked in gynaecology as a junior doctor and I remember an old experienced gynaecologist saying that the length and complexity of the birth plan was usually directly proportional to the difficulty and intervention needed in labour."
And this patronising and dismissive attitude towards a woman's carefully considered wishes is part of the reason why so many women have such horrible birth experiences on an obstetric led unit.

This!

EntreMummy · 03/04/2023 20:06

I had a water birth with first and once he was out the midwives urged me to pick him up out of the water - so I was the first person to touch him and it really was a wonderful experience.
he laid on me while we stayed in the water, until they unattached the umbilical cord and then took him away while I delivered the placenta.

SmoochyKiss · 03/04/2023 20:11

I had such a lovely natural birth for my first and delivered on all fours and picked up my baby from between my legs and brought them to my chest and then realised after about 10 minutes I hadn't actually checked whether I had had a boy or girl 🤣

My 2nd was premature. I've absolutely no idea who touched her first and quite frankly couldn't have cared who it was either. I just wanted it to be over! I then haemorrhaged and didn't have a lot of skin to skin or much memories of anything in the 12 hours or so after the birth.

Didn't affect my bonding or feelings after the birth of either of them.

Original poster
cutiebreebree · 03/04/2023 20:13

Thank you all for your comments. I’ve read each and every one and really enjoyed reading everyone’s individual experience. I’m not one to plan my birth to the T, just have some ideas/preferences/wishes but I am approaching this with an open mind. I was just curious about this detail. Ultimately baby making its way into to this world safely is what matters the most and I will do all I can to ensure that xx

OP posts:
HappyValet · 03/04/2023 20:15

you might as well ask why someone doesn’t want a health care provider providing hands on assistance during the conception

I mean, with 2 IVF babies that's exactly what I had both times and it was incredible.

I then had C-sections for all my babies and didn't hold my first for hours, I think about 9 hours in the end.

I still consider it (and my other births) to have been the best, most wonderful, exciting days of my life, and the HCPs involved at every stage were mind blowing. I feel so lucky.

I remember before my first stressing because they said we were only allowed electronic candles for mood lighting instead of real candles. I distinctly remember a strop about this and my DH rushing to buy votive holders so I wouldn't be so aware of the electronic flicker 😁

Good luck OP, hope it all goes well and you're holding your beautiful baby soon ❤️

MyriadOfTravels · 03/04/2023 20:16

It was looking very manageable with a water birth. Actually all the videos I saw were showing women scoping the baby out of the water.
I was too out if it to do that!
But I held him as he took his first breath (they take longer to do that).

I agree with PP. Don’t plan too much.
What worked better fir me as to plan what I did NOT want (eg some type of painkiller). And then see what I hoped could happen (very loosely)

TheShellBeach · 03/04/2023 20:17

turnthebiglightoff · 03/04/2023 18:50

Write a birth plan with your preferences.

Then throw it in the bin.

Go with what happens on the day.

I'm a midwife.
This is the best advice on the thread.
Grin
Seriously - tell your midwife what you would like to happen. If it's possible, it should be fine. Good luck!

Summerpetal · 03/04/2023 20:25

I did with my 3 rd child
water birth ,I had hold of his arms to guid him out .
then up on to my chest .was very easy in the water
and I didn’t want any interference either so was pretty much left to it

Workbabysleeprepeat · 03/04/2023 20:33

I think I’d rather have the best chance at an intact perineum and have the baby passed to me. You will be much more useful to DC in first few weeks without tearing and stitches in my experience. I agree with pp’s - nice to have an idea of what you’d like but it’s unlikely to follow plan so don’t become too set on it.

BertieBotts · 03/04/2023 20:34

Honestly I think it's a good thing to put in a birth plan.

A lot of guides to how to write one encourage you to include loads of pointless things like not wanting forceps or an episiotomy - things that any midwife would try to avoid anyway! And stuff about pain relief methods which you can just decide on the day. Or decisions that can be made without looking at a plan like wanting to avoid induction or wanting to breastfeed.

A birth plan should have stuff that you likely do have a choice about, something you might not be able to communicate at the relevant time and anything that might be different from the standard approach. So it's a good thing to include IMO and snide comments about whale song are misplaced.

Museya15 · 03/04/2023 20:34

LakeTiticaca · 03/04/2023 19:23

Tbh I wouldn't have been too bothered if a passing milkman was first to touch my baby. I just wanted it to be over 😉

🤣🤣🤣

Mumoftwoinprimary · 03/04/2023 20:36

One thing to remember is that all HCPs will be wearing gloves. So whether you end up free birthing in a forest or having a c section - yours / your OH’s will be the first to actually touch your baby properly.

Octopusmittens · 03/04/2023 20:37

CalloohCallayFrabjousDay · 03/04/2023 18:36

Why are you uncomfortable about a healthcare professional holding your baby?

This

purpledalmation · 03/04/2023 20:39

Unless you are a contortionist, its not very practical. They lift the baby on to your chest/tummy straight away anyway, and by the time he comes out such considerations will be of minimal importance.

Tuesdayvibes · 03/04/2023 20:40

I did with my second DC. I gave birth kneeling on the bed and picked them up as they were coming out. The midwife was there ready to catch them just in case.
It was honestly the most amazing moment and I think of it very often. DH managed to capture it on camera as well and it's such a precious photo for me.
It was very different to my first DC who was passed to me by the doctor (I had an episiotomy).

Tuesdayvibes · 03/04/2023 20:43

Interestingly, I had a pretty detailed birth plan with 1st DC, which didn't go to plan at all Grin
And no plan whatsoever with my 2nd and it was the most beautiful, smoothest, fastest birth I could have imagined.

PaniniHead · 03/04/2023 20:44

Ponderingwindow · 03/04/2023 18:42

Why should anyone have to justify wanting an intimate and personal moment to remain as intimate and personal as possible?

you might as well ask why someone doesn’t want a health care provider providing hands on assistance during the conception.

Show quote history

Because for births in the UK there are usually trained healthcare professionals to look out for you and baby.
I don’t know your sexual encounters but I don’t usually have a medical professional there…
Births are, for all intents and purposes, a medical procedure. Sex isn’t.

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