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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Being the first person to grab hold of baby as I give birth?

129 replies

cutiebreebree · 03/04/2023 18:31

I’m going to be a FTM and being 3 weeks away from due date I’ve been having a lot of thoughts around the details that go into play during labour. I’m hoping for a vaginal birth and I’ve been wondering, is it possible for me to be the first person to grab hold of my baby as it makes its way out of my body? Sorry if it’s TMI but I’m not too comfortable with the thought of a healthcare professional holding my baby as I birth him. Of course, the practicalities of the reality of the moment might be completely different and I might just be in a better position having a healthcare professional help me but I’m just curious to know if it’s possible more than anything 😊

OP posts:
Dyslexicwonder · 03/04/2023 22:25

I picked Dd up after she slithered out (DC2) midwife passed me DS (DC1). TBH both were equally magical.

denpark · 03/04/2023 22:25

I had two water births and was the first person to touch/hold my babies. I'm so grateful for that! I was able to guide them upwards and they both cried straight away. The midwives were incredible- they did everything with me holding them and I only had to pass them over once we had done delayed cord clamping and I had to deliver the placentas.

It's completely doable OP. Just have other plans ready in your head in case what you really want just can't work out and other things end up being the safest options

Akite · 03/04/2023 22:29

Another adding to the water birth chorus!
first baby I gave birth standing up leaning on a bed so the midwife caught her and passed her up to me through my legs.
Secind and third births were home water births so I scooped up the babies when they were born and just sat cuddling them in the water for a good 20 mins or so - it was absolutely magical. Water births are amazing, I felt so peaceful and relaxed.

DeadbeatYoda · 03/04/2023 22:44

Why?

HappyValet · 03/04/2023 22:50

*These comments are so gross and patronising.

Why shouldn't women think of what's important to them, what pain relief they'd like, what a 'good' birth would look like for them before hand? Because it might go wrong? It might (mine did, thanks clinically negligent NHS trust!!) but it was certainly easier to advocate for myself once scared and in pain, having considered the situation before hand.

It really pisses me off that a midwife would say this. Have a word with yourself.*

I think that your experience may be impacting the way you have read PPs comment. You've projected a lot onto a totally innocent comment that echoes the experience of many women in labour and on this thread.

Truckinghell · 03/04/2023 23:23

HappyValet · 03/04/2023 22:50

*These comments are so gross and patronising.

Why shouldn't women think of what's important to them, what pain relief they'd like, what a 'good' birth would look like for them before hand? Because it might go wrong? It might (mine did, thanks clinically negligent NHS trust!!) but it was certainly easier to advocate for myself once scared and in pain, having considered the situation before hand.

It really pisses me off that a midwife would say this. Have a word with yourself.*

I think that your experience may be impacting the way you have read PPs comment. You've projected a lot onto a totally innocent comment that echoes the experience of many women in labour and on this thread.

What the many women on this thread who experienced what the OP wanted because they planned for it and asked for it?

It's not appropriate for a midwife to scoff at the idea of a birth plan. You won't persuade me otherwise. I'm not saying everyone will get their birth plan, and some acceptance of that has to exist, but people have a right to know what they want and to advocate for that.

Philandbill · 03/04/2023 23:53

@KittyAlfred "It was just an observation he’d made during decades of obstetrics. Of course he was from a different generation - he’d be 90 now if he’s still alive - so he would have had a fairly patronising attitude to women. But the observation related to his experience nonetheless."
The implication is that, by repeating this was his experience, you are endorsing it and thus undermining a woman's wish to think about the sort of birth she wants. This patronising attitude is endemic in maternity services and is to the detriment of women's experiences of birth. There's an informative little book called "Why Human Rights in Childbirth Matter" by Rebecca Schiller. I do wish that medics and midwives would read and reflect on it.

Hatscats · 04/04/2023 03:52

Truckinghell · 03/04/2023 23:23

What the many women on this thread who experienced what the OP wanted because they planned for it and asked for it?

It's not appropriate for a midwife to scoff at the idea of a birth plan. You won't persuade me otherwise. I'm not saying everyone will get their birth plan, and some acceptance of that has to exist, but people have a right to know what they want and to advocate for that.

Show quote history

Well said!

twoundertwowho · 04/04/2023 07:37

PaniniHead · 03/04/2023 20:44

Because for births in the UK there are usually trained healthcare professionals to look out for you and baby.
I don’t know your sexual encounters but I don’t usually have a medical professional there…
Births are, for all intents and purposes, a medical procedure. Sex isn’t.

Show quote history

Birth is not a medical procedure.

We are really lucky to have medical professionals to help if and when we need it, but birth is primarily a physiological function of the body.

There's a reason they say that the best environment for labour is the same as you would feel comfortable having sex in! Dark, private, unobserved.

Anyway, the most important thing for anyone giving birth is to feel safe, supported and comfortable and if a health care professional is going do that for you then great, but for many it does not.

RosaBonheur · 04/04/2023 08:31

You can ask for this and put it in your birth plan, and if all is going smoothly there's no reason why it shouldn't be possible.

But I would advise you not to have too fixed an idea of how things are going to go. I was sure I would breathe my first baby out to the sound of my favourite music whilst inhaling lavender oil, and I ended up having an emergency C-section.

HappyValet · 04/04/2023 08:38

What the many women on this thread who experienced what the OP wanted because they planned for it and asked for it?

And this was facilitated for them by midwives/HCPs

It's not appropriate for a midwife to scoff at the idea of a birth plan. You won't persuade me otherwise. I'm not saying everyone will get their birth plan, and some acceptance of that has to exist, but people have a right to know what they want and to advocate for that

That isn't what I took from the comment at all... Or any comment on the thread really. More just an acknowledgement that birth plans, whilst they have their plans, don't always go to plan. There's a difference between a light-hearted observation and scoffing.

I don't think it's helpful or healthy to get really hung up and stressed about what's on a birth plan as the situation can be very dynamic during birth. By all means think about it beforehand and advocate for the birth you want, absolutely.

For me my birth plan ended up being meaningless - other event overtook. I'm glad I felt I was able to depart from it and accept what happened without feeling like a failure. I didn't write a birth plan with my 2nd and 3rd births despite encouragement from my MWs. It didn't feel necessary to me. It's absolutely a necessary process for others and that's fine.

HappyValet · 04/04/2023 08:56

Birth is not a medical procedure

I had 3 via surgery. Did I not have a medical procedure, or did I not give birth? 🤔

leaderofthelittles · 04/04/2023 09:08

All the patronising hcps on this thread. So much putting women down. Of course everyone knows that birth can be unpredictable and not all plans are going to come to fruition. The fact that you say this over and over again - patronising. Does it surprise you that pregnant women have brains and are capable of independent thought?

DiscoBeat · 04/04/2023 09:10

I picked up one of mine as he came out but as I went to bring him up to my chest the midwife stopped me as the cord was too short.

leaderofthelittles · 04/04/2023 09:10

HappyValet · 04/04/2023 08:56

Birth is not a medical procedure

I had 3 via surgery. Did I not have a medical procedure, or did I not give birth? 🤔

Clearly you gave birth. Some births are medicalised or are surgical. Why are you pretending you don't know this?

I had 4 home births, no midwife touched me or my baby, these were not medical procedures. No baby was extracted from me. I needed no 'help'. My babies were born in a physiological way, no medication, no interference.

leaderofthelittles · 04/04/2023 09:13

DiscoBeat · 04/04/2023 09:10

I picked up one of mine as he came out but as I went to bring him up to my chest the midwife stopped me as the cord was too short.

One of mine had a short cord, you don't need anyone to tell you or stop you. It's quite obvious, I lifted him onto my tummy.

I had no mw there for that one because he arrived quickly.

HappyValet · 04/04/2023 09:18

Clearly you gave birth. Some births are medicalised or are surgical. Why are you pretending you don't know this?

And others are the patronising ones?

I had 4 home births, no midwife touched me or my baby, these were not medical procedures. No baby was extracted from me. I needed no 'help'. My babies were born in a physiological way, no medication, no interference

Excellent, well done, 5 gold stars, you don't need 'help' to give birth. Not relevant to the OP at all but hey.

All people have done is share their experiences of giving birth, of having a birth plan, and things changing, of how they feel about that. Nobody has not been supportive of the OP asking for what she wants. I don't think attacks on HCPs and 'medicalisation' of birth is really necessary and honestly I find it pretty annoying and offensive to those of us who were inferior enough to need 'help'

leaderofthelittles · 04/04/2023 09:33

No one has attacked HCps as far as I can see or those who've had medicalised of surgical births. You seem to be reading more into the comments there @HappyValet

What posters have been very critical of is the assertion from some on this thread that the OP should acquiesce to hospital policies and is silly to have any preferences for the birth at all. This is patronising and unnecessary.

Bamboux · 04/04/2023 09:35

Tryingtoconceivenumber2 · 03/04/2023 18:38

I had a water birth and as my daughter was born in to the pool I picked her up out of the water myself x

I also did this with my first.

QueenOfWeeds · 04/04/2023 09:37

The midwife asked me if I wanted to reach down and touch the head and I looked so horrified she burst out laughing, saying “you don’t have to!”

I hope you get the birth you want. I didn’t quite, but I got the birth I needed and that is all that matters really.

BooksAndHooks · 04/04/2023 09:39

I wouldn’t underestimate how slippery a baby is, I’m not sure I’d have been confident to safely manoeuvre baby from a birthing position.

For my youngest I was stood up and she was completely tangled in her cord so the midwife was having to hold her as she was descending and simultaneously unstable the cord.

The second they are delivered they literally lift them immediately onto you, there is no holding by them it’s literally guiding them out onto you.

BertieBotts · 04/04/2023 12:32

PurpleBananaSmoothie · 03/04/2023 21:27

I can’t remember the name of the planning activity but it’s part of Milli Hill’s Positive Birth book and it helps you to plan a birth plan by using photos and encourages things that see how you go. We used the birth plan to determine at what point I would say no to further interventions and ask for a c-section. Even with a vaginal birth, nothing went to plan. I was open to an epidural but wasn’t given one and DH was going to tell me the sex but he decided to let the midwife do it so we both found out together.

I didn’t have any preference for being the first to touch DD but I wouldn’t have been able to. If they’d ask if I wanted to touch her head when she was crowning I’d have said no. I had gas and air until I was pushing when I couldn’t make it work anymore so I pushed without pain relief, I felt every bit of her head crowning and I didn’t need to feel that with my hand. When her head was out, I took the time between contractions to just take a minute to catch my breath and prepare myself for the last bit. When she fully slid out, those few seconds while the midwife picked her up and put her on my chest knowing I didn’t have to do a single thing were absolute bliss.

Just to say, they don't ask you to feel it while literally pushing! They ask if you want to feel it in the lull between contractions, because when you're at that point especially unmedicated, as you probably know it feels a bit like this is going to go on forever and I can't do it. So the idea is that if you feel the head you realise that you're close to the end and it spurs you on a bit.

firsttimemum1230 · 04/04/2023 12:41

My advice would be to not plan a thing or expect or anything in the moment is where the best decisions are made. I ideally wanted a water birth with gas and air then Pethidine when it got too much but I knew it all depends on circumstances. I was induced at 37+1 and had my waters broke so it was a vaginal birth with gas and air plus Pethidine. It was an amazing birth and I didn’t expect too much. I’d previously watched my sister give birth and I remember them asking us to make sure my sister listened. So i
made sure I listened an pushed when I was told and rested when I was told. I then fell asleep straight away and had to be woken up for skin to skin. I don’t even remember seeing her come out and be handled by the professionals but im
sure her dad said she didn’t make a noise at first and the cord was wrapped around her neck. Theres so many things you’ll have to be ready for and to let your body and baby do it’s thing. O

QuintanaRoo · 04/04/2023 12:45

Philandbill · 03/04/2023 19:59

@KittyAlfred
"I worked in gynaecology as a junior doctor and I remember an old experienced gynaecologist saying that the length and complexity of the birth plan was usually directly proportional to the difficulty and intervention needed in labour."
And this patronising and dismissive attitude towards a woman's carefully considered wishes is part of the reason why so many women have such horrible birth experiences on an obstetric led unit.

Absolutely. I used to hear this from both doctors and midwives when I was a student midwife. Double sniggering for laminated birth plans. Hopefully we’ve moved on and are a bit more women centred now.

OP, yes you can. Or if you’re too knackered another option is your dp catching the baby if you like the sound of that.

leaderofthelittles · 04/04/2023 13:57

firsttimemum1230 · 04/04/2023 12:41

My advice would be to not plan a thing or expect or anything in the moment is where the best decisions are made. I ideally wanted a water birth with gas and air then Pethidine when it got too much but I knew it all depends on circumstances. I was induced at 37+1 and had my waters broke so it was a vaginal birth with gas and air plus Pethidine. It was an amazing birth and I didn’t expect too much. I’d previously watched my sister give birth and I remember them asking us to make sure my sister listened. So i
made sure I listened an pushed when I was told and rested when I was told. I then fell asleep straight away and had to be woken up for skin to skin. I don’t even remember seeing her come out and be handled by the professionals but im
sure her dad said she didn’t make a noise at first and the cord was wrapped around her neck. Theres so many things you’ll have to be ready for and to let your body and baby do it’s thing. O

You made sure your sister was a good girl who did as she was told 🤢

You had an amazing birth but can't remember it

The cognitive dissonance in your post is astounding.