35 weeks pregnant, how to put baby up for adoption

[solosunflower]

As the title says really, how would I start this process?

Little update. Since starting the reflux medication I would say there has been a decrease in the severity of the crying. That has been replaced by extreme fussying! Night time sleep/naps have definitely hit the fan....weather could account for that. Behaviour almost seems manic. I even googled whether that was a side effect of omeprazole! I'm starting to think that maybe I have a very sensitive baby. I've noticed that certain lights in supermarkets upset him too.

Bless the wee guy. At least he's no longer in pain.

Could be supermarkets are just over stimulating, busy, noisy, cold in certain Isles, lots of smells and people.

You'll get there with him.

@Sugarfree23 yes I keep reminding myself of this. Terrifies me to think things could be this hard 7 months down the line.

OP, I'm so sorry to hear how you're struggling, but well done for speaking out - being a mum is so hard!
I used to think I had the worlds most unhappy baby. Genuinely. Nothing made her happy. She screamed and cried, she even just looked like a sad baby. Once she got to about 6 months she started just whining pretty much the whole day. I would cry myself to sleep most nights wondering how I was supposed to make it through life with this child who honestly just seem depressed. I posted on Mumsnet questioning why she was so sad and if it was normal.
Then, I have absolutely no idea what happened or why, but once she hit 8 months everything just changed. One day she was just happy. She smiled and giggled and I was in shock. I thought it must have been a fluke. Then the next day, she was the same, just so happy. She's now 10 and a half months, and she is STILL so happy! Of course she has the occasional off day, usually when she's teething particularly bad. Even though those times were only a few months ago, they feel like forever ago because of how her mood has just changed. I honestly have no idea what changed, it was just like something switched for her.
Hang in there, your little guy is still so small, and although the days will feel so long at the moment, you will get through it.
Sending lots of love

OP what do you mean by manic? Baby could be constipated now as that's another side effect of the medication (were using gaviscon and baby screams now as he's constipated).

Definitely the weather too, our little one is drinking more and sleep is all over the place. Baby won't be like it forever, it's all new to them and it takes time ( we've just had our first bath without screaming lol yay but he hates the car).

It's harder when you're doing it alone but it won't last forever and you might miss them being so little lol, this is my 3rd so Im taking it slow.

Hello! Okay, so I've been thinking about my son's father again. I did ask him recently if he wanted to meet his son and the response was, 'I don't know'. I'm wondering if I should appeal to him one final time. I'm really concerned about the impact of him having no father in his life. I know boys can really struggle with this.

I'd leave it a bit.
The Dad needs to want to be in his sons life. The last thing the wee guy needs is a flaky dad coming in and out of his life. You have enough on your plate just now.

Is he any more settled?
How are You doing?

I still find it hard to understand when he absolutely hates his mother for not being in his life.

Today has felt more settled, thank you for asking. I think it helped getting in a decent nap this morning. It's hard to know whether the omeprazole is making a difference. I don't want to be giving medicine unnecessarily.

I'm feeling anxious about things. I find that I bounce from one thing to the next worrying. I'm actual worried about passing on my worry to my son!

It is strange that he has double standards on not seeing his son and his mother not being in his life. Is his dad in his life? Maybe he's copying what he knows.

It's honestly better to not have a father in your life than to have one who flits in and out. It's that ongoing rejection that does the most harm. Your son is still young, so you still have a bit of time to figure out if his father wants to be involved, but, in my opinion, when your son is old enough to recognise his father, that should be the cut-off point. If your ex is not positive he wants to be involved then you shouldn't push him.

Keep going with the meds it's obviously making some difference.

Stop worrying, chill, try to enjoy this stage of your babies life. They don't stay small for long.

It does sound like anxiety. Please consider this. This was exactly me and still am sometimes. It's probably due to the 1000s of problems in your life. I've been there.

Keep up with the meds. They won’t do him any harm, he may need the dose tweaked as he gets bigger though. Is it possible that you are suffering with post natal depression? This has been such an emotional rollercoaster for you, you may find that talking therapy and antidepressants will be a huge help for you.

@airmaxJ Yes, he was eventually raised by his father.

I still can't shake off the thought that he would be better with another family.

@FontSnob Yes, very likely that I'm depressed. I don't know how I couldn't be.

Then give yourself a chance at parenting with better mental health by asking to go onto antidepressants and be refered for talking therapy. Totally different circumstances, but I speak from experience of silent reflux baby, alcoholic dh (now ex) and postpartum depression. The drugs will help. Give yourself that chance and then make a decision if you need to still. Its not a magic bullet, but it will help a lot.

@solosunflower look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you are the best mum for your baby.

You've had a really tough start but you can do this. And you are doing it really well.
However i do think it might be worthwhile speaking to the GP about PND.

Look how devoted you are to him , his crying might stop a bond with another family you know how much it is to cope with . It just shows the depth of your love for him xx He'll do amazing with you as a mum . I can tell how intelligent you are by how you write things I know he'll be the same and loved and cared for with you .
Yes very strange about the dad then if he eventually was raised by the dad . He eventually might ask to be in his sons life I think maybe he doesn't care much for the baby hard part ?

I used to feel this about my adopted daughter. Would another family meet her needs better?

Maybe someone would’ve, but all I know is, I did the best I could’ve given the circumstances. She’s 24 now; has severe LD; foetal alcohol syndrome; epilepsy, and I love her as my daughter.

You can only do as much as you’re able, and for much of the time I felt lacking. She loves me though, and we have a good relationship. I had to advocate for her; shout loudly to get her needs met, but it was fucking exhausting. So many times I wished I was her birth mum. I feel like people would’ve listened more. Xx

How are you both @solosunflower?

@MissingMoominMamma You sound like an absolutely fantastic mum! And that is a good point, we can only do as much as we're able.

@FontSnob Hello! We are not too bad, thank you. I definitely feel there has been a reduction in crying. Crying now seems to be when something is needed rather than 24/7! We have more time in the day and I'm looking at ways to fill it. I've not enjoyed the groups we have managed to attend so far. I'm really not interested in having the same conversations about babies! I find it boring, if I'm honest. So now I'm looking for groups a bit more in line with my interests (pram walking group and swimming at some point). I do feel quite lonely, but I don't find forced friendships at baby groups help either.

@solosunflower you sound so much better!

Thank you! Things are in a better place. My little guy will spend short bursts in his bouncer chirping away, which certainly helps!

Oh good so what did you find helped in regards to the crying ? I'm due im 5 weeks so I'm needing tips !

@solosunflower I’m really glad to hear that you’re feeling brighter and that your sweet boy is doing better too! I didn’t enjoy baby groups either, never found my place in them. Doing things you enjoy instead sounds like a much better plan.

Hey! I’ve followed your thread and I think you’ve been amazing! just wondering how you’re getting on now @solosunflower