35 weeks pregnant, how to put baby up for adoption

[solosunflower]

As the title says really, how would I start this process?

Hi Op- just found your thread.

You are doing amazingly well, even though you probably don't think so.

FWIW it is an endless slog at first. Mine was a cryer and I just went through the motions for a good 3 months before it all started to gell together.

best wishes to you.

(PS- glad your DS has your surname).

Op you're doing such a great job. It's so hard when baby is crying for so long. I used to wear earplugs sometimes to dull the noise because I found the prolonged crying stressed me so much. When I had earplugs I found I could deal with it all a bit better. For anyone who is horrified by this, I could of course still hear baby (I was with them anyway) the noise level was just reduced. The washing machine tip a PP have may help too.

My second only slept on the boob. He had awful wind. He did grow out of it but it was pretty relentless.

Op how old is he now?

From her posts OP said he was born the first week of April.

OP I'm so impressed by you, you should be really proud of yourself

Op, I barely remember the first few months of my baby’s life. I do know however that she used to scream from about 10pm till 2am every single night and there was nothing I could do to stop her. I remember she cried so much one time that she seemed to stop breathing and went absolutely purple in the face. I’ve never panicked so much in my life. What eventually got her to stop was playing white noise on YouTube. The sheep thing did not work. I read that the white noise had to be at a certain decibel to quiet crying and induce sleep, I downloaded a decibel checker on my phone. It has to be quite loud but it worked a treat. Even when out and about, I used to put it on my phone and put it in the bottom of her pram.

Oh and also, the crying got so much better when she was about 4 months old. She’s been a joy ever since.

You are doing so great OP. Have been following since the start and really rooting for you.

Have you tried supplementing with formula? I've exclusively bf my two but a good friend of mine found that giving a bottle around 3 months instantly cured her baby's crying. He's getting all the benefits of your milk so I see no harm at all in supplementing with a bit of formula if that works for you.

I do think that at this age they cry for a reason so do try to get to the bottom of it rather than accept it as normal baby behaviour.

Hats off though I think you are knocking it out of the park. He's lucky to have you xx

Is baby gassy? We have a crier.. 5 weeks old and we started gripe water, really helps with gas and doing bicycle legs, maybe it's worth a try or even infacol ?

I do sympathise, I find it really hard, our baby has reflux so screams when they are on their back and gets quite sick and gassy. Just keep telling myself it doesn't last forever.

You're doing amazing x

Hello! Thank you everyone for the kind words and support.

We've had a couple of really intense days. I rang 111 this morning because I needed some reassurances that my baby isn't in pain. Doctor feels that the crying is a behavioral issue rather than a medical one. I have been topping up with some formula and the doctor suggested trying the comfort anti-colic formula. All the doctors I have spoken to say he's healthy and doing really well.

I absolutely hate how much my baby seems to cry and worry it's going to impair his cognitive development and attachment. I want to be able to comfort him straight away, but it isn't always possible.

I have noticed that he's much more content when sat upright taking in the world. Upright when I hold him, not in a bouncer.

I have bought some ear defenders. I can still hear the crying, but it takes the edge of and I feel I can comfort better.

By coincidence I saw two of my work friends whilst out walking. I cannot express how nice it was to catch up with them and I laughed a lot more than I have done in a while.

I can't help wonder if he has reflux. Don't worry about his cognitive development lots of babies cry with colic / reflux in their early months.
My youngest from the moment he was born wanted to be upright.

Ear defenders sounds like a good idea.

Have you tried ‘paced feeding’ with the formula? It’s something I learnt about recently from the baby feeding nurse at the hospital I work in and it supposed to reduce the lack of air they take in and apparently can work really well.

I remember colic, it can be awful.

The ear defenders have been a good idea. They definitely take the edge off.

@MyOtherUsernameIsDave I will look into paced feeding, thank you.

@Sugarfree23 Yes! I believe mine wants to be upright and 'doing more'! I don't think the issue is reflux, though.

I'm starting to think the issue is behavioral/personality like the doctor said. I just hope things improve soon! We've passed the eight week mark, so fingers crossed that was the peak!!!

Amazing eight weeks! The crying will subside, I promise. It’s awful isn’t it when you’re in the tick of it. My crier has turned into the happiest baby ever and if anyone had told me that at eight weeks I simply wouldn’t have believed them. I have no idea why mine was a crier but she was. I never got to the bottom of it and yet it suddenly improved as she grew.

You have got this - I promise.

Sorry I am terrible for posting twice in a row. I’ve also just seen you typed this - I want to be able to comfort him straight away, but it isn't always possible.

Its not humanly possible to comfort your baby immediately every single time. Mummy’s need to pop to the loo, or grab a glass of water. It’s ok. It’s the same for every mum. It’s clear you’re tending to his needs as much as you can and you sound very responsive in general which is the main thing! Well done.

@solosunflower it will get better it has too. You are doing a great job. It should get a lot easier during the next 4 weeks.

I'd really recommend an osteopath, op. My first son screamed every day all day for the first 5 weeks of his life, couldn't lie down on anything, was already trying to roll on his side a day after I gave birth at the hospital (I have the photo as proof). His back was in pain. Osteopath fixed it. I was so sceptical and reluctant (my friend told me to go when he was 3 weeks but I didn't). But it worked and after that the all day crying stopped. Plus he could lie down on his back so he was able to go in pram, bath, changing unit and actually look around.
A few weeks of bliss and we ended up having crying again (I think it was a mix of dairy sensitivity and not being able to switch off to sleep so he got stressed). I cut all dairy eventually at 10 weeks and by 14 weeks the crying had stopped.

Basically, my first son cried for 14 weeks at least 5 hours a day, sometimes all day. We had a 2 week quiet phase. It nearly broke me. It was also in lockdown and I'm abroad so me and DH were at the end of our ropes with zero help.
He's nearly 3 now and the loveliest toddler ever. All that crying did no damage (I or DH comforted him and held him through it all and I think that makes a big difference). I know you're on your own and I honestly think you're doing so well even if it doesn't feel like it. Don't forget even though you're comforting and holding, it's also ok to lay him somewhere safe and walk away for 5 minutes if you need that to calm down.
My toddler's development was not impacted at all. He met all his milestones on time or early (apart from crawling..he was bit late there but basically went from crawling to cruising to walking in 3 months lol) and is advanced with his speech. So please don't worry there at all. You're doing all you can. I'd still recommend the osteopath if you can. Even just to rule it out.

Hi Op, I have read most but not the entire thread. My daughter was a terrible crier, particular from 10pm to 3am, would not sleep in a cot etc and we just kind of put up with it thinking it was normal. However she turned 6 months, started weaning and turned out she had a pretty severe dairy allergy. Not saying its that but wondering if its been explored? She also had eczema and generally quite loose stools but I again thought that was all normal as was nothing extreme. Hope your doing OK!

I think you're doing an amazing job with him.
My son had colic and needed a special formula
My nephew was more like your baby and he had silent reflux.
He had ranitidine prescribed (I think) after gaviscon didn't work, plus a different special formula.
Might be worth trying the gaviscon and see if it makes any difference.

Apologies if anyone has already suggested these, haven't read the full thread

@EssexMamisoa
Yes, you are right. I always make sure he's settled before I start whatever I need to (hang out washing, bath, brush teeth etc), but you can guarantee the distress will start once I've started 🙃I'm glad you now have a happy baby! That gives me hope. A colleague had her baby boy a month before mine. She's out and about at farms and brunching etc. I'm trying to remind myself that that will be me one day too!

@Ohrwurm Thank you. I'm glad you've made it out the other side and it's reassuring that your baby is now happy and smiley!

My GP surgery contacted me today about the out of hours visit. It was arranged that I'd take my son in for a follow up. GP felt that there is an underlying issue. He advised to cut out diary and prescribed a dairy-free milk. Now when I went to collect the prescription, the pharmacist came out to speak to me. He basically advised against using the dairy-free milk and to stick with the comfort one. He told me that he'd done lots of research because his daughter is dairy-free. He was quite insistent that my baby does not present as a baby suffering from a dairy allergy. I don't think dairy is the problem either. Colic seems to be the best explanation.

How old is baby now OP?

I have just read the thread .

Honestly if you ever doubt yourself look back and look how far you have come from your first post .

You are doing amazingly.

Bit of a latecomer to this thread but just wanted to echo what other posters have said.

My DS (now 12) was a terrible sleeper when little and cried all the time. He had reflux (badly, he was sick after every feed) and nothing we tried worked. It got better when he started weaning which we did at 4 months even though they advised 6 (not sure what the current recommendations are). Heartburn runs in our family and even now he can't eat late as if he lays down too quickly after eating to sleep it is guaranteed he'll be sick in the middle of the night!!

I did use dummies (much to my DM's disgust) but it took a few different types before I found one DS would accept (in the end it was the MAM ones) and he naturally stopped using them when he was less than 18 months so I didn't have to worry about weaning him off them.

But I empathise completely with how isolating and exhausting it is having a baby that cries a lot and doesn't sleep well. I don't think there's always a fix - some babies really are just criers and bad sleepers! The good news is they all outgrow it.

If it gives you any hope, I found things hard going on and off until DS was about 2. Since then he's been an absolute dream. The only challenge I have these days is persuading him to brush his teeth 🤣

I split with DS' dad when DS was 2 and a half. He still sees him twice a week but it isn't always a case of it makes it better. We have had issues with a massive lack of self confidence and an obsession with weight because of his dad's attitude towards him. Its been very difficult because he is smart able and healthy but he hears the bad things and they stick more than the positive things me and my now partner say to him. I have zero control over how his dad parents him when he's there and I have to actively disengage from him constantly belittling my parenting and bombarding me with messages about how I should be being a better mother. It's natural for you to want baby's dad around but very often it causes its own issues.

I'd also second involving child maintenance now. We set up an informal arrangement and I wish I hadn't. It would cause world war 3 if I went to CMS now but I just have to trust that I'm being paid the right amount, there's been issues before with payment dates changing at little notice when finances were tight for me etc and it is more of a tie than if you do it through CMS. If you carry on with an informal arrangement there will be so many discussions over the years whereas doing it formally its all done for you. Kids get more expensive as well once they need formal childcare etc and you may well need payments to be reliable at that stage. Your ex's financial stability is not your concern. That is for him to worry about.

I was on my own for 5 years before I met my now DP and it is beyond tough being a single parent but it's also quite rewarding. You don't have the constant push and pull of differing parenting opinions, if you're having a tough day and don't feel like doing the cleaning/cooking then there's no one to criticise and me and DS were really close. I love DP and he is so good with DS but sometimes I really miss when we were just a team of 2.

Your love for your baby shines through in all your posts. Whatever you choose, dummy or no dummy, classes and groups or staying at home, formula or BF etc etc...your baby will be fine and none of this will matter in a few years time. The decisions that feel monumental and all consuming now and make you second guess yourself will be things you barely remember. I couldn't tell you which of DS' peers used dummies or were formula fed etc. They all seem to be doing OK regardless!

Based on my experience and personal research, colic is often hypersensitivity - these are babies who are likely to go on to be a highly sensitive person (HSP). You can Google and find some discussion on this, although, for obvious reasons, it's not a medically accepted truth. Yet, there is no real medical understanding of colic which is simply 'unexplained' in most cases.

But to give you my personal perspective on what a 'difficult' baby means is an individual who feels the world, sounds, smells, sights, touch etc much more intensely. I believe that is the real cause of colic. It is felt as pain to a baby. Inner radiating pain and distress that to the outside observer has no obvious cause.

If I am right, you undoubtedly have a more difficult time than bringing up the average baby, but the sweet, sensitive soul that is the root of the distress and crying will bring you so much joy and love. The first few months are hard, so so hard, but you will get there.

You mentioned overstimulation and I think you are in tune with your baby to understand that might be the cause. Personally, I found routine is important. But it has to be built up slowly and it takes time to get to a routine, so don't feel bad if you're not there with one yet.

I now have the most caring, sensitive, wise little soul, who is 6. But the early days were much what you describe. And most people don't really get it because although all babies are hard, like anything, there are different levels of difficulty!

I would have to politely disagree with the previous poster. My first baby had horrendous colic until about 4/5 months, then it just went. He is now a strapping teen and not in the slightest bit sensitive, never has been. My second baby was like a doll, hardly ever cried never mind colic, pleasant and easy. But is definitely a highly sensitive child. So I don't see any correlation between that and colic! I think colic is very common, albeit it unexplainable, and it seems to just go as quickly as it came on. I hope this is the case for your little baby x