August Due Date Crew - Trimester 2 (Thread 7)

[AnnieApple123]

As always, newbies are most welcome.

Apologies if I’ve missed anyone. Do shout if so. Ditto if you have any changes or updates.

July
26th @MidnightSunshine12
27th
28th
29th @DesertSnow @Mulner88 @Porcupette @Loudmouth1 & @overwork
30th
31st @AnnieApple123 & @BusyBushBaby

August
1st* *@ChloeN @CityKity & @SnowL2021
2nd @sprollie11
3rd @PumpkinEverything @Chl0o@Miraclesdohappen88 & @LS88
4th @BMK @Alpacabag22
@Amme18 & @UsernameNotPresent
5th @LBF2020 @Desperatelyboredhousewife & @BoodifulGoose
6th@buttercupbee@somuchtolearnabout @Rowanandremy & @TattyTil
7th @marleyandme
8th @RGxo13
9th
10th @VickiGo& @Sjw30
11th @tax19@nadsc& @@Rose05
12th
13th @sally16 @newmummie & @@Nic2908
14th
15th @Gizzyanne
16th @Recoba
17th @Narwhal88, @jollydollyirl& @cococat88
18th @sommeliermama& @EsmeSusanOgg
19th @Firsttimemomma1 @P1pk& @allgoodthings84
20th
21st @BCxx
22nd
23rd @MinnieFirstTimeMum
24th
25th @unluckyinlife
26th @MummaYoung2023 & @Wife2b
27th
28th
29th
30th
31st

September
1st @froglou

Also @SkullCollector. Apologies, I don’t have a date for you yet.

@BMK I definitely feel like that, but I just don't know how to get a break at the moment. I don't know what on earth is wrong with me. I don't want to bring everyone down here, but honestly I've been crying on and off all day and when I said to my husband that I feel genuinely like I'm days away from burnout he seemed really shocked and asked me why. I spend 2 days a week working with him at a company we've just bought (which I have done all of the accountancy/solicitors/negotiation related crap for basically single handed), the other 3 days a week I'm with our 2 year old who's behaviour right now is so draining. He goes to preschool for 4 hours on one of those days. I cook everyone's meal basically every night because my husband doesn't get in till 6. I also have a small creative business and have been trying to deliver to galleries etc in the last few weeks. I just feel completely exhausted and my husband asking me "why?" has made me feel very much like I'm just not trying hard enough. That's not how he meant to make me feel, but I just didn't think it would be so much of a shock to him 🤦‍♀️

I have been thinking about looking into childminders but more for when the baby is born to be honest. I don't even know what their average hourly rate is haha, so I need to do some serious research 🤣

But yeah, I'm totally with you on not feeling like I'm enjoying pregnancy 🤦‍♀️ I'm glad you feel like you've turned a corner though and are starting to not dislike it so much. It's certainly very hard sometimes! Amazing, but difficult.

After me saying about baby not reacting to me touching tummy, it now has 🥹 & for this first time ever , I seen the kicks in my tummy this morning and seen them all through the day, baby's been so active! It's made me so happy but tonight I'm feeling a bit down :( baby was kicking and I was screaming with happiness and dp seemed annoyed at me that I was so happy, & then when I asked would he talk to my tummy he said no he has other things to do & he would rather talk to them when they're here, like who says that? I'm really upset about it, he just doesn't seem interested, every time I talk about baby he changes the subject and I'm starting to get so sad. I'm just so excited but he isn't giving off the same energy :(

@overwork glad it’s done and hope the results are back soon 🤞🏻

@Createcomet sounds like you are having a tough time. Sorry to hear that. I think some time to yourself sounds like a good idea- hard to get that with a toddler and your work. But you need to prioritise yourself sometimes. Sending lots of love. I would speak to your midwife if you are struggling ❤️

@newmummie I haven’t felt any movements outside yet. How many weeks are you? Perhaps your partner needs some more time to get his head around it. I can completely understand why you are upset. ❤️

@newmummie my partner was a bit the same with my first pregnancy too! I don't think it had actually sunk in that there was a little person in my tummy 😅
I made a comment to him the other day about it as this time he always says bye to me, DS and bump! And got me a Mother's Day card from DS and one from bump where as last time he didn't 😂 he said he just didn't realise the excitement last time and said he didn't really understand the whole baby hype until he first laid eyes on my son and it was like an instant full on love bomb 😂 xx

@Createcomet -honestly you sound like me before; but at least I had my Mum etc who spotted the exhaustion and ordered sleep but it actually gets MUCH WORSE with a baby who doesn't sleep and trying to continue as if life is the same. I burmt myself out trying to continue undeterred through first pregnancy and kept working day and night after birth (3 weeks off) and worked athrough second and don't remember most of first child's first year or so. I don't even recognise the pictures as I was absolutely exhausted and pregnant with 2nd when he was only 7 months. And that was when I realised I had to chamge things . Actually Covid really aided me in that. But am forewarning you: you can't continue like this. It's one thing working for someone else in one job and being all things to all people outside that as much as you can but when you're self employed the business runs you and you don't leave at 5 and then if you have to cook and mind a child and presumably keep the house going, you are actually doing teh work of at least 2 people and around the clock, comstantly. Now that's before being pregnant. And you have 2 businesses. Something will give and it will be you. You can't keep at this. Why can't your son go to playgroup 3 or 4 mornings a week. I personally recommend an Au Pair particularly for you. Look on Au Pair World website,but taht will take about 2 months probably to get one to your house from starting to look. We are in Ireland and pay 200e /week and she does 5 days and you feed and house them etc . Otherwise you need to put notices up or talk to the local mothers at playgroup as to whether they have heard of any childminders. Also don't expect men to understand the level of heroicness; your husband is continuing as normal and doesn't understand at all how you feel and teh physical toll the pregnancy, sickness,exhaustion and trying to work through has had on you . Forget business and making dinner..do pasta and sauce this evening and dedicate any few hours you can find to sleeping and if not sleeping, to finding childminder and less hours to work/more hours to sleep. If you husband has to.do ore so be it. Remember he's not pregnant and it sounds like his life has been the same as ever and he hasn't picked up any of the extra. Now start giving him anything extra you can. If that causes strife and stress honestly just get a cleaner to clean your house- even just for a few weeks,childminder for a few days per week and anything at all to free you up. It costs a bit but it will.allow you function and keep all wheels on the road/track.
Sorry everyone else,but this I can relate to.
Also @newmummie it is a bit disheartening but I would equally have thought someone was mad talking to a stomach. He will be great but wants to talk to a baby he can hold and see, not an abstract concept of something growing somewhere in your abdomen that can't likely understand language anyhow..it's a bit of a stretch for him atm but not intentional,just different folks/strokes. My o/h is the WORST when I'm pregnant (not even talking about baby bar basics and maybe go to 1 scan 2 at most) but fantastic as a dad.

@newmummie my other half was very unedited by my pregnancy first time round, he was excited to be a dad but didn’t get excited by kicks etc, this time round he’s totally different - same as @sally16 says though I think once they’ve had a child the concept of a baby in your tummy is more real to them. OH is also a fantastic dad, although did find the transition harder than me, I think it’s very different experiences all round for mum vs women xx

@newmummie it's so disheartening but I also had a similar experience to @sally16 and @Amme18 - first time round my husband struggled to connect (although he did talk to my bump to make an effort) whereas this time round he even got me a mother's Day card from bump. Hopefully now your husband knows how much it means to you he'll try to make an effort to talk to bump and feel movements etc 💕

@Createcomet I’m so sorry you are having a rough time of it, you have a lot of things on your plate and each one is it’s own level of stress. I’ve not had anywhere near the same level of things or stress going on as you and I have been struggling. That you have continued on and got this far is honestly amazing. Personally, the only thing that has helped me has been talking to my wife - even when we were both getting stressed at the things we couldn’t change it was so, so helpful to sit down and plan out a way forward that would make things easier for us both. Is this something you could do? Others have had some fantastic suggestions that maybe could be something you and your husband look into to make things less stressful for you. I don’t think any one person can take all of the weight you are carrying on your shoulders indefinitely, something has to give and there’s something to be said for willingly giving some of that weight over than buckling under its weight. If you are thinking of talking to your midwife then I’d say it’s something that you think you should mention and it’s definitely not a bad idea if you are comfortable letting her know where you are at currently. It doesn’t mean anything bad, just something that can give you some more support if it’s needed. I really hope I haven’t overstepped in anything I’ve said.

Sorry again for not being on here much, had a hectic week.

welcome to anyone new!

Some stressful things have been resolved in the last week that has helped massively but I’ve been so, so tired and just struggling to sleep comfortably. It’s like now some of the weight on my mind is gone by body has decided to make sleep very difficult to get.

We had our 20 week scan on Monday, I wanted to post a photo but I’m useless at that sort of thing so will keep trying. Baby is definitely a boy, in fact he seems rather proud of his bits as he was showing that area off more than his face 😂 it was very difficult getting a picture of his face, it was mostly his bits or the back of his head 🙄 eventually we got some which is really nice but he wasn’t too happy. He tried shrugging the sonographer off which made us all laugh because when that didn’t work he curled up in the feta position and wouldn’t move from
it.

Dd was obsessed with his scan photo but has been extremely clingy with me ever since, I can’t even go to the toilet without her calling or crying for me so that’s something new and, this sounds awful, exhausting. She’s a bit up and down with her moods and attitude lately too, dw says this is a phase most kids go through but it’s really hard at the minute when I’m tired and my body hurts.

Baby has been kicking up a storm and dw has been able to feel him which is lovely for us both. Has anyone else had kicks that are a bit uncomfortable/painful? I don’t remember this from dd but sometimes he kicks or he presses low and it hurts a bit. I’m not overly concerned just a little bit apprehensive of what it will be like when I’m further along.

@overwork Thinking of you so much with the amnio. Such a tough thing to go through. Hope you’ve got lots of distractions planned for the next week. Totally different scenario but I’ve been there too with waiting for test results and know how hard it can be.

@Createcomet Sorry you had that experience at a toddler group. What an incredibly unsupportive woman. Sounds like she was having a bad day herself and taking it out on you. You really do have a lot on your plate. I’m currently not working at all and my child is a little older than yours, yet still I’m finding things tough so I can’t imagine what it must be like for you with that all that going on. Anything you can do practically to relieve the burden on you sounds like a good idea. Do you have plans for any sort of maternity leave?

Has anyone else got terrible brain fog already? I’m doing the stupidest things at the moment. I told DS this evening that we needed to clean his teeth and he looked at me like I was mad and said, ‘But we just did Mummy!’ I felt his toothbrush and he was right - it was soaking wet. I’ll also get to the end of a library book and realise I’ve taken in absolutely nothing and can’t answer any of his questions about it.

@Rowanandremy so lovely that you're feeling kicks and family have been able to feel them too! How wonderful. Also just wanted to say that fwiw my 2 year olds behaviour is very challenging at the moment. Very demanding, very very active, he's dropped his nap but still seen incredibly tired and grumpy so he's struggling. I think they sense the change and find it a little bit unsettling. But it's definitely hard work when you're tired and feeling rough. I hope you can manage to get some rest and some more sleep soon. It's good that you're a bit less stressed, maybe your body is taking a little longer to catch up?

@BMK @Rowanandremy @AnnieApple123 thank you for the support! Its hard when there's a lot to juggle but so many people juggle more than me. I'm.okay, I'm lucky that neither if my jobs are particularly full on. One is run with my husband and I deal with accounts/invoicing/Client liason/a bit of tidying and cleaning and general making sure the place is okay for 2 days a week whilst he does the revenue generating work. Then my other job is more of a hobby right now because I don't have time to do it, but I make silver and gold jewellery and have recently been approached by a gallery so I've been spending time trying to order display materials, liase with the gallery and get 40 pieces of jewellery together for them. I don't really have time to do it, but I try to do a few hours a week because it's what I'm passionate about and I can't give it up. I'd like to grow it as the kids get older.
My main issue is that 1) ive spent 3 months dealing with the purchase of company 1 and learning how to do the job and I am EXHAUSTED. I was having to do so much work outside of work hours with no childcare that it took everything i had to push it through whilst pregnant and looking after a toddler. But I did it and I'm really proud of myself. Its not a massive earner right now, but if we get it right it will set us up for life. And 2) I'm finding days at home hard because my 2 year olds behaviour is very demanding right now, and I'm struggling to keep on top of house stuff, cooking, swimming lessons, appointments, checking work emails etc. It can feel very overwhelming on those days.

But yeah, in the ideal world my son would have more childcare. And next year he will get 3 Yr funding. I'm hoping that I will be able to afford more childcare for this baby, but right now, we just can't afford it. I feel bad that we can't because people are constantly like "why don't you get more childcare?"....I just can't afford it. I don't earn enough to make it financially work right now but it won't be forever.

@Createcomet I’m totally with you on the overwhelm. My DS also is full on and no longer naps. Plus I too am finding it hard to keep on top of the house currently which I find adds to my stress levels as I don’t function well in mess and chaos (I’m not sure many of us grown-ups do!). Not got any magic solutions but just letting you know you’re not alone.🥰

@AnnieApple123 yes to the brain fog which I'm not impressed with! I managed to turn up at work without my laptop (we have just screens at work, no PCs, you have to have your laptop else you can't use them). And I posted mums Mother's Day card into the communal recycling bin. (I did not climb in to fetch it!)

@overwork So glad it’s not just me! We drove to the supermarket yesterday then I started walking home, forgetting that we’d left the car in the car park.

I’ve definitely had the brain fog for a while too. I’ve done some really daft things and it’s like I’m just running on autopilot but doing things twice or completely forgetting I’ve just done something. I lose something else every day and have put really random things in the fridge because I’ve just not been thinking.. my husband has looked at me like 🤔 a few times

I've been to Asda 4 times this week...
still haven't bought anything I intended too so brain fog is very real here 😂
Wrote myself a list for attempt 5 tomorrow haha!

This morning I got some twix' and hand soap...
I needed a full shop and toilet paper 🤣

@BCxx This sounds just like me too. DS has such a keen eye for everything and is always noticing things I’ve completely missed, which has highlighted to me just how much on autopilot I am. I’ve been having wobbles again about whether he actually would be better off in nursery.

In fact I had a big wobble last night on the phone to my mom that I’ve arranged my whole life all wrong, that I’m wasting my education and should be working! I feel very fortunate on one level to be a SAHM yet at the same time there are definite downsides to it. It made me think of you @Createcomet and how there are pros and cons to every situation and it’s hard to feel like you’re getting it right whatever you’re doing.

@AnnieApple123 I can relate, and I think sooooooo many SAHMs feel like they're wasting their education etc. It's so tough, and it's not wrong to want some headspace from small children, they are intense!

For me, I actually find it hard to be part time. I read Michelle Obamas book a couple of years ago and I remember her talking about how working part time was basically like being full time at work and full time SAHM. And now I do actually understand what she means. You sort of find yourself working on your days with your kid and also responding to messaged from nursery etc and trying to book your food shopping and do admin in your lunch break. Its really odd. It doesn't mean I don't like it, but the adjustment is odd, and I'm having to put some firm boundaries in place. And of course, as you're probably finding, hormones and tiredness make things seem a whole lot worse than they actually are!

@Createcomet if you can't get extra childcare can you get your husband to mind your son all day Saturday and lock the door of your room and sleep or do your own things.
@AnnieApple123 SAHMs are the backbone of society. There is far too much pressure on families, financially; one parent ought be able to SAH but economically they're both driven to work ,even though often childcare costs more thsn the earning differential, depending on how many children etc. It's also do much better for the family to have parent or parents at home instead of always gone. But such is modern.. living.
I have noticed at 21 wks tm, a huge increase in baby's activity over past 5 or so days and feeling heavier in abdomen and more pregnant re getting up /picking things up etc
Midwife was on about exercises women do ,mentioned sth about glutes and squats and that some go to gym,or pilates and others do classes for it and it was the first I heard of this despite being baby no3! **I can't think of much worse than squats!!

Hi all, really sorry to hear some of you are really struggling. I really don't know how those of you with little ones already are managing it. You're all superwomen and are doing a great job. Even when it doesn't feel like it.

Just wanted to update for anyone not on the FB group - had my 20 week scan this week (at nearly 22 weeks) and thankfully all looking healthy with baby. It was in a very awkward position and reluctant to move despite some acrobatics, so took a long time to get all the measurements, but got there in the end.

The sonographer said that she thinks it's a girl because she couldn't see any boy bits, which is a huge surprise as I've been convinced from day 1 that it is a boy. But I don't know how sure she is as I imagine boy bits could be hiding? But then DH says she wouldn't have said she thought it was a girl unless she was pretty sure - she would have just said she couldn't tell.

Turns out being told it might be something is harder than not knowing anything 😂so have booked a private gender scan next week as I saw an offer from Window to the Womb and thereafter became powerless to resist.

Absolutely thrilled with either, just keen to know now!

@DesertSnow aw lovely! That’s hard when you don’t have a 100% answer for either 🙈 I would think by 22 weeks it would be quite obvious though if it was a boy so you’d hope she’s right if she’s willing to guess from what she saw. Just don’t tell them at the scan what they’ve said! I didn’t tell them about my blood test so I could see if they said the same 😂

Totally agree with the part time work being two full time jobs thing 🤦🏼‍♀️ I’ve been sorting out my house this week, my toddler has just gone to bed and I feel like I could collapse. I’ve not stopped all day just sorting out clothes, endless washings, ironing, clearing out old stuff etc. Will be so glad when it’s all done and I can live my new minimalist life with zero clutter

@Createcomet I was really surprised that dw could feel baby this soon but then my memory is pretty terrible anyway and couldn't remember when she was able to feel dd. I am loving being able to feel all the kicks, even if sometimes it's a bit uncomfortable 😂Oh goodness it's rough when they drop nap time but are still so tired - dd dropped her only nap time quite young and we were pulling our hair out for quite a while because she was Grumpy. I'm thinking that's what's going on with dd, she's sensing all of the changes and while she's super excited to be a big sister, she's also a bit unsure for what it means for her. All we can do is reassure her and try to be understanding of her many, many tantrums 😂Thank you, I'm hoping the sleep issues sort themselves out soon. It seems if I'm not having weird pregnancy dreams then I can't get comfortable and nothing seems to really alleviate that - bump isn't quite big enough for the pregnancy pillow I've got to do much of anything yet. That's a good thought it could absolutely be a product of the stress and I just need to be a bit more patient - not something I'm usually great at!
I'm really glad I didn't overstep, I'm not always the best at judging if something I've put is alright to someone who doesn't know my thought process. I think you have done amazingly and you are absolutely right to be damn proud of yourself! Congratulations on your jewellery and gallery interest, that sounds like a massive accomplishment. You have a lot to juggle and I am in awe at all you are accomplishing and doing that around having a 2 year old and being pregnant - well it's definitely more than I could manage. It's so hard when you could do with childcare but can't afford it, we've been there and it's so rough especially when it's something you could really do with even for one day a week to give you a breather. I'm sure you've gone over all of the options so I won't go over it again but I really hope you are able to get some you time really soon.