First time IVF age 42

[worrymerchant]

HI - i am 42 and going thru my first IVF ICSI cycle... (already have DS,15ys, and DD 13ys from prior marriage). DH has low motility. Egg Collection produced only 7 eggs, 3 poor quality, 2 failed ICSI, i didnt fertilise so was left with just one egg to implant last thurs on day 2. AM feeling very low about it all. Any positive advice or feedback please?

Hi there - camping definitely not my style, pregnant or not! Yes, villa was lovely and my mum house and dog-sat for us while we were away, as they're just too old for kennels now and I would have worried about them. Hope the ante-natal classes go okay & will look forward to hearing about them. I've got a few new things for the baby, but have lots of stuff stored from the two DSs, anyway. Am thinking about splurging on a double-tandem buggy as I do like to walk DS to school and DS2 is too young to hoof-it himself all the way there and back, so a double seems like the best option, even if I only really use it for a year or so. If you like moses baskets, you go for it and get yourself a really pretty one for Emily Mirium and enjoy it - you've waited long enough for the pleasure, so make the most of it, I say! Bye for now, love TNPx

hi all,

Hope your all hanging in there

TNP I had ante-natal classes last night. They are useful in that they cover all the options that are provided for labour (petidine, gas / air, epidurals) and you get a tour of the hospital (included). Unfortunately no relaxation, active birth sessions or breathing techniques are offered which would be extremely useful for me.

Had a bad night afterwards. Couldn't get back to sleep after about 5.30am so I'm a bit tired and worn out today (and weepy).

I'll talk more about what we're going to buy when I'm a bit more awake.

Lots of love,

NS XXXX

Hi NS

• perhaps the ante-natal classes got your mind over-active and so gave you a bad night? I often find that, if I go to a new situation, I'm often a bit unsettled that night following as my mind is chewing it over etc. I'd recommend going on the hospital tour, so you know where you're going and what equipment they have to offer etc - it'll put your mind at rest. NCT will offer actual birthing & breathing techniques etc, but sometimes it can be difficult to get into a class near you - have you thought about those? I wanted to try NCT the first time round, but we'd just moved to the area and the nearest class was too far away for me so I didn't get to go. I'm sure the breathing techniques would have been useful, something I really want to concentrate on this time around to make sure I try to do it effectively. I've got a Lamaze book which is quite useful with sensible-sounding breathing techniques.

I'm starting to 'nest' quite a bit now, I think! I'm enjoying mulling-over what equipment & stuff we might need to buy. Have you found any nice moses baskets you might like yet? When pregnant with DS2, I really really wanted one of those small, rocking cradles, about the same size as a moses basket, and I found one from Blooming Marvellous. It is just like a little doll's cot, really. Well, DS2 slept in it for a couple of months and I still have it in a corner of my bedroom, awaiting the new arrival! I'm also thinking about getting a rocking/bouncy chair for the baby - didn't bother last time as I just used the rocking car seat indoors for him, but I think it would be nice to get one of those chairs for the new baby. Have you started to get clothes etc ready yet? Hospital bag packed??!! (Last time, I had my hospital bag ready at about 18 weeks, no kidding!!)

Hope you have a better night tonight and manage to get some sleep. DVT medication going okay? Do you know which way round your baby is at the moment? Mine seems to be quite keen on breech right now! Take care & love, TNPx

Hi TNP,

I took a few days to reply there because I was exhuasted. I have been becoming more breathless as I get larger and this had interfered with sleep (again!) and I was waking up quite breathless or snoring. Had a better night last night and feel more human. I sleep semi propped up now but I think I slip down during the night. I am also stuffy from pregnancy. Do you find your asthma worsens as you get larger?

So how are you doing? That tandem buggy seems like a really good idea for you. They look like something out of outer space. No we haven't gone for the moses basket yet. We are just going around pricing things at the moment.

The baby (when scanned at 30 weeks) was lying with her head downwards which apprently was in the right position for becoming engaged. I can't wait until she drops. I think she was breach at earlier stages though I have a feeling that they don't worry until you are about 36-37 weeks. Was your DS2 breach?

The DVT medication is a nuisance but fine. DP has to inject me twice daily (8.00pm and 8.00am) daily. My thighs are all colours of the rainbow and I have a slight allergic skin reaction. I can of course use the Pirition for that which I have for sleep as it is an antihistamine.

Hope you are well and thinking of WM and MB as well.

Well I'd better go now. Lots of love.

NS XXXX

• Hi NS - I'm very sympathetic with the breathlessness, as that's me, too. It's really draining, isn't it. Pregnancy does make my asthma worse anyway, but the increasing pressure on my lungs is most unpleasant. You'll get a bit of relief when the baby drops. It's not much fun having to sleep so propped up, is it, but that's about the only thing you can do, I think. I keep wanting to sleep on my back, but stop myself as it's not a good position for either mother or baby, so always try to settle on my side, but I keep waking up whatever I do, and often am awake between 1.30 and 3-ish, when the baby seems to get most active.

Yes, my midwife also said not to worry about position of the baby until much later on - they do move about a lot and DS2 constantly flitted between being transverse and breech right up to week 36, when he suddenly engaged 4/5 - I was expecting an early birth, but no, in that position he stayed & he hung in there until week 40!

Have you managed to do any more writing recently? Take care, TNPx

Hi TNP,

Just saying hello this evenning. I have got to that awkward stage between 32 weeks and 36 where I'm terribly uncomfortable but I've still got a way to go. (I'm 35 weeks on Thursday. Last night I slept on my back because otherwise I got both palpatations and breathlessness. I was cuddled by DP which was lovely. I have been told by several midwives not to worry too much about sleeping on my back. If I am not uncomfortable it's unlikey to harm baby, so I thought I'd pass that on.

I have kept up a campaign about the moses basket so I think we will get one. Mum thinks a carrycot might be better, DP says if I want one I can have one. However I am thinking it would be better to get something lightweight until we decide whether we are going back to Ireland or not.

No writing, little energy but thinking about it. DP is currently out with dear dogs. Dear cat asking for food and then refusing it (probably like baby. He sounds like a new born anyway!)

Right well I'm off to watch my valium TV, University Challenge and the Book Quiz then bed I think.

Hope you are well. I'll talk Thursday after my next ante-natal class. We get a tour of the hospital then. I have requested a discussion about induction

NS XXXX

Hi NS - thanks for passing that on about sleeping on your back - I propped myself up on more pillows last night and allowed myself to doze on my back, which is what has been feeling most comfortable, so I felt better about doing that last night following your comments. Had a bit of a better night and slept right through, without needing the loo, until 5.15!!! - a record for me!

Your legs must feel like a pin-cushion with all those injections. It's good DP can do them for you. I expect you'll be really interested to get your tour of the hospital on Thurs - it will make it seem all the more real and be reassuring to know where you'll be. Do they have a birthing pool? Do you think you'll want to give it a go if it's free? I enjoyed mine, although I have to say it was so relaxing that it actually slowed my labour down (26 hours in all!) and so I had to get out of it. I'll look forward to hearing what the induction plans will be for you, so good luck with your class etc on Thurs, and take care until then. Bye for now, love TNPx

Hi TNP,

I had a better night too, so that makes two of us, glad the advice about lying on your back was useful. I have been told that it has be uncomfortable for you before it harms baby. You will probably change position before it gets to that stage. (Lets face it back in the dark ages no-one knew anything about lying on the back being dangerous, women porbably only moved when it got uncomfortable. We'd have died out a long time if it was actually that bad for baby!).

I've actually got two tours of the hospital lined up because Mum is also down as a birthing partner and we got onto a tour before I was accepted into the ante-natal classes, so at the moment I am going once with her and once with DP.

I am leaving my options open about the birth. I have heard that induced labours can be more painful and as I feel like I am in labour even when I have a period I might well need an epidural. I am going to play it by ear and see what happens. I will also follow the advice of the hospital. We have an excellent service here and I'm sure they know what they are doing. Having said that I was a bit nervous about the info given last week. All the other women in the class were a few weeks behind me (the counsellor got me into the sessions at the last minute) and it all seems quite close now. I am both nervous and excited at the same time. She continues to kick away but it often feels like great big thumps now.

Take care,

NS XXXX

Oh, that's good NS. I'm keeping my options open too - you never know what you are going to need or how you will cope - it just can't be predicted. But I have heard also that inductions can be painful, I guess because you go straight into it, as it were, and your body doesn't have as much time to gear itself up to dealing with increasing pain. I said last time I'd have an epi if I needed it - but mine was so long I just sort of found my way through it, but I shall still be putting on my birth plan that I may well request (i.e. demand!) an epidural this time. Enjoy your hospital tour - you must be getting so excited! TNPx

TNP,

I wanted to ask you if you had had a chance to think about that newspaper article re IVF I was talking about. Remember I told you they were only interested in a positive story. I am still uncertain but would be interested in your views.

Off to my midwife appointment now. Will talk soon.

Bye

NS XXXX

Hi NS

Yes, I did have a bit of a think about it. It would be such a shame if they were only interested in a 'positive' story, because it's about so much more than a result, isn't it - although everything does depend on that final result. It's about all the hope, the pressure & strain, trying to hold together a relationship/job/domestic life/family/finances and all the rest of it, not to mention the medical implications of it. And I don't know about you, but I definitely pick up on a negative-bent from the media re IVF at the moment - almost as if the attitude is that many woman 'deliberately' leave starting families until later in life and then think that IVF can offer them an easy cure; when it doesn't all go to plan, there seems to be an almost "you brought it on your self" attitude.

I guess if you're planning on writing a newspaper article and have some interest from an editor, then you are tied to basically producing the angle they want. What about the short-story route, which is your strong suit anyway? You could create a character who really draws the reader into the whole IVF experience, so that when that character gets her long-awaited result - a negative one, if you want to highlight that issue - then the reader feels the sense of loss. Perhaps throw in some tangible complications too into the mix: OHSS, for example - which I suffered from (moderately severely, in hospital for a week) or the pain of ectopic, which you have suffered from. You could draw on the life-threatening pain and emotional loss of an ectopic pregnancy, following-on so closely from that much-longed for positive result.

All in all, I just don't think people realise, unless they've been through it themselves, just how much women go through with the IVF procedure, regardless of the end result.

HTH, & let me know how you get on with your thoughts on this - good luck!

TNPx

Hi TNP,

Midwife appointment went well. Baby is large and head down for number of weeks which is great. Checked in re waking up with a deep gasping breath and was told lots of women complain of this in late pregnancy. It's a bit scary but probably no more than my normal anxiety.

Thanks for your comments. I agree with you. I was disgusted by the editor's responce. There is an attitude to IVF being a quick fix problem for older women, isn't there. Little is known about the uncertainty, the pain of failure, the high cost involved and the fact that many people in their twneties and early thirties also need IVF because of the nature of infertility. The papers seem reluctant to cover this. Like you we had been trying for children for a number of years before going down the IVF route. I was 33 which is by no means old these days. Because I am anxious I was only really taken seriously after the second ectopic pregnancy. Medics often only admit to there being a problem when they can actually see it and papers like happy ending stories.

Sadly, I have tried the story route. That hasn't worked either. I sent in a short sotry to a number of places re a women with ectopic pregnancy and it failed to be noticed anywhere. I then started a novel on infertility which followed several women in a support group over a year some sucessful at IVF (others not). I don't have the energy for that at the moment although I feel blessed to be (like you) in the lucky group.

Have the tour of the hospital this evenning. Will talk soon

Love NS XXX

Hi NS - hope you're okay and that you found the tour of the hospital interesting? Look forward to hearing about it! Have a good night - I'm off to take a leaf out of your book now and watch some valium tv (great term!). bye for now, TNPx

Thanks TNP. I like your messages they are always so positive and I've read your new thread on here. (Great thread!) Maybe next time around, it'll be for me. I don't quite qualify being only 37 (junior).
I am getting really big now, I'm sure you are as well. I feel a bit better as well, partly I think because I am taking iron which is helping with the slight anaemia.

Lots of love,

NS XXXX

Let me know how your next ante-natal apointment goes.

You are just a Young Thing, you!!!

Can I ask what iron you are taking? Is it prescribed from the doctor, or something like SpaTone from the chemist? I'm glad it's helping. I shall be getting my latest iron levels at the midwife's on Monday.

I'm feeling really big, too - and I'm a few weeks behind you! This baby is moving and wriggling around all the time - I do hope it's not going to be a nuisance when it comes out and be one of those active, sleepless varieties ...

Got to take dogs and DS2 out now ... have a good day. love TNPx

TNP,

I am taking ferrous fumarate iron pills prescribed by the doctor.

I wonder if you have any ideas on a dog problem. Our black labrodor Newbie has a war against flies. He was stung about 2 years ago and since then snapps at all flies, wasps and bees. We are worried he is likely to swallow a wasp / fly or be stung on the muzzle. I have suggested we squirt him with water and say no very firmly every time he does it but I can't think of anything else. He's a very stupid dog. Any ideas?

I'll be taking the dogs to the field this afternoon.

The hospital visit was interesting but since I was admitted 5 weeks ago I had seen most of it. I liked seeing the newborn babies in the postnatal ward and all the equipment on the consultant led ward. There will be no midwifery led unit for me!

I have had more problems with midwives. The latest one misdiagnosed an alergic reaction to the drugs I am taking for the DVT. She said it wqas a bruise and we weren't doing the injections properly, despite my having a large red itchy patch on both thighs. I have since had it treated by the thrombosis team / doctor who have given me a mild cortisone cream and it's heaps more comfortable.

Hope your keeping well.

Lots of love NS XXXX

Hi NS

Hope you had a good night. I'm feeling sick quite a lot these days, with the pressure of the baby on my stomach making me queasy. It's quite bad again this morning ... but I have a relaxing facial booked this morning, so am looking forward to that ...

Poor Newbie. Sounds like he's developed a bit of a phobia, doesn't it, since being stung. Does he actually act frightened - cowering and growling etc, or is it more like his mouth quickly snaps open and shut when he sees flies buzzing past? Mine do that - it's a sort of instinctive reaction to catch the flies - like we would try to swat them away - and I don't think there's much you can do about that one, except to just try to keep him out of their way - difficult in the summer, I know. If it's more of a fear-type reaction, then your idea of distraction therapy might work - I remember seeing on tv once the trainer dropping a bunch of keys onto the floor to distract the dog from the undesirable behaviour (in this case, I think it was jumping up, but I'm sure would also apply for Newbie's problem), so that might be worth a try?

Glad you got that itchy reaction on your legs sorted out. Will let you know how I get on at the midwife on Mon. Bye for now, love TNPx

TNP,

Hope you are all chilled out now after your facial. I've been sitting in the garden this afternoon reading so I am quite relaxed now. I am sorry to hear about the sickness and hope it improves. I wonder if milky things might help you. I've had a touch of heartburn although it has never been one of my biggest problems. Maybe what you have isn't heartburn though. I bet you can't wait for baby to engage (I certainly can't).

Newbie is not cowering when he goes for flies, he simply hates them. He will chase them around the garden, at the back of the TV and all over the house. There is slobber all down the window payne. We just worry that he's going to swallow a wasp or something (probably on the day I have to be induced).

There was a programme on health and living channel on IVF last night which was quite interesting. It was strange to watch. The emotions reflected were so similar to mine alll those months ago.

My breathlessness has improved hugely though the iron tablets which is great but I did have some problems with sleep as I found my body jerking just as I relaxed. This happens sometimes although I have not had it for a while. My problems seem to be mainly sleep related.

I am going to watch vallium TV tonight to try and help.

Hope you feel better soon and keep chilled.

NS XXXXX

Hi NS - hope you're okay. Just checking in and to let you know that all went well for me at the midwife's today. My iron levels are actually v good - 13 apparently, and now the baby has shifted to head-down, which is a lot more comfortable. He/she's been really digging into me recently and making it difficult to even walk properly at times, so I hope this head-down position remains until D-Day. However, it feels a right wriggler, so I expect I shall have more of it to come ...

How's Newbie and the flies? Have you decided to try distracting him with keys, or simialar? I think it's called Aversion Therapy, or something ... but I might have that wrong ...

When are you next due a check-up? Must go now - the DSs are thumping each other on the sofa and I'm trying to cook their tea. Bye for now, take care, love TNPx

Hi TNP,

Glad that everything went well and that your iron levels are so high. Mine were 10 at the last blood test. I hope the sickness is improving and you aren't having to munch your way through too many marmite sandwiches. As it happens I am addicted to marmite and cheese alwasy have been so I guess the baby will have been tasting marmite amniotic fluid. If she doesn't grow up loving marmite I would be v. surprised.

I read your message re IVF on the older Mum's thread and I think it really sums up the issues. I also didn't go for testing. In my case it was because it simply isn't offered in Ireland because of the whole issue of abortion unless there is some obvious reason from a scan. I didn't worry about it (odd for me). I guessed that because I had had a sucessful first time IVF and the baby was larger than would be predicted by her due dates and that she has always moved around a lot that it was unlikely. There were some very unfortunate couples in my infertility support group who were faced with the difficult decision of what to do should there be abnormalities and I really felt for them because they had to face both infertility and potential disability. There are also some terrible cases of mothers having to carry babies to term even though they will never survive because abortion is not offered in Ireland. Instead they have to come here.

Well I'm fast approaching 36 weeks. Not long now. V. uncomfortable but counting the hours and minutes as usual.

Newbie's has a temprorary truce with the flies because the weather has deteriorated!

My next check up is a week tomorrow. I have to go to the DVT clinic (hopefully I will find out when I will be induced) and then I have counselling. I am scheduled to have my ante-natal appointment the same day but if I don't get to the clinic in time she will come to the house and see me Thursday. Baby is thumping away here in time to the keyes. I have also had to change my DVT meds because of an allergic reaction.

Keep well. Lots of love,

NS XXXXX

Hi NS

at your marmite amniotic fluid! I agree, cheese and marmite go perfectly together. As I've said before, I'm often awake in the middle of the night/v early morning and have to have marmite and cheese crackers, no question.

Yes, I think testing can cause a lot of anxiety (but can understand why women find not testing in itself anxiety-making), particularly if it's of the statistical likelihoood variety, rather than a finite answer. I just couldn't do it, because I'd worry myself senseless for the rest of the pregnancy over any 'odds' I'd been given. That's just absolutely awful, the situation in Ireland - I gather it's the same sort of deal with contraception, and that women/couples need to come over here ... it must cause so much distress.

I do love your valium tv idea. One of my valium fixes is Corrie - do you watch it? I found the storyline last night, of Maria's dead baby - supposedly at 31 weeks - same as me (yeah, right, looking at her bump compared to mine!) quite upsetting and am now taking comfort in the frequent kicks and movements of my baby, rather than concentrating on feeling it as an uncomfortable nuisance. I guess I should just remember what it represents.

Did you find out all you needed to know to prepare for induction? Just think - it could be very very soon now! Have the DVT and ante-natal teams given you an idea of how long they think it best you try to aim for? Hope your new meds have sorted out your allergic reaction. Have you thought about what you might need/want for your hospital bag? There's loads of good advice on all that stuff on here & this time, I shall be taking more babygros than I did before - it's amazing how much they spit/sick up so get plenty, or loads of bibs to keep on constantly! And plenty of large cotton knickers for you!

Take care & love for now, TNPx

Hi all,

I m deeply sorry for the extremely long silence. The internet has been playing up for a while and i dont really have the patience to sit around like my DD who fiddles with it till it works. Thank Goodness its a bit ok at the minuit.

This is just a quick note to let u all know you are all very much and always on my mind, and i hope to read all your posts properly and post on Thursday which is a public holiday here.

I trust all is well TP,NS&WM. Hope to update u on whats been going on with me on my next post. Take good care of ur lovely selves.

MTB xx

Hi there Miistoobee! It's great to hear from you - I think of you and WM whenever I check in on here and have my lovely chats with NS, so will look forward to hearing all your latest news when you can next post. Take care until then, love TNPx

Hi all,

MB: Yes I always think of both you and WM when I write as well. Hope you enjoy your public holiday. What is it by the way?

TNP: Important things first. Vallium TV. No I don't watch Corrie. 10 years ago I was addicted to Brookside and to a lesser extent Eastenders. I now tune into every reality show I can get my hands on. The Apprentice, Dog Bosrstal, I'll do Anything, Britain's got Talant. There is less chance of a pregnancy on those programmes and I can melt into thier little worlds and think about it as I drift off to sleep rather than where my blood clot might be going. I hope you are feeling better after Corrie. I've watched a few programmes on birth and found I've had to remind myself these are teenagers and not me, right now. I have also turned over a few programmes when it's looking dodgy like that! But it isn't you! You have a healthy pregnancy.

I am going to ask about induction at my ante-natal class this evenning. I've got a horrid feeling I'll have to go back onto that dreadful ward. On the tour last week they told us women who were in early labour were often transferred to that ward. I guess I will wait there until labour beings in earnest and then I go upstairs.

That's helpful advice about what to bring into hospital. What have you found particulalry useful? We have to bring a hat for the baby as well as clothes, nappies. DP bought a really nice one the other day. We are hoping we can save it for when she is older. What did you take in with you last time?

The situation in Ireland is bad re termination. I suffered from it as well. When I had my first ectopic they caught it in the early stages. My levels of BHCG were within the recomended levels for usuage of a drug called metatrexate which is cytotoxic and injected into a muscle. I was told by the team the only treatment was surgery. I had majour abdominal surgery as a result (the right tube was removed) when an injection was all that was needed. The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust UK are aware of this issue and are raising awareness. Termination to save life is considered okay, but it has to be framed in terms of a life saving operation.

Not long to go for either of us. Lots of love,

NS XXXX

Hi NS

• yes, I take your point about Corrie not exactly having the valium effect, especially if it has worrying pregnancy scenarios on it! But I'm still addicted to it, though. Love The Apprentice, too, and I like Desperate Housewives and Brothers and Sisters for my drama quota. I actually find it quite difficult to watch the news when there's anything involving horrific crimes involving children - it makes me physically sick and I have to turn it over ...

That's horrific about you having to have major surgery for your ectopic - I am absolutely appalled for you. No wonder it has been so traumatic for you, not least because of having an ectopic itself, but because of the unnecessary treatment. I do hope the UK Ectopic Trust are successful in raising this in Ireland so that these sorts of errors can be wiped out.

Re hospital bags - well, I'd think about your comfort post delivery ... it depends on how long you are intending/or will need to stay after the birth. I know your hospital is consultant-led, but are you planning/able to have a short stay in a midwife-led unit after the birth at all? These facilities can vary across the country, but if you have a midwife unit near you, you should be eligible to stay there for up to a week or so after the birth to make use of their support in the early days, if you wanted to. You probably know about that already, though ... I stayed in our local unit for a week to get breastfeeding established, but this time I shall want to come straight back asap as these places are a nightmare for trying to get some sleep, especially for people like us. But it depends on your needs and wants, I guess. I would pack a pair of flip-flops for the shower, not knowing how clean it might be, then you'll feel comfortable about stepping into it, as well as feeling steadier on your feet.
Also, perhaps pack a small plastic jug ... sometimes it can sting like mad to pee, and pouring warm water over when you do it can ease the discomfort (my two boys like to play pouring water in the bath with the little plastic jugs that come in soap powder boxes, so I will pack one of those myself) ... also Fibogel/packs of dried fruit or something similar for the all-important first post-birth poo - sorry, but nobody ever tells you this - that it can be quite traumtic, so you will prob. need to take what you can to ease the situation as much as poss!! Something for your bath - either in hosp, or for when you get home - some drops of lavender oil added to the water is very healing and good if you've had stitches. I also used Tidman's Sea Salt - it comes in a box from Sainsbury's, in the bathing section - a couple of handfuls of that is very good for healing and a capful of Savlon (the small, 'personal use' variety, not the generic, larger, household cleaning bottles!!). Again, if you're going to be in for some time, get a good supply of loose T-shirts (I've just bought a load of el-cheapo £5 from M&S in extra large sizes for post-birth) or loose nighties - you will probably need to change them more than you might think. Will let you know if I think of anything else - hth, love TNPx