Babies due April 2023 Thread 6

[Skylark1990]

Just starting a new thread for everyone 💕💙

I’ve been following this thread but haven’t joined in yet due to 2 previous losses and just feeling like I’m jinxing it. I have just over a week until my dating scan when I will be about 13 weeks 🤞🏼

Have felt very sick, been sick. Tired. Starting to feel a little better but still having sickness and nausea at the odd times but just some better days.

Very excited but also anxious about decisions for birth.
@Skylark1990 can I ask you as you seem in same position as me. I had forcep assisted delivery and so episiotomy and due to badly positioned baby then a third degree tear. At the time it was awful awful recover. Lots of problems with scar tissue and sex. After about a year I was properly healed and I have hardly any issues now.
but the worry of the repeated high risk is a concern. I found it all very traumatic. And had issues with my bladder needing a catheter in after birth and to go home with one.
i am leaning towards a planned c section. Because I also had like a 56 hour labour 😂😂 cos she was so malpositoned. It do dream of an easy normal uncomplicated 2nd birth. But it also terrifies me of having anymore damage there. How are you feeling about it and what are your thoughts?

@AliceinSlumberland I have had practically no symptoms. Maybe some slight nausea and food aversions between week 8 and 10 but tbh I didn't even feel that bad. I've had a couple of scans on the last week and everything is fine. Now 14w4d so not everyone gets symptoms and it doesn't always mean anything bad ☺️

@Indianna2006 welcome and best of luck for your scan in a week! I've also had previous losses so understand the anxiety.

Re birth yes this sounds similar to me... 90 hours of labour (about 18 active labour) and ended in assisted delivery with episiotomy and third degree tear. Also due to awkward position of baby apparently! Damn them! Haha but ofc we can't always control everything.

So I'm definitely going for a natural birth again, I was lucky in that I didn't suffer bad effects from the tear beyond the usual pain and a bit of weakness early on. I did a lot of physio (loads of keggles daily for months) and scar massage every day which helped it heal nicely. I had two occasions where I had to rush to the loo early on, but haven't had incontinence issues since - I think due to all the keggles I'm actually stronger there now than I was pre pregnancy - although not when I've been spewing recently if you know what I mean 🙈.

With an assisted delivery you're much more likely to tear badly because a. We on our backs, gravity not on our side b. The forceps or ventouse pulls baby out quickly and to prevent tears it's better to let baby come out slowly / without coached pushing or being yanked out. Obviously position of baby also plays a big part - but being mobile in labour and also thinking about how we sit during pregnancy etc (spinning babies website is good for this) will help with this. Also with a second birth, things are more stretched out already so I'd hope this helps baby get into a better position as perhaps they had less room first time?

I'm also going to ask for a "hands on birth" - this is when someone supports your perenium while you're pushing with a warm compress or massage oil and their hand to help prevent tearing. Episiotomy can also make us tear worse because it weakens the skin already (think of a piece of fabric that has a small cut... Much easier to tear this further than tear the fabric without the cut).

Sorry this is a massive ramble but basically, there are ways to support having a natural birth after assisted delivery and third degree tear which can make the chances of tearing badly again quite slim. My midwife said if no ongoing incontinence issues they would not be advising a section anyway. But I think it's a v personal choice and depends a lot on how your recovery was afterwards! Happy to chat more... It's a big decision!

@Skylark1990 it is such a big decision! All of those things are things I’ve considered and in my birth they midwife was doing a warm compress anyway. But obv because the labour was sooo long and slow due to her position. They put me on the drip and then hence why she got stuck on exit and the assisted delivery came in. I guess to me it’s because it’s so unknown. And that baby can turn and do what they like in labour. And a few mistakes were made in mine by staff.
i haven’t had too many continent issues either tbh. Only immediately after birth for few days and when I was once on very strong laxatives which is understandable 🙈 and yes I know what you mean about the violent vomiting 🙈😂 a few times I’ve thought oh just did a little wee haha. Pelvis floor obv not quite what it was. But when is anyones after birth.
think I just hate the unknown fact. And letting that whole area restretch out again and what they means long term as you get older 🙈 lots of decisions to make

Welcome @Indianna2006 and good luck for the scan. I also had a forceps delivery. My obstetrician has said 97% of women who have instrumental deliveries have normal straightforward vaginal births second time round - I like those odds! I’m being induced at 37 weeks and plan to have a water birth if my body tips into labour without the drip, otherwise an epidural but to be as mobile as possible. I was on my back for the entire labour last time which didn’t help I think. There are lots of things you can do to encourage a straightforward delivery - Skylark is very knowledgable here!

@Cuppasoupmonster thank you! Yes a straight forward labour would seem a dream to me.
i know my second labour would likely be way shorter and also likely less intervention.
it’s more that final straw for me. Like when it comes to pushing. Will my perineum bad my repair withstand the stretch. As if you get a repeat severe tear which your at higher risk of. The rates of good repair are much lower second time round. That’s my concern. I don’t wanna tempt fate when it was a long recovery. And it took a long time to get where I am.
but I have time to ponder it and lots of medical professionals to ask for opinions I guess.
the midwife said to me if anxiety means once you get to that point you don’t wanna push. That’s not helpful for anyone. So mine was very supportive of a c section cos she said it sounds like you went through the mill. I also had ptsd afterwards because of it. So lots of elements to consider

@Indianna2006 i think as well we can rush to try and make these decisions, you’ve got plenty of time and there’s so much good advice out there too. Ultimately it’s your body and up to you what you want to do. I’m going to be have an elective and the midwife has been very supportive of that, as she would have been if I’d have gone for a vaginal birth. I get what you’re saying, my ideal would be a straightforward vaginal birth but as I can’t pick that option, it’s down to chance mostly, I’ve gone for the option I can pick haha although obviously every method of delivery has risks and unknowns.

Ive experienced round ligament pain for the first time today! Was worried as it was such a sharp pain but google suggests that’s what it is, particularly as it was sharp when I sneezed 😂 In some ways I feel a bit reassured by it as it possibly means my body is starting to stretch out a bit, as it should?

@AliceinSlumberland Agreed! I would have loved a normal straightforward birth too, but after my first I am not risking it.

I refuse to be inducted again and I don’t want to try for a VBAC because I don’t want issues from both a CS and a VB. I want an ELCS because I know what’s happening, I know the recovery and experience and I already have the scar so why not 😅

The thing about birth is there are lots of scare stories around, and actually quite often increased intervention will make it more likely that someone will have a traumatic experience or the birth will not be straight forward. So I think before anyone makes a decision, especially for a first birth, it's good to read up on the physiological process of birth, coping mechanisms, pros and cons of everything from a home birth to an elective c section and everything in between. I think at that point, we can make an informed decision about what we want. Of course sometimes the decision is somewhat out of our control if we have a medical condition for example, but even then, we have more agency than we think - it's our bodies that this is happening to and is, and should always be, our decision how we give birth.

I always recommend the Positive Birth Book by Milli Hill as she covers it all. It's a great book. @AliceinSlumberland for example she talks about gentle and women centred cesarian which you might be interested in ☺️

I know some prefer to wing it if course, and again how we approach birth is down to personality and preferences. It's a huge event for us! But having the actual newborn is even more life changing 😂

@Indianna2006 all very good points! The thought of tearing that badly again definitely scares me, but I guess I've just not let myself think in that direction.... I feel like there were so many factors in my DDs birth which led to that outcome, which I'm this time going to hopefully try and avoid... And I definitely like the odds that @Cuppasoupmonster is citing!! I also know if I were to go for a c section and not give another natural birth a try I would feel sad. And like @PuddingBear said about why she wants another section, I kinda don't want to also have to deal with the section side of things, particularly as my last birth was kinda stressful, so I'd prefer to stick with vaginal and do all I can to help the process be smoother! But like you say if anxiety will stop you being able to push that won't work .... Another good book actually is Ina Mays guide to childbirth, that might be reassuring for you! Loads of amazing birth stories in there x

One thing that having a difficult labour has done is reinforced my view that we need to go with our gut instincts on it all. There is no right or wrong... It's what we feel comfortable with ❤️ and ultimately it's also good to try to work through fear to get to a place where we know what's right for us, without that clouding things, if that makes sense. Easier said than done!

Sorry I'm getting all philosophical now haha. Off to walk DD and hopefully get her to nap!

I still haven't decided what to do. I still have pain from my tear so I'm worried about making that even worse. I'm 50/50 about whether to have an elective or wait to go into labour, but I don't want to be induced again. I'm not bothered about the actual birth method, experience of pushing etc, I just want the most straight forward option. Obviously it's impossible to guess what that is though!

I have to have a csection this time due to medical reasons and I am bricking it. Not so much the op but the recovery after. I'm scared of the pain I'll be in. I think it's just the unknown really too. I've had 3 vaginal births so know what to expect with those.

If anyone's interested there's a YouTube video of a gentle ceserean. It is AMAZING. Well worth a watch.

Hi guys, first time poster. I'm 12 weeks today on my third baby! Have my 12 week appointment on Monday so fingers crossed all goes ok. I had a scan last week due to earlier issues at the beginning! Any guesses??? Thanks

@Babyonemoretimek im 12 weeks today too! Hooray!

i think a little girl ☺️

@AliceinSlumberland i think it was your post mentioning lack of symptoms. I’ve had a symptom free pregnancy apart from bloating in weeks 5 and 6. My scan last that showed a good heartbeat and a wriggly wavy bean that made everything very real and wonderful xx

Thanks for your guess @Pommy1 and congrats on reaching the 12 weeks mark, feels like a milestone! @Cuppasoupmonster any guesses from yourself as you seem to be the nub guess oracle 🤣🤣🤣

@Babyonemoretimek I'm going to guess girl 💖

That’s super reassuring thank you @Pommy1 💕

Ooo I’ll defo have a look at some gentle c section info, sounds great!

Hello all, hope you’re all ok! I had a scan today, was feeling rather anxious ahead of 12 weeks so went for another early scan! However I’m measuring 11w 6 days, so 2 days earlier than what I thought! Any guesses 💙❤️

@Babyonemoretimek I think it looks girlie at the minute, but there's time for it to rise at 12+0

@1stimer16 not sure if there's a nub visible, possibly girly if what I'm looking at is the nub, but 11+6 is too early to say

Im having the Doppler at my 16 week appointment too - midwife said we can bring DD along too to have a listen which is so lovely! Didn't realise that the 16 week appointment wasn't standard with a second, she told me I'd be having all the appointments again the same as my first pregnancy though so that must be why.

Got our 12 week scan tomorrow, feeling g excited and nervous because it will be our first one having not had an early scan at all, fingers crossed all goes ok!

@AliceinSlumberland I've just felt what I think is round ligament pain today for the first time too! I didn't have it in my first pregnancy, I don't think. It hurts!

I'm sure I can feel the first baby flutters too. Seems a little early at 13 weeks but I felt my last one at 17/18 weeks even though I had an anterior placenta.

Got absolutely everything crossed for you @Tropicana1 !

Feeling veryyyy lucky today, my sister in law has just messaged me with a list of baby stuff that she is going to pass to us and it’s going to save us a fortune, there’s a next to me cot (we’ll of course get a new mattress), bottles, a playmat, clothes for either gender as she’s had both, a Moses basket, and a bloody expensive baby seat swing thing that we could never afford. Will definitely give her some money for it all but honestly made my day.

@ancienthouse doesnt it!! It’s so sharp! I was really worried at first as it’s such a sharp pain but google seems to say that’s what it is (especially as it’s worse if I sneeze or cough) and is totally normal!