Very early pregnancy and so much anxiety after miscarriage

[Sprinklerainbows]

I found out I was pregnant a couple of days ago.

i had a miscarriage about 4 years ago and have since had a successful pregnancy who is my gorgeous DS.

but now I’m pregnant again I have SO much anxiety, I’m terrified of miscarrying.

how do you reassure yourself to calm down? I feel like my head goes completely out of control!

@hopingthisistheone noo don’t count yourself out yet, remember you have your scan today, you’ll know better once you have that. I also had horrendous period pains when I had my repeat scan, I went in and told them to turn the screen off and I knew it was bad news. It wasn’t! Keep going, you’ll know by the end of the day xx

@Sprinklerainbows thank you so so much you are so kind and really helping me keep going at this stage. After an awful night I have woke up today with little pain, and still no signs of bleeding. Maybe it was just things getting ready. We'll know more today. Fingers crossed for me ladies. xxx

@hopingthisistheone no bleeding is a great sign. Pain is normal, I feel like it’s not talked about enough but I’ve always had horrible period pains in my pregnancies!

sending love, what time is your scan? X

I’m having anxiety today because my sickness is literally 100x better than it was. I know the scan was fine yesterday but I do find it very strange that it’s so much better. I don’t really have any other symptoms these days so it was the only one giving me reassurance

@Sprinklerainbows the scan is at 12pm today! Going to keep myself busy most of the morning so I don't have time to think about it. It's out of my hands now. Xx

@Sprinklerainbows I think this is the tricky part, even if a scan shows a sac for me today, that feeling won't stop until I see a heartbeat, and then it will be the long anxious wait for the next scan and thinking something might happen. I don't know if we'll settle until the baby was in our arms after having losses. It's such a shame.

@hopingthisistheone i know! I understand it’s only momentary relief. I’m feel absolutely miserable rn the joy of the scan only lasted 1 day and now I’m back to panic mode ☹️

Completely agree, that's what's so sad. If there was no previous loss you wouldn't have half the worries that you do now, I haven't enjoyed the last 12 weeks at all for me, it's been nothing but worry and stress and probably will be for the rest of the time.

@hopingthisistheone sending you positive thoughts, got all my fingers and toes crossed for you for some good news xx

As soon as I walked out of my 8+3 day scan, my boyfriend was obviously happy and I just said to him "well don't be happy yet, anything can happen" 😂 so as much as it gave me relief for a moment, I just thought there's so many weeks left to go! I think that's why I held off till 8 weeks for a scan because I just thought what's the point 😂 it's so terrible I know x

@xalexandra I absolutely will hold off until about then too on my next pregnancy, if this one doesn't work out. Having early scans causes so much more anxiety and not knowing, especially if they don't see anything they should have.

I have the worst period pains right now, it's like proper cramping down below. This is how my miscarriages started, but I would normally have started to bleed by now so I'm not sure what's going on!!

Nervously waiting..

@hopingthisistheone sending positive vibes xx

Oh no what are the chances, I felt like I just wee'd myself basically so much clear liquid 😫 then I wiped and it was clear but then wiped again and it was like watery blood I'm sure 😫 I read something about amniotic fluid leaking but don't think that's good is it!!!

Not good news from me guys, they couldn't see the sac. They've taken hcg levels and I'm waiting to speak to consultant about treatment.

So spoke to the consultant, they said since I've not been in pain or bleeding, they're happy to treat it conservatively at the moment. They took some more hcg levels so suppose will just need to wait and see how they come back. Again, so up and down and no idea what to expect but they said they should have seen a sac today. They did see fluid in the ovaries but it's hard to say what that is either.

So I have no answers right now really. Just a waiting game. I'm very paranoid though and feel like am waiting for the worst to come. So I don't know what's happening really.

@xalexandra omg no! That’s awful, I’d head to the EPU they can test for waters! And maybe do a scan? Sending love x

@hopingthisistheone nooo I’m so sorry I really didn’t expect that! Sending so much love to you 😞xx

@Sprinklerainbows I'm so so devastated. I don't know where this leaves me right now? I'm petrified of my tube rupturing and losing it. Just not sure what I'm meant to be doing? They said they'll call later with my results so just waiting for them.

Just doesn't make sense because even if they have doubled like they should, there's still no pregnancy where it should be. I feel a bit alone and in the dark and I can't really relax.

This is absolutely horrific.

@hopingthisistheone yes j guess if the hcg doesn’t double they would expect an ectopic and maybe call you back in. If it had doubled then maybe they’ll scan you again in a day or so? It’s possible I suppose for them to still have time to find the sac, especially as they didn’t find the pregnancy in the tubes.

i feel so so sorry for you, I know how desperate you are for this to be the baby you take home xx

@Sprinklerainbows that would make sense I suppose. It's a really grey area. They did say they saw on the scan some sort of 'structure' but it was unclear to know if it was a sac or not because they didn't get a good view of my womb, both internally and externally? So that doesn't really make sense.

I had an emergency c section with my first child as there was complications and I'm not sure if this can actually affect future pregnancies, such as scar tissue etc. They did mention that which is quite interesting.

I just hate this waiting around. I have a constant sort of dull ache in my tummy, it almost feels like it's 'full' and I need to let the gas out. It's a strange feeling. I just don't know why I would be having all these feelings of pregnancy but still no sign of it.

I suppose I just worry this uncertainty is going to go on for weeks and weeks.

Levels have dropped drastically. I'm afraid I'm out girls. Lots of love and wishes to you all for your pregnancies. Signing out of here now. Take care x

@hopingthisistheone sorry 💔 the only silver lining I can think is that this should mean you won't be needing surgery. The same happened to me and although I was devastated at the loss I was relieved that I wasn't going to need emergency surgery to remove my tube x

@hopingthisistheone im sooo so so sorry! That’s absolutely devastating. I hope you get your baby someday soon. Wish I could give you a hug, all the best for the future xx

Update from my day- I contacted the maternity triage and they told me to go to a&e and then they transferred me to gynaecology, they did a test and said everything was fine and my cervix was fine and it's just normal discharge? I was literally like... are you sure? Still feeling a little unsure walking out of there but they're the experts I suppose?

It's my first (so far successful) pregnancy so obvs I'm a little worried about everything and didn't know much about amniotic fluid. It just seemed a lot to come out of me so I assumed it was that and know if you lose a lot that's bad? But yeah apparently all fine and got my scan tomorrow anyway

@hopingthisistheone I'm so sorry. It's so terrible and no one can say anything that can make it better. But you can keep trying as many times as you want too, there's always always hope at the end of the tunnel even when it doesn't feel like it. Thinking of you 🌸

@xalexandra glad to hear they weren’t concerned, lucky that scan has come at a good time too so you can have extra reassurance tomorrow xx