Due September 2022 (Thread 8!)

[dkedm15]

Starting a new one as we've nearly filled #7 🥰

@newmumtotwo24 I hope tonight is a better night for you both 😊

Has anyone else experienced guilt from not bf? I was so determined to bf but after a very long labour and a traumatic birth which I’m still getting flashbacks of, baby wouldn’t latch in the hospital. I had several nursery nurses try throughout the 24hrs and several midwives but to no avail and it got to a point where baby was so hungry I caved and gave formula and have continued to give formula. My milk has came in but now I’m feeling guilty for not bf and for bottle feeding instead. No matter what we try baby is not interested in the boob at all. My partner said I’m being too hard on myself after a long and traumatic birth I shouldn’t be getting stressed trying to bf and should focus on healing and bonding with baby regardless if she is bottle fed but I still feel awful

@Northernerinwales so sorry you're having such a tricky time. I haven't experienced the same, but I did have a traumatic birth with my first that affected my mental health for a long time and I'd say that guilt around not having a "natural birth" was so tied into that so I feel I can empathise with you. It took a long time for me to let go of guilt, and realise that the pressure I felt was what I'd placed on my self based on what I thought birth "should be" from hearing other peoples' stories.

Just wanted to say that it sounds to me that you're doing a brilliant job of adapting to your baby and their needs by bottle feeding! Your baby is still just as preciously loved and looked after as a breastfed baby and if anyone makes you feel otherwise then have strength in kindly dismissing their opinion (in whatever way seems fit! 😅). People can be strange when it comes to telling you what's best for your baby!

Have you thought about talking to someone about your flashbacks, or maybe going through your birth notes with a midwife when the time is right? This is something I did (much too late in hindsight) but it helped me piece myself together in time. Sending you lots of love!

@Goodgoodthings i had PTSD last year and the midwife told me it could reoccur after the baby was born and I really think it has. I had to be induced and after a long induction process we were moved onto the labour ward and I just feel like everything went down hill. 12 hours on just gas and air and I was still 4cm dilated and ended up getting an epidural. One thing I said I didn’t want but then the anesthetist was kinda rude to the point my partner told him to change his attitude. He was talking to me through contractions and telling me to read from a sheet and tbh I was so high from the gas and air I couldn’t see the words on the sheet. My partner ended up reading it to me A lot of my birth is hazy and I have difficulty remembering bits or it comes back to me in broken pieces which is quite distressing because I can’t remember it and my first midwife that covered the nightshift wasn’t really a good help she just sat there looking at me and filling in notes the whole time. The only time I got interaction from her was when I got the epidural and she held my hand and told me what I needed to do. In the end I ended up having a forceps delivery in theatre with an episiotomy lost over a litre of blood and had gotten an infection in hospital too. Baby is only a week old but I’m struggling to accept what happened and people just say to me “well least baby is here safe and sound”

@Northernerinwales my first born was on formula straightaway and I didn't feel guilt because she was fed, putting on weight and thriving and is now a crazy hyper smart 2 year old. Youv been through enough and you need to be able to enjoy your baby now. I am bf this baby but I wouldn't say it's enjoyable, I find it stressful and getting out of the house is hard as I don't feel comfortable Bf in public so we use formula to leave home and at night.! You are being too hard on yourself. Sending virtual hug

@Northernerinwales that whole "at least baby is here safe" is so so damaging when you've been through trauma like that. I really relate because my first birth was very similar, though ultimately the assisted delivery attempts failed and they had to deliver via C-section which meant this time I opted for an elcs. I had PTSD treatment for 12 months after my first and still got the "too posh to push" and "sunroof" comments this time around. Fuck those people! My mom told me to put it to bed, put it behind me and focus on my baby but it's not as simple as that when you have flashbacks that are out of your control.

You are doing an amazing job with your baby and you have been through a really, really hard time to get your baby here. Both of those things can be true, Positive birth stories etc are everywhere right now and I think they can skew people's opinion around birth and breastfeeding and alienate people that don't have that kind of birth experience. I felt like I was being told that I didn't do it right and that's why it went so wrong for me - if only I "breathed my baby out". You've been through such a scary experience and deserve so much kindness from the people around you and also from yourself ♥️ you're doing all the right things and feeding your baby however you choose (or let's face it they choose) is amazing.

@annlee3817 @newmumtotwo24 I just tried that laid back feeding and was so comfortable for both of us. Would be really good for Ionger feeds. Thank you so much for the tip @annlee3817 ❤️

@Northernerinwales I'm so sorry you had such a traumatic experience, hormones once the milk comes in make it all so much harder as well. You're doing amazingly, you're feeding your baby, and that is all that matters, whether it's bottle or breast, your recovery is just as important. Hope you've got better support on this side than you did in hospital. Honestly the whole induction process is just awful, it was such a shit experience for me and glad I'll never have to repeat. When you're already exhausted from induction itself and being on that ward for days and then you have a traumatic birth on top, it will really take it out of you. Sending huge hugs

@Butterflytulip ah glad it helped! I'm hoping to master carrier feeding at some point now I know she likes that position

@annlee3817 I invested in a free rider sling. Hope to get using it in the next few weeks when she's a bit bigger. She was just about 6lb on Monday so hoping she's up when weighed tomorrow 🤞

Due date today and had my 40 week check up. 1cm dilated and baby low. Was offered a sweep but I declined. I asked if I could maybe decline a sweep today but have one some time before induction date (which has been set for 29th-30th) but the doctor said no she said I'll have no more check up's now, and that the next step will be the induction if I am still pregnant by then.

Does this seem normal? I kinda always thought I'd have the opportunity to have some sweeps before going in for an induction. I'm not really sure why I declined one today. I guess just because it's only just my due date today so I wanted to wait and see what happens over the next few days. But at the same time, I kind of regret it now considering I went to the bother of getting checked anyways so maybe I should have just done it. I dunno, just feeling very confused today. This is my first so this is all new to me and I don't feel like I have any guidance from anyone.

@aannlee3817 I have tried laid back feeding yeah, tried every position going I think 😫 koala, rugby, normal. I'm going to try get some help. She can't be tongue tied because it's only on one side that is a problem. She will latch immediately onto my right boob from any old position but even if I have perfect positioning on my left she just cannot do it. We sometimes eventually get there but it takes up to an hour. Last night I had to give in and just stick a hakkaa pump on to relieve the pressure while she fed again off the right. Don't know why it's just the one boob she struggles with.

@newmumtotwo24 ah I misunderstood, thought you meant both sides. DD1 didn't like my left side, was a nightmare getting her to latch, ended up with one boob bigger than the other by a size because of it, they went back to normal when I finished feeding, but she fed on the right 80% of the time

@vannfanta do you not have midwife appointments as well as doctor/consultant?

@vannfanta yeah sounds normal. I had one sweep and then booked in for induction. Best you can do is get the oxytocin hormones flowing. Watch comedies, do things that make you happy, bouncE on exercise ball, walk etc. I did a hypno birthing course and they advise against sweep and induction.- baby wil come when baby is ready! Sometimes for medical reasons you have to accept induction etc (I did for gestational diabetes).

@newmumtotwo24 my community midwife said to hand express until milk is there and once baby can taste and smell they should latch on. I have to use rugby hold and a v shaped pillow for right side but the left side I don't need any support and less effort to latch. I'd say keep practicing when baby isn't too hungry. Alternatively you could pump one side while baby feeds on other or just pick 2/3 times a day to pump to keep it going.

@annlee3817 yes the appointments are at the antenatal clinic. Every two weeks. Usually with a midwife, but sometimes it's a doctor who sees me, and yesterday it was a doctor. I'm not sure why it changes from midwife to doctor. Maybe it's just to do with who's available on any given day. I've seen a different midwife or doctor every single time, never the same one. But they are all generally very nice, so my experiences have been lovely really.

I'm just a bit thrown by not being offered any other chance to do a sweep before just heading straight for induction. I wasn't expecting to be offered a cervical check / sweep yesterday, so that's probably why I declined the sweep in the moment. I didn't even really say no, I kinda just hesitated, and pretty much wanted a second to talk it through with her, but she just immediately took my hesitation as a decline from me. She was very kind, I'm not saying she was rude or anything. Maybe just seemed a bit rushed. The appointment was very short. They always are.

She was pretty insistent on booking in the induction for 40+7, but I said no, and that I wanted more time than that as long as everything was still fine medically of course. So we settled on 40+8 instead. I know I don't have to agree to any sort of medical interventions that I don't want of course, but I am okay with going for induction eventually... just thought I'd have more opportunities for sweeps first.

I'm considering ringing them on Monday and seeing if they can fit me in for a sweep, but I must admit I'm nervous they will make me feel bad for asking, which is silly of me I know

For all the BF mamas. I had a wobbly evening and night where little one was over for over 1 hr. Evening she Just wanted boob which annoyed my toddler. I was ready to throw the towel in... however today is another day and I'll keep persevering

@vannfanta that's a shame, my midwife said I could book another appointment for a sweep if I wanted one, frustrating for you. Hope things start soon for you

It's mentally tough having to BF for an hr or more! Hope it's not just me, thank god for mobile phones to keep busy lol

@Butterflytulip yes, got DH to blow up the exercise ball! But I need to find something nice to watch on Netflix, everything I'm watching lately seems to be either doom and gloom or gore, which isn't helping the oxytocin

I think I'm just beginning to get nervous is all. I've managed to keep myself calm all throughout this pregnancy. I think I'm just beginning to panic a bit now. I'm scared the birth won't go as smoothly as the pregnancy has deep breaths...

Totally normal @vannfanta it'll be your time soon and all your worry and fears will be out the window. 😊

@Butterflytulip aww bless you but I totally get you so not only you. my baby girl last night wanted the boob all the time, and she basically was on it for 1 hour+. So very little sleep. But just keeping positive and hoping she will sleep throughout the day so I can get some sleep….

@vannfanta I've just finished Superstore, easy watching, and not doom and gloom :)

Brooklyn 99! It's hilarious

How is everyone doing?? Sienna is 3 weeks old today and weighing a nice 6lb 8oz unfortunately she has a wind issue so having to take infacol to help with it fingers crossed it's quickly as she has been very unsettled the last week.. being discharged from the midwife next week it's so sad as their support has been amazing and it's kinda an end to my pregnancy journey xx