Pregnant after recurrent miscarriage

[LostFox82]

Hello

looking for some support from women in the same boat, while I await the first scan!

I’ve had 2 missed miscarriages in the last 18 months 9 weeks and 6 weeks and found out I was pregnant again last week before starting the drugs the clinic had prescribed.

im now 5+3 I’m on hydroxychloroquine, progesterone and prednisone. I’ve had brown spotting but that has eased but have had no pregnancy symptoms apart from bloating! I’m not very tired or nauseous and I’m really worried it’s another empty sac or something.

I have early scan booked on 13th may but it’s so torturous.

anyone in a similar boat?
x

Oh @Emily090 im so sorry you’ve noticed this change. I think we all have our triggers to convincing ourselves that at all gone wrong. Ultimately we really do not know what’s happening. I understand preparing for the worst, my DH keeps telling me to stay positive, but I don’t see the point. I’m spotting again.
How are you feeling today?

Is this week going particularly slowly for anyone else?!

Sorry your spotting again 😞 this sucks!

i feel quite low this morning, spent the night stressing about the symptoms going, constantly touching my boobs. They are still slightly sore but not how they’ve been. I guess today will tell if I feel any other of my pregnancy symptoms I’ve been feeling - I’m at my parents this morning, after a silly argument with my husband - we are both on the edge, it’s been a long two years of mcs and heartbreak and I think I’ve been quite snappy so decided to stay over here and relax - not quite happened with my symptom change. Thankfully my daughter is keeping me somewhat distracted with a 5am wake up.

how is it only Wednesday 😂

@Mawitchy ……. Oh I’m really sorry to hear the spotting has started again, god it’s just makes it even more stressful, not long till your scan though and fingers crossed it will be a great experience and give you much needed reassurance!!
my husband always says the same , keep positive but it’s really hard and as much as they are going through this too and the heartbreak does affect them i always think selfishly it’s worse for us as it’s our body going through it, it’s us who is analysing how we feel every second of the day! ……. But I do understand it is hard for them too ( just not as much as us 😂😂).

@Emily090 ……. Ah sorry your are having a low day today, and that’s rubbish you’ve been having silly arguments with your husband, but it’s so bloody stressful so it’s really hard not to be snappy…… plus you have a million hormones raging through too!!!
nice to stay at the parents every now and then though and get looked after!!!

stay strong ladies, we got this!!!
xx

@Willow11981 were going to Mykonos! If pregnancy does progress then I’m not sure I’m up for going!? It’ll be about bars, drinking etc and I’ll prob be tired and wanting to go to bed! Will see how scan goes Friday then maybe tell my mate see what she thinks.

@Mawitchy yes this week is going soooo slow, I need it to be Friday morning!
im sorry you’re spotting again 😔 it’s so draining isn’t it. When are you going for scan?

@Emily090 sorry you’re feeling low today. Arguing is just horrible, and depressing. My relationship has also strained with the TTC and mmc, DH’s way of dealing is pretending it never happened, and I want to talk about it etc. we’ve actually been having marriage councilling for last 3 months 😬 they say a baby doesn’t fix things, but it would really help us get past this chapter!

have you 2 made up yet? X

@LostFox82 ……. Ah if you scans etc go well you never know you might start to feel excited about going, this obviously feels like a big hurdle to get through first but maybe you could just do the nice bits like dinner and lounging around the pool, and out of 10 girls I’m sure there will be at least one or two that don’t feel like a big party every night! ………. I can see why your not completely up for it though!

sorry to hear things have been a little strained with your husband, I think it’s so hard in these situations not to let everything take a toll. Life’s hard enough without the extra stress of TTC and loss! ……. Really great you are getting professional help, so important to really talk things through!

Im keeping absolutely everything crossed for you for a good scan tomorrow! Xx

Thanks @LostFox82 @Willow11981
im on the verge of cracking and booking a private scan today, I just feel a bit more ‘normal’ and it’s freaking me out. I know what will be will be but I just so desperately want to hold this darling baby. I don’t know how I’ll get through a 4th miscarriage.
the last two years have been so strange, we waited to try for another until our daughter was 3, it just wasn’t something we felt we had to rush, we had no idea of the journey ahead of us. It’s just been a difficult, emotional time. The excitement of getting pregnant is soon filled with fear of a MC and then we both walk around on eggshells. The 3rd mmc hit him hard, but of course he didn’t talk much about it, more just listened to me cry etc. he never really told any friends or family, I was always the one to bring it up. It felt like he didn’t know who he could open up too. He’s an amazing husband and dad, and I’m lucky to have such a supportive man but right now we are just a bit distant and I think it’s the fear of going through any more pain.
sorry long ramble.

sorry your going through it also @LostFox82 I think you’ll completely understand what I mean with the above. I had wondered if he really felt the same as me, but I think they do, I just don’t know they know how to put it across or maybe they feel they need to be strong for us, because I’m not sure I could have been the strong one or the one to carry me to bed etc. i met a woman in the swimming pool a few years ago, we were sat in baby pool chatting about the kids, the normal question ‘when are you having another’ came up. She said her husband suffered from a break down and postnatal depression. I hadn’t heard of men suffering from this before and found it quite odd - but after we went on the journey and how my husband bottles everything in, I can see how hard it must be for men.
anyway, I do hope everything goes okay tomorrow. I completely feel your stress and worry for tomorrow scan, I still have a few days but already feel anxious etc. thinking of you. Xx

@Emily090 i know how bad you want this, it’s just torture what we’re going through. Did you get a scan today?
the minutes are going so slowly I actually feel really nauseous but I think it’s nerves about tomorrow not a symptom.
my DH actually said today that he can’t think about anything else and he’s dreading tomorrow, I couldn’t believe it. I had no idea he was feeling like that! We literally haven’t talked about how we’re feeling. But as you say he won’t have told a soul.
the are so sensitive but hide it all in.
i don’t think I’ll sleep a wink tonight 😣

@Willow11981 thank you xx

Hi everyone,
It’s a bit mad to read about your experiences with partners, how everyone’s feeling in general and ahead of scans. It’s the first time I’ve been chatting to women with similar experiences and, although I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, I take some solace from knowing that it’s not just me. Or not just me and my DH. I’m not sure I’m making sense!
no idea really what DH is feeling about Saturday. He wasn’t that up for having number 3...

My latest evidence that things are not ok is the fact that my resting heart rate has not increased this pregnancy like it usually does. I’m actually mad. I’ve been looking at my graphs from the last few months!!

@LostFox82 best of luck for tomorrow. Sending you so much strength and positivity. Really hoping for the best news for you. xxx

@Emily090 sorry , feeling that way. Totally understandable. xxx

Thank you @Mawitchy you're only as mad as the rest of us 😂
my DH wasn’t really up for no.3 either, I had been on at him gir 2yrs before he agrees to try, so he wishes he hadn’t after all this heartache. But it’s made me even more determined somehow!
bedg of luck to you too on Saturday, I hope it’s good news for us and we get that fleeting moment of positivity about it working this time.
xx

@LostFox82 so pleased he spoke to you, even just those few words make us feels they are somewhat with us on this emotional rollercoaster.
thinking about you for tomorrow, impossible I know but try and distract yourself however you can. I’m trying this method - deal with the anxiety when I walk in the hospital (what a liar I am) LOL!
There really is nothing we can do, just breath and pretend we aren’t having mental breakdowns.

i didn’t book a scan, I decided if it was bad news I’d still have to be scanned at the hospital again for them to agree to the procedure etc so im not putting myself through two scans!

gosh! Does anyone else remember wanting to be pregnant and praying for a positive pregnancy test, those feelings seem so simple compared to this.

@Mawitchy Thinking about you also for Saturday, try not to think the worse just based on the heartbeat, maybe your feeling calmer than usual 😂 I’ve been touching my boobs all day today, I didn’t care who saw, we are definitely all cracking up - but for reasons not many can understand 😘

thanks for all the support ladies. X

@Mawitchy my heart rate has never increased with pregnancy so I think you're all ok! I keep panicking because I don't feel nearly as sick as I did with my successful pregnancy at this stage. In fact I barely feel pregnant at all?
I hadn't had any progression with any of my tests (first response and easy@home although they admittedly were dark when I first tested) until these clear blue so at least that's something (I hope?!)

@LostFox82 ……. Will be thinking of you today!!! Really hope all goes well at the scan xxx

Thank you @Willow11981 hardly slept a wink, and cross with myself about the anxiety effecting the pregnancy too! Can’t win 😂
it’s at 10.20 so will message you all and let you know how it goes xx

@LostFox82 deep breathing, focus on happy thoughts. Thinking of you xxx

@PossiblyPertunia ……. Yes they look like very clear positives to me!
I only did one single test this time as last time I tortured myself over the clear blue weeks indictator not getting past 2-3 weeks so I literally did not let myself do more than one………. But it’s so tempting isn’t it!! how far along are you now? Nearly 6 weeks? X

@Willow11981 Me too! I ordered clear blue dating tests but hid them in the cupboard. How are you feeling? Many symptoms yet? X

Wishing you all the best @LostFox82

Bad news again for me I’m afraid, only measuring 5 was when I should be 7+3 and no heartbeat 😔 usual thing of scan again in a week, but my dates were right so not holding out hope.

hope I’m the statistic and you married have success xx

I haven’t stopped thinking about you. I’m so so sorry. This journey is just horrific, all the waiting only to have heartbreaking news. I wish I had the words to make you feel better but as we all know, there aren’t any. Im sorry this has happened to you and im here for you. Please talk to us xx

Oh @LostFox82 I am absolutely heartbroken for you. It's all just so unfair and cruel. I'm so so incredibly sorry.

Oh @LostFox82 my heart is breaking for you, it’s so utterly unfair and I am so so sorry!!! I know there’s nothing anyone can say at the moment to add any comfort as life can be so so cruel. Thinking of you xxx

@LostFox82 …….. I haven’t stopped thinking about you since your update, I really hope you are ok and your husband is taking good care of you!

@Mawitchy …….. praying for a good scan for you today! Hope everything goes well x

Morning

im feeling the same @Willow11981 hope your doing okay?

good Luck today @Mawitchy xxxx

we are all here for you @LostFox82 so so sorry you are going through this: xx

@Emily090 ……… I’m ok thank you, had my blood draw yesterday for harmony test so just got to wait now to see what they come back as! She said it takes between 5-14 days, prob more likely a week.
how are you feeling today? How are the symptoms?

x

Hi ladies, I hope you’re all ok. Good luck today @Mawitchy , really hoping it all goes well.

im ok thank you all so much for your kindness. I decided to come off all the drugs even though they said wait for the next scan, apparently the progesterone surprises the mc so I want it to hurry up. I go abroad in 2.5 weeks so really want it out the way. I also am trying to get an erpc booked for 23rd after scan next Friday in case it has t happened naturally.

I had a few tears yesterday and so did husband, but I’m ok. It’s just the disappointment - I want it so bad and had mapped all the rest of the year out and wanted my Christmas baby 😔 but I’m not scared of the mc, and I’m trying to think of positives like drinking and going to Mykonos, I know that sounds strange but silver linings!

my biggest fear is that we talked about it being our last shot (me thinking we wouldn’t need another of course). I actually said to DH yesterday do you think we’ll try again and he couldn’t believe I was thinking about that already and got cross?! So I’ll have to bide my time to ask again…

I told my mum, she didn’t know about the pregnancy- she said she didn’t know why I was putting myself through it when I have 2 lovely boys, somethings telling me to stop… very unhelpful, She said I think it is helpful to hear that, just be happy with what you’ve got!

DH said it’s clear my body can’t do it anymore, it’s too old…. 😣 so it’s the comments that are upsetting me more than the loss right now!!

sorry to ramble!
xx