Page 23 | Due June 2022 (thread eight)

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

fpeg · 27/02/2022 17:30

@PeeAche congratulations!

pregnancydiaries · 27/02/2022 17:57

@PeeAche SOOOooooooo........? 💗💙

pregnancydiaries · 27/02/2022 17:58

Omg posted that without refreshing @PeeAche YAY congrats. How nice you can now start to picture her! 💗 how was the scan this time?xx

Rolledthedice · 27/02/2022 20:29

Congratulations @PeeAche! Another girl, how wonderful!

EarlGreywithLemon · 27/02/2022 21:20

Congratulations @PeeAche!

Vimto1991 · 27/02/2022 21:56

Congrats @PeeAche!! ☺️☺️

Off topic onto first visits and over bearing in laws. We had thought one whole week before visits, MIL said she wanted to see the baby and even said she’d camp outside the front of the house if she had to. When we said no please give us a week she said ‘I’m their nanny’, and we replied but were their parents. 🤦‍♀️ When we said this isn’t going to change she said ‘we’ll see’. I’ve been in tears ever since because I just wanted a week of bonding with my baby and settling in with our new family whilst my body recovers.
AIBU with a weeks wait? DH says she’s just excited and happy but it really comes across as not respecting my wishes and acting like she has superiority over me. I’m so worried she’d turn up out the blue and stress me out. 😖

AlbatrossSociety · 27/02/2022 22:28

@Vimto1991 definitely not being unreasonable, and everyone is going to be so different and have their own relationships and personal preferences. You have every right to do what works for you. Sounds like your DH is being supportive? Maybe you could come up with a plan for what happens if she does show up out of the blue so that you feel more prepared? Be 'napping' and send DH out to get her to come back when you're ready for visitors?

If it gets too overwhelming, get DH to tell her that if you can't trust her to respect your wishes then you just won't tell her when baby is born 💁‍♀️. You can set whatever boundaries work best for you and a week's uninterrupted bonding with your newborn is absolutely not unreasonable. It sounds like she is very excited and that's alright and it's great that your baby has another person so desperate to love them. None of that means she has to see baby within the first 7 days.

You may feel totally different about it after baby is born, but for now you're well within your rights to set some boundaries that make you feel comfortable and don't add stress.

Vimto1991 · 27/02/2022 22:34

@AlbatrossSociety thank you so much for your response. You really hit the nail on the head so many times. Luckily DH is more than willing to march her back to her car if it happens, I just didn’t want to end up in that position. Hopefully we can drill our wishes into her in the next 15 weeks! It is nice she’s excited but at the same time feels like
I am a host carrying a baby and I’m no longer a person with rights. 😅

PleaseSendNoodles · 27/02/2022 23:01

Sorry - just catching up! Congrats, @PeeAche - glad this scan was a better experience!

@Vimto1991 you’re not being unreasonable. As you may have seen, I recently had a similar drama. The hardest thing is people refusing to accept boundaries that you’ve built up the courage to put in place. So what’s best for your little family and she’ll get over it!

Roxystar23 · 28/02/2022 06:25

Congratulations @PeeAche!

My other half asked if I was okay at 4.30am this morning because I hadn’t stopped tossing and turning. I don’t know how it’s taken him so long to realise this is what I do every night now (my poor hips!!). I’ve been awake ever since.

We purchased our travel system yesterday - it feels like a relief to have finally made that decision. I think we are slowly starting to get prepared. I’m hoping to do a few bookings with suppliers for our wedding today as I know that will feel like a massive weight lifted. The invites went out last weekend and that was a relief but also a bit scary as it became more real.

Turniptracker · 28/02/2022 07:09

Oooh when are you getting married @Roxystar23? Exciting!!

Octoblockisadick · 28/02/2022 07:30

Congratulations @PeeAche!!!

@Vimto1991 definitely not unreasonable to want that time. I agree with @AlbatrossSociety, if she carries on tell her unless she listens to you then you won't be telling her when the baby is born until you feel ready for visitors.

@Roxystar23 oh exciting!!! When are you getting married?

ALHCTPS · 28/02/2022 07:49

@Vimto1991 I have a difficult MIL and I cannot recommend enough going in hard now, while there is still time for her to recover from any flounce. If it’s stressful now, it will be even more so just before and/or after the birth. Set boundaries as you mean to go on and don’t waver. If you do, she’ll steamroller in. I often compare my situation to training a dog. Consistency is key. You don’t have to be horrible but be uncompromisingly firm and unwavering or they’ll keep pissing on the carpet. A lot of PILs and parents find it hard to get their head around the fact they’re now one step removed. This is your child, not theirs, and they’re not in charge.

Lostintranslatio · 28/02/2022 08:21

@PeeAche congrats on that little girl 💕💕💕

@Vimto1991 I think some women forget how it is just days right after birth. Either that or they didn't mind having everybody around and can't accept other women might feel different. I agree with PPs and keep making it clear that they all will meet baby when you are ready and feeling better.

Flowerbug1994 · 28/02/2022 09:04

@Vimto1991 I think if you are strong enough to stand your ground stand your ground I know am not 😭😭😭 am hoping for a night in hospital to get myself together cause I know my family and friends will descend as soon as I am home. But then on the other hand I have been one of the excited ones with balloons and banners when somebody else has had a baby so I do see it from both sides. Maybe even just say to her am thinking I will need a week to adjust if am feeling better earlier grandparents are the first in the list to meet baby. What will be the situation with your parents are you going to let them visit earlier than a week ?

Vimto1991 · 28/02/2022 09:19

@PleaseSendNoodles yeah I think the next few months will be establishing boundaries. She lives an hour and a bit away so that’s an advantage but has to learn she isn’t a parent but a grandparent and can’t make up her own rules!

@ALHCTPS
I’m sorry your MIL is also difficult, I wish they would respect our decision. It feels like we are a walking womb just carrying their sons kid to them and they can make decisions over us. Definitley will have to try and ‘train’ her, that she can’t do this, as above and set some boundaries before the baby is even born!

@Lostintranslatio yeah this is the thing, she had twins so must have been harder! Maybe this is why she said we’d need help and that her mom was there within two hours. I think her DH at the time would have gone straight back to work, but that’s not the same situation we will be in and she needs to realise that my DH will be able to look after us fine!

@Flowerbug1994 I’m going to try to stand my ground but it’s so difficult when it’s close family. I had to stand my ground with my parents and their smoking and I hate upsetting them. Yeah we did say if we were ready before a week then we would let her know and she can come visit sooner! We’ve told my parents the same as MIL, but they respect my wishes and were fine, basically when you’re ready let us know! I wish MIL could be like this.

I’m due June 8th and said wonder if I’d run over late and she said I hope not I’ve got a trip booked to Spain. 1) I have no idea why you’d book a holiday same month your grandchild is born and 2) maybe this is why she’s pushing to see the baby so fast as well as being excited as this is her only grandchild.

ALHCTPS · 28/02/2022 09:27

@Vimto1991Make 100% sure your partner is on the same page. My husband was a bit naive about his mother and now agrees it would have been easier to have read the riot act right at the beginning. He kept assuming she’d listen to reason and be rational, despite endless evidence to the contrary, and was shocked at how badly she behaved whenever we let our guard down an inch. Arguably, it’s kinder anyway to be crystal clear about your boundaries from the off.

Flowerbug1994 · 28/02/2022 09:54

@Vimto1991 you’ve got to do what’s best for you and baby and f**k what everyone else thinks I am lucky in a way that my family won’t mind getting stuck in my mum will do all my washing my aunties will come and ask if I need a nap or a bath. They will be more or a help than a hindrance to me am sure. Maybe you’ll give birth when she’s on her trip and that saves you the argument

RoseValleyRambles · 28/02/2022 09:55

Grandparent stuff sounds tricky. Mine are far enough away to need to travel down / book and but quite sure how that's going to work. One for the 3rd trimester / once a c section date is on diary I guess.

Is anyone else feeling quite light headed, quite a bit of the time? I'm wondering if I need to check in with the midwife before my next appt about it as I'm getting a lot of shortness of breath. Bump is quite big though so I suspect it's just normal pregnancy squeeze and she'll tell me there's nothing to be done.

EarlGreywithLemon · 28/02/2022 10:01

@Vimto1991 absolutely do stand your ground. I had to do that with my parents and it was so so worth it. I completely understand that some people do prefer parents/ in laws around them at that time but I really didn’t and I knew in advance that I wouldn’t. My mother also laid it on thick about how I’d be desperate for help, but, like you, my husband was around and we did just fine between the two of us. And I also coped perfectly well when he went back to work after two weeks.
I also agree that it’s best to set boundaries now rather than just before or just after the birth. I wish I’d discussed these things more clearly in advance with my parents and not left it to when our daughter was born, when I was much more fragile and emotional.

EarlGreywithLemon · 28/02/2022 10:03

@RoseValleyRambles

Grandparent stuff sounds tricky. Mine are far enough away to need to travel down / book and but quite sure how that's going to work. One for the 3rd trimester / once a c section date is on diary I guess.

Is anyone else feeling quite light headed, quite a bit of the time? I'm wondering if I need to check in with the midwife before my next appt about it as I'm getting a lot of shortness of breath. Bump is quite big though so I suspect it's just normal pregnancy squeeze and she'll tell me there's nothing to be done.

I did in my first pregnancy- turns out it was low iron. Might not be the case for you, but worth asking?

RoseValleyRambles · 28/02/2022 10:24

Thanks @earlgreywithlemon , that's good to know.

PeeAche · 28/02/2022 11:43

I'm fortunate in that both my in-laws and my parents just aren't that bothered. They'll come when we invite them and not want to stay very long. My parents live 20 miles away and my in-laws are in the same town, so it's just a short trip for all involved.

To give an outside perspective, here are my thoughts: their babies are having babies and if you think it's been enough to blow your mind, think about how it's frazzling theirs. Think about how it will feel when, in the blink of an eye, the baby that's curled up in your tummy right now... has a baby. 🤯

It doesn't mean that MIL is behaving fairly or correctly, but having the empathy to understand why someone else is going off their rocker can help you to feel calmer about it.

With that in mind, consider offering a compromise of 4-5 days. You and DH can deal with her together. It's his mother but it's your choice and you're family, bound now by more than just marriage but also by a blood tie.

I promise that when baby appears, minutes, hours, days, weeks and months will blur and become almost indistinguishable. You won't look back in 16 years and think "I wish I'd held the MIL off for 48 more hours". So just let the old bat come and visit. You're holding onto this fiercely now, out of principal.

I can tell you categorically that it doesn't matter anywhere near as much as you think it does. Don't waste anymore energy getting upset about it. Have a snack. Watch some Netflix. Relax. Offer her a compromise.

If all else fails, and she isn't open to peace talks, you'll have to keep the birth a secret from her for a few days. But this is a nuclear option that may explode into a row, while you're trying to master new motherhood. Infinitely more stressful in the long run.

pregnancydiaries · 28/02/2022 13:20

@RoseValleyRambles I'm feeling incredibly light headed and it's horrible when it's happening even when sitting down relaxing. I have low blood pressure which is causing it and like @EarlGreywithLemon said, my low iron is causing the low blood pressure.

Spoke to MW and apparently they don't do anything about low blood pressure except tell you the obvious, but might be a good idea to get iron levels checked?xx

pregnancydiaries · 28/02/2022 13:21

Oh and also increase your salt intake @RoseValleyRambles. I'm drinking a LOT of water and apparently that dilutes the salt which causes low blood pressure x