Due June 2022 (thread eight)

[Annabell1]

New Thread.

@Annabell1 I got told by HR it’s best to say longer then give them notice you want to come back sooner

@Rolledthedice I would love a home birth tbh, but don't think it would be an option for me. Firstly I'm aiming for a vbac so I don't think my midwife would be supportive. Also my husband doesn't like the idea haha! He would absolutely freak out, which wouldn't be good for creating a calm comfortable environment!
I think I'm going to have a big enough issue getting to use the birth centre tbh. I keep mentioning it at every appointment but get brushed off. I'm going to keep trying though!

Cross posted with a couple!

@MrsTwentyNine I feel the same. Not sure if I actually do smell, but I feel like I do.

@Annabell1 I would definitely say 9 and go back earlier if you want to. Generally it's much easier to cut short rather than extend. Most places ask for about 4 weeks notice if you want to change when you are off til.
Also, a lot of jobs allow you to split your maternity pay equally across the time you are off rather than getting full pay/ half pay/stat mat / nil. Means you get a bit less at the start, but a lot easier to deal with at the end as you don't drop your wage.

@Rolledthedice Yes, I’m in Ireland and lucky to live in an area where Domino is offered. I read about it being offered by the NHS in the 1970s. Shame if it’s not offered anymore. With a private midwife do you sign up for one person or a team of people?

@Octoblockisadick my husband also freaked out at the mention of homebirth. But I still want to stay at home for as long as possible and plan to create my own birth centre. The hospital website has a picture of a nice (empty) birth room with a pool. There’s no explanation of how the time is allocated between the women who want to use it or if it’s even open all the time. I doubt it so I’ll make my own

@Starbeach I'm just so happy for you that you got a nice midwife and the reassurance that your little one is safe and well in there 💚

One of you kind ladies recommended the Bamibi nursing/pregnancy pillow and I had put it in my Amazon basket only to find out they discontinued it when I went to purchase! 😢
Struggling to find an alternative which doesn't cost the earth. Has anyone bought one?
The bamibi sounded great with all of its uses, a pregnancy pillow when sleeping, ideal for nursing, and a cute baby nest - all in one!

@Starbeach that's brilliant news, so happy you got a sympathetic midwife and could get checked

@MrsTwentyNine definitely get it swabbed to check, I've read it's really common in pregnancy! it could be worth not doing liners for a bit though to give the ahem downstairs bits some more chance to breathe.

@Octoblockisadick I didn't know that about splitting the pay across mat leave. Will be so much easier to budget if my work let me do that - definitely going to ask on Monday.

So very suddenly today I realised I had a rather sore tongue... I just put it down to being a mouth ulcer and thought 'I'll have a proper look later. Anyway, later came and I realised my mouth was getting more painful, I looked in the mirror and my tongue has a lovely white coating with red patches on it... cue the panicking and googling! According to dr Google I've either got a geographic tongue (which can occur in pregnancy) or oral thrush (but the white isn't very cottage cheesy just a thing film that doesn't come off) Anyone else had anything like this?!

Glad everything is okay, @Starbeach !

Meanwhile I’ve spent the day sobbing after enormous row with my parents over them coming to visit. I told them to stop guilt tripping me over saying no to them staying with me for 3 weeks when baby’s born. Turned into me being the bad guy and my mother messaging to say ‘don’t contact me anymore. I hope you have a healthy pregnancy and safe delivery’ WTF?!

@PleaseSendNoodles I'm very sorry that you had a row with your parents and feel bad about now. Your mam words probably are out of the pain of rejection, but if you are sure you don't want them for son long, keep making it clear. You are not the bad guy.

@RubyRoss I'm also based in Ireland! Domino scheme is when your pregnancy is midwife led? I was offered that in my 12 weeks scan, and as I'm not close to the hospital I thought it would be great to have the appointments where I live.

@PleaseSendNoodles

Glad everything is okay, *@Starbeach* !

Meanwhile I’ve spent the day sobbing after enormous row with my parents over them coming to visit. I told them to stop guilt tripping me over saying no to them staying with me for 3 weeks when baby’s born. Turned into me being the bad guy and my mother messaging to say ‘don’t contact me anymore. I hope you have a healthy pregnancy and safe delivery’ WTF?!

I’m so sorry to hear! I had similar with my parents, except the argument was had when I had just given birth and was in the middle of no end of complications. When I started to cry at the end of both of them shouting at me down the phone, I was told I had PND. Long story short I’m so pleased I stuck to my guns - the week I did have with my mother when the baby was 6 weeks was tricky and longer or earlier would have been terrible - and I’d have regretted it. Oh and my parents got over it of course. I’d say stick to what you want, let them cool down for a bit, and all will be well. I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this though. It’s just horrible and unnecessary. I’m making mental notes to hopefully never do this to my kids when they’re older. My in laws seem to manage being reasonable just fine, so it is possible!!

@Starbeach I'm really happy with my purchase so far. I bought second hand and got 15 mios, a nappy bin and 2 x mesh liners for £110 including postage.

They won't be the only brand I buy and I'm going to buy hemp or cotton boosters, instead of the mio microfibre boosters.

I think the best thing about them is the placement and type of elastic (high on the legs and also round the back) which is comfortable for baby and prevents leaks around the sides.
The worst thing about them is that their absorbency often isn't enough because microfibre leaks when compressed. So will suck up LOADS and then let some out on your carpet when they get a bit older and start landing bump on their little bum bums! 😍 So you should boost them from around 6 months. And not with more microfibre.
(Some parents don't have this issue; every baby is different. 🤷🏻‍♀️)

The other con is that microfibre releases micro plastics in the wash. I don't know what to say about this really. I don't like it but I've been researching nappies for months and I've chosen the ones that will suit my lifestyle best, I think.

They are longer in the body than some other brands but this doesn't matter to me because I am planning on phasing them in over a few weeks, after the "shit I have a baby" phase is over. So I'm going to go easy on myself and use disposables at first. My hospital doesn't like reusables anyway. :(

So, longer in the body will be my friend, because I'm hoping baby will be in them until they're a toddler, without issue.

One more thing: when you're researching reusable nappies, and the reviewers talk about a "hook and loop" they mean Velcro.

@Starbeach I'm so pleased you went and got checked and so happy you're okay.

Oh @PleaseSendNoodles you poor woman. Be strong. And you're in good company here. My own parents have got some kind of serious personality disorder. We'll look after you.xxx

@PleaseSendNoodles

Glad everything is okay, *@Starbeach* !

Meanwhile I’ve spent the day sobbing after enormous row with my parents over them coming to visit. I told them to stop guilt tripping me over saying no to them staying with me for 3 weeks when baby’s born. Turned into me being the bad guy and my mother messaging to say ‘don’t contact me anymore. I hope you have a healthy pregnancy and safe delivery’ WTF?!

@PleaseSendNoodles oh I'm so sorry your parents are being like that. Sounds like they need some time to digest that it's not going to be as they pictured.

Do they live a large distance away? Not sure if my experience will help or not, but I'll share in case it does! My parents are about 3 hours away and we told them we were turning our spare bedroom into the baby room very early on, before they had a chance to ask about staying. We've has issues in the past as they're terrible house guests so tackled it from a logistical standpoint as I was worried about them overstaying and ruining our first few weeks. (I'm an only child and this is the first great grandchild too, so I'm fully expecting them to want to me here 24/7!) We've since found them accommodation options nearby so they can be involved but not around constantly. I know they also won't want to pay for accommodation too long and probably won't get overly comfortable so it'll be a shorter visit.

If you can't use logistics to help then understand maybe just spend some time explaining that you'll have a lot to learn and you'll be exhausted, irritable and have absolutely no routine so it's best that they don't stay until you're more established? They need to understand you're putting yourself first so that you can take care of your new arrival.

I'm sure you'll work it out and at least you're tackling it head on. I always feel guilty for not being completely honest with my parents and wish I could have the guts to be straight with them so that it would be a nicer experience when they do stay, but alas, I'm a coward!

@Lostintranslatio I’m in the Holles St catchment, which offers two mid-wife schemes: community and Domino. There’s no waiting at appointments with Domino and you should see the same set of nurses throughout your appointments and the home visits after birth. My GP recommended it for the home visits. The "ethos" is natural birth and anti epidural (but they can’t stop you). That put me off at first because I thought it might be a bit culty and anti-science, but I’m really happy with it now and everyone I’ve spoken to raves about their experience.

@RubyRoss I wish we had that over here! Sounds like exactly the kind of thing I was after but my trust isn’t set up to provide. It’s such a lottery. With the private midwife you get assigned the same midwife throughout pregnancy and birth, so you get continuity of care which is really important to me. She can accompany me to hospital if that were to happen, but the NHS would then take over clinical care. If it’s a homebirth than she is in charge of delivery etc.

Thanks @Lostintranslatio I think you’re probably right. Hopefully time will fix it.

@EarlGreywithLemon that sounds hideous. You poor thing, having to deal with that! Glad they eventually got over it.

@MrsTrue they’re overseas so yeah… it’s a really tough balance. We have plenty of bedrooms to be fair, so logistically it’s not an issue as such. But the days dates they’ve booked flights for ‘work best for annual’ leave so they’re ‘not changing them’. I just thought they’d consider my feelings more 🤷🏼‍♀️

And thank you, @PeeAche, sorry you also have ‘challenging’ parents.

All of your kindness this week, during both of my meltdowns (swear I’m not normally so unstable 🤪) has been so, so appreciated. It’s literally made me cry. Thank you. Who knew a bunch of women on the internet who’ve never met could be such a vital support ❤️

Wow. A million grammatical errors. Apols. I blame having shrivelled mouse eyes from all the crying 🤣

@RubyRoss thanks for explaining this! I am also in Holles St but I've checked the emails and I am in the community scheme. My first midwife appointment is at 24 weeks. The one at 18 weeks was with my GP.

@Annabell1 I had the same response when I asked HR - tell them you're taking full ML and let them know if you change your mind and want to come back earlier.

@beansprout55 I bought the Kally and have been very happy with it. I think it was £50 - just checked it's actually £39 at the moment! And they have a 20% off code... Might buy a baby nest(£60) I'm having real difficulty persuading myself the Dockatot is worth £80 more..

@PleaseSendNoodles also had massive row with parents yesterday... I've been really irritable lately although I do have those issue with my parents repeating their opinion even when I've explained why that isn't what I'm going to do.. Hope yours all settles down with a bit of time - it's a crappy thing to say, but as someone else said it was probably in anger. And yes, stand your ground, tell them if you find you need them to come for longer at the time you'll let them know.

I've been feeling a bit nauseous today, didn't take my cyclizine til late in the day, then just went for a wee and there's some diluted blood in my knickers. Nothing in the bowl or toilet paper though. First blood since conception, and I've read so many of you mention it that I'm not very worried. But. I am a bit.. Watery blood mark anyone? Sorry for tmi 😕

@destiEos Kally pillow sounds great, is it the U shaped one you have? Where are you seeing it for £39, I'm looking on Amazon and it's £54.99 there. Thanks!

@Prema112 on their own website: https://www.kallysleep.com/shop/all/kally-body-pillow/ and the banner at the top gives you another 20% off (or you can just use the code SUTRA20, I took the quiz!)

@destiEos Thank you!!!

@destieos I'd email or call your midwife tomorrow for a non urgent check. Like you, I wouldn't be too worried. If my spring starts again I'll probably do the same, but not feel too stressed about it.

*spotting

@destiEos Sorry I missed your bit about spotting, I'd get it checked just for peace of mind xx