@jennixxx That sounds tough - I'm sorry you're finding things a bit overwhelming. I think doing good some days and finding it harder on others is really normal. Make the most of the good days and try not to let the bad days spoil the good ones.
I'm not in your situation, but my mum was with me - young and just out of a relationship with a dangerous, violent man. She's been a really good, loving, caring mum and is hugely excited about being a grandma soon.
Try not to worry too much about all the baby stuff. The most important things that a baby needs are to feel safe and cared for. You're doing great at that already - you've got yourself to a safe place away from your ex, you are bonding with your baby, you are financially stable and - most importantly - you want to be a good mum and know you can look after your baby well.
After that, your baby basically needs:
- a cot to sleep in, plus a cot mattress
- transport - so pram/travel system and car seat
- clothes - and we're lucky because our little ones are due in summer, so they probably only need vests and onesies and something to sleep in
- nappies and baby wipes - lots of them! - and a changing mat
- food - so breast milk or formula powder, plus bottles and teats.
Almost everything else is either a nice to have (automatic bottle steriliser is convenient but you can also boil things; baby bath is cute but you can also use the bathroom sink etc etc)
Talk to your midwife about what are the absolute essentials and where to get them. There are some things that are recommended to buy new - the car seat and the cot mattress - but everything else you can get second hand. Loads of people sell baby clothes and toys on Facebook marketplace and babies grow so fast that they are often as good as new. Mums are often keen to pass on bigger items that they no longer use, because they are bulky and hard to store, so it's easy to get the bigger items like the pushchair and cot second hand too.