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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

My boyfriend wants to terminate our pregnancy

151 replies

emilyh1 · 27/11/2021 12:18

I found out I was pregnant this week (very early - clear blue says 1-2 weeks) but my boyfriend seems dead set on terminating the pregnancy.

We're both 30, have stable jobs and on the face of it could make this work. He's a really great man and we have an amazing relationship. However, we've only been together for 5(ish) months and live separately.

It wasn't planned, but I feel excited about the prospect of seeing this through. My friends have babies and I feel ready, but I don't have the means (financial or, to be honest, emotional) to do this alone.

What do I do?

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 27/11/2021 12:20

Well, to be honest, I think your relationship is probably over one way or another.

If you have the baby, he resents you.
If you terminate, you resent him.

So, remove him from the equation. What you you want?

TheSmallAssassin · 27/11/2021 12:24

I'm wondering what "feeling ready" means, if you don't think you have the emotional resources to cope?

Lsquiggles · 27/11/2021 12:27

It's not 'our' pregnancy, it's yours. Do what's best for you.

thelegohooverer · 27/11/2021 12:27

I agree with the pp that you need to make the decision as if the relationship is over.

I know I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who would pressure me to have a termination for his convenience. Where is the regard for your physical and emotional health?

Bollindger · 27/11/2021 12:28

Your life, sweetheart.
Decide what you want and go that way.
Good luck and by the way being a single mum isn't that bad, no one tells you what to do.

Viviennemary · 27/11/2021 12:33

In this case you ned to find out why he is so against this baby being born. Is it because he doesn't want children ever or just he doesnt right now. Thinks you haven't got enough money. Dont let him put pressure on you to have an abortion that you don't want.

RussianSpy101 · 27/11/2021 12:34

You admit you don’t have the money and you’ll likely to be a single mother. You need to decide whether that’s what you want for your life.

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 27/11/2021 12:37

  1. it’s not “our” pregnancy- it’s your pregnancy. Men can’t be pregnant.

  2. your boyfriend can’t terminate your pregnancy. Only you can do that. And only if it’s what you want.

RiaOverTheRainbow · 27/11/2021 12:40

In your position I wouldn't continue the pregnancy unless I was fully prepared to go it alone. At 5 months you don't really know each other, and it would be unwise to make a decision that depends on you being together forever and him making a wonderful partner and parent.

You have time to think about what you want, be kind to yourself Flowers

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 27/11/2021 12:41

You need to consider the worst case scenario.

You have the baby alone, you are skint, reduced working capacity and you have to co-parent and share your child with a man you’ve only known a few months and who doesn’t actually want to be a father. That will mean either a child who spends their life feeling rejected by one of the most important people in their lives (I’m raising two of those- it’s not fun to see) or the child will be yo-yo-ing between your house and dads house. Potentially going back and forth to court as finitum if dad is one of those types.

Luredbyapomegranate · 27/11/2021 12:43

Well -

It’s up to you not him, but you can’t control how he feels about it, so you need to assume the relationship would not survive a baby. So would you want to do it without him? What you mean that you feel ready but not emotionally ready to do it alone??

Take a step back and think about how you would manage it as a single parent. He will have to contribute financially, but he may not offer much else - would your parents help? Do you have enough money for childcare and a home?

He certainly shouldn’t try to pressure you into a termination you don’t want, but equally you have to be realistic about the fact you are facing parenting alone, or co-parenting with someone you are not in a relationship with. The comment about your friends having babies suggests you feel you are being left behind? This is understandable but if your are alone your experience will be different.

Just step back and weigh it all up - if you can’t talk to your friends or parents as well as him, then get some short term counselling - it can be really useful for big decisions.

doyouwantachuffedybadge · 27/11/2021 12:43

@RussianSpy101

You admit you don’t have the money and you’ll likely to be a single mother. You need to decide whether that’s what you want for your life.
Why on Earth do you say single mother like it's not perfectly normal to be one?!
ThesecondLEM · 27/11/2021 12:44

Fuck all to do with him. Keep your baby

coodawoodashooda · 27/11/2021 12:44

@Bollindger

Your life, sweetheart. Decide what you want and go that way. Good luck and by the way being a single mum isn't that bad, no one tells you what to do.
So much better than having a Peter Pan partner.
RussianSpy101 · 27/11/2021 12:44

@doyouwantachuffedybadge because it’s something to factor in if she already can’t afford a baby whilst in a couple.
She will likely to have balance childcare on her own and holiday childcare when the child gets to school.

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 27/11/2021 12:46

Why on Earth do you say single mother like it's not perfectly normal to be one?!

Because it’s fucking hard. It’s certainly not something to be taken on lightly. Speaking as a single mother.

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 27/11/2021 12:48

Btw having to raise a baby entirely alone isn’t the worst outcome in this situation. It’s bliss compared to having to raise the baby with someone who demands his rights and uses the child to control you or who dips in and out of the child’s life and leaves you to pick up the pieces.

ApolloandDaphne · 27/11/2021 12:48

What makes you think you couldn't manage on your own with a baby?

Chloemol · 27/11/2021 12:49

@PotteringAlong

Well, to be honest, I think your relationship is probably over one way or another.

If you have the baby, he resents you.
If you terminate, you resent him.

So, remove him from the equation. What you you want?

This
Bluntness100 · 27/11/2021 12:50

This is a very new relationship you hardly know each other, so I see why he’s not wishing to make a life long commitment to raise a child with you

And feeling ready is more than emotionallu wanting a baby it’s also about stability, finances, and all the other things children need.

Your relationship is indeed over. It’s now totally up to you.

Iwonder08 · 27/11/2021 12:51

I would terminate and get rid of the guy

notacooldad · 27/11/2021 12:52

It's not 'our' pregnancy, it's yours. Do what's best for you
This is exactly what I was going to write before I even opened the thread!

ittakes2 · 27/11/2021 12:53

He is telling you he is not ready for a baby with you. You need to listen to him. And make your decision on what you want as he has clearly told you what he wants.

cushioncovers · 27/11/2021 12:57

I would terminate, you barely know this man you will end up being a single parent and struggle.

ThirdElephant · 27/11/2021 12:58

@PotteringAlong

Well, to be honest, I think your relationship is probably over one way or another.

If you have the baby, he resents you.
If you terminate, you resent him.

So, remove him from the equation. What you you want?

Yeah, this. First comment in the thread- absolutely nailed it.
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