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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Gender disappointment

115 replies

pleasedontjudgemee · 21/10/2021 07:37

Currently 13 weeks pregnant and recently had my first scan, after seeing the baby myself and everyone else is convinced the baby is a boy, I have a girl and boy already.

I have had the same awful symptoms as I did with my girl and managed to convince myself it was another girl, I already feel complete disappointed that it's potentially going to be a boy, my daughter is desperate for a sister and I will feel awful if its another little brother.

I don't know why I would feel so upset? My little boy is an angel and I love him so much I couldn't imagine my life without him, but this is my last pregnancy and the thought of never giving my daughter a sister is breaking my heart

OP posts:

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Original poster

pleasedontjudgemee · 21/10/2021 08:01

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz he was a lot larger than his sister hence why my uterus gave up after he was born, obviously another girl could be large too

OP posts:

BelieveInRainbows · 21/10/2021 08:02

@pleasedontjudgemee Are you managing your daughters expectations? If you're disappointed, she'll feel that from you and be disappointed too. You've got to tell her how lovely sisters AND brothers are. Your experience of a brother does not mean it'll be the same for your children, don't project that on to them.

I have 2 boys, both are autistic too, my eldest has been harping on about a sister for as long as I can remember. I'm pregnant with another boy. He was slightly disappointed, I won't lie about that, but we've spoken about all the lovely things he can do with his new brother. He's helped pick out some teddy bears and clothes. He's helping paint the baby's room. I'm including him and getting him used to it as much as possible.

You don't even know for sure yet anyway OP. You need to manage your own expectations and feelings before your children pick up on it. You're having another baby, you are blessed no matter what sex it is. I had multiple losses trying for this 3rd baby, I'd have given myself a mighty kick up the arse if I was disappointed about another boy. A beautiful, healthy, new addition to your family is all that matters.

FrancescaContini · 21/10/2021 08:02

[quote pleasedontjudgemee]@FrancescaContini I nearly died giving birth to my son, maybe thats another reason I hoped for a girl [/quote]
I nearly died giving birth to my DD (massive PPH, emergency situ, came very close to a hysterectomy). This was my second PPH.

This had nothing to do with the sex of my baby/babies.

highstreetdiestreet · 21/10/2021 08:02

[quote pleasedontjudgemee]@tiggerwhocamefortea No I love my DD the way she is wouldn't change her for anything she's perfect to us even if we are exhausted.

I never had a strong relationship with my brother and personally never seen any of my friends be close with their brother's either. Maybe thats why I worry although my DD and DS love each other very much.[/quote]
My brothers are extremely close.

CocaColaTruck1 · 21/10/2021 08:02

Until you know exactly what it is op I think you should try and relax abit.
I remember reading a thread very similar and turned out she was having a girl.
No one knows until you have a scan.
It's like on the nub threads, people guess both girls and boys.
Gender disappointment is real but in reality health is more important which I'm sure you know!
Wait out for your scan

Original poster

pleasedontjudgemee · 21/10/2021 08:02

@WheelieBinPrincess No my DH and I actually dislike pink frilly stuff on new baby's but obviously thats what my daughter expects from what she has seen

OP posts:

Shmithecat2 · 21/10/2021 08:03

I have a brother and a sister. I love them both dearly, but I'm much closer to my brother. Having siblings the same sex doesn't automatically mean that you're going to get on better with them.

Original poster

pleasedontjudgemee · 21/10/2021 08:03

@Shmithecat2 Thats nice to hear

OP posts:

FrancescaContini · 21/10/2021 08:05

[quote pleasedontjudgemee]@WheelieBinPrincess No my DH and I actually dislike pink frilly stuff on new baby's but obviously thats what my daughter expects from what she has seen[/quote]
Are you serious? Pink frilly stuff?? You want a baby girl because your daughter wants to dress a potential female sibling in pink frilly stuff???

YABU on two counts. A new baby is not a doll.

Chunkymenrock · 21/10/2021 08:05

Totally agree with the reborn doll suggestion. I doubt with three children you'll even have time to worry about it. I'm shocked that you didn't realise there was a 50% chance of a son when you decided to create another child. I'm shocked by your expectations which sound utterly based on fantasy.

userchange987 · 21/10/2021 08:06

You really shouldn't have had a third child if it mattered that much.

Original poster

pleasedontjudgemee · 21/10/2021 08:07

@CocaColaTruck1 thank you, I will be happy with a healthy little boy just upset for DD. We already have a boy name picked so I haven't ruled it out in my head having another son I look at both boy and girl items, The symptoms just automatically made me think girl.

Anyway I appreciate all of the responses, a lot of you have made me realise I am being a complete idiot and no matter what the baby is she will love doting on him / her.

I best get up now as my son is trying to push me out the bed for breakfast

OP posts:

Brollywasntneededafterall · 21/10/2021 08:07

No gender is better. No gender will be a guaranteed friend for a brother or sister....
You have decided to add to your family. And another family member is what you are getting....

userchange987 · 21/10/2021 08:08

And please stop bringing up your daughter's needs, if it was so potentially damaging for her why on Earth did you risk it? This is about you not her, you're projecting.

Original poster

pleasedontjudgemee · 21/10/2021 08:08

@FrancescaContini no I was talking about her reborn doll she is getting

OP posts:

userchange987 · 21/10/2021 08:09

And you nearly died having your son?! You really were completely and utterly selfish having another child end of.

FrancescaContini · 21/10/2021 08:10

It's sex, not gender.

Sex is biological reality - you will give birth to a boy or a girl.

Gender identity is a contentious ideology, a fantasy, a set of stereotypes, a delusion, a mental illness - call it what you will, but you will not be giving birth to a gender.

AliceinBorderland · 21/10/2021 08:10

You had one of each and should have stopped at 2 quite frankly if you had a preference.

AutumnLeafy · 21/10/2021 08:12

Don't be upset for your daughter. You need to give her a bit more credit and hope she doesn't pick up on your disappointment. The doll sounds like a good idea if she wants something to dress up, a baby isn't a toy.

Roselilly36 · 21/10/2021 08:15

Congrats on your pregnancy, your DD & DS will accept the sibling regardless, so it’s not worth getting yourself upset over the sex of the baby, stop worrying and be thankful

Warmduscher · 21/10/2021 08:15

You seem to have very entrenched and old-fashioned ideas about boys and girls and the expectations on them.

I would recommend you start challenging those ideas because your children will grow up being affected by them and thinking that “all girls are like this” and “all boys are like that”, rather than that everyone has a different personality (not “gender”) and that’s absolutely fine.

REDHERO · 21/10/2021 08:16

Wow you say "I feel like it's different for girls they go through so much more growing up"

What tosh. Both boys and girls go through growing up. Sounds like you should grow up and respect both boys and girls. Don't let this preference cause emotional harm to your son. You say your brother didn't really share emotions and you had lots of sisters. I wonder if your mother also preferred girls and put their needs first? Ask him.

daisypond · 21/10/2021 08:16

How old are your existing children? I have to say, the reborn doll seems a very odd present to give a child. Is your son getting a reborn doll too?

corblimeygov · 21/10/2021 08:17

Congrats on your pregnancy! That alone is something wonderful. Wether your baby is a boy or a girl, to some degree, won't affect their personality.

Ugzbugz · 21/10/2021 08:18

There are so many threads like this and I've never seen disappointment of finding out the sex is a girl

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